Sunday arrived quicker than they all anticipated and before they knew it, it was time to say goodbye to Sam and Jess.
"It was so nice to meet you! I can tell you make him happy" Jess said as she hugged Castiel the best she could.
"Thank you" he said sincerely kissing her cheek and placing two hands on the bump.
"I hope to maybe one day see you and this little one here"
"Of course you will! You're family now and this your niece"
Castiel felt his heart skip a beat and he smiled at her with a nod. "Thank you, Jess, you have no idea what that means to be"
Dean coughed nervously moving him out of the way and hugging her gingerly. "Take care"
"I will, there will be a new addition to this party soon"
Sam rolled his eyes at her with a smile as she clapped and walked out the door.
"I'll call you" Sam said giving him a hug. Dean patted his back with a nod.
Sam turned to Castiel holding out his hand which he took and they shook once.
"Nice to meet you also, hopefully see you again at the birth" he said with a smile that made his eyes shine.
"Me too"
Dean looked away following Sam out as they walked to the car where Jess was waiting.
"I've applied for a job, It's an interview for Monday and it looks hopeful. I can do my exams, work and take care of the baby"
"Oh and kill yourself at the same time? Jesus, Sam, I told you, I'll handle the money for you two"
"We appreciate it, Dean, we really do, but we need to make our own way in the world now and my parents are very happy to help out" Jess said with a small smile. "So keep the money and get out of these dreadful apartments! Buy a house, spoil Cas, build a future together"
Dean felt his stomach clench at her words and nodded wordlessly. He waved them off when they drove off out of the apartments and stood there staring into space for a long moment. Castiel waited patiently in the bedroom packing away his things slowly till he heard the click on the door and turned to see Dean stroll in.
"They get off okay?"
"Yeah fine" Dean murmured distractedly. Castiel shrugged continuing to pack feeling Dean's watchful eyes on him and looked up at him confused.
I could quit right now, Dean thought staring into those confused eyes. Goodbye to whoring out, money, everything and just quit.
But reality hit him the most and he realised that despite the tempting thought of quitting and never ever seeing them god awful clients ever again was money. The money was so goddam good and he got it with doing his favourite thing in the world, sex. So while the job came from wanting to help Sam and Jess, Dean was keeping it for the sake of money and endless sex without the prospect of commitment, relationship and the scariest word in the world for Dean which was love.
"So! Hadn't you better be going? But thanks for this, Cas, you've been amazing" he said clapping his hands together once.
"Um, yes, I guess so" Castiel said startled zipping his bag up and holding it in one hand. "I…I guess I'll see you around"
"Sure" he said stuffing his hands into his pockets.
Castiel wavered not sure what to do as he moved towards the door and stopped turning towards him.
"So is this it? Dean, I…"
"Go home, Cas" he said simply looking up at him. "Go get some sleep, go to work, and see your wife. You did a good job as acting like my "doting boyfriend" but that's it now, all done, all sorted and in a week or maybe two I'll tell them that we broke up"
His jaw set and his eyes narrowed at Dean who shrugged at him.
"Why did I ever agree to this? This was the biggest mistake!"
"What?"
Castiel shook his head moving to the front door and opening it up before turning back to him one more time.
"Is it possible to consider in your tiny, stupid, mind that I did this for a reason? I did this for you; I did this because I wanted to because I care about you, Dean"
"It's only been like two weeks, why would you possibly care?"
"I don't know, Dean, you tell me" he said walking out and closing the door behind him. Dean stared at the closed door possibly feeling more confused than ever and he didn't like it. He stepped out looking around the now empty flat and scratched the top of his head feeling that slow ebb of loneliness he hadn't felt all weekend.
He grabbed the phone dialling the agency and sighed in relief when Lil answered.
"Oh so the wanderer returns, how was your holiday?"
"Shut up, my brother was down, have I been missed?"
"Yes, your clients are not happy and the fact I had to send them to someone else did not bode well with them so if some do not return you can only blame yourself, sweetheart"
"Well if any calls tell them I'm free and up for anything" he said with a sniff glaring at the door.
"Sure thing, babe" she said hanging up and he sighed sitting down on the couch. He trailed his fingers across the pillow and did wonder if he would see Castiel again, it didn't seem likely. Dean turned on the television kicking back and folding his arms watching some old comedy programme he had seen on more than one occasion. It just wasn't the same without someone next to you and Dean had to admit to himself that he did miss the presence of Castiel leaning against his shoulder as they watched television.
After this little thought he mentally kicked himself, he was fine without Castiel, he survived weeks, months, even years without that man and he wasn't about to start pining for a guy who was supposed to be a client.
Dean kicked the table hard wincing at his sore toe. "Stupid Cas"
Castiel opened the front door and looked down at the letters on the mat with a sad sigh. It seemed strange to return to "normal" life and the thought of Anna returning home tomorrow to talk to him made his stomach roll. He trudged upstairs throwing his bag under the bed and dropped down on the covers opening the letters slowly.
"Bills" he muttered grimly tossing them on the bedside table. He stripped out of his clothes moving to the bathroom and getting out his sleeping pills. He rolled the pills in his hands and cocked his head wondering if he should do it, he suffered insomnia a few months ago but it slowly slipped away thankfully.
Castiel pursued his lips together nodding and pouring two into his hand and taking them back with water. He sighed moving back under the covers and stared at the empty place beside him with longing, he felt pathetic, he felt lonely, but was it really that bad to want someone to just hold you? He closed his eyes feeling a wave of darkness come over him and he welcomed sleep.
~0~
A loud beeping stirred Castiel out of his sleep and he woke up opening one eye and looking around the room confused and gasped sitting up.
"Oh no" he whispered staring at the clock. It was nearly 10am and he was now two hours later for work. He scrambled out of bed and down the stairs in a flash to see bags near the door and ran a hand in his hair picking up a note from Anna.
Cas,
You were asleep so I didn't want to disturb you.
I am going straight to work and I will be back at 5.
We need a serious talk, so please be home.
Anna.
Castiel bit his lip scrunching it up and tossing it away as he ran back upstairs to get dressed and get out of the door before Ellen fired his ass.
Jo bit her thumb staring at the door nervously. "Come on, you idiot!"
"You heard from him?" Ellen said standing beside her.
"No, this isn't like him, mom, and you know this as well! He always comes in…what if something is wrong?"
"Like what?"
"I don't know"
"He's probably hung over" Ash commented jokily tossing mushrooms into a pan and looking away sheepishly when Jo glared at him.
"Your opinion is invalid"
"Bitch" he muttered making her gasp and toss a towel at him. He smirked catching it and throwing it over his shoulder. She shook her head tapping nervously as she made new coffee.
Castiel rushed in making the customers jump and Jo as she gasped.
"Where the hell have you been?" she hissed at him when he wandered over.
"I took sleeping pills and I slept straight through my alarm"
"What? I thought you were pass that insomnia shit?" she questioned.
"I am…I had a strange weekend"
Jo narrowed her eyes looking over him. "Are you still seeing Dean?"
He avoided her eye contact but nodded all the same.
"You idiot! I told you to stop this, it was meant to be one night" Jo ranted slamming the door behind them despite Ellen's protests.
"Five minutes! He's late enough!" Ellen cried through the door.
"Why? Why are you still sleeping and paying the man?"
"Because he's like a drug! He's got underneath my skin, Jo, and no matter what I say to myself, what I do, he'll win because it's too good"
"The sex? Oh my god, how low can you get?"
"You recommended him to me" he hissed pointing a finger at her making her step back and stare at him. "I went to him under your instructions and look what's happened! My marriage is ending tonight!"
"What?" she whispered astonished.
"Anna needs to talk and I know her tone, it was over ages ago but neither of us wanted to accept it. So with a failed marriage, I am also in love with a prostitute who can never love me back"
Jo's mouth fell open and she stumbled back hitting the door stunned.
"You're in love with him?"
"I think so"
"You think so?"
He scrunched his nose up and shrugged. "I mean, I could be wrong but he's different, Jo. I know you know him but with me…he's so different. The sex is amazing, I'll give you that, but under that he's funny, he can make me smile without even realising it, he's so independent, strong minded, he adores his family, he's protective over them and he'll do anything for them…even whore himself out just so his own brother won't suffer" Castiel said staring space with a faraway look on his face.
"You just said that with the most affectionate look I have ever seen, Cas" Jo said crossing her arms. "It looks like someone cast their spell on you and you fell hard"
He blushed covering his face and sat down heavily in the chair. "What am I going to do?"
"Tell him"
"He wouldn't understand, Jo, he'd turn me away"
"You can't know that! What if he feels the same way?"
"He did make me pretend to be his boyfriend" he murmured running a finger on his thigh thoughtfully. Jo raised an eyebrow wondering how to tackle that.
"Is that some kinky game?"
He scoffed with laughter looking up at her confused expression.
"No, he told Sam by accident that I was his boyfriend so when he came down to visit I pretended to be his boyfriend. It worked out well"
"Sure…" Jo said trailing off. "I think what you should do is when the shift ends, you go home and you talk to Anna…whatever happens, happens, and then you go to Dean and you tell him"
"You think?"
"Yes, I highly recommended it! But come on, work time" she said pulling him up with a smile. He smiled weakly back and moved with her as they set off to work.
Castiel arrived home just after five to see the lights on and he opened the door to see Anna waiting in the hallway. She smiled softly at him and he answered her with a smile before closing the door behind him.
"Hello, Anna"
"Castiel, we need to talk"
"I know"
"Come sit down with me" she said leading him to the couch and waiting for him to sit down next to her. She shifted turning to face him and grabbed his hands.
"I have been thinking really hard about us, Castiel, we have been married now for nearly 8 months and I can't say they have been the happiest months of my life. I fell in love with you at the beginning, I can't deny that, but I don't think you fell in love with me"
"Anna…"
"No, let me say this" she said in a stern voice. "You didn't, you married me to appease your family and mine. I think you do love me but you are not in love with me, you do not love me like a husband should love a wife and I don't love you like a wife should love a husband. I love you like a friend or a brother now"
"I understand" he murmured.
"Do you love me?"
"I love you like my friend, my best friend" he said squeezing her hands.
She laughed and pulled back tossing her wavy hair and stared him in the eye.
"How foolish have we been?"
"Very"
Silence stretched between them till Anna turned back to him.
"I've met someone"
"Oh?"
"He's at work, he's…amazing, he's cute, he's funny and he really likes me as well"
"What's his name?"
"Victor"
"Zach's other personal assistant?"
"Yes! We've been getting really close lately"
Castiel nodded staring down at his hands. "Anna, as long as we're being honest…I have something to tell you"
Anna nodded urging him to continue.
"I have been lying to you from the start, from the very beginning, I have also been lying to myself and I know I should have never married you…I was ashamed"
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm gay, Anna" he said staring into her eyes.
Anna's expression flickered to confused to disgusted and back to confused.
"Please tell me you're joking"
"No, I have also been cheating on you with a man, but not just a man, a rent boy"
"You've been going to a prostitute for sex?" she whispered clasping her hands together, her face paling more in colour and her eyes diluting and widening in shock.
"Yes, I am so sorry but… I couldn't help it and it was a need…"
"You're gay? All this time!" she cried jumping up and backing away from him. "You've been sleeping with a whore!"
"I'm sorry" he whispered.
Anna charged forward slapping him across the face. He gasped at the pain flinching back and staring at the wall.
"You utter bastard! How could you do that to me! Yes, our marriage is a sham, we fell out of love and yes! I met someone else but you know what, Castiel, I never kissed him or fucked him" she hissed at him. "I could of, I really wanted to but it was the sanctity of our marriage, I had to end it before I could even think about that"
"It just happened"
"How did it happen?"
"Jo gave me his number after I drunkenly told her of my unhappiness…it was one night but I went back for more and more"
Anna gasped covering her mouth as realisation struck her.
"The $200" she said with a nod and looked down at him. "That was you, you lied to me, you used it on a prostitute"
"Yes, I went a bit wild"
Anna gasped into her hand moving away from him before dropping it.
"I'm moving out, I'm going to go live with Rachel"
"Okay" he whispered into his lap.
"You disgust me. Where did the man I once loved go? Oh yeah, he was a lie" she said with a sniff. "How could you marry me?"
"Because I did love you, I do love you"
"Funny way of showing it" she said with a snort of laughter. "Seven months of marriage, lies, deceit, sinning, and time wasted"
Castiel felt tears prick his eyes and he nodded.
"I am so sorry, Anna, please believe me. I never wanted this to happen but I was so unhappy, I made a mistake, it's my entire fault"
"Yes it is" she murmured moving out of the living room and running upstairs. He could hear the slamming of doors as she packed. Twenty minutes passed and Anna came down holding a heavy suitcase. Castiel jumped up staring at her pale face and red rimmed eyes.
"What about your job, this house…"
"It's in your name, everything is yours and my job is secure" she murmured taking off her engagement ring and wedding ring. "Here, I don't need these anymore"
Anna straightened up straightening out her pea coat and hair before looking him in the eye.
"I'll call you for arrangements about our divorce. I did not expect this, I did not want to be leaving like this…so disgusted in you. A prostitute? Your father would be so ashamed" she whispered shaking her head. "I really hope he was worth it"
Castiel swallowed feeling tremors run through him as she dropped her keys in the bowl and wheeled out her suitcase head held high. The door closed on him, ending their friendship and ending their marriage.
~0~
He didn't know how long he was sat on the bottom step staring at the front door, Anna's rings digging into his palm as he clutched them tight. He was raw, open, and vulnerable and right now all he needed was to be held. Castiel brushed underneath his eyes and grabbed his coat heading towards the one place he hoped would bring him that one bit of comfort.
The walk down was cold and brisk as he headed towards the apartments and knocked on the door only it to be opened suddenly and he stared into the eyes of an attractive woman with green eyes.
"Oh! Another client, lover" she called back to him.
"Go away, Pamela"
"See you soon" she said with a wink looking Castiel up and down before she left.
He stared after her and felt his heart a tiny bit more and he looked up at Dean who was half dressed chewing on a sandwich.
"Do we have an appointment?"
"Dean, my marriage has just ended"
Dean eyes widened in shock and he swallowed forcibly. "Oh shit, dude, I am so sorry"
"It was a long time coming, it needed to happen" he said stepping in. "She ended it and I told her about you, it didn't go too well"
Dean grimaced wiping his hands on his jeans.
"Well it wouldn't"
"It needed to end, Dean, because I realised something myself, something about me"
He raised an eyebrow leaning against the couch while Castiel wandered over to him and stood in front of him looking him in the eye.
"I could never truly love, Anna, I'm gay and it would be unfair to her. I sought out one night with a man, one night to fulfil that much needed desire inside me, I got that, I got that from you. It was amazing"
"Compliments will get you anywhere these days" Dean said with a smirk.
"You were amazing, you were everything and more that I needed and I wanted you more than I have ever wanted someone in my life and I came back, you willingly accepted me and then when I couldn't come to you, you lowered the price" he said stepping into his personal space.
Dean swallowed nervously not liking where this was heading but couldn't stop himself getting lost in those blue eyes.
"I couldn't believe it! $40 a night, that was unexpected, I was delighted and then I got to spend a day with you, I spent the whole night with you and then this weekend…I got to wake up with you against me. That was the day I went weird on you, Dean, I went out for three hours and I came to a realisation"
"Cas…" Dean said holding his hand up.
"I realised I was falling in love with you, slowly and surely, I wasn't falling in love with the sex, I was falling in love with this person here" he whispered poking his chest. "Love is a strange emotion, it's twisting, endless and comes up in the most unexpected ways possible and it isn't easy. I have never known it before, not probably, and all I know is that I want to be with you, Dean, only you. I don't want to share you, not with anyone"
Dean stared at him open mouthed and only shut it when he inhaled and stood up moving him away.
"Oh crap…oh why did you say all that?" he hissed at him.
"Because it needed saying"
"Well you shouldn't have" he whispered in a shaky voice. "Oh you stupid man"
"What?" he said shocked.
"What part of client do you not understand? You are not in love with me, Cas, you are imaging…this!" he shouted at him.
Castiel shook his head at him quickly. "I'm not, Dean, believe me I have tried to sort this out in my head and how can someone fall in love in two weeks but I do"
Dean covered his face with his hands with a groan.
"Well I don't care…Lil warned me about this, clients thinking they are in love with you because of the connection, the intimacy"
"No! No, it isn't like that, Dean. I have heard about it too but it's not…I care about you, I'm falling for you"
Dean gritted his teeth staring at the television screen and knew you had to be tough to be fair in this world.
"Well you know what, I don't care about you! I am not in love with you; I am not falling for you! I understand where you are coming from but I am sorry, I cannot give you what you seek, Castiel" Dean said in a cold voice. "I'm not giving up anything for you; you are nothing but a client to me"
Castiel's heart took a pounding and his will crumpled, tears pricked his eyes and he stared down at the floor knowing maybe this was a huge mistake.
Dean felt something sharp poke his insides at the pain in Castiel's eyes and he looked away.
"I-I'm sorry" Castiel whispered. "I got the wrong idea"
Dean didn't respond as he stared at the flickering images.
"I just imagined the last few days…I just thought you cared about me but my god, you are a good actor" he whispered in a shaky voice seeing tears in his vision. "I really am sorry"
Castiel made a beeline for the door.
"Cas" Dean said looking up to him.
Castiel turned to look at him startled.
"I don't think you should come here anymore, if you need this…again, call Lil and she'll give a new client"
Castiel exhaled sharply and nodded. "Yeah, might be for the best, hey"
Dean could see the crumbling's of a broken man in front of him and turned his back to him staring at the kitchen. The door closed behind him and Dean breathed out slowly covering his mouth not quite believing what had happened there and not quite grasping his own actions.
Castiel sat at the bottom step of the apartment stairs burying his face into his knees and let it all loose as he cried hard letting all emotions out not caring who saw or what people thought because how much can one man take before they break down completely.
A/N: Oh major angst alert…Major Castiel whumping. I do apologise.
Feedback? The reviews have been amazing! Seriously do love you guys.
