Tsunade/Jiraya

The idiot never tried to hide his attachment (She still wondered how someone so blatantly indiscreet could be one of her best intelligence gatherers; it was rather sad really. She tried to imagine this as being some sort of elaborate plot on his part, being intentionally dense, she wanted it to be, but it wasn't. Well maybe in part, but most of it? No that was purely him. Letch, idiot, and proud of it. She'd learned it all firsthand; growing up on the same team had perfected her right hook.)

But, because he couldn't be bothered to hide anything he thought or felt ever, she had to instead. Though sometimes (often) when they met she was pretty sure she failed to when she'd see that hopeful (awful) gleam in his eye and she'd wish she had more and (much much) stronger sake with her (and get gloriously drunk and forget it all). Only that would be a bad idea because she really might end up in bed with the man then and that really really would be a bad idea. Because he was one of the few good things she had left and everything everything she touched crumbled away (like rock under chakra laden fists) and she refused to break him like that (instead choosing a different way so his breaks were temporary at least, not dust). And besides that they were teammates and had teased and grown up with each other and she'd been comfortable with him and laughing at his pervyness and his silly crush. Only he hadn't gotten over it like she'd expected. And it wasn't all just because of her chest either, though he liked to sometimes downplay it into that. Because she caught those damned looks and the tenderness (that made her throat and voice tight and her eyes water and just want to yell at him to stop!) including when she suffered the worst of her hangovers and after Dan and Orochimaru (holding her and stroking her hair and she should never have been that weak) and how he'd always inevitably give her reason to punt him through something because it was comfortable, familiar, and she knew how to deal with that at least.

She tried pushing him to someone else but he'd just always laugh and smile and brush her off and hide the hurt in his overbright eyes. And that hurt too because she knew (she wasn't blind, only pretended to be) what it did to him but giving in would hurt him much much worse because she wasn't what he wanted (she wasn't that girl she used to be, hadn't been that girl in years and years and decades). And he should know that. He'd seen that. And he still continued with his sweet words and teasing and the laughs she felt content just to bask in and even the anger he knew how to so easily provoke just washed over her. And then he died(and it was everything coming to pass and she broke five desks in that week alone and increased Sakura's training, and managed to put a sizeable dent in her sake stores despite Shizune's best efforts) and of all the bets for her to win it just proved her luck.

Now everything, absolutely everything left was pinned all on that brat who had better survive. Because then she could leave and go somewhere (anywhere) else.

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A/N: To my readers would you still be able to see/search for this fic if the rating moves up to M? It's possible it may for references and language. If you like the story but don't set your filters so you can see M rated stuff feel free to follow the story. I have no plans for actual explicit content and i will give warnings if any chapter contains such so have no fear on that regard. to anyone hoping for lemons or other citrus um sorry?

Also i really really want to do a piece focusing on her and her former team because it's so interesting. and tragic.