Chapter 8

When Jill got home, the apartment was eerily silent. Olivia was usually perched on the couch, reading a book or watching TV, but the living room was empty and she wasn't in the kitchen either. Jill placed her bag down and headed to Olivia's room. She pressed her ear to the door and when she heard nothing, she tentatively knocked. After a very soft "come in," she poked her head inside and saw her roommate lying down on her side, turned away from the door.

"Liv?" Jill asked quietly. "Are you okay?"

"Mm hm."

But she didn't turn around or offer any explanation, so Jill walked inside and sat on the empty side of the bed. She waited until Olivia looked up at her and said what she had been wanting to say all week.

"What the hell is wrong with you? You've been acting depressed for days and now you're laying in here like everyone you know just died."

"Nothing's wrong," Olivia said weakly.

"Cut the shit, Liv," she said sternly. "You've been quiet and detached and I didn't say anything when you kept skipping class, but something is obviously wrong. And I'm going to sit my ass right here until you tell me what."

She made her point by putting her feet up, shoes and all, and situating herself against the back of the bed. She folded her arms and waited and after several quiet minutes, Olivia finally sighed. She sat up next to her friend and ran dainty hands over her tired face. She opened her mouth to speak, then stopped.

"You can tell me, you know," Jill offered. "I'm your best friend. Whatever it is, I won't judge."

"Yes you will."

"I won't. I swear."

Olivia looked down at her hands. "I did something bad."

"Okay," Jill said slowly. "Bad, like...how bad?"

"Really bad."

"Like, you might to go prison bad?"

"No," Olivia said immediately. "Like, completely immoral and wrong."

"Oh, okay. For a second there, you had me thinking I was going to have to help you dispose of a body or something."

Olivia made a face and Jill laughed and nudged with her shoulder.

"Immoral bad is something we can deal with. Are you going to tell me what it is?"

"No."

"All right. I take it that you're feeling guilty."

"Yes."

"Because you did it? Or because you liked it?"

Olivia rested her head against the back of the bed and thought about the question. It was the same thing she had been asking herself since the incident with Fitz in the kitchen. She wasn't sure which she felt worse about: initiating such contact with her teacher, or constantly thinking about how she wanted to do it again.

"Both," she finally answered.

"Well you know what?" Jill started as she got off the bed. "We all do things we're not proud of. But you can't just sit in your bedroom in the dark forever. You need to go out and have fun and forgive yourself." She walked to the other side of the bed and grabbed Olivia's hands. She started to pull her up, but Olivia resisted.

"What are you doing?"

"We're going out. We're going to get extra sexy, have some drinks and maybe even bring home some men tonight."

"Ugh," Liv groaned. "I don't want to go out or get sexy and I definitely don't want another man."

She knew as soon as the words "another man" escaped her lips, she had made a big mistake. Jill dropped her hands and quirked an eyebrow.

"So this is about a man?" she asked. "I mean I kind of figured but now I have to know."

"I can't tell you," she said weakly.

Jill continued to look at her with her eyebrow raised, and then she shrugged. "Okay. You have two options. You can either put on your big girl panties and have fun with me tonight, or you can hear my theory about exactly which man has you all fucked up. And you know how I am when I want to find something out, Liv. So unless you want your mystery man to be unveiled, you'll go get in the shower and get ready."

Olivia knew that Jill's threats weren't empty; when she wanted to learn something, she was like a dog with a bone. Liv knew that it would only take a few good guesses before Jill landed on Fitz's name and she couldn't let that happen, for her sake and his. So she mustered up the little energy she had and pulled herself off the bed.

"A night out, it is," she said.

Jill smiled. "I thought you'd see it my way."

Olivia allowed herself to be ushered into the bathroom and for the next couple of hours, she went through the motions of getting ready. By the time she was dressed, with her hair and makeup done, she did feel a little bit better. It was nice to have a distraction from the ever-present thoughts of Fitz, including his soft hair that she had nearly pulled out when he was eating her like a buffet and his gorgeous, big, thick...

"Hey, I just called a cab," Jill said, snapping Olivia out of her x-rated thoughts. "Let's do some pre-game shots, shall we?"

Liv didn't put up a fight and they met in the kitchen, a place that she was sure she would never see the same way. She accepted a shot glass full of tequila and raised it to toast.

"To taking your mind off what ails you," Jill said.

"Amen."

They downed the shots and took one more before the cab showed up. They ended up at a nightclub that they had been to a few times before and once they were inside, Jill finagled some free drinks out of the bartender. By the time they actually made it onto the dance floor, Olivia was comfortably intoxicated. She let loose and danced with Jill, feeling free of her burdens for the first time in a week. For a short blissful time, her mind was completely void of any thoughts of Fitz.

But as the liquor really settled in, thoughts of their tryst raced to the front of her mind. And rather than feeling guilty, she was just incredibly horny. She broke away from Jill and grabbed a handsome guy that had been watching her from the wall. She pushed her body into him and danced the way that she wanted to move with Fitz. The guy put a death grip on her hips as he tried to hold on for the ride. She worked him so hard that she started to sweat and then she felt his lips on her neck. She allowed his touch and even rolled her head back so he could get better access.

"You are driving me crazy," he whispered in her ear. "Please tell me I can take you home with me."

In her drunken state, the idea sounded like a grand one. She really needed sex, and she needed it from someone who wasn't her married teacher. So she turned around in his arms and offered a lazy smile.

"No," she said slowly. "But I can take you home with me."

He smiled. "Yes, ma'am."

Olivia wasted no time taking his hands and leading him towards the door. She found Jill and gave her a look, and Jill gave her the thumbs up. A few cabs were already lined up and Olivia and her companion jumped into one. No sooner had she given the driver her address did her male friend pull her into his arms and engage her in a sloppy wet kiss. She was on auto pilot all the way to her apartment, enjoying every touch and kiss from her nameless mate and forgetting everything else. Their hurried embrace continued even after they had made it into her apartment and he pushed her against the door. Their lips broke apart just long enough for her to focus on his face as he rubbed his erection between her legs.

"What's your name?" he whispered.

"Olivia."

"I'm Jonathan." He returned to kissing her neck, but the spell had been broken. All Olivia could think about was that if she had sex with him, 'Jonathan' wasn't the name she would want to call. She ran her hands over the back of his head and was disappointed that there was no hair to grab, no soft strands to weave her fingers through. He didn't feel like Fitz. He didn't smell like Fitz. And just like that, she came to her senses.

"Wait, wait," she said, pushing Jonathan away. "I'm sorry. I can't do this."

"What? Why? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I...I'm using you."

He smiled and shrugged. "I don't care. You can use me all you want." He leaned in to kiss her again, but she pushed him harder until she was out of his grip.

"No, I mean...I'm thinking about somebody else. And I don't do this," she said pathetically. "This whole, hook-up, one night stand thing. I'm sorry."

He rubbed the back of his neck and Olivia watched him struggle with whether to be upset or just accept her decision. He sighed and offered her a small smile.

"I understand," he said. "Believe it not, I don't really do this either. But you're so pretty, I couldn't help myself."

She smiled sympathetically. "I really am sorry for leading you on like this. I've been kind of crazy all week."

"Don't apologize." He adjusted himself in his pants and gave her a sheepish look. "Guess I should get going."

"Let me at least give you money for a cab," she said, as she reached for her purse.

"No, you don't have to do that. I wouldn't mind having your number, though. Maybe after you're finished thinking about that other guy, you can give me a call?"

Olivia wasn't sure when or if she would be finished thinking about Fitz, but Jonathan was cute and nice and maybe he could distract her. So she gave him her number and walked outside with him. They sat on a bench together and talked until a cab pulled up. They said their goodbyes and Olivia headed back up to her place, where she peeled off her dress, removed her makeup and pulled her hair into a ponytail. She plopped down on her bed and stared up at the ceiling, thinking about the day and the week. It was funny, really.

Going out was supposed to take her mind off Fitz, but all it did was make her want him more.