Chapter 9 Realization
(Note: I'm going on a mini vacation so check back early next week for the conclusion of this story. Thanks for reading my story)
It had been a miserable week for Finn on top of trying to decipher his relationship with Rachel, he was also calming Puck down with all the wedding planning. Puck was torn between his mom who wanted a traditional Jewish wedding and Quinn's mom that wanted a catholic wedding. Finn advised him with one important advice, it's your wedding so pick what you want and have it no other way. He was really happy to see Puck settling down in a good relationship.
Puck and Finn were out of town for the week so Rachel had given him a box full of photo albums and scrapbooks to look at when he was away. It felt like he was catching up on Storm's life and gave him an opportunity to see her at different stages. One picture in particular had given him the shivers. It was a picture of Rachel right after she gave birth. She looked so frail and young, too young to be having a baby.
By the time he got to the bottom of the box, he saw a pink diary with gold stars glued all over it. Instantly Finn knew whose diary it was, after all Rachel and gold stars go hand in hand. He opened the diary and started reading the entries. After skimming through various entries, he realized it was a very personal reflection from Rachel during her high school years. The right thing to do would be to shut it and put it away but he was way too interested to stop.
Dear Diary,
Today I finally got my male lead. His name is Finn Hudson and he is so handsome and talented. Maybe we can be the leading couple!
xoxoxo
Dear Diary,
I can't believe it, Finn is going out with Quinn Fabray. The very Quinn Fabray from the chastity club. I'm so bummed because I like him so much. Oh, well, high school is a complete embarrassment. I got slushied again today.
Dear Diary,
I cannot believe it. Finn kissed me in the auditorium and it was perfect. But for some reason he ran out of the auditorium without explaining why. Maybe, I'm a bad kisser. And to make things worse, I saw him in the hallway with Quinn later. I wish so much that he would notice me!
Dear Diary,
There are some days I just want to blaze through high school. I'm so sick of not having a boyfriend or even a best friend. I don't get why people don't understand me. There's nothing wrong with having goals.
Sometimes I think I see Finn staring at me but it's probably just my imagination. He is so much fun and is kind and considerate. I don't think Quinn and him make a good couple.
Dear Diary,
I'm quitting the Glee Club. I'm so sick of wasting my time. Sue helped me get a lead in the musical.
Xoxoxo
Dear Diary,
Finn came by to see me today. He offered to help me practice my lines. He sat very close to me and said that he missed me. Maybe, everything will work out this time.
Dear Diary,
OMG Quinn is pregnant and what's worse is Finn was cozying up to me to get me to go back to the Glee Club so he can get a music scholarship. I'm so done with him; he can have fun playing house with his ensemble. I have bigger dreams.
Dear Diary,
As angry as I am about Finn, I feel so bad for him. He is falling asleep during Glee Club rehearsals and seems in low spirits. I am wondering if he is depressed. There hasn't been a smile on his face in so long. I'm not really mad at him any more. What's done is done.
Dear Diary,
The most amazing thing happened tonight. Finn and I made love. It just sort of happened. It was amazing! I love him so much. He is my everything.
Dear Diary,
I am so scared because my period is late and I threw up this morning. I'm too young to have a baby and to put Finn through another pregnancy debacle would break his heart. I'm not sure what to do, I can't hurt him.
Finn paused after reading Rachel's last diary entry and realized that was probably the last time she did a normal teenage thing like writing in a diary. After that, she had to grow up fast and become a mom at such a young age. While he was at Friday night football games, she had her fill changing diapers and midnight feedings. He had never fully thought about her end of it and it made him sad to uncover the truth. Rachel had loved him as well and had lost a lot in the process.
Finn learned something today. He had been holding so much resentment towards Rachel, because he had been so devastatingly sad when she was abruptly taken out of his life. It had been agony sitting in Glee Club wanting so much for her to walk through the door. There was so many things he wanted to tell her and that in itself was the problem. Neither one had told the other the truth about the extent of their feelings about each other. He had been using that chip on his shoulder to protect himself from getting hurt again. Losing Rachel was the most painful thing he had ever went through.
He had been using his hands as a labor of love. Each and every touch he gave her was his symbolization of what he was feeling. It was time to open the flood gates and let the words be the tool. The truth was he had never gotten over Rachel. She never was far away in thought. Some people have the luxury of having lots of loves. She would and would always be his only love.
There was so much to figure out and Finn decided that he somehow had to make it up to Rachel. He had a few more days to come up with a plan on how to do that. She had sacrificed so much for him and it was time that he did as well.
Somewhere out there in headache land…..
Puck was fed up with this wedding planning shit. Man, moms could be a pain in the ass. A trip to Vegas at a wedding chapel was sounding like a better alternative. He was going to talk to Quinn tonight and see what she really wanted. He was happy enough that he achieved his endeavor in getting the girl. She was rocking his world.
He couldn't wait to get back to his girl. This Skype thing was nothing like the real thing. It was hard to believe that the Puckmeister was getting sentimental and soft like a mushy piece of bread. A lot had changed that's for sure.
