Chapter 9:

Lucas followed the hearse and the limo with Brooke's aunt and her family in the slow procession to the cemetary. Brooke wasn't saying anything. She kept her eyes focused straight ahead to the back of the hearse. Lucas didn't want to push her but he drove with only his left hand so that he could she keep hold of his right in her lap.

"Lucas, I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you when Dan died in the fire. I should have come back for the funeral and been there for you just like you have been for me."

"Brooke, it's ok."

"But it's not. If I were any kind of friend, I would have been there. I was too scared to come back. Peyton was mad at me for like a month when I told her that I wasn't going to come. I gave her some sorry excuse like my parents wanted to spend some time with me and I had just gotten there. It was sort of true but I was hiding behind it so I wouldn't have to deal with how I left things with you."

"Dan's death was a little bit different. He was evil Brooke, and it was best for all of us that he was gone."

"He was still your dad. I'm sure that it was still hard for you."

"I was pretty confused for awhile but I made peace with it a long time ago, Brooke. You don't have to feel guilty about that."

"That's nice of you to say but it's not true. This may be too little too late, but it wasn't because I didn't care. Because I did. I never stopped. I was just too scared to face you. I had convinced myself that when I left, you had changed your mind and you didn't really want to be with me. I just couldn't go back there, Luke. I wasn't ready to be with you again and it wasn't because I didn't feel the same way. I thought that I was just setting myself up to have my heartbroken again. I'm sorry."

"Please don't say that. I don't deserve your apology. There's only one person to blame for that whole situation and it was me. Definately not you. Don't ever feel guilty for trying to protect yourself. I mean it. I think that's why I was so mad at you when I saw you at the cafe and the Rivercourt. I was making excuses so that I wouldn't feel guilty. You didn't owe me any kind of second chance two years ago, you don't owe me one now. I was an ass and I hid behind a lame excuse so that I wouldn't have to admit that I wasn't going to get you back because of my own stupidity."

"You're a good guy Luke. I forgave you a long time ago.I was naive to go into our relationship thinking that you could have gotten over Peyton so quickly. You shouldn't have to feel guilty anymore."

"That's really nice of you Brooke, but you're a constant reminder of why I should still feel guilty. Don't you ever wonder what if? I mean, I do. After you found out about what I had done, me and Peyton never even happened. I realized that I had just wasted our whole relationship for something I didn't even want."

"We can't live in what if, Luke."

"I know. It's just I remember how much I loved you when you left for California. You were the one, Brooke. I know that it's kinda hard to believe but I was convinced of it Brooke. I was a mess for so long after that."

"What? Peyton said that you had moved on, that you were ok."

"I never told her that stuff. I know that you were still in contact with her. I was so hurt, I didn't want you to know how much it affected me. I was stubborn."

"I think that is something that we both have in common. Can we just start over, Luke? I don't want to go another two years without you guys."

"You don't know how happy I am to hear that."

Brooke felt him come to a stop and realized that they had made it to the cemetary. She turned to her window and saw the piles of dirt next tothe gravesite. She got out of the car and waited for Lucas to catch up to her so she could take his hand. They walked over to one set of chairs that were set up in front of the caskets. She was given on of the chairs and he stood directly behind her with his hands on her shoulders so she could tell that he was still right there next to her. It wasn't a particularly bright day but she put on a pair of dark sunglasses. She had been holding it all in but she had a feeling she was close to breaking down now.

The service wasn't supposed to last very long. Her aunt had set it up so they would bury the caskets after everyone had left. Brooke was staring at the picture of her parents and then at the deep hole behind it. They were going to be buried in one plot just as they had wished. At one point, she was asked to get up and take flowers from one of the floral arrangements and lay them accross the caskets. She stood up and regretted that she wouldn't have Lucas to lean against for the first time all day. Her legs felt weak. As she got the two roses, she stepped in front of her dad's casket and placed it on top. She brought her hand up to her face, gave it a kiss and pressed it on top of the casket. She did the same for her mom. Getting back to her seat, she could feel his hand immediately grab hold of her shoulders again. She started to shake as the tears came back and she dropped her head down so that no one could see her crying. She could feel him rubbing her back comfortingly and handing her the handkerchief from his jacket pocket. The service ended and her aunt went to the front and thanked everyone for coming and invited everyone back to her house.

As everyone started filing back to their cars, Brooke remained in her seat. She was staring at her parents. 'How can I just leave them here?'

She didn't think about what she was doing, she just walked up to them again and knelt down in front of them. She broke down into sobs. "Mommy, Daddy, what am I supposed to do now? Please don't leave me! Where am I supposed to go? I don't have anyone left. Please! I haven't even graduated from college yet! I don't even know what I want to do! What am I supposed to do in California, all by myself? What am I supposed to do now? You promised! You guys promised that things were going to be different. You promised that you wouldn't leave me anymore. How could you break your promise again? What am I going to do...?"

Lucas wanted to go up to her and comfort her. He had started to walk to her but his mom pulled on his arm and shook her head.

"Mom, she needs me."

"She needs to say good-bye on her own, son. Just give her this time alone with her parents. She'll be ok."

"Are you sure?"

"No, but you're not going to be able to heal this, Luke. Let her get it all out."

"I can't stand seeing her like this mom."

"I know. It kills me too. You've done everything you could."

"It's not fair! Why does all this crap have to happen to her? She's never done anything to deserve any of it!"

"I wish that I could tell you that life was going to end up fair but you know that's not true."

"Mom, I think...I think that I still love her..."

"Seeing you with her the past couple days, I already knew that. Just be careful, son. She's so fragile right now. I don't think she should be making any life-altering decisions right now."

"That's exactly it. There's no way I can tell her this! It would be like when she left last time times a hundred."

"I'm not saying to never tell her. I'm asking you to wait until things have settled down for her a little bit. The funeral may be over but this is just the beginning. She's basically on her own now. It's not going to be easy for her."

"I have always had the worse timing when it came to her..."

"You'll get it right one day. Keith's waiting in the car. Get her to her aunt's house, kay?"

"I will. Thanks, mom...Mom?"

"Yes?"

"I love you. I don't say it enough but if I am going to do anything after all of this, it's to not take the people I love for granted."

"I love you too, Luke."

She pulled him into a hug. He was so much taller than her that he had to slouch down but he buried his face into his shoulder just like when he was a little kid. He finally pulled away and let her walk away. He turned to find Brooke still kneeling down on the grass. It looked like her crying had calmed down a bit so he took the chance to walk over to her.

"Brooke?"

"Huh?"

"Umm...I'll be right here whenever you're ready, kay?"

"Kay, I just need one more minute."

She turned back to the caskets and stood up. She touched them one last time.

"Bye Mommy, Bye Daddy. Take care of each other. I love you."

She walked over to Lucas and collapsed in his arms. He stood stood there rubbing her arms with his chin over her head. He could feel her tears soaking into his shirt.

"It'll be ok, Cheery. It'll be ok."

The sound of his old nickname for her shocked her back into reality. It didn't bring her the comfort that she usually associated with it.

"I'm ready, let's go."

He nodded. He could tell that there was a change in her. He could have sworn that he saw anger in her eyes for a second but she dropped her head so he could tell that she didn't want to talk anymore. He guided her to his truck and helped her in. They went to her aunt's house where her aunt arranged for caterers. As soon as they got there, it was like she wanted to get as far away from him as possible. She sought out Peyton and Haley and took them to a corner of the livingroom. He tried to ignore the nagging feeling, trying to convince himself that she was just overwhelmed by the whole day. He hung back with Jake and Nathan and listened half-heartedly to thier conversation regarding some classes that they were taking.

After awhile, he went and got some food. He knew that Brooke hadn't eaten sincve they arrived so he made her a plate as well and walked it over to her.

"Hey, I thought you could be hungry."

She looked up and took the plate from him and just nodded. Realizing that she wasn't going to say anything else, he excused himself to find Jake and Nathan again. Eventually, they were sitting in silence and waited until everyone started leaving before deciding it would be ok to leave now. They went and found the girls.

"You guys ready to head out? It looks like everyone is almost gone." Nathan asked when he saw that Lucas looked almost afraid to speak.

"Brooke, do you want to go home?" Peyton asked.

"Yeah, I'm really tired."

"Ok, Luke, why don't you just drop her off at my house? Jake and I are going to go and pick up Jenny and meet you all there. My dad is going to get a ride with your mom and Keith."

"Umm...actually, I kind of just want to go to bed, if you guys don't mind. Can you and Jake just drop me off? I'm sorry. I'm not really up to hanging out tonight."

Lucas felt as if he was just punched in the gut. Peyton looked at him curiously as to silently ask him 'What happened?'

"Sure, whatever you want, Brooke. Let's go say bye to your aunt." Peyton led her away.

"Did you guys get in a fight, Luke?" Haley questioned.

"No. I don't know what happened."

"Maybe, it's just getting to be too much. I'm sure that she just needs to get some rest," Jake reasoned.

"Maybe," Lucas agreed but didn't sound too convinced.

When Peyton and Brooke got back, they all walked out to thier cars. Everyone took thier turnsgiving Brooke a hug. Lucas hung back and waited until everyone had already gone. He awkwardly walked over and pulled her into a hug. It definitely wasn't his imagination, she felt so stiff in his arms. He wanted to pull her aside and ask her what was wrong but he thought better of it.

"Bye Brooke."

"Bye."

She turned around quickly and got into the back seat of Jake's car and looked down into her lap. He shook his head as he walked to his truck and drove towards home.