N.G.E.: THESE SCARS WE BEAR
By: Tezza1502
Rating: MA+
Disclaimer: GAINAX and Anno have the copyright for Evangelion. I don't. Sob! It's just not fair. Waaah! (Author falls to the floor and begins to drum his heels while throwing a major tanty.)
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Notes: Hot Damn! 70+ reviews! Woo-Hoo!
DAY FOUR Part one
The looters base of operations. Dawn.
"Hey!"
"What's up?"
"Nothin'. Just taking a leak. You?"
"Just waiting until we can get out of this shithole of a city."
"I hear you, man. How's your head?"
"Hurts like a son of a bitch!"
The first man grunts in sympathy, then falls silent. The second man rubs the side of his head gently, checking that the bandages are still in place. "Did anyone find out what happened to the three guys who went missing, yesterday?"
"Yeah. Turns out the government agency that runs this city picked 'em up."
"No shit! What for?"
"You mean, aside from catching them red handed, coming out of a department store with armfuls of stolen goods?" The first man retorted, wryly.
"Smart-ass!"
"Well, it turns out that these government spooks were looking for something, too." The first man watched his companion's reaction to his next words. "Or rather, someone."
"Motherfucker!" The other man's eyes went wide. "You mean-"
"Yup! It seems that they are tearing this city apart looking for three kids."
The other man turned this over in his mind. "What for?"
"Dunno. But if the way those spooks are acting is any indication, they want 'em pretty bad."
Both men fell silent as they worked the angles.
"Y'know . . ." The first man said in a thoughtful tone. "If we got to 'em first, they could come in handy."
"For ransom or just our ticket out of here?"
The first man grinned. "Why not both?"
The second man chuckled. "Hey, I like your style."
"The way those spooks are spreading through the city, we're gonna need a ticket out of here, soon enough. Why not see if we can pick up a bonus while we're at it. Just remember one thing."
"What?"
"No trying to get revenge for that!" He said firmly, pointing at the other man's bandaged head. He started grumbling and sulking. Taking pity on his friend, he amended his statement. "At least, not until we have gotten away."
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Morning. Inside the unit.
Asuka slowly made the transition from asleep to awake. Smiling as she realised she was curled up beside Shinji, a brief flash of confusion surfaced, before she remembered that she had been invited this time. Once again, she had latched on to Shinji in a possessive manner during the night, and was enjoying the sensation of being next to him. Deciding that Rei might not approve of the position that she and her 'brother' are in and not feeling confident enough in their new relationship to try and force Shinji to choose between them just yet, Asuka sighed and opened her eyes.
To find Rei's face about two inches from her own, wearing a curious expression.
Swallowing a squeal, Asuka quietly demanded to know what the hell she was doing.
"You were moaning in your sleep, Asuka. Are you alright?"
"I'm fine, Rei." She said weakly.
"Are you sure?"
"I said 'yes', didn't I, Wondergirl!"
Not quite convinced, Rei leant back. "Was it a bad dream?"
Asuka shrugged vaguely. "Something like that."
"Very well." Rei sat on the bed gently, so as not to wake Shinji.
Though annoyed at Rei for interrupting her plans for the morning, Asuka became curious as the other girl seemed to be struggling to articulate something. Knowing that Rei had never been reluctant to speak her mind about anything she has deemed important enough in the past, Asuka waited patiently, observing this out of character behaviour. Finally, Rei faced Asuka and opened her mouth.
"I heard you speak, last night."
Which was the last thing Asuka was expecting to come out of Rei's mouth.
"When?" Asuka paled. A lot had been said the night before. Not all of it was for Rei's ears.
"After my brother started talking in his sleep."
"Oh!" They both lapsed into silence.
"Did you mean what you told him?" She asked with a hint of curiosity.
Asuka held back a nasty reply about eavesdropping and the sorts of people who indulge in it, and instead decided to give her the truth. "Every word!"
Rei nodded. "Good." Standing slowly, she began to leave the room. "I am going to have a wash before breakfast. Try not to have another 'bad dream', while I am gone." Her eyes twinkled with some slight amusement. "But if you do, wake Shinji. I am sure he would be quite willing to . . . comfort you."
Allowing herself a small smile at Asuka's stunned expression, Rei left the room and shut the door.
"Great! Now Wondergirl is turning into a pervert. Must have happened when she became Shinji's twin." Asuka grumbled as she recovered. Deciding to get up before she gave in to the temptation the other girl had lain before her, Asuka gathered some clothes and gave the sleeping boy a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving the room.
Entering the kitchen, she noticed that Rei had, indeed, gone into the bathroom. Shivering at the thought of washing in cold water, Asuka began to slap together a basic breakfast of cereal and UHT milk. She wasn't in the mood to go to the effort Shinji does when he prepares a meal. Sitting at the table, she began eating and waiting for Rei to emerge.
Shortly, the sound of splashing ceased and Rei walked out to prepare her own meal. Seating herself at the table opposite Asuka, she began to eat without a sound. Asuka, once she had finished her own cereal, began to stare at Rei intently. Rei noticed this but said nothing. From experience, she knew that the Second Child was not one to keep quiet for long if she had something on her mind. Sure enough, Asuka soon opened her mouth.
"Why did you come back looking like a female Shinji? I'm guessing that you could have returned with any appearance you wanted. Why did you return looking like that? What was wrong with the way you were?"
Rei stayed silent for a moment, deciding how much information to tell her, if any. Remembering that the best defence is a good offence, she answered with a question of her own.
"Possibly for the same reasons you did. Why did you return, looking like that?" Her eyes flicked to Asuka's scars briefly.
"What! I . . . Well . . . That's private!" Asuka sputtered.
"Exactly." Rei returned to her breakfast.
Across the table, Asuka fumed silently. 'Damnit!' Picking up her bowl, she took it to the sink and washed it. As she did so, she thought furiously over everything Shinji had told her about the First Child's past, the other day. Something occurred to her.
"Is it because you didn't want any reminders that you're a clone?"
Rei froze. She had forgotten that not only was the Second Child fiercely intelligent, she could also be disturbingly tenacious and insightful.
Realising she was on to something, Asuka kept talking. "That's it, isn't it? The ice blue hair. The red eyes. They were all reminders that you weren't totally human. That you were a mixed-up copy of an Angel and Shinji's mother. Created for only one purpose. To bring about the end of humanity." Asuka felt pleased with herself for making that deduction. The sensation lasted until Rei spoke again.
"That is . . . part of the reason." Her voice hitched slightly. "How did you-"
Asuka turned and saw that Rei was on the verge of tears. Moving around the table towards her, she stopped when Rei actually flinched as she came closer. 'Good one, Sohryu, you just cut her to the bone! Maybe you should twist the knife a little more and say something about how the Commander chose her over his own son!'
"Rei, I'm . . . sorry. Shinji mentioned it yesterday while he was explaining Third Impact to me and-" She stopped and hugged herself. Putting her chin on her chest, she spoke again in a quieter voice. "I didn't think. You come back looking like him and connecting with him in ways I'm still learning to and it scares me." Taking a deep breath, Asuka raised her head to look at Rei. "He's so comfortable in your presence. And he's still a little afraid of me, deep down. It hurts, to see that I have that effect on him. So I lash out, without thinking. At what ever target is closest." Stretching her right arm out, Asuka turns her hand around in front of Rei, showing her the scar line. "I think that may be part of why I came back with these." She brings her hand up and runs it over the scars across her left eye. "To remind myself that losing control and lashing out has consequences. To think before acting." She sighs. "Actually, I don't know why I returned with them. At least, not consciously. But, some part of me wanted them. So I'm stuck with them." She finishes with a shrug.
Rei ponders this surprisingly frank confession from the Second Child. "What does my brother think of them?"
Asuka smiled. "He thinks that I'm beautiful no matter what. And, I actually believe him." She finished, sounding surprised that someone she had never treated particularly well could actually feel that way about her.
Rei looked thoughtfully at Asuka. "He was right about you. You have changed. Possibly the most of all, out of we three pilots."
"I doubt it. I'm still a bitch." She said with a trace of regret.
"True. But you do not revel in it like you used to."
"Hey!" Asuka tried to figure out how much she had just been insulted.
"Alright, enough of this 'baring our souls to each other' crap!" Asuka continued, after a moment. "Let's just say that we both have our own reasons and leave it at that. Agreed?"
Nodding in agreement at each other, they both cast about for another topic to move on to. In all honesty, there was only one subject they could both think of.
"Do you think Shinji's injurys are serious?" Asuka asked, diffidently.
"I do not know. He can be very adept at hiding information about himself, when he chooses to be."
Asuka snorted. "Got that right! It's like getting blood from a stone, sometimes."
Rei agreed with her. "So we should get him to medical attention, as soon as possible."
"Which means NERV." Asuka wasn't very enthusiastic about the idea.
"Yes. Why are you reluctant to go back there?"
Asuka hesitated before answering. "Because that place has been the cause of a great deal of pain. For all of us." She stressed that word to show that she meant Rei, too.
"But," She continued. "It's safer for us than anywhere else. And if Misato is back, like you say, then she won't let anything bad happen to him. She may be a bossy, messy, teasing drunk, but she is also fiercly protective of Shinji."
"I defer to your greater knowledge of the Major. However, our most pressing problem will be to get Shinji there. The journey is not small. And with his reduced fitness, the going will be slow."
"And let's not forget that roving band of looters." Asuka put in.
Rei got up and went to the backpack she had showed up with, the night before. "They may not be as great a problem for us as you think, Asuka." She rummaged about inside the pack, searching for something. "In my travels yesterday, I aquired some tools that may assist us in getting to the GeoFront safely."
"Like what?" Asuka was curious now. Rei was sounding almost smug.
"These." Rei stood up and walked back to the table, her hands full of-
"Guns!" Asuka was shocked. "Where the hell did you get those from?"
"This one-" She placed the one in her left hand on the table. "I removed from the guard I knocked out, that was guarding my cell. This one-" She put the one in her right hand next to the other gun. "I took off the . . . person that assaulted Shinji." She went back to the pack and returned with extra clips for both guns. "If we should happen to run into them, later today, these should even out our chances against them."
"I'm very impressed, Wondergirl." Asuka picked up one and started giving it a once over. "Can I assume you've had basic weapons training? Both Misato and Kaji made sure I was trained in how to handle firearms when I was stationed in Germany."
"That is correct. The Commander was very thorough in making sure that I could defend myself, if need be."
Asuka nodded. "So my next question is, are you capable of taking a human life, if need be?"
Rei hesitated. "It would depend on the circumstances." She answered, uncertain.
Asuka looked as if she had expected that. "What say if Shinji's life was in danger?"
There was no hesitation, this time. "If anyone attempts to hurt my brother, they die!"
Asuka looked as if she had expected that answer, also. "Good. I feel the same way. I've just started finding out what I have been missing with that boy all this time. I'll be damned if I will let anyone take that away from me."
Pleased at finally finding something they both agree on, the girls lapsed into a comfortable silence as they began stripping and cleaning the weapons they now had in their possession.
Back in the bedroom, Shinji woke up feeling rested but still sore. Noting that he was alone in the room, he wondered if the girls were getting along today, or whether he would have to try and separate them. Again. Sitting up, he was grateful that only a slight wave of nausea washed over him. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he glanced around the room, looking for the bottle of painkillers he was sure he had brought in with him, last night. Spotting it across the room, he winced and groaned as he stood up and stumbled over to them. Deciding not to try and dry-swallow a couple, he shambled out the door and headed towards the bathroom, unnoticed by Rei and Asuka.
Reaching his destination finally, he closed the door behind him and went over to the sink. Throwing some water over his face to make himself a little less asleep, he then cupped his hands and swallowed the pills. Getting a good look at himself in the mirror for the first time since yesterday, he agreed with himself that he did, indeed, look like a rainbow of bruised shit, and that getting stomped into the pavement by a large bastard was not to be recommended to anyone. Except possibly his father.
Not hearing anything like an argument coming from the kitchen, Shinji decided they were getting along without him well enough for him to have a wash while he was in the bathroom. Unable to work up the energy to go out and heat some water, he partly filled the bathtub and began to get undressed. 'Yes, it's cold water. But it will clear some of the cobwebs out of my head.' He reasoned as he started lathering up.
Asuka finished putting her gun back together in record time, (i.e.: faster than Rei) and looked about for something else to do. Deciding that the third person in the apartment had slept long enough, she moved towards the bedroom, telling Rei of her intentions over her shoulder. Looking into the room, she saw that the bed was empty. 'Must be feeling better today, if he's up and about on his own. So, where would he-? Aha! Bathroom.' Going to that door, she knocked before entering. Just to be on the safe side.
"Who is it?" Came a quick challenge.
"Dr. Sohryu! It's time for your physical!" Asuka replied jokingly, rattling the locked door for effect.
"ACK! Don't you dare come in! I'm not dressed." Shinji squealed, trying to dry himself in two seconds flat.
Asuka giggled as she listened to him scurry about getting dressed on the other side of the door. "Oh, don't worry, ya big baby. I'm not coming in. I just want to check how you are feeling."
Slowing down at her reply, he caught the faint undercurrent of worry in her words. "Be out in a minute." Making sure he was dressed, he opened the door and smiled at her. Leaning in, he gave her a slow kiss.
"Mmmmmm. Good morning, Asuka. In answer to your question: I am feeling better than I was yesterday. And definitely better than I was five minutes ago." Asuka's response to this was to put her arms around his neck and draw him into a deeper kiss. Putting his own arms around her waist, Shinji settled in to her embrace.
Drawing back after a while, Asuka licked her lips. "You taste like toothpaste." She smiled.
Shinji smiled back. "And you taste sweet. Did you drown your cereal in sugar again?" He teased.
"Are you saying I can't be sweet, all on my own?" She mock-growled.
"Oh dear, a trick question. Can I take the fifth?" As Asuka opened her mouth to retort, he pressed his lips over hers. Her next words became lost in a contented groan.
"Are you two going to act like this all the time?" Came a curious voice from the other end of the hall.
'I sure hope so!' Was Shinji's wistful thought as Asuka broke off the impromptu make-out session to glare at Rei. "Do you mind? This is a private conversation." She said, hoping that Rei would take the hint, and leave them alone.
No such luck.
"For a conversation to occur there has to be talking involved. I can see no evidence of such a thing happening between the two of you now, or for the last few minutes." Rei answered.
As fun as it was to see Asuka turning the colours she was trying to think of a comeback to Rei's statement, Shinji decided to step in before things got out of hand.
"Good morning, Rei. In answer to your question; No. Unfortunately." Smiling at her perplexed expression, he nuzzled Asuka's cheek to get her attention back on him. When she turned her head, he gave her another peck on the lips before asking if she was going to have a wash.
"Yeah. As soon as I boil some water. You two might enjoy washing yourselves in the cold, but a delicate flower like myself needs something more." She declared as they walked into the kitchen, holding hands.
Shinji's eyes grew wide as he saw what was on the kitchen table. "Um, how long have we had an arsenal?"
"Oh yeah, you haven't seen them yet. Wondergirl picked up some new toys on her travels, yesterday."
"O-Kay." He mumbled with amazement as Rei related her tale of acquisition again.
"When did you go back for the second gun?" He asked, picking one up to test its weight.
"You were unconscious for a short time yesterday. As you slept, I went back and searched his body for anything of use. I found that, and decided it would become useful, in time. Was I mistaken?"
Putting it down, he scowled. "No, your right. We may well need some way to defend ourselves before the day is out." Sighing at the thought of more conflict, he looked to the girls. "Can I assume that you both know how to use them?" They both said yes. "Good! 'Cause I suck at shooting." Seeing their confused expressions, he explained. "Misato tried to teach me once, soon after I first arrived here. The idea was to get me used to having a weapon in my hand." He slowly turned red at the memory of that particular afternoon. In her frustration at his inability to master even the basics, the only thing Misato had managed to teach Shinji were some words he had only ever seen written on the walls of public toilets. "It was a disaster, to say the least."
Asuka nodded. "Let me guess. No confidence?" He gave an embarrassed affirmative. "Figures. Don't you worry, Shinjikins, we big strong girls will take care of you. Won't we, Wondergirl?" She said as she gave Shinji a condescending pat on the head. Softening her teasing with a kiss, she boiled some water and left the room.
After she had gone, Shinji asked Rei a question that he hadn't quite dared to put to Asuka.
"How will you be able to shoot those guns without hurting yourself? They look pretty big."
Rei picked one up and pointed to its features as she explained. "These type of handguns are GLOCK 9mm. Semi-recoilless automatic weapons. They are designed so that as you fire them, the force of the explosion is vented in such a way that it partially cancels out the recoil inherent in any gun discharge. In practical terms, this means that it will not kick back as much as another weapon of similar size and the barrel will not move as far from the intended target. So yes, while it is a 'big gun', Asuka and I will be able to use them without any injury to ourselves, and with increased accuracy. If it comes to that." She concluded.
As Rei talked, Shinji began making his breakfast. "Well, here's hoping it doesn't come to that. Other than helping me out, you got through the city without any trouble, yesterday. If we retrace your steps, we should be fine." Something occurred to him. "I would like to take a detour by the shoreline, though. There's something I saw that I would like to pick up on the way."
"Shinji?"
He turned away from his preparations. "Yes?"
"Was it . . . pleasant? What you and Asuka were doing, before." Rei asked in a hesitant voice, not sure if she was being intrusive but desiring an answer nonetheless.
Shinji tried to stall for time as he thought frantically. "Why do you ask, Rei?"
Rei once again had difficulty putting her own thoughts into words. "You both looked to be enjoying pressing your lips against each other. As I watched you, I found myself wondering what it would be like to be that intimate with someone. Would I enjoy it as much as you seem to? Will I find someone I could trust that much to do that with them? These feelings running through me, they scare me and confuse me. I have never felt such strong emotions before. I am not used to them and I do not know how to deal with them." She looked to Shinji, desperate for any answer he could give her.
While not really comfortable with discussing that aspect of his and Asuka's relationship, Shinji could not refuse the honest plea he saw in Rei's eyes. "Yes, it was pleasant. For me, kissing is a physical expression of my affection for Asuka. We do it to show that we like each other very much and that we are willing to let each other inside the barriers we've built around ourselves. And yes, it is very enjoyable." He coloured slightly as he spoke, but continued. "As to whether you will find someone special Rei, I don't know. Anythings possible." He shrugged. "If someone had come up to me a few months ago and told me that Asuka and I would end up together, I would have questioned their sanity. But, here we are." He gave another helpless shrug. "I'm sorry I can't help you very much with how to deal with those emotions. I'm still learning how to do so, myself."
"I see." Her disappointment at his vagueness was clear. "Can I continue to ask for your help about this?"
"Of course you can! I don't know how much help I'll be to you, but I'll do what I can." Shinji returned to eating his breakfast, grateful that she was willing to drop the subject for the moment. He was having a hard enough time keeping up with the changes within himself and Asuka, without having to try and document it all for Rei.
"Thank you." While unhappy at Shinji's lack of knowledge, Rei was pleased that he was willing to continue talking to her openly about the subject.
Presently, Asuka returned. Dressed in hiking boots, jeans, a tee shirt and a denim jacket, she looked ready to handle anything the day could throw at her.
"Come on you two slackers. We should have been on our way, ages ago! Get changed. Pronto! You can discuss the mysteries of the universe when we're back at NERV." She grabbed Shinji's shoulders and shoved him towards his room for effect. "Hurry up, or I'll dress you myself!"
Noticing the anticipatory gleam in her eye, Shinji decided not to argue.
Just as Rei was about to go into the room they all had shared the night before, Asuka asked if she had grabbed holsters for the guns, yesterday.
"Yes. They are in my backpack." She replied before she shut the door.
'Wunderbar! That will make things easier.' Asuka went over and began rummaging through the pack.
As the other two emerged, Asuka was pleased to note that they had taken a cue from her and dressed in clothes that could handle a bit of rough and tumble, if required. Handing Rei the other holster, they clipped them onto their belts. Giving their guns one last safety check, they holstered them and turned to Shinji.
"Do you think we should lock this place up?" Shinji asked Asuka.
She thought for a moment. "Nah. I doubt we'll come back here."
He nodded. "So, who's carrying what?"
"Rei and I will put the heavy stuff in our packs. Food, water, ammo, spare clothes and such. You get to carry the first-aid kit. In your condition, the lighter the load you carry, the better. It's gonna be a long day so, no exerting yourself just to prove that you're the man. Got it!"
"But-"
"No 'buts'! You got worked over pretty bad, yesterday. No trying to be the Invincible Shinji Ikari until we get you to a doctor." Asuka let the worry she was feeling for him show for a moment.
Rei agreed. "Asuka is correct. You should not exert yourself. We are capable of carrying what is needed for our journey. You only need to focus on conserving your strength."
Looking from one to the other, Shinji saw that he wasn't going to win this argument. "Okay. Your right."
Quickly stowing the items they were taking, the girls helped Shinji put his pack on. Checking that their own individual loads were balanced correctly, they made their way out of the unit for the last time. As Rei waited outside, Asuka and Shinji had one last look around the place that had been the venue for so many of the changes they had gone through the past few days.
Seeing the wistful expression on Shinji's face, Asuka took his hand and whispered in his ear. "Come on, Shinji. Let's get back to Misato and get busy making some new memories at her place. What do you say?" She invited softly.
Shinji turned to her, smiling. "I'd like that. A lot."
Notes: Bloody hell, that was a bastard to write! Three times I had to redo this chapter, just to get them out of effing bed and through the front door. Oy vey! Thanks for hanging in there, peoples. It's much appreciated. Oh, and while I'm pretty sure a type of guncalled Glock exists (Another thing I don't own.), I made up the semi-recoiless stuff. Thanx.
Stay tuned, you lovely, loyal readers.
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