Silver Lining
Chapter 9: Kidnapped
She hadn't budged. She hadn't talked. They hadn't made love.
She'd let him hold her when they fell asleep together, let him stroke her back and arms, sometimes her hip, but never-never, did she answer one of his questions about anything relating to their visit to the prison, let alone what Oliver had asked of them.
Raise his son.
Could the world be anymore brutal to them? Anymore savage and unrelenting to Olivia? Anymore unfair to Elliot? Damaged wife. Damaged body. Damaged ego and marriage. any typical man is likely to throw in the towel but just as Olivia is no typical woman, Elliot is no typical man. No. From everything that has happened to him he has always managed to do one thing.
He has learned.
He's learned from all of the things they've gone through. He is sure that what he has learned from all of the up's and downs of their marriage is that even if his wife has a few cracks, she holds an abundance of water. Even if his body is scarred, it responds to his wife. Only to her. He has learned that in the midst of everything there is one infallible truth.
They are made, programmed and created only for one another.
His ego and marriage?
We'll that's easy.
What he's learned is that his ego is nothing without Olivia, it cannot be boosted or flourish or nurtured, if she is not next to him and as far as his marriage goes, yes it has been damaged.
Alcohol abuse.
Accusation of affair.
A separation.
But then there's also been amazing children. Passion beyond comprehension and an unyielding love. And so he knows that in spite of the silence she is locked into, in spite of the fact that she won't leave the bedroom unless it's to help send the kids off to school, in which case she crawls right back into it and sleeps until he comes home; in spite of all of that, he knows that they'll walk through this and they'll be stronger and more in love than ever. He knows this like he knows the sky is blue and that is what allows him to keep talking to her, to keep holding her, keep touching her and keep whispering to her about anything and everything until she falls asleep next to him in silence.
And so, today, he will do the same thing he has done every day since the day they saw Oliver, he will pull up the SUV into their drive way and gather their children into the house. Sam will remain quiet and will refuse to say what has happened between him and Crystal. Elliot will tell him that he's ready to listen when Sam is ready to talk. He will pull out the monumental stack of paper that Alex sends home so he can painstakingly attempt to help Isaac learn something after dinner and he will lay his sleeping three year olds in their beds, the car ride home having knocked them out. His body will ache and he will secretly appreciate his wife so much more for what she does.
The kids.
The business.
The house.
The emotional pain she endures.
He won't bother her, he's learned from the past few days that the turmoil she is in requires that he give her space and unconditional love and so, only after all of the children are put to bed for the night will he make a new dinner for her knowing she may or may not eat it. She may or may not snuggle into his arms and stare off into nothing feeling the sensation of him against her, allowing her to forget only for a moment that she holds a new life in her hands. A new life that… she's not sure she wants, not sure she could love.
Not sure she cares about.
And he knows that makes her all the more miserable because a mother's love is supposed to know no bounds. Even when it's not your child.
"Hey," Elliot smiled softly from the doorway a dinner try in hand, "I uh… well, I got you comfort food."
Olivia exhaled and sat up slowly in the bed, the crumbled Kleenexes falling from her chest into her lap, "I'm… I'm not really hungry, tonight."
He furrowed his brows, closed the gap between them and placed the tray on the nightstand, "Liv… baby, you didn't eat dinner last night, or breakfast this morning and your lunch is still in the refrigerator… you need to eat, baby."
"El," she said with an exhausted voice as she turned her head away from him, "I just…"
"What?" he whispered when her voice failed her. He reached out and caressed the side of her face, "What baby? Come on, please talk to me. Please?"
She sniffled and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, "I just… wish, I hadn't seen the letters. I wish I'd burned them."
He exhaled through his nose, slid his body closer to hers and reached for the small bowl taking it in his hand, "You saw them. We saw them. Now… now we've got to go from there. We've got to take this by the horns and win it, Liv."
She shook her head, licked her lips, "I've laid here and… and I've thought and I've cried and I've… I've… I can only come up with… I wish I'd never seen the letters."
He licked his lips, and pulled the comforter back, "Sit up," he smiled gently. "Sit, up. We'll get some food in you then well get you in the shower."
She cocked a brow and looked slowly at him, "Do I stink?"
He smirked, "You haven't showered in what… like eight days? I'll let you do the math on that one."
She furrowed her brows, raised her arm and ducked her nose to the curve of her arm pit before sloppily letting her arm fall and scrunching her nose. "Gross."
"Sam," Elliot chuckled, "wanted to know if we could all sort of throw you in the shower 'cause you were extra stinky."
She chuckled barely noticeable but he fell in love with it and he'd take that small chuckle. He'd take it because it was the only one in the last eight days that he'd heard from her and he hated the quiet.
"Stinky huh?" she smiled sheepishly. "Sorry… I don't… I don't see how you can sleep in the same b-"
He silenced her with a soft kiss on her cheek, and equally tender kiss at the corner of her mouth and feather light touch of his lips against hers, "I made spaghettio's."
She smiled again and he'd take that one too, no matter how wounded it was, "The last time I had those-"
"You were pregnant with Isaac and you ralphed everywhere," he finished for her and kissed her again, his hand running through greasy hair before separating from her and kissing her mouth again, "I love you," he whispered and smiled "Now, eat these things will ya? It was hard to make them. The can opener is broken I had to go manual."
She closed her eyes and smiled softly and he didn't care if she hadn't showered in a year, she was the most magnificent person he'd ever seen in his life. "You used the hand can-opener for me?" she smirked as he placed the tray over her lap, "Must be true love."
"Love at first sight," he smiled again. This day was so much better than the days when she just stared at nothing. Stared at the wall. Stared at his chest. The ceiling. This was better than the days when she cried so much her body revolted against her and she spent her night in the bathroom.
"Here's a 7UP for you, in case your stomach get's a little crazy again. I'll be in the living-"
She cut him off, a soft hand placed on his forearm, "Elliot?"
"Yeah?" he tilted his head in curiosity and rested the warmth of his hand over her.
"Will you… eat with me, please? I mean, if the body odor isn't too offensive."
He grinned and quickly stretched beside her, "Not offensive at all. Nothing about you could ever be," he smiled and wrapped her into his arms, letting her adjust so that she was lying against his shoulder, "Eat up. It's getting cold."
She took the first slow bite and he closed his eyes, letting the relief wash over him. It was a relief to know he wouldn't be rushing her to the hospital again for mal nourishment like he had only a few years previously. This time she was working with him, if only every other day. And he was even more relieved when she'd finished the entire serving of soup and the crackers and gently pushed the bowl to the furthest side of the tray and leaned back into his body, "I'm sorry, I've been… less than social."
"Don't apologize," he told her softly and kissed the top of her head, "don't."
She took in a deep breath and as if the food had recharged her emotions, as if the food and the company of another person had suddenly flipped a switched within her she erupted in tears again, "I don't know what I'm supposed to do," she sobbed.
He ran his hand through her hair again, kissed her temple, "What do you mean, you don't know what to do? We get up, we run the water and then you step into the shower and I'll wash you and-"
"Elliot," she sniffled and reached up to wipe at her cheek, "That's not what I-"
"Met?" he asked softly as he stroked her biceps, "yes it is. It is, because that's the first step we need to take and then well take another and after that one more and eventually you'll smile again."
She inhaled a ragged breath and shook her head and before she could shut down on him again. He sat her up, forcing her to stand, "Elliot, I don't-"
"Come on," he coaxed her and gently pushed her with his body as he held her with his arms, "let's grab a shower."
He could feel the reluctance and the rebelliousness come off of her in waves but he continued to push her, continued to keep his focus on the shower. Continued to keep his focus on her. She'd almost slipped away from him when he released his hands to test the temperature of the shower stream, but he'd taken her gently back to his body and gently removed her pajama shirt, unhooking her bra and allowing it land on the linoleum.
She remained silent, felt his hands about her waist. She turned to face him and he slowly lowered her pants as she wrapped her hands around his neck and exhaled in relief as if his touch would save her.
Again.
The water was warm and soothing against her skin, her hands raised in front of her, her palms up and accepting the water as it fell into her hands, her head bowing into the stream, her hair falling to the sides of her face in a sopping mess. She raised her head, let the water pelt her face until she reached for her shampoo and filled the cup of her palm with it.
She'd made a lazy and less than meaningful pass into her hair before she felt his hand cover hers, his naked body flush against her skin, "I told you," he said gently and lowered her hand, taking over the movements of soft gentle massages into her scalp, "I'll wash you."
She leaned back into him and gave herself to him, gave everything she had to him for the soul purpose of being able to take another breath without struggling, without wondering why in the world she was his pick in the first place. She felt his soapy hands leave her hair, his lips at the curve of her neck as she reached for her shower gel and lathered his hands with the vanilla scent.
"Elliot-'
"Shhh, just rest, Liv. Just rest. Let your mind stop working and let your body relax," he whispered and let his well lathered hands roam her flesh.
Touching.
Washing.
Caressing.
"I love you so much Olivia. I screw things up," he whispered and nipped lightly at her shoulder, "I do. I screw them up and then I learn from them and then I screw something else up, but… I learn, baby. I do. And what I've learned about you is that you're so amazing," he told her and gently caressed her hips determined to not make this about sex. He moved his hands further, the soap gliding over both of them as he rubbed the back of her thighs before caressing the sides and moving back up. "I've learned that no matter what comes your way… you'll take it head on and you'll win. That's what is so sexy about you Livie. It's so sexy."
Slowly, she reached down covering his hand with hers and brought it to her chest, a small moan escaping her mouth when his palm instantly drew her nipple to a peak. He closed his eyes, fought desperately to control his body but he has always known that he has no control when it comes to her. None.
"The last time you called me, Livie," she said softly and pressed his hand deeper into the flesh of her breast, "was… when I got hit by that car."
He moaned, the flesh in his hand far too enticing. He kissed her lips softly, and slowly lowered his hand from her body, "I just want to take care of you, Liv."
She nodded, her head bowed before looking up at him, "You do, Elliot. You do take care of me. Very well."
He smiled weakly and gently guided her body further into the stream to rinse her hair. When she was clean and she let him run soapy hands about her body for a second time he'd made it a point to touch her in places he knew would wake her up. Arouse her.
Make her want him.
"Elliot," she gasped softly when he'd made a tantalizing path along her inner thigh, but purposefully missed the spot she wanted him to caress the most.
"Yeah?" She gasped again; let her head fall forward as his palm stroked the top of flesh. Her hand flew like a bullet to his and instantly stopped him, "Liv?"
"Elliot," she smiled bashfully, "I… I haven't taken care of myself for eight days… let me-"
He nuzzled her cheek softly from behind, "Why do you think I washed you twice?" he teased.
She elbowed him playfully and laughed and just for a few seconds he felt the worry melt and roll off of her shoulders. He saw the smile brighten her face and her eyes grow wide with just a few seconds of joy.
But only a few.
He took her hands in his, turned their bodies so that the shower stream hit their sides and he slowly placed her hands on the wall, rubbing the webs of her thumbs and index fingers. "I love you, Liv. I know you know it, I know I've finally gotten through to you," he whispered and slowly dragged his hand over her forearm and along the sensitive skin of her bicep," I know you know, Olivia… but, please tell me."
She turned in his arms and looked at him, "I'm sorry, I don't always tell you that-"
"Shh, that's not what I want. I don't want apologies. I just want to know that you know. I just want to hear that you know."
She took in a breath and let out a sob, before laying her wet face into his neck and crying, "I know."
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"Please don't go back to bed, Liv," Elliot asked softly as he sat next to her. "The kids-"
"Are asleep," she muttered and laid on her side, "I'm just… so tired."
"Olivia," Elliot exhaled and scrubbed his face with his hands, "if… if you stay in bed… I'll find a way to pull you out."
"You threatening me?" she grumbled and pounded her pillow, "I'm tired Elliot."
"Because you won't get out of bed," he told her gently, "Please Olivia. This isn't good for you and you missed the park with The Monsters, and Isaac is going nuts-"
"I can't be everything!" she snapped and sat up, "I can't be everything to everyone! I need my own space!" she screeched and covered her face, "I need a break, Elliot! I can't think straight and I'm exhausted and-"
He leaned over, cupped the base of her head and pulled her forward, "Shh, go to sleep," he whispered and kissed her forehead, "Go to sleep," he said again and gently lowered her to the bed, pulling the comforter over her body, "I've got to get kids' stuff ready for tomorrow, I love you," he said and simply walked out of the room. She rolled to her side and went to sleep.
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"Daddy?" Isaac yawned and leaned next to the couch, "Daddy?"
"Yeah, Rookie?" Elliot placed the phone back on the cradle and scooted to the edge of the couch offering his arms to his son, "You are supposed to be sleeping, young man."
Isaac wormed his way into this father's lap and grinned holding up his large flashcards his mother had made for him long before school came into play, "I need my letters."
Elliot raised his brows, "Your letters? You mean the same letters that you got suspended for again?"
"Yeah, I need my letters, Mom and me, we paint them in the sky, but mom- she don't paint so well no more."
Elliot exhaled and ran his hand through his son's hair, "Mom is just out of paint right now, son… she'll be back soon and she'll be better than ever."
"How she gonna be better, Daddy? I miss her."
"Well," Elliot adjusted him so that his back was flush against his chest, "how about we go over our letters and then you hit the sack, huh?"
"With mom?" Isaac asked, craning his head to look up at his father.
Elliot smiled sadly, kissed his head and took hold of his son's flashcards, "Not tonight, son," he said, "tonight, mom is… needing something."
"What? Isaac asked innocently, "What does my mom need? I will give it to her. What?"
Elliot smiled, kissed his son again, "I've raised you right, but… I think what your mother really needs if for you to get your letters done."
Isaac exhaled, "Daddy?"
"Yeah?"
"I try… I try super hard, but it's very small."
Elliot exhaled, tossed his head into the back of the couch, "What's small?"
"The stuff at school," Isaac shrugged, "it's small and then jerk-a-zoid-Jordan laughs at me… so I just don't do it no more, 'cause if he laughs one more time, I'm gonna make his nose bleed."
Elliot chuckled and wrapped his arms tighter around his son, "That's not the way you settle things."
"But-"
"Not but's… let's do our letters and I think, I don't know, maybe that will get your mom in the mood to paint again, huh?"
Isaac wiggled around and got comfortable, going through his letters like there was no tomorrow, he offered the letter name, the sound and then surprised Elliot by offering a word that went with it.
"Wow," Elliot beamed, "Now… why don't you do that at school huh?"
"I told you, already," Isaac said sadly and slipped off of his father's lap, "but you don't hear me, too good. Can I go fix mom?"
Elliot glanced at the clock and playfully swatted Isaac's bottom, "Yeah, try and fix mommy. I know she really wants to see you."
Isaac grinned and took his stack of letters walking happily down the darkened hallway, "That's 'cause I'm good lookin'," he told his father and paused when he dropped a few cards. He squatted low and picked them up, "I'll fix her with my letters, dad. Watch me," he muttered and promptly went in search of his mother.
"Mommy?" Isaac called as he continued walking. When he heard no answer he continued to walk into the room, "Mommy, you sleepin?" he asked and observed her body. The rise and fall of her chest, her arm draped over her head, the other over her belly, "Mommy! Wake up," Isaac said as he started to make his way onto the bed, pulling on her sweats to help him up, "Wake up, Mommy, I'm gonna fix you."
Olivia stirred and let her eyes flutter open slowly, "Hey," she greeted him through grogginess, "you're supposed to be sleeping."
Isaac stretched out next to her and kissed her cheek, "You didn't kiss me good night… and you didn't paint with me or do my letters."
Olivia closed her eyes and groaned, "I'm sorry, son."
"No sorries, mom," he said softly and rubbed her belly, "I try super hard not to get into trouble, mom."
She furrowed her brows, "Honey, I know you do," she whispered and lowered her arm to rub his back, "I know you do."
"I know my stuff and dad, he goes through all the work the Aunt Alex brings me and he reads it and I do it," he told her softly, "I'm a smart boy, mom."
She smiled softly, "I know you are, but why won't you do your work at school?"
"It's small," he exhaled and quickly crawled over her, straddling her waist and holding out his flashcards, "I can do'em."
She wrapped her hands around his narrow hips and smiled weakly, "Let's hear'em."
He smiled in the pale light of the room and proudly recited his letters, "A, aaaaa, apple, B buh bear," Olivia grinned as he continued, helping him when he paused at the 't' and encouraging him forward.
"I did it!" Isaac grinned broadly at his mother.
Olivia sat up far enough to kiss his forehead, "You're amazing," she whispered against his skin. She lowered herself back to the mattress and traced her finger over his pudgy belly, "I'm sorry, I've been locked up in this room."
His bottom lip jetted out, his sad eyes searching his mother's face, "'Cause I'm always in trouble?"
"Oh, no," she whispered and caressed his face, "No, son. I know you're having a hard time at school, but that's not why I forgot to paint with you."
His eyes turned glassy as he let a small sniffle escape, "You forgot to kiss me good night and you had daddy make our sandwiches… not so good."
She sniffled and swallowed, "Honey… I'm so sorry."
The corner of his mouth lifted into a sneaky grin, "You let me tickle you?"
She cocked a brow, "Tickel? That's what you want?"
He grinned, "And a kiss?"
She laughed and rolled him quickly to his back, tucking him protectively under her before she tickled him and raised his pajama shirt, a perfect raspberry blown on his belly before rolling back onto her back and letting him tickle her with his small hands. She laughed as her son made every effort to expose her belly for his own raspberry, but when he discovered that he couldn't get past her hands, he flung himself over her torso and buried his head into her neck blowing with all his might before kissing her cheek and hovering over her face. He sloppily covered her cheek with his hand, "You fixed?"
She smiled softly and caressed his cheek, "Getting there," she whispered.
"Well that's good to hear," Alex's voice broke into their play time.
Olivia closed her eyes, it had taken everything in her to be happy for Isaac right now and as much as she loved Alex, she didn't want visitors.
"Aunt Alex!" Isaac grinned and slipped off of the bed colliding into her leg, "Hi! You love me?"
She laughed and kneeled, "You know I do… want to do me a favor?"
"Yeah," he nodded emphatically, "What?"
"You want to go hunt down your dad for me? I think he's ready to put you in bed."
"Ahh!" Isaac groaned and moved back to his mother, "Come on."
"Honey," Olivia whispered and soothed his shoulders, "Baby, take your flashcards and go find daddy."
"But-"
"Go, honey," she said softly and kissed him again, "I'll see you in the morning."
He pursed his lips and leaned closer to her ear, "Promise?"
Olivia caressed his cheek in one hand and kissed the other, "I promise. Hurry, baby."
He trotted off, his cards haphazardly in his arms before stopping and leaning against Alex again, "Love you," he said and took off out of the room.
"Alex," Olivia started, "I'm really exhausted."
"Because you've been camped out in this damn bed for the past eight day, let's go. Get up."
Olivia arched her brow, "So not in the mood for this," she grumbled and rolled to her side, "I'm sorry you wasted your time and gas to come here."
"Hey, Casey!" Alex called over her shoulder, "looks like plan B."
Olivia quickly rolled to her back, "Casey?"
"That's me," Casey smiled from the door way, "Isaac is getting huge, you know that?"
"Uggh," Olivia covered her face and groaned, "Go home. Both of you."
"Elliot is laying Isaac back down," Casey told her as she made her way to one side of the bed and Alex to the other.
"Well," Olivia muttered into the pillow, "I knew I married him for some reason."
"Oh, your sarcasm is almost enjoyable," Alex told her and flung back the comforter, "Get up."
"Hello!" Olivia yelled and sat up to grab the comforter and pull it back over her, "what if I was naked? Ever think about that?"
"Well," Casey smirked and pulled the comforter back, "had you been naked, I guess we would have seen a great rack. Get out of this bed Olivia."
Olivia flared her nostrils. Stared right at Casey and reached for the comforter again, "Bite me," she said and hid back under the comforter.
"These?" Alex asked holding up a pair of jeans.
Casey looked at them quickly and pulled the blanket back again, "Yeah. They look clean… ooh, get that shirt, right there-"
"What shirt?" Olivia peeked out from the comforter, "What are you two doing here?"
Alex tossed the shirt to Casey who shrugged, "Elliot called for reinforcements."
Olivia groaned, "You can't be serious."
"Sure am," Alex told her, "Get up."
Irritated, Olivia snapped, "What part of, 'bite me' don't you get?"
"Apparently," Casey motioned to Alex, "All of it… get the legs."
"What!" Olivia shrieked, "You can't just-"
"Shut up!" Casey snapped and kneeled on the bed, "you won't get up to get dressed? Fine, We'll dress you ourselves!"
"Casey!"
"Alex!" Casey moved and quickly positioned herself behind Olivia, "Legs! You remember that don't ya Olivia?" Casey chuckled, "Remember when ya threw me in the shower?"
"Casey!" Olivia shouted and struggled the moment Alex grabbed her legs.
"Sit on'em!" Casey instructed as she struggled with Olivia's arms.
"Ow!" Olivia hollered as Alex straddled her ankles and held her thighs down.
Alex shrugged and smirked, "Should have gotten out of bed!".
Olivia reached back to fight with her remaining limbs and to her shock, Casey simply pulled her camisole over her raised arms, "Oops," Casey chuckled, "Should have worn a bra, Olivia."
"Damnit, you guys!" Olivia hunched and tried to shield herself.
"Shut it!" Alex chirped, "Like we care. We all know you have a better rack, you want a bra or not?"
"I want you both to leave!" Olivia snapped.
Alex shrugged and smiled at Casey, "She wants all natural, give it to her."
"Done," Casey shrugged and literally shoved the t shirt over Olivia's head, "Arms, let's go. Give'em to me."
"Screw-"
"Yeah," Casey chuckled and struggled to get Olivia's arm through the sleeve, "that's what Paul and I were doing when Elliot called," she told her and twisted her arm to get it through the last sleeve.
"Geeze Casey!" Olivia grumbled, "I'm not Gumby!"
"Nope, just dummy," Casey said and simply rolled to her side, "You wearing underwear, 'cause that's something neither of us want to deal with."
Olivia flung back to the bed and tried desperately to get Alex off of her legs. "You gain weight, Alex?"
"Sticks and stones, my friend," Alex smiled, "Sticks and stones."
"Let's go," Casey grunted as she pulled at Olivia's hips, "Alright Alex, pull'em off."
"Guys! I'm gonna kick your –"
"Yeah, yeah, let's go," Casey muttered and both women pulled the pajama bottoms straight down.
"I don't believe this," Olivia groaned, "I give up."
Alex and Casey grinned and offered each other a victory high five, "Get out of that bed and put your jeans on," Alex commanded, "I swear Olivia, if you weren't so stubborn, we wouldn't have had to do it."
Olivia sat at the edge of the bed and scrubbed her face before running her hands through her hair, "Did you ever possibly think," her voice began to rise, "that maybe I'm not being stubborn! That maybe, just maybe, I'm freaking out!" she yelled and began to cry, her strength to fight quickly faltering, "Did you ever think that… I don't know what to do?"
Casey exhaled and kneeled in front of Olivia who slowly pulled the sheet over her bare thighs and wiped quickly at her cheeks, "Olivia," Casey said softly as Alex sat next to her and wrapped her arm around her, "We don't know what's happening. We know that we haven't heard from you-"
"We know that Isaac asks me to help you and Sam calls every day to see if we can do something," Alex interrupted softly and offered a gentle squeeze.
"Elliot called." Casey whispered, "And we came… willing to fight," she said and slowly sat on the opposite side of her, "You didn't let me sulk, you and Alex came over and pulled me out of bed… I'm returning the favor."
Olivia took in a deep breath and shook her head, "I- I don't want to leave my house."
"Well," Alex said softly, "I guess it's a good thing we didn't ask you what you wanted… get up." she told her firmly and offered her hand.
"I don't know what to do." Olivia whispered and stared beyond Alex's hand, "I… I don't."
Casey and Alex both stood up and grabbed Olivia under her arms, "Let's go," Casey smiled as Alex thrust the pants into Olivia's arms, "You or us, but whatever you pick those pants are going on."
Olivia exhaled and slowly slipped into the jeans buckling them and running her hand through her hair, "I need a bra, I can't go out like this,"
"Tough, wear this," Casey said and tossed her a sweater, "next time you'll take us serious."
"Guys," Olivia started.
"Shut it," Alex told her and both women ushered her out of the room.
Olivia pulled the sweater over her body, took a look in the mirror, "Where are we going that you think it's okay I go without a bra?"
"Just to a café," Casey told her as she hunted for a pair of slip ons from the foyer closet, "I didn't know you wore Sketcher's," she mused and tossed them in front of Olivia.
"You ladies got enough money and stuff?" Elliot asked timidly.
Olivia turned from the door and glared at him.
"Um," Elliot rubbed the back of his neck, "Can I… uh, talk with, Liv, real quick?"
"Careful," Casey said as she and Alex went outside, "She'll sneak off."
Olivia leaned up against the wall and exhaled.
"Liv," Elliot whispered and cautiously closed the gap between them, "Liv-"
"I just wanted to sleep, Elliot," she sniffled and shook her head, "I didn't want visitors and I didn't want to be dragged out of bed."
He took a step closer to her, caressed her cheek and let his hand rest on her quivering chin, "It's what's best for you," he said softly. "You needed to get out of that bed, and out of this house, Liv."
She closed her eyes, unconcerned that her tears would pool in the web of his hand, "I'm sorry," she began to cry and lean forward into his embrace, "I'm so sorry, Elliot."
He wrapped his arms around her body and held her tightly, "It's gonna be okay, Olivia. I promise you, it will," he assured her and kissed her gently on the crown of her head. He pulled her back softly to look at her and when she wouldn't make eye contact with him, he slowly leaned forward and kissed her lips as he let his thumb wipe away her tears. She didn't kiss him back, her body too overloaded for anything other than receiving and he didn't mind, "I love you," he told her again and slowly began to fix her tussled hair, "I love you and I want you to go out and talk with your friends, it doesn't have to be about Oliver, but you do have to talk, Olivia, you do need to let yourself have some fun. Have some happiness."
She sniffled, "You make me happy, Elliot. I could stay here."
"No," he shook his head softly and ran his finger tips along her cheek, "I'm not gonna let you get sick again. I'm not gonna let you stay in the house and not eat-"
"I ate," she argued weakly, "please don't make me go."
He kissed her again and opened the door, "She's ready, guys," he told them and gently pushed her out of the house, locking the door behind them.
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"One white-chocolate-mocha," Alex smiled and lowered the hot beverage in front of Olivia, "and for you," Alex raised a brow at Casey, "straight black- that's disgusting, put some crème in it. Do something."
"Puts hair on your chest," Casey responded absently and gained a curious yet repulsed look from both women. "Shut up," was all she could offer back.
Casey and Alex had deliberately picked the table in the deepest corner of the cafe they could find both for privacy of conversation and because they really did feel bad for forcing Olivia out of her home without a bra. The Café was its typical noisy atmosphere with groups laughing and talking about things both trivial and from the looks of a couple who appeared to be fighting in hushed whispers, serious.
Olivia took a small sip of her drink and thanked God silently that the café was darkened; the muted lights made her feel like she wasn't going to be dissected. She was even more thankful that her friends were sitting in silence and merely ensuring that she got out of the house, although, if she knew them like she knows she does… they are dying to know what is happening. Both because they are friends in the truest sense and because, let's face it, all three of them are nosey when it comes to each other.
Olivia bit at her bottom lip, the taste of coffee still present and she wished Elliot would have been there to place the order because he would have told the cashier to put two shot of cherry in it. Three shots because she needed more than the typical two. He would have kissed her sometime during the night and told her she tasted like cherry. She licked her lips and frowned. There was no comfort of Elliot or the kids, there was no cherry, only mocha, "How's Robert?" she asked because she didn't know what else to say.
"Good, he's really good," Alex beamed, "Thomas is going to be a spitting image of him."
"Sorry… I didn't pick him up for church last Sunday," Olivia furrowed her brows and turned to stare out the window.
"Ehh," Alex shrugged, "you know how I feel about that anyway."
Olivia nodded slightly, "Addison? How is he?"
"He's eating like nothing I've seen," Casey grinned, "Between he and his father, they are eating me out of house and home."
She gave an absent nod again and suddenly looked at them both, "Chloe? Warner?"
Casey reached out and touched Olivia's hand, "You missed Chloe's birthday… she asked about you."
Olivia leaned back and groaned, "Crap. I completely forgot."
"That's apparent," Alex chuckled, "she's not upset but you need to go see her."
Olivia nodded and exhaled "I know… I've been… I don't know, it's just been one thing after another with Elliot and I, right now and…" she groaned, "I'm sorry I'm a mess, guys."
Both women laughed, Casey took a sip of her drink, "I didn't give up sex with my husband tonight to hear an apology."
Olivia lifted her brow, "At least you're having sex."
"Uh oh," Alex leaned forward, "Do we have a root of the problem, so soon?"
Olivia furrowed her brows and then suddenly realized, "What? No," she shook her head, "No. It's - believe me, we've both wanted to… I just… I don't know. I'm in this funk and… well you really can't blame him right? I mean eight days without a shower is-"
"Disgusting," Casey smirked.
"Thank you," Olivia dead panned. "How's Carp and that new baby of his?"
"Soarin is the cutest little guy, he's got these huge eyes and this hair that doesn't stop… they ask about you too, you know?" Alex reminded her, "We all love you Olivia… what's going on?"
She ran her hand through her hair and shook her head and the ladies across from her couldn't decide if she had more gray hairs than usual, if the bags under her eyes were more prominent tonight than any other day, "Elliot got his test results back," she muttered almost low enough that they had to struggle to hear it.
"Not what you had hoped for, I take it." Alex said compassionately.
"Not what he hoped for," Olivia corrected, "it's what I expected."
"You two fighting?" Casey asked taking a sip of her coffee.
Olivia played absently with the insulator on her cup and shook her head, "He got drunk… destroyed the master bedroom."
"Ah," Alex narrowed her brow, "and here we thought he was innocent."
"He is," Olivia smiled sadly, "the drinking, I think I handled that pretty well. I even handled the holes in the wall and broken pictures and everything else, but," she furrowed her brows and swallowed rising emotion.
"What is it?" Casey urged her gently, "it's okay, Olivia… whatever it is, we'll help you guys. That's what we're here for, right? You help us, we help you. That's how it goes."
Olivia sniffled and wiped under nose with the back of her hand, "I'm not so sure you guys can help on this one."
Alex furrowed her brows in seriousness, "You guys aren't… I mean… the D-word hasn-"
"Nope." Olivia shook her head emphatically, "No. It's not that kind of stress. And just so we're clear, that's not ever an option between us. I think we'd kill each other before we actually even thought of a divorce," she smirked and all three women let out a gentle chuckle.
"What is it, Olivia? Tell us," Casey encouraged.
Olivia exhaled and began a small but steady tare in the brown insulator, "When I was cleaning up the bedroom, I found something."
"He having an affair?" Casey pulled back, the thoughy obviously shocking her own mind.
"No," Olivia smirked sadly, "I wish it were that black and white."
Alex's brows shot up, "You whish your husband had an affair?"
"I didn't say that," Olivia exhaled and rubbed her temple, "I said I wish that this was as black and white, as right and wrong, as the concept of an affair."
"So… no affair?" Casey double checked.
"Guys," Olivia looked compassionately at both of them "Elliot, is a good man. He's made some mistakes, but so have I… you've got to give him a chance. He's not a bad husband. He's a great father and he'd never purposefully hurt me or the kids-"
"Sounds like your building him up to us… what gives, Olivia?"
Olivia exhaled, "Oliver… has, uh…" she tore the insulator clean in half, "he's been writing me letters."
"Okay," Alex nodded not sure where to go from here, "what did they say?"
Olivia bit her bottom lip, her anxiousness apparent, "He was begging me to visit him. Said he's changed."
"Rapists don't change, Olivia, you know that." Casey said firmly.
"I know," Olivia agreed and tucked her hair behind her ear, "I know."
A long moment of silence embraced them both until Casey urged the conversation along a little more, "You gonna visit?"
Olivia furrowed her brow and looked up at both of them, her anguish written clearly in her eyes, "I already did."
Both women leaned back in their chair, their eyes wide, "Wow," Alex breathed.
"Yeah, what she said," Casey nodded, "What… I mean, can you tell us what happened?"
Olivia took another sip of her cooling coffee and licked her lips, "He's uh… apparently, he's dying… cancer."
"Good," Casey nodded firmly, "Good. Glad to hear that."
"Yeah," Olivia agreed, "I was too," she whispered and wiped her wet cheek.
"Was?" Alex leaned forward and rested her chin in her hand, "come on, Olivia, you've got to talk."
Olivia thumbed her eye brow and sniffled, "He uh… he got married while he was locked up."
"Married?" Alex asked incredulously, "Are you kidding me? Who would marry a rapist and a killer?"
Olivia took a deep breath and raised her brows, "She was pretty young, I think. Probably didn't understand everything, I don't know," she shook her head as if forcing all her thoughts to fall in the correct spaces, "She's dead."
"He kill her?" Alex's brow shot up. Typical ADA and Casey's brows were right behind her.
To their surprise Olivia let out a sob of laughter and shook her head, "Such lawyers," she licked her lips and allowed for a small deviation in her mood as she jutted her chin to Alex's coffee, "Good?"
"Want some?"
"Yeah," she smiled and took a small sip, "Toffee nut?"
"Yep," Alex grinned, "Give it back before you suck it down."
Olivia arched a brow and took a lengthy sip before returning it to it's owner, "Good stuff."
"Want some?" Casey smiled and held her coffee up.
"I'll pass… reminds me of Munch," she smiled softly and looked out the window, "he'd know what to do right now… as funny and odd as he was, he… he always knew what to do."
"What are we?" Alex finished a drink of her coffee, "Chopped liver?"
Olivia smiled apologetically, "No. You know that."
"Yeah," Casey smirked, "but we like guilt trips too. Come on Olivia… what gives?"
Olivia looked at them both and exhaled, effectively giving up, "What if I told you… he had a son?"
Casey stopped mid drink of her coffee and lowered it slowly to the table as Alex simply stared, "A son?" Casey asked in confusion, "How? I mean- I get how it happens, but… he's been in prison-"
"Conjugal visits," Alex interrupted, "As soon as he was married he was eligible… wow. Olivia you have… a nephew."
Olivia's face shot up and anger graced her features before she had a chance to decide on any choice of words, "Don't say that!" she hissed.
Alex took her rebuke in stride, "Olivia… it's okay, to have some extended family."
Olivia began to squirm and her increasing uneasiness became more and more noticeable, "It's more than extended family, Alex!" she snapped, "This boy is the child of a rapist. Of the man who raped me!"
"Hey," Casey pulled her chair up closer to Olivia when curious eyes started paying far too much attention to them, "Hey, it's okay, Olivia," she said softly, "it is. You don't have to see this boy, you don't have to know anything about him. If you don't want to. You've got three amazing little boys and a pretty fantastic little girl at home and as far as I'm concerned Addison is your nephew."
"Sam with Thomas and I'm sure Soarin as well," Alex told her gently and moved her chair just a little closer to her friend. Coffee forgotten.
Olivia covered her face and began to cry in the shelter of her friends covering, "You don't understand what I'm saying," she sniffled.
"Then tell us," Alex whispered and gently lowered her hands from her face, "Tell us, so we can understand and help you."
Olivia wiped at her face and looked between both women, their compassion and love for her egging her into confession of a sin that wasn't even hers. Of a sin that wasn't a sin but sure as hell felt like it. "Oliver is dying," she began slowly, "His wife is dead… the grandmother doesn't want the baby…. I'm assuming because of who the father is. She's gonna give him away as soon as Oliver dies."
"Okay," Alex whispered softly. "If you're worried that he won't be placed, Casey and I have friends still in the adoption court, and we can make sure he get's put on… what's his name… uh, Casey, help me out-"
"Christoff. We can pull strings for you Olivia, he'll have a good case manager and he'll be placed in a good home-"
"That's just it," Olivia's face crumbled, "Oliver… wants his son… in my home."
Alex and Casey looked at each other in shock and then slowly re-directed their gaze at Olivia, "Well," Casey exhaled slowly, "I think that caused for eight days in a bed. Definitely."
"You think?" Olivia sniffled and smirked, "I don't know what to do. This isn't fair."
Alex nodded in agreement, "It isn't. But-"
"But?" Olivia looked at her, "But what? You think Elliot and I should raise him? Bring him into our home? Have him around my children?"
"He's not a virus, Olivia," Casey interjected softly, "he's not contagious, he's just a little boy."
Olivia's nostrils flared and she stared at Casey, "Whose father raped me."
"We're not discounting that, Olivia." Alex said, softly defending Casey before possible blood shed. "You opened up to us. Have we ever told you things just to appease you?"
Olivia scoffed and smiled "No."
"We won't now," Casey told her softly. "He's just a boy."
"He's being forced on me," Olivia whispered and looked at both friends, pleading for their understanding, "What is the difference between being raped by Oliver and getting pregnant or this?"
"The difference is control," Alex interjected firmly. "You hold all the cards right now Olivia, you have the ability to make a little boy prosper and flourish or founder and die."
"Nice, Alex. Way to lessen the pressure," Olivia exhaled.
"What she means," Casey told her gently, "Is that you and Elliot are good people, you've got a great family and you two are finally back on track after a whole lot of crap… you have the control right now-"
"No I don't!" Olivia hissed, "I've never had the control! The minute I was born I never had control! Never!"
"Olivia," Casey continued but was cut off.
"He's taking what little bit of control I have fought for, away from me, by asking me to raise his son! He told me that he was counting on my compassion… he knows exactly what he's doing! He made sure to tell me what a fabulous person I am and then asked! He trapped me!"
"No," Casey whispered, "you're trapping yourself,"
Alex and Olivia both looked at Casey in surprise and Alex's eyes begged Casey to clarify or risk having Olivia shut down on both of them. Casey continued, "He's asked you to do something, and yeah, it's pretty crappy the way he did it, and its really crappy what he's asking you, but… what did you tell the victims? You told them to give up fighting for control so that they could live. I'm thinking you need to give up some control so you can live Olivia. So that little boy can live."
"I shouldn't have to!" Olivia snarled, "He's not my responsibility!"
Alex interjected quickly, hoping to deescalate Olivia, "What does Elliot say?"
Olivia rolled her eyes, "Typical Elliot. He'll be with me no matter what the decision."
"He's letting you choose?" Alex furrowed her brow, "Without asking him?"
"Apparently," Olivia whispered, "This isn't fair."
"Sounds like Elliot is offering you even more control, Olivia," Alex said softly, "You know, you and Elliot have come a very long way. It's been really great to see you two grow and raise a family, but one thing I've never seen you do, is give your control up."
"What do you call my current state of mind, then?" Olivia scoffed.
"Oh, I've seen you loose your control," Alex smirked, "But… I've never seen you willingly give it up… it's different when you give it up. You give it up because you trust what you'll get in return. You use to tell rape victims that it was okay to not be in control during the rape, because it saved their life… I have to agree with Casey, here, Olivia… Oliver is taking you're control. Taking. Why don't you just give it to him?"
Olivia looked at both women and reiterated her stance, "That little boy is not my responsibility."
"You're right," Casey nodded and leaned back, "He's not," she agreed and took a sip of her coffee, "which means, when you really get down to it… you have all the control in world."
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Olivia trudged up the steps to her home, as the headlights of Alex's car pulled out of the driveway and made their slow pace down the path and eventually back onto the road. She's not sure what all she got out of that conversation but what she is sure of is that she really needed to get out of the house, even if it was into a cramped and noisy café. She inserted the key into the door and made haste in going through the motions of disarming the alarm and kicking her shoes off in the hallway.
She yawned and stretched in the darkened hallway and then caught the figure on the couch, looking a little closer, she smiled to herself and walked slowly to the sleeping boy, "Samuel," she whispered, "Wake up, son."
"Not asleep," he said in a voice so coated with sleep she knew he was lying.
"I see," she smiled softly and felt the cushion near his mouth, "the puddle of drool on the cushion says otherwise," she chuckled and kissed his head. "You need a hair cut."
He stretched and turned over to his back, "You were supposed to do it yesterday, remember?" he asked without a trace of accusation or resentment in his voice.
She smiled sadly, "I've forgotten quite a few things around here, haven't I?"
"Yeah," he agreed softly and reached for her face, feeling the worry and stress that was engrained in her features, "It's okay, though, Mom. I know your heart hurts, right now."
"It does," she whispered and kneeled next to the couch, "How come you came out here, baby?"
"Wanted to wait for you," he said softy, "I heard you and dad talking in the hallway… what are you sorry for, mom?"
She closed her eyes and licked her lips, "I'm sorry… I'm sorry, for a lot of things, baby."
"Like what?" he asked, "Tell me?"
"Sam… it's grow-"
"Grown up stuff, I know… but you know what else I know?" he asked and sat up so his legs rested on either side of his mother's body, his arms wrapped around her neck as he hugged her from behind.
"What?" she sniffled, "tell me, what you know."
"You can do anything," he whispered against her cheek. "You can do anything, I promise you mom. Nothing is too hard."
She sobbed and wrapped his arms tightly around her neck, "You really believe that, son?"
"I know it," he whispered, "Don't you remember that day, mom, when Dad asked you to marry him in the living room?"
She let out a laugh, "Yeah. I couldn't forget that."
He hugged her tighter, "I saw inside of you mom. God let me see you, for only a second," he whispered and felt his mother's body grow slack in his embrace, "I saw who you were and you're amazing," he told her and before she cold protest, he whispered directly into her ear, "you can do anything, I promise," he said and offered a gentle kiss, "Good night mom."
She held his hand as he walked away, felt his fingertips graze her palm as he distanced himself, "Good night son."
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Olivia watched the foam of her toothpaste swirl around in the sink as she prepared her self to go to sleep. To put the long day behind her and curl up into Elliot's sleeping embrace that she knew would automatically envelope her the moment she slid into the cool of their sheets. She discarded her robe to the foot of the bed and opted to sleep naked next to her husband even though he was wearing a wife beater and boxers. She nestled as close to him as possible and was surprised to feel a bulging erection tap against her naval.
She looked up at him, eyes still closed with the burden of sleep, his face hinting at the smallest smile. She propped her head up on her palm and stared down at him. Such an amazing man, her husband. Amazing because he can handle her, put up with her… love her. Amazing because he's given her the most beautiful children she's ever laid eyes on, amazing because he always does the right thing when it comes to her. She understands the alcohol - doesn't accept it, never will, but she does understand the driving force behind it. She understands that while it's not entirely her fault, there are aspects of her personality that certainly do not help him.
Her unrelenting stubbornness.
Her insecurities, that while, most have been extinguished, some still stalk her, taunt her. She's not sure she'll ever be the perfect mother or wife, but what she knows, without the faintest shadow of a doubt, is that it is this man next to her that gets her through her days and her nights. It's his smile, his grace and his love for her that makes her fight to be a better person, to be a better woman.
She trailed her fingertip along the shape of his lips, "I love you," she said softly, not intending on waking him up. She laid her fingers splayed over his cheek and kissed the tip of his nose, "I love you so much," she murmured as he slept and she continued to let her hand drift over his chest, slowly snaking it's way to the slit of his boxers, before kissing him again, a little firmer, but soft enough that all he did was return the gentle peck with one of his own before snuggling closer to her.
She smiled softly and gently freed him from his boxers, a soft stroke on the underside of his penis with her fingernail before taking him slowly and firmly into her grip and caressing him. His eyes shot open like he's woken up and just remembered something very important. Only, his sleepy grin gave her permission to continue.
"Thank you," she whispered and kissed his mouth as she provided more friction to his throbbing length.
"For what?" he groaned, resting his forehead against her shoulder.
"For making me get out of the house," she said and gently pushed him to his back, smiling at his displeasure in loosing her contact. "Let me touch you tonight, Elliot. Let me-" she was cut off when he suddenly rolled and pinned her to the mattress, his mouth on her neck in an instant, one forearm supporting his weight, the other hand caressing her breast with hunger and need, as if eight days was far too long for him to go without her.
And it was.
She rolled her head to the side, feeling his mouth suck and kiss and nip as frantically as he possibly could, the heat of his breath the wramth of his body over hers. He wanted her in spite of the mess she was in and all she knew was how amazing it felt to be the object of his want. Of his need.
"Elliot-" she moaned, "I wanted to give you-'
"I know," he mumbled against her skin and thrust his hips into hers "I know. But I want you. I want you right now," he groaned and let his exposed length graze her body.
She gasped and instantly bent her legs up, "Elliot, I'm sorry," she sobbed and pulled his hips deeper into her, "I'm so sorry."
"Don't be," he whispered and kissed her breast. There was no foreplay here, no gentle circles around the nipple. He'd gone straight for the gold and took her into his mouth sucking from her frantically until she whined and wiggled under him. He moved to the next and got the same results.
She reached between them both and grabbed him firmly, stroked him and reached further into the slit of his boxers and fondled his sac. He let her nipple go, not because he wanted to, but because of the surprise sensation her hand brought. He let her go and laid his head over her breast, his groan and pleasure evident as he thrust into her hand. She ran her thumb over the head of his penis and he growled over her skin, instantly pushing himself up and pulling at the fabric of his boxers, "I need you," he panted and she instantly tugged at his clothes and adjusted her legs at the same time.
She barely exposed him, barely got the boxers to his thighs when he sunk fast and deep into her. She arched up into him and hissed his name as he moaned into her skin, "Okay?" he ground out.
"Mmm hmm," she squealed and bucked against him.
He moved deep, his mouth over her neck as she dug into his back, "Oh yeah," she let fall from her mouth and felt him go after her, felt him drive himself and his love into her, his grunts and his growls and even his bites telling her he'd missed her. In the eight days she couldn't face, he'd missed her.
He thrust again into her and she bit back a yelp as he hooked his arm under her leg and brought it up higher. She accepted his weight all over again as he dove into her body, deeper. She wrapped her arm around him, hoping he'd stay but surprised when he let out a moan of satisfaction and raised his body, her leg still hooked over his arm. He peered down at himself as he withdrew just slightly, just enough for both of them look. She held him at his sides, offering a little bit of help with his weight but more than anything else she wanted to see him move in and out of her body.
And she did.
She smiled, and it was genuine and it was happy and carefree, and when her fingers grazed the base of his penis, her smile was all mischief. She stroked him once more, he shuddered and groaned as she raised her arms and stretched them over her head, making herself his in anyway that he wanted her to be.
In an instant, he'd hooked her remaining leg and reached up with both of his hands grabbing her arms and bringing them down to her side, he griped her biceps, rested his weight there with her legs spread wide into the air and pushed his body up pulling out and slamming back in. "Mmm," was all she offered with each deep and hard thrust. She felt his body slap against hers, felt the vice grip of his fingers in her arms and knew she'd be bruised but couldn't care less at this point. He saw her wince and immediately started to back off, to lessen the intensity of his thrust, "No," she moaned and arched her neck, "keep going," she begged and reached up to grasp his elbows as he continued to pin her biceps and then began to thrust again.
The sensation of the new position, the depth and the confidence with which he invaded her, the small pain in her arms from his possessive grip, his hot breath and intense rocking of his hips forced her to come in a matter of seconds, without buildup or warning, her body burst and she gave way to a guttural moan.
He covered her mouth with his own, felt her muscles clamping down on him as he continued to move in shallow slow strides, all the while gently lowering his weight onto her, her knees still bent up to her sides and still hooked around his arms. He released her biceps and thrust softly into her again, her muscles griped him again and he came with a jerk of his hips as he moaned into her mouth, kissing her and wishing he was so much younger, that his body was in better condition so he didn't have to worry about the recovery time, because he wanted her again and he hadn't even left her body yet.
He moaned and pulled away from her mouth shaking his head, "Liv… so good."
He gave a feeble attempt at a thrust and she moaned again as he kissed her neck, "Love you," she whispered as he collapsed on top of her body and her arms held him there, "I love you so much, Elliot," she whispered and continued to hold him.
