AN: Okay, time for a regular author's note. Thanks everybody! I wouldn't be updating and getting so much of this done without all your amazing feedback! I knew this story would be well recieved, but I had no idea you all would love it so much! This chapter is decicated to all my kick ass reviewers, so enjoy :)
AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers!
Draco: It's not your fault your own story sucks?
besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE!
Snape: And I said that a headache isn't a proper excuse for making a character nauseatingly OOC.
and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX!
Harry: WHAT? I'M A SATANIST NOW?
Snape: I don't like him because he's a Satanist? First of all, that is way off. Second, I don't hate him. I'd just prefer it if he wasn't around. Third, SHE FORGOT THE E. I'M NOT THE F*CKING RICE CRISPIES ELF.
I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me.
McGonagall: I can believe it.
I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco.
Sirius: Umm...okay?
Dobby: Dobby really needs to read the whole story now.
Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything
Voldemort: I wonder who that could be? (points at himeself) This guy! Time for my awsome entrance!
started flying towards me on a broomstick!
Hermione: I wasn't aware that the dark lord rode a broomstick.
He didn't have a nose(basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was… Voldemort!
Dobby: Dobby doesn't understand why she couldn't just say it was Voldemort.
"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away.
"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream.
Hermione: She threw my cat at him?
Snape: The Cruciatus Curse is "Crucio". How do you screw that up?
I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped.
"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!"
Voldemort: Why am I talking like an asshole from "Hamlet" or something?
I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden.
Harry: NO. I DON'T.
I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up?
Snape: Wow. She's a genius, this one.
"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.
Voldemort gave me a gun. "No! Please!" I begged.
Dumbledore: A...gun?
Snape: We use WANDS, Tara. WANDS. Not guns, because we're WIZARDS.
McGonagall: This is just getting worse and worse.
"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!"
Harry: Thou must end this story before I go on a killing spree.
"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.
Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face.
Voldemort: That's funny...I have that look on my face right now.
Snape: I've had that look on my face for this entire story.
"I hath telekinesis."he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.
Sirius: If I had Telekenisis, I would pick up a giant rock and drop it on Tara WITH MY MIND. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT TELEKINESIS IS. PICKING UP SHIT WITH YOUR MIND.
I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.
"Draco!" I said. "Hi!"
"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.
Hermione: Why does she keep insisting they look just like these singers that they look nothing like?
"Are you okay?" I asked.
Snape: Not only is Ebony an idiot, but she has a selective memory.
"No." he answered.
"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled.
"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out.
Ron: Let me get this straight, Ebony: You made a huge scene and made him follow you into Snape's classroom naked, made even more of a scene and then ran away into the woods, and he still wants to makeout with you?
Sirius: Dude, you are so pussy whipped.
Draco: I don't think I can take much more of this.
