BPOV
I couldn't stop crying as I made my way home.
How could I keep doing this to Edward?
I knew that he was on my trail now. He would be waiting for a moment to step in and save me and I couldn't bear the thought of what I would do to him- how I would keep myself from being the victim.
No matter how many times I would try to convince myself that I wouldn't hurt Edward, I would do it.
This is the problem.. I act like Jake is to blame for all of my hurt but I know I'm a big reason for it as well.
I cause a lot of it. I'm nowhere near good enough for him, let alone Edward. It's just so much easier to be with someone who is honest about your relationship.
Edward worships me but only because Jake did the same thing when we first got together.. and sure, Edward would NEVER hurt me physically like Jake does but Edward would eventually get bored and leave me .. which would be infinitely worse than physical wounds.
I was doing what made sense.
If I could just figure out how to stop messing up around Jake and lessen some of the violence things would be ok.
EPOV
I had a plan.
Alice smiled at me at breakfast because she could just sense that something was brewing.
"I love you brother" she smiled tenderly at me and then winked as she bounced back up to her room to finish getting ready.
I was headed to school early to meet with the guidance counselor.
Every class I had was about to be changed. Behold the talent of the school genius freak.
BPOV
Dressing today was far worse than anything. I had bruises all over. I hated myself so much I could barely look in the mirror.
I just felt something about today.
Something was going to change.. be different. I felt like I was at a tipping point in my life and I didn't know what it meant.
I made my way to school and was a bit late. Mr. Robbins glared at me, though I was his best english student by a long shot and I trudged back to my seat in the back row. As I was getting out my notebook, I caught a flash of bronze hair directly to my left.
I gasped and looked over at it and Edward just stared steadily back at me.
What the hell was he doing in 11th grade english? He should be in AP Literature right now.
He didn't smile or smirk he just stared evenly at me for the entire class period.
I was thoroughly unsettled.
As the bell was ringing, I ran out of the classroom, exhausted by the strain of resisting Edward, not being with him.
I made my way to history in a bit of a huff.
As I walked in I was horrified to find Edward sitting next to my assigned seat.
He gave me that same stare and I was even more freaked out.
I still had nothing to say to him so I nodded curtly and took my seat, busying myself with notes from the previous class.
Again, I could see him just keeping me in his eyeline throughout the entire class.
I could feel the heat rising on my cheeks.
What was going on?
The rest of the day went in a similar fashion.
He was in every single class of mine.
In between classes, after that first period where I bolted he always walk a few paces behind me.
I was panicked. It was like he was behaving like my own personal bodyguard.
Any time I would begin to stumble (which was often) he would support me. The worst moment was when I tried over a backpack strap in Algebra. He simply grabbed me by the waist, waited until I was steady and then resumed his watchful stare.
I was completely unnerved and panicked.
Biology was our last class before lunch and I knew I had to do something before he really had the opportunity to talk to me about all of this.
I had to do it.
I had to make a scene.
I knew that Alice would find out immediately and probably never forgive me but I needed to do this. No one could ever find out what Edward was beginning to know. That I had let my boyfriend abuse me for a year and I was too chicken shit to tell anyone so it just got worse.
And now, I was on the verge to hurt the man of my dreams permanently so he would stop trying to save me from my life.
Jessica came up to our lab table and brought her entire entourage.
God, this was so easy it was almost unfair.
Edward tensed up next to me, almost like he could sense what I was about to do.
He leaned over and whispered in my ear "You don't have to do this Bella. I love you."
I felt my stomach lurch and my heart pound.
If only my life was that simple.
Jessica, Mike, Lauren, the whole gang was walking up to our lab table. Jessica was smacking on her gum. "Bella, we're all talking about Cullen's major class schedule change.. what do you think about it?"
I almost couldn't believe that they talked about Edward like he wasn't sitting right next to me. I almost couldn't believe it, then I remembered that I had instigated a lot of this. My attempt to hide my obsessive feelings was to show hatred and disdain for my best friend's brother though she had no idea I behaved this way.
A public display of my pettiness would certainly land me in trouble with Alice but Edward was SO close to cracking the walls of my self image and I just could not let that happen.
"I feel like he should crawl back into the cave of freakville with all the other band geeks." I snickered but it was hallow.
"You're better than this Bella." he whispered sadly, but a new determination was set and I knew he was not going to give up easily.
"In that I'm better than you? Absolutely." I replied snidely.
He flinched at my words and patiently continued looking straight into my soul "Now that, I'll freely admit" he smiled a hint of his crooked smile at me and I swear I almost gave in.
I panicked quickly searching for the worst thing I could possibly do.. "Oh, stop using Alice to act like you have a connection with me. Your stupid infatuation with me is just embarrassing." I sucker punched him and saw that he had no idea I would go there.
Attacking his newly revealed feelings for me? That was low. That was despicable.
This was who I had become.
I had never hated myself more.
The entire entourage laughed uproariously at this, thinking I was the smartest bitch in the world when in reality I was just an injured bitch, desperately trying to get Edward away from me.. as quickly as possible before he figured out more than he or I could handle.
As class started, I noticed that Edward was almost completely still. He was looking at me thoughtfully from the corner of his eye.
As our lab work was being assigned (an assignment Edward and I could do with our eyes closed) he leaned in to whisper to me again "I will not be embarrassed about my feelings for you.. no matter how many times you try to push me away.. I'm not ashamed that I love you more than anything and I want to be with you. All these games, all these things you do to try to push me away.. they're nothing. I won't stop until I know that you absolutely could never love me back"
I blanched at the truth in his words.
I was so screwed.
I couldn't even think of a retort.
I looked into his eyes really for the first time today.
I was in so much pain, I could feel a jolt course through me as I let him in, just through my expression.
"I'm always here Bella. You need to stop pushing me away. I love you." he stated seriously.
"I'm so sorry Edward" I whispered turning away.
"No apology necessary. I should have told you the first moment I met you. I should have shouted from the rooftops. Nothing is more important to me than you. You can make fun of me all you want with your friends but that's such a small price to pay to try to win you." he said with such sincerity I could feel tears prick in my eyes.
"It's just too late, I'm damaged" my voice breaking as I grabbed my things to head out of the room
Banner tried to stop me but I told him I needed the nurse.
I knew Edward would follow.
