(Author's Note:) The OC'ness…

You have been warned…


(JOHNNY'S POV)

Fucking emotions…


(MADELEINE'S POV)

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Madeleine looked to Johnny, clearing her eyes from the tears which continued to spill out onto her face.

"Someone once told me,'life isn't worth living if you don't take the risk'… now it's my turn to test it and see if that's true; I think I know how to fix this..."

Nny's voice was surprisingly soft as he searched her eyes, uncertain of what to do next.

Carefully testing out his actions, Johnny slowly touched her face, trying to hide a reluctant look behind his dark eyes. The tips of his fingers tickled her face as she repressed a shudder.

His hand became steady as he cupped her thin face with the palm of his hand as he muttered in an almost inaudible voice, "emotions are needed…"

Leaning into Johnny's hand for comfort, she closed her eyes and another unexpected tear crawled down her cheekbone. A flood of warmth crept over her face and down to her stomach and legs as she fought off the urge to sob once more. She had waited so long for a moment like this to happen, but it was burdened with depression and harsh self-resentment.

Bitch; whore; pitiful; shit; pessimist; worthless.

The list of names that screamed at her in her head abruptly stopped as a pair of soft lips pressed against hers, soothing the noise which thrashed inside of her head.

Shocked, Madeleine tried to restrain herself from pulling back before she realized Johnny's offer.

Accepting, Maddie kissed him back with the slightest amount of passion. Neither went past any boundaries, both afraid of what could unintentionally happen next.


(JOHNNY'S POV)

Yelling and screaming, emotions and lust, Reverend Meat, the Doughboys, cutting, suicide, depression and color pounded in Johnny's head; the excess he had previously cast away all flooding back to him.

His mind raced back to the moment back in his chambers, holding Madeleine prisoner, ready to commit suicide with the person who seemed as if she cared. Mr. Fuck and D-boy's taunts ringing in his ears, picking at the heat in his blood to kill; don't let the moment last. Hold it forever, immortalizing the moment.

Hunger; long for the input in which you hide yourself from… TOUCH it…

The sickening spread of emotions burning his veins, controlling his actions and unintentional arousing in embarrassing places. Lust scraped at his tongue while true affection, love, crashed down and into his chest, igniting the flame that burned within and intensifying the kiss.

Losing control of his actions, Johnny let go of her other hand and set his hand on her waist, the blood pounding in his ears, a repetition of, "kill" whispering to him. Immortalize the moment… don't let the sun set; trace the stars and keep them from fading.

Tasting Madeleine's tears, he pulled away and forced himself to look at her face. Her eyes held a small ounce of hope while her sadness was replaced with what seemed like embarrassment and ecstasy.

Immediately realizing what he had done, Johnny narrowed his eyes, horrified and thoroughly disgusted at himself.

HOLD it…

Again, his actions worked against his head, pulling Madeleine into a hug; kill…

Kill….

His thin arms circled around Madeleine, holding her to him, and closing the space between them. Another wave of emotion poured into him as his ears picked up the sound of a content sigh from Maddie.

She was so fragile; he felt so protective of her…

Kill….

CARRESS it…

Don't let the moment end!

Johnny's mind whirled with emotion and confusion, trying to figure out what to do. So many emotions… too much emptiness…

Acting quickly, seeing that his heart might explode from the amount of unwanted passion inside, he struck the nape of Madeleine's neck, sending her into unconsciousness.

Limp, Madeleine fell into an awkward position in Johnny's arms; her face buried into his chest and her hands lying at his hips. Angry at himself for being open to the emptiness, Johnny wrinkled his nose, the continuous reminder to kill ringing in his head.

Frowning, Johnny studied Madeleine with a pitying and regretful face. Another tear fell down her skinny face, seeping into his shirt.

Don't let the sun set….

Sighing, wondering what to do with her, fighting against the noise which was persuading him to kill Maddie, Johnny scooped her up, completely surprised at how sickeningly light she was in his arms. Bowing his head, letting his two bits of jet-black hair fall into his face, he got up and headed out of the room.


(FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO FEEL I AM LACKING VIOLENCE AND JOHNNY IS WAY TOO OOC, HERE IS A SHORT SIDE STORY TO HELP YOUR NEEDS; this has absolutely no connection to the story line, whatsoever)

The blue sky above was a beautiful ocean of color as a mix of priceless and trashed cars zoomed through the city streets.

Driving a small Volxwagon, was a man with a determined spirit, speeding the highways with a suspicious tone in his eyes. His dark pupils were tiny specks roaming in his eyes as he searched the sidewalks with a psychotic spark hiding behind his smile.

His two locks of hair hung in his face, shading his thin cheekbones while he wore a simple, black, long-sleeved shirt and black jeans. Heavy, steel-toed boots covered his feet as he pushed down on the gas pedal, forcing the car to speed faster through the streets.

Spotting a perfect target, Johnny reached for his bow and arrow, piercing a piece of paper onto the weapon after forcing the small car to a stop. Stepping out of the vehicle, Johnny's heart beat at a crazy speed as his adrenaline rush pushed higher and higher, aiming the arrow at a man on the opposite side of the street.

The man was in his early twenties, having a beard, loose fitting clothes, holding a sign, 'dude, spare me some change; I need BEER'.

Laughing with insane happiness, Johnny shot his target through his spine, making the unfortunate man fall, face-down onto the icy pavement below.

A small pool of blood ran out from his chest; the letter stuck on his back read, "kick me."


(MADELEINE'S POV)

Prying her eyes open, her pupils adjusted to the dark room surrounding her. She was lying on her couch in her apartment, but her head was lying in a lap. Her hands were preoccupied, clutching onto a long, skeletal arm. Dragging her eyes up, she let go of Johnny's arm and jumped with surprise, falling off of the couch and onto the carpet below as she caught sight of his face, "MOTHER F-."

Frowning, Madeleine gathered herself up off of the floor, questioning to herself what was going on. Why was she sleeping? Why was she sleeping in Johnny's lap?

"Nice wake-up call," Madeleine muttered, rubbing her sore neck before looking around the room.

The lights were off, and the only source of light came from the window through the cracks of the blinds, stating it was daylight; officially Christmas.

Damn, it was cold…

Glancing down at her body, she realized she was only wearing a grey tank top and jeans. Spotting her bathrobe which was lying next to her on the armrest, she immediately covered herself in the fleece before getting up, her vision blackening at the edges from the sudden rush of blood to her head.

Taking a peek at the clock that hung on the wall to her left, it read: 9:32 AM.

"Johnny…?" Madeleine's lips formed a thin line as she tried to remember what all had happened the previous night. The skating, being pummeled and thrown into the snow with Johnny, coming home…

Gripping her wrist, she pulled up the soft, black fabric of the robe and spotted the bandages covering several fresh cuts that weaved into her veins.

Maddie's face fell, the color turning to a sick shade of white before an embarrassing strip of crimson shadowed her face, remembering what all had happened.

The heat washing over her face was unbearable as she forced herself to look at Johnny, her lips numb from the memory. But… when, how did she… become unconscious?

Nny, too, had a very slight rosy color added to his cheeks as he avoided her gaze.

"Please tell me that last night didn't happen. It didn't happen," Madeleine's eyebrows knitted together in worry and discomfort from the tension radiating between them.

The air grew still as she awaited his answer, arms crossed over her chest in a very defensive position.

"I'm afraid I can't do that," Johnny said, watching Madeleine with a twinge of guilt in his eyes.

"I'm sorry. I didn't- I mean I don't…," Madeleine turned away from Johnny, a headache pulsing in her head. Pinching the bridge of her nose, Maddie took a deep breath, trying to steady her nerves and the throbbing sensation behind her eyes.

"Why are you blaming yours-," Johnny stopped in mid-sentence from the shrill ring of the doorbell.

Glaring at the wooden door several feet away from her, Madeleine's eye twitched as she walked over to the entryway. Opening the door with a smug look on her face, she found a single caroler.

Dressed in a trenchcoat, earmuffs, gloves, boots, the whole Christmas attire, the visitor smiled widely. She had relatively dark brown hair that hung past her shoulders, the color contrasting against the white sea of snow surrounding her.

Just as the caroler opened her mouth to sing, Madeleine cut it with a rude retort, "Merry Christmas; now if you would, please, fuck off."

Maddie absolutely despised Christmas carolers, and usually they would scamper off to another house to sing horrible tunes when Madeleine cursed them, but this specific woman persisted.

"Just one song? Please," she begged, a shine of hope in her eyes as she continued to smile.

"No."

Shutting the door, Madeleine turned back around and headed to her bedroom, passing Nny who was utterly confused.

Ignoring this, however, Madeleine shut the door to her room and fetched a white, long sleeved shirt and eyed her dark grey trench coat hanging off of the foot of her bed. Popping her neck and trying to release the tension building inside of her, Madeleine tugged off her bathrobe and tank top and switched it for the long sleeved shirt and mostly dry trench coat.

Spotting her shoes lying on the floor, she added those as well, contemplating about the night before. Shuddering, Maddie recalled the sickening feeling of bliss that swelled up inside of her from the kiss.

She had never been so completely happy in all her years of being alone; always craving that touch, the remedy for something to reach out.

Gritting her teeth, she shook her head, realizing she was fantasizing again. She dared not dream of a life of perfection; jealousy and envy always seemed to spark up and ruin the moment, tearing at the seams of her escape.

A gurgle of hunger tore at her insides, forcing Madeleine's abdomen to cramp, cursing vile words at her.

Poor, pathetic tick…a shell portraying the poison that thrives beneath.

"No," Madeleine slurred as she paced out of the room and into her bathroom.

After taking a few minutes of extreme cramping and brushing teeth, Madeleine spit out the toothpaste and an angry face plastered onto her face, completely connecting the dots for why she had the crazy mood swings and the short temper with the caroler.

Locking the door to the bathroom, Madeleine added a pad*before exiting the restroom and halting at the front door, glancing at Johnny who had a confused look spread across his face.

"I need to get some fresh air. I'll be back in an hour; do whatever, I don't care, I just need some time."

Opening the door, Madeleine scowled once again, finding that the persistent caroler hadn't left her apartment door step.

"Okay…," Maddie sighed with annoyance before continuing and closing the door behind her, "I will let you sing ONE bloody song, but afterwards you need to FUCK OFF. Okay?"

The visitor grinned and began the beginning of 'Jingle Bells'.

After all was said and done, Madeleine's eye was twitching with irritation and she was gritting her teeth, trying with all her might to tolerate the horrid vocals that were coming out of the caroler's mouth.

"That was amazing," Madeleine said with sarcasm before slamming a crumpled dollar bill into the singers hand and walking off to her car, uneasiness creeping through her.

Starting the ignition, she backed out of the parking lot and drove carefully through the icy streets, slowly but surely making her way towards her destination; the cemetery.


(AUTHOR'S NOTE)

Ahhh… the romance…

The romance you all had been waiting for has come.(there shall be MORE!)

I KNOW THAT JOHNNY IS OOC. I KNOW WHAT I HAVE GOTTEN MYSELF INTO, BUT I FIND IT QUITE NICE writing the lovey-dovey chappies…

More interesting conflicts shall come… but you will have to wait.

(*) Oh, come on, I'm sure you all know what a pad is for right?

y'know... mother nature? Every woman get's it, I just added it in there to help you see that she is... matured enough...

I am… however, leaving for another week, so it will be a while before you get another update…. I'm sorry!

Oh, that horrid, despicable thing called, 'Writer's Block'… I am getting a bad case of it… but I WILL CONTINUE ON! I would rather DIE than have an unfinished story stop in my hands. I will NOT tolerate that…

Ahh… the Disclaimer…:

Johnny and any characters from JTHM belong to Jhonen Vasquez, and only him. ONLY HIM! Not me…

I own Madeleine however, since she is my OC in the story.

BE READY FOR MORE TWISTS IN THE PLOT! MUAHAHAHA!