A/N: Sorry I been slack this week…I had the stress of picking final year of high school subjects :S and my school has like the smallest choice of subjects…so I was having problems finding one and…you don't want my excuses LOL – writing time!

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Chapter Eight

Smash

Sam sat staring at the broken window for a long moment. Maybe she should've taken more care when kicking her shoe off. Oh well…

"Sam?"

She didn't turn around, instead she sat down on her bed, staring at the broken hole in the window. She had a lot of holes in her life all of a sudden.

"Sam…" Pete walked around the bed and sat next to her. "What's wrong?"

She couldn't talk. If she talked she'd cry, she refused to cry. She wasn't going to spend anymore time crying…she could feel the tears welling up behind her eyes. Pete reached over to put his arm around her.

She pulled away.

"Sam, what's wrong?" he asked, looking worried.

She broke down into tears, all of a sudden unable to control her emotions.

"It broke!" she screamed at the window.

Pete looked taken aback.

She picked up her alarm clock from her bedside table and threw it after her shoe, through the window, smashing another portion of it.

Pete jumped. "Sam, stop it."

"No," she replied. "No no no no no no no no no NO! Why?"

"Why…wat? Sam, please tell me what's wrong!" Pete said.

Sam looked at him. Even through her blurred vision she could see he had fear in his eyes. He was worried about her. It wasn't fair, she didn't deserve him.

"Go," she said out loud, not aware she'd done so. "Go away! I don't deserve you!"

"Sam, stop it!" Pete said. "Please? You're scaring me…what happened?"

"He's gone," she whispered, starting to shake more violently, unable to stop herself.

Suddenly she threw her fist at the wall, making a large dent in it. Pete grabbed her arms and stopped her going for a second try. She looked him in the eyes again.

"It's not fair," she said. "Pete go away, if you stay near me you're going to die! Go away. Go."

"No," Pete replied.

"Everyone dies! They all die!" Sam said. "EVERYONE! Anyone I've ever been close to has DIED!"

"What about Daniel? And Teal'c? And General O'Neill?" Pete asked.

Sam stopped crying and stared at the broken window coldly. Her sudden silence scared him.

"Sam?"

"He died," she said again. "I saw him die. They wouldn't let me take the body. I left him behind…I could've saved him! I could've taken him to a sarcophagus and saved him! But THEY KEPT THE BODY!"

"Who, Sam?" Pete asked.

"Jack," she looked at him. "Jack's dead…I never told him…"

She stopped.

"I know," Pete said. "I'm sure he does too…"

"It's not enough," Sam said. "Pete, I'm so sorry…"

She wiped the tears away from her eyes, pulling a brave face again.

"It's OK," Pete said.

"Not about this…about…my feelings for Jack," she said it so quietly he barely heard.

"You can't help it," Pete said. "Come here."

She leaned into him and he put his arms around her. A silent tear rolled down her cheek.

---

"Disobeying direct orders," General Johnson said.

Daniel, Teal'c and Sam stared at him, none of them replying.

"Well…any reasons?" Johnson asked, sternly.

"It was my idea," they all said at the same time.

Johnson's eyes rested on Sam. "I've read all your files, I don't doubt it. In fact the fact that none of you have ever been reprimanded is due to fact most times you defied orders was due to influence of alien technology, or you saved the planet in the process. This time you have achieved neither, so either you come up with a good explanation…or I'll have to have it seen to that none of you ever go through that gate again…"

"What? With all due respect, General, you can't court marshal Teal'c or myself…" Daniel said.

"But I can do so to Lt Colonel Carter," he said.

She looked up from the spot on the table she'd been staring at. "OK."

"Sam?" Daniel looked at her.

"I don't care. Court marshal me. Ban me from going through the Stargate. I don't care," she said.

Teal'c and Daniel exchanged a look of worry.

"General, I do not believe that ColonelCarter is completely aware of her actions of the past few days," Teal'c defended her.

"Emotionally unstable," Daniel added.

"I'm fine," Sam replied. "Now either court marshal me or dismiss me because I have better things to do than sit here and be reprimanded by someone who knows less about the SGC than my fiancé does."

"Colonel Carter, you're dismissed, but I'd like you to head to the infirmary for a check-up," Johnson said.

"Fine," Sam stood up and stormed out of the briefing room.

Johnson looked back at Daniel and Teal'c. "You're also dismissed."

---

Jack stared at Charlie.

"Had enough of the picture show yet? It must get rather boring after the hundredth viewing…" Jack muttered.

"It is not the memories I enjoy, but your pain at the reactions," Charlie replied coldly.

"Let me go," Jack said.

"Never."

"Then let me tell Carter I'm OK," Jack almost begged.

Almost.

"Why?" Charlie grinned evilly. "Because you love her right?"

Jack cringed. "I just need her to know I'm alive."

"Why?" Charlie repeated the question.

"I don't want her to be upset," Jack said.

Charlie's facial expression flickered, for a moment Jack could've sworn he looked forgiving, sad even, but then it was back to normal.

"I do not understand," Charlie said. "If you cannot be with her, why do you want her to be happy? Why do you still care?"

Jack stared at him. "Because I don't care if I can't be with her, I want her to be happy, I want her to have a good life."

"You…I do not understand why?" Charlie looked confused now. "What is this thing you call love?"

"Oh for crying out loud, why should I tell you?" Jack asked.

Charlie still looked confused. "Show me."

For a moment Jack was about to refuse, but then his eyes were already locked with the alien's, forcing him into another memory…

Jack sat in the corner of Sam's place, feeling kind of out of place. Why had he even decided to turn up?

He spotted Pete talking to Daniel across the room. They were laughing and talking and drinking the same brand of beer. How come Pete got to have her?

At least she'd be happy.

She didn't need him.

She'd be better off without him anyway.

The sudden realisation that she'd be better off without him stung. He stood up and walked into the kitchen, searching for another beer.

"Having fun, sir?"

Great.

He turned around and smiled at her. "Great party."

"Thanks," she said.

"I bought you something, I didn't wanna give it in front of everyone else…didn't know if Pete would approve," he said, grinning and handing her a small package.

She smiled as she took it. She opened it carefully, revealing a jewellery box. She opened it, inside lay a silver necklace, off the end of it was a round circle.

"Thank you," she said, intentionally leaving off the 'sir'.

"I thought it looked kinda like a Stargate," he grinned. "So when you're old and babysitting your grandchildren you can look back and think of the fun times we had travelling the universe.

"Galaxy," she corrected, before the statement had really sunk in. "And I'm not leaving the SGC, sir."

"Just, looking ahead," Jack said, he wasn't smiling so much anymore.

She didn't ask, but smiled. "Well thank you, I like it."

"I know," he said.

The familiar words seemed to jolt a memory in her, exactly as he'd hoped.

"I know…" she whispered.

"Hey Sam, do you know where we put the…oh…am I interrupting something?" Pete asked.

"No, nothing," Jack said. "Were just talking, General to Lt Colonel."

He walked out of the kitchen, leaving the two love birds to talk. Jack spotted Daniel and Teal'c and walked over to them.

"I think I'll go," Jack said. "Want the rest of my beer?"

An already half drunk Daniel took the beer bottle happily.

"Teal'c, don't let him drive anywhere," Jack said, pointing at Daniel.

Teal'c nodded. "Are you sure you wish to depart O'Neill?"

"Yeah," he glanced back at the kitchen. "There's nothing left for me here now."

He turned around and walked out quietly, hoping no one would notice. He stood for a moment, staring at the landscape around her house. She would be happy with Pete, he was a good guy. She deserved him. She deserved to have better than Jack, someone who could love her without restrictions.

Someone who could live a life with her.

He walked down the steps towards his car.

"Sir!" he heard her call after him and turned around.

"Why aren't you back inside with your beloved fiancé?"

He knew the words would sting, but he couldn't help it.

---

Sam checked her dress blues over one more time before she stepped into the gate room. Daniel and Teal'c were already standing in place, she walked silently up to Teal'c and stood next to him.

General Johnson walked up the ramp and took his place, facing all on-world SGC personnel.

"I'm here today to say goodbye to someone who's had a great impact on all of our lives," Johnson started. "But as I don't believe I'm at all the best person to do that, as I never personally met the man, I have asked Lt Colonel Samantha Carter to speak."

Johnson stepped down and walked back down the ramp.

Sam took a deep breath and walked up the ramp and took her place facing everyone.

"For seven years as Colonel in charge of SG-1 and the past five months as General in charge of the SGC, Jack O'Neill made the greatest difference in all our lives," she took in another deep breath, determined not to cry. "Jack O'Neill was a great man, he did more than he could ever be acknowledged for…in his words, if a book was ever written about his life, anyone who ever read it would have to be shot."

A few people smiled, knowing it was something Jack would have said.

"But General O'Neill was not about getting recognition, in fact he never asked for anything in return. He did his job, not because he wanted reward but because he loved his job. Because he cared for the people he worked with, for the people he was saving…and he cared about kicking some Goa'uld butt," Sam grinned.

So did most other people.

"But most of all he cared about doing what was right, for everyone. He never followed the rules, he did what he believed was the right thing to do and because of that he earned respect, not only from people on Earth, but from the Asguard. He deserved the respect he had, and much more. Jack O'Neill was one of the first men to go through that Stargate, and, along with Daniel Jackson and Lt Colonel Feretti, was one of only three people remaining from the original team," Sam sniffed. "But, as the General never liked long speeches, I'm going to end mine here by saying he will be missed more than he could ever have comprehended. Jack O'Neill was, and will go down in history as, one of the greatest men ever to live."

Sam was trying extremely hard to push back the tears. She walked down the ramp and took her place next to Teal'c, upholding her military façade. She knew tears were forming in her eyes, but she hoped no one else would notice.

The sound of the trumpet echoed through her mind, but the rest of the ceremony was a blur.

She wanted to run away. She didn't want to be there. Not at Jack's funeral. It was like her worst nightmare coming true. She had blundered over and skipped half her speech, afraid she would break down in front of the entire SGC and now she stood next to Teal'c, afraid to look at anything but the floor, because every inch of the room reminded her of him.

She breathed in deeply and watched as Teal'c and Daniel carried the folded American flag up the ramp and held it at the even horizon for a moment, before pushing it through.

--

Ten minutes after the ceremony, Sam found herself still standing in the gate room, staring at the Stargate. If it weren't for her damned wedding he would never have gone through the gate in the first place.

It was all her fault.

The tears were back, but again only a foggy mist in front of her eyes.

"He was a good friend," Daniel said.

She was suddenly aware of Daniel and Teal'c standing on either side of her.

"Indeed."

"Friend…" Sam sighed. "Lets go."

She turned and walked out of the Gateroom. Daniel and Teal'c followed.

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A/N: Hey guys!! I'll try update again in the next couple of days cos FF.N is gonna be down for uploading on the 17th & 18th…surprise PLEASE REVIEW!