He shook his head and started after her. He caught up to her spinning her around by the arm. "No you don't get to do that! You don't get to kick me out of my own life and take my kid away from at the same time."
"Oh but you can choose when and when not to love me or let's not forget fuck me." She retorted.
"Are you ever going to let that go?"
"I'm trying!" She raked her hands through her hair and pulled at the roots as if to gain clarity "You have to leave me alone so I can. You know I'm not trying to take your kid from you, you paranoid idiot, as long as I am creating a human inside my body I get to decide where she goes and right now I choose away from you because I'm fighting with the one person I never fight with. We're fighting like married people Adam old hateful married people and I don't like it."
"I don't want to miss anything." He said quietly.
"The only thing you're going to miss is me getting fat and peeing on myself every time I stand up."
"Fine then, I don't want to miss that…the last part though ewww!" his face screwed up.
"I need space, I've started depending on you too much." She crossed her arms around her middle,
"You're not."
"Adam we're fighting we don't fight unless we're spending too much time together. I need time put things back where they belong with us. "She hugged him. "I love you and I promise to call you when or if anything changes but I need time." She turned to walk away and he caught her and kissed her chastely.
"Don't do that again until you're sure you mean it." She whispered,
"Mere…" He said pleading.
"I'm done making it easy for you. You want me? Earn me." She kissed his cheek. "Goodbye Adam"
"Bye Baby." He watched her walk away.
-/-/-/-/-
Beth walked into Adam's place in Asheville. In the kitchen sat a high chair that matched the rustic décor. In the living room sat an already assembled turquoise and brown pack n play and matching swing. "Adam Honey," she called out wearily.
"In here." He called back. She followed his voice to one of the spare bedrooms to find him painting the sage colored walls a light chocolate shade.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm painting Mason's room. It's called Milkshake what do you think?" before she can respond. "I found this antique crib in a shop in town I'm going to strip it down so there's no lead paint then repaint it white. I was thinking of like a peachy pink for the bedding. I'm going to make some art for her walls, maybe a mirror and put an M on her door."
"Adam, I think you're nesting." Beth said smiling.
"I just – I want to be ready."
"I think you will be."
"Mere basically kicked me out of her life. She told me to come here because…because she didn't want to depend on me too much. I mean I know her and I know she has an independent streak a mile wide but…"
"But someone's stalking her and isn't afraid to lock her in a closet for kicks. She's you're best friend and she she's pregnant with your kid; she loves you more than you love her. I'd want distance to if I were her. It's a complicated knot you undo your half and leave hers to her half Adam."
"I know she's your person Adam, but-"She leaned on the unpainted wall.
"My person?" He started painting again
"The person you tell everything and depend on."
"Jay's my person…Mere's- Well she's Mere."
Beth didn't know what to say to that so instead she said nothing.
-/-/-/-/-
Adam steps over Shine to answer his phone. "I'm painting trim, what're you doing?"
"Crying in my car." She answers and he walks out into the hall. "Hey," He whispers to Beth in the kitchen. "What's today's date?"
"The ninth why?" Adam knocked his head back on the wall.
"Why are you alone on Leigh's birthday Mere?"
"I thought I could do it but then Peter Pan was playing in electronics at Wal-Mart and I just…"
"Lost your shit because she loves Tinker Bell I remember."
"I want go back do I don't know what but he killed her because of me. It's my fault." She sobbed.
"I-"he sank down to sit on the floor. "You didn't kill her." She continued to cry. "Mere listen to me babe, you did nothing to cause her death. A crazy person is obsessed with you. You did nothing to invite it, hell you probably met him and never gave it a second thought."
"I can't stop crying." She said starting to hyperventilate.
"Ok what's in front of you?" He said calmly.
"A pregnancy parking sign." Adam bit back a laugh. She's barely showing but using the pregnancy parking, classic. "Focus on it and breathe. Can do that just breathe and listen to my voice; I'll talk as long as you need."
"I want to fix it. I was supposed to protect her keep her safe, take care of her." She says voice still shaking.
The emotion cracking her voice brings tears to his eyes. "We all want to fix Meredith, you did take care of her honey, and you raised her. You did a great job. She was smart and caring, she was a truly good person Mere and she didn't get that way by accident."
"I'm so tired of being by myself Adam." She replied sounding so beaten down he wants to cry.
"You aren't I'm here."
"I am by myself Adam do you honestly think we did what we did out of anything but loneliness? If it's more than why are we here like this, don't you think we've done something more or again by now."
"We almost did but I stopped it." He thinks but doesn't say it because Beth is standing over him looking concerned. "We're going to figure it okay, we just gotta get used to the new us. Unresolved sexual tension and all." Beth shot him a dirty look until she heard Meredith laughing.
"You know during the whole Amy affair how you told me I just had to eat all of it and embrace it and I would come out on top. That no matter how alone I felt I was that there was someone somewhere wanting the best for me and praying for me. Well I need you to know that you aren't alone, I am here and always will be I'm praying that you pull through this not for Mason or for me but for you. I love you and I'm here okay but you gotta let me be, no matter how much we fight or disagree." In the ensuing silence he can picture her nodding.
"So how's Ashville?" she asked sniffling.
"Eh, mountainous." He said with a wry smile.
-/-/-/-
There's a knock at her door the next day. She looks in the peep hole to see Adam.
"What are you doing here?"
"We're going celebrate Leigh's Birthday by buying something for Mason then have dinner on the beach."
"Why?"
"Because I said so. You need it to be a happy occasion you know that."
-/-/-/-/-
They pull up to the Polka Dot Duck baby boutique.
Adam shuts off the engine and glances over at Meredith. Who's grinning gleefully. "I think you may actually burst into nothing but glitter and joy." He said laughing.
"I'm excited."
"I can tell the last time I've seen you smile that big was when you discovered the joys of a g-spot orgasm." She smacked his arm.
"You're crass and this place is expensive which is why I have avoided it."
"Avoid no more just don't bankrupt me. Deal?" He said as they got out of the car.
They walk into the store. "Ooh toys."
-/-/-/-
"Adam this place is expensive remember."
"Right I'll stay with you." He grabbed her hand interlacing their fingers. "But I am totally buying myself that sock monkey." He said she laughed.
They walk around the store hand in hand for a bit. "Be back I see something." He said letting her go.
She watches him walk toward the back of the store.
"Newly married?" comes from behind her, she turns to see a sales girl.
"Oh no, we're just friends who happen to have a child together,"
"Well that's a shame. You two look like a couple."
"We get that a lot; you do have any simple yet girlish outfits?"
-/-/-/-
They shop and stop to get takeout. They're driving toward the beach when Adam turns to find Meredith chewing a thumb nail and looking pensive.
"Hey now, where are you?" she doesn't respond. "Don't make me do it Mere I'll totally bust out some TLC on you." The corner of her mouth lifts.
"Don't believe me? Alright you asked for it." He took a deep breath making her chuckle before he even started.
"A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me hanging out the passenger side of his best friend's ride trying to holler at me. And I can't remember the rest…" Meredith starts laughing and he considers it a win.
Once her laughter dies out. "I miss her."
"I know you do." He held out his hand. She took it again.
"Lady at the store thought we were a couple."
He shrugs. "We do get that a lot. No need to tell Beth though." He squeezed her hand.
-/-/-/-/-
They walk down the nearly deserted beach all but for teenagers having a party at the other end of the beach. They sit and eat deli sandwiches and cupcakes in Leigh's honor.
"Root beer. Because it seems unfair to drink around the pregnant girl." Adam said sitting everything out.
"Thank you, John just chug a lugs and watches me burn with envy. Asshole." Adam sits out the sandwiches and cupcakes.
"How's that goin' just tell me you aren't taking him too serious." She scowled. "It's not jealousy Mere, it's not. It's that you ran yourself into the ground trying to love the guy before, now my kid's involved John's a great guy, I like him he just- I'm afraid he's not going to be all in like you."
"Who says I'm all in?" She picked at the corner of her sandwich
"You always are." Adam said biting into a cupcake first.
"Touché. I'm not Amy you know, remember that okay. This isn't Amy and Matt it's me and you and sure I go all in but you won't go far enough." She sighed. "Okay, no fighting let's eat, trade gifts and go crash that kegger down the beach."
They trade gift bags opening at the same time. Adam pulls out a white onesie with pink trimmed zebra bows at the shoulder with matching socks. The head band has a huge bow made out of black, pink, and zebra ribbon with a pink M emblem on it,
"Oh my god, it just hit me. It really is a girl.
"Uh, yeah…" Meredith laughed.
"It's so tiny Mere the socks…" There is fear edging toward aw in his voice.
"It's okay, you'll do fine babies are durable. God makes them that way for newbie parents." She states smirking. He gives her a halfhearted grin and she spots pink frosting at the corner of his mouth and looks quickly away so as not let her mind go down roads it shouldn't.
Meredith opens her bag to find. Tiny black converse sneakers with pink stitching, laces, and pink bejeweled toes.
"Oh, they're so sweet Adam"
He shrugged. "My kid needs converse but you totally should have seen their faces when I asked for something with sparkle." He smiles at her full force and she reaches out to wipe away the icing unable to take it any longer.
-/-/-/-/-
They sit side by side leaning into one another as they watch the sun slide down into the ocean.
"So much for staying away from each other." Meredith whispers.
"We like each other too much for that." He kissed her temple. "I meant that one."
Meredith smiles. "I like us like this at peace. It's nice."
"Me too."
"Happy Birthday Merrileigh." Meredith says into the wind.
"Yeah Happy Birthday Leigh."
A beat of perfect silence and then, "So wait you'll really pee yourself?"
She nods an affirmative, "And according to your mother I'll poop on the table when giving birth."
"I'll just remind myself of the really hot sex we had, and pooping on the table won't matter." He said only half teasing.
"It was good sex wasn't it." She agreed.
"Really good."
