Chapter 9.
Sirius and Jess are kissing again, in the middle of the Common Room, for all to see, when they're interrupted by a hand on Sirius' arm.
"Excuse me," says James, dragging Sirius away into a corner. Sirius asks James what's going on.
"What are you playing at?" mutters James, angrily.
Sirius resists the urge to laugh. This aspect of James - this aspect of growing up, he supposes - is not something he ever wishes to experience for himself. Three years ago, if someone had made James Potter angry, he would have shouted, and cursed them, or maybe forgotten his wand and got involved in a bit of physical fighting. Now, he's standing there, clenched teeth, clenched fists (and probably, Sirius thinks with a smirk, clenched buttocks, too).
Honestly, Sirius doesn't see the point of restraining anger. He grew up in a home of frayed tempers and furious outbursts, and however much he's attempted to distance himself from his family, he still has a penchant for dramatics and brutal honesty. It's an inheritance from which he is unable to separate himself - like his good looks, like the way he holds himself, and - unfortunately - unlike a rather large pile of gold.
"I don't know what your problem is," he says to James, calmly, and with supreme confidence.
"You're an idiot," James hisses. "What about Lou?"
"What about her?"
"She turned you down and now you're throwing yourself at the nearest girl?"
"She didn't turn me down."
"She told Lily."
Sirius' pale cheeks develop a pinkish hue. "Been gloating, has she?"
"Don't be stupid, she just told the truth. What's going on with you?"
"If she told the truth then you know perfectly well what's going on. I asked her out and she turned me down, which, I believe, makes me a free agent, at perfect liberty to date whomsoever I please."
James smiles at his friend's phrasing - Sirius has a tendency to be sarcastically over-formal when he's angry - but then he frowns again. "If you want her to like you, you're going about it completely the wrong way."
"I don't want her to like me."
"Then why did you ask her out?"
Sirius sighs. "I did want her to like me, but she turned me down, so I've moved on."
"I never thought Sirius Black would be such a quitter."
"I should've known you'd be on her side. Darling Lou - you and her are always sticking up for each other, with your Quidditch and your jokes and your stupid bloody friendship!"
"Which of us are you more jealous of? Her for getting on with your best friend, or me for being friendly with the girl you like?"
"I'm not jealous! And I don't like her anymore."
"Of course not. Look, Sirius, you're one of my favourite people in the world, and you know I'll stick by you whatever you do, but I think you're being a bit blind here."
"What do you mean?"
"She likes you, Sirius -"
"- but -"
"- shut up, will you? I'm trying to tell you something."
"Sorry."
"She likes you. And it must have been really hard for her to say no to you, because she does like you, but she's too scared of losing someone, so she pushed you away. And she probably feels rubbish about it because she thinks it's the right thing to do but she still hates it and wishes she'd just said yes, and then you come waltzing into the Common Room with bloody Jess, and how do you think Lou feels? I bet it feels like a slap in the face, like you didn't even like her to start with. When you asked her out you put her in a horrible position, even if you didn't know that was what you were doing, and she did what she thought was best, and you're rubbing it in her face."
Sirius blinks, realising, for the first time, that James really is responsible and considerate and grown-up and knows what he's talking about. He should have realised it months or even years ago - there were plenty of opportunities - but this is what it takes for him to realise it: standing quietly in a corner with James, who's telling him a blatant truth that he realises he already knew but has been avoiding - Sirius' brutal honesty, it transpires, doesn't always apply to himself.
Sirius takes a deep breath and lowers his eyes. "Tell me what to do," he urges.
James' increasingly adult outlook is only just strong enough to prevent him from gloating at this moment - Sirius Black, wilfully, rebelliously, notoriously independent, is asking him for help - but he just about manages it.
"I can't tell you what to do," says James. "It's up to you. But if you want to be with Jess then go ahead - just be a bit more considerate - a bit more subtle. Tactful, maybe." He frowns a little, wondering if telling Sirius to be tactful is any more useful than telling Severus Snape to wash his hair. But Sirius seems to take something from the advice - well he seems calmer, anyway, and sort of resolute - so James considers it a job well done, and returns to Lily at the fireplace - warmth, companionship, and interesting conversation. Settling down cheerfully, he thinks that if he's never more comfortable than he is right now, then he's still had a rather brilliant life.
The next day, Louisa Reece saunters down to breakfast and puts everybody off their stride. Overnight, whilst most of her friends were determinedly deciding to try to help her forget Sirius, she was getting a good night's sleep, and she awoke, refreshed and cheerful, and ready to astonish her friends with a remarkable and most convincing impression of nonchalance. Her arrival at the breakfast table interrupts a rather heated debate between James and Peter (subject: 'Jam or Marmalade: Which is the True Companion of Toast?'), and an equally heated kissing session between Sirius and Jess. Lily, Remus, Mary and Kelly - who's tagging along in the wake of Jess' 'association' with Sirius - look relieved to see her.
"Morning, folks!" she says cheerily, sitting down and helping herself to cornflakes. "James, Lily, is the course of true love still running smooth? Sirius, Jess, you sly dogs, how long has this been going on? Mary, when did you last hear from the delectable Mr. Abbott? And Remus, Peter, Kelly, with all this romance in the air, do any of you have your eyes on any hapless young beauties?"
Not waiting for any answers, she pours milk on to her cornflakes and begins to tuck in with gusto. Several minutes later, having successfully wrong-footed all of her friends - surely the aim of any good breakfast - she gathers up her belongings and continues with her day.
Later, much later, she is sitting in the Common Room, trying to finish a Defence Against the Dark Arts essay. Giving it up as a bad job, she walks over to the sofa where Remus is, and sits next to him. He looks up from his book and smiles in greeting.
"Remus," she says, in a serious-sounding voice. "What's your opinion of slurping?"
"Erm…"
"Oh, good! Awkwardness! Awkwardness is fine."
"Have you gone insane?"
"Probably."
Remus returns to his book for a moment, before curiosity gets the better of him. "What are you talking about?"
Lou gestures around the room. "Everybody's involved in slurping-based activities, look -", James and Lily, shyly, "- slurping -", Sirius and Jess, with abandon, "- slurping -", Peter, talking hopefully, "- thinking about slurping -", to a worried-looking Kelly, "- desperately avoiding slurping -", and Mary, writing a letter, "- and writing about slurping." Lou sighs. "It's like a slurping revolution."
"And by 'slurping', you're referring to…any form of affection?"
Lou grins. "Yeah, why not?"
"Don't be miserable, Lou, it doesn't suit you."
"Don't be stupid, all emotions suit me." Lou pulls a ridiculous face, and they both laugh happily.
"Are you okay?" asks Remus.
"Yeah. Apart from that ridiculous Defence essay, and trying so hard to train up young Shacklebolt that my arm might actually fall off, life's going pretty well."
Remus raises an eyebrow. "Are you -"
"Quite sure, thank you!" Lou replies in clipped tones, making herself laugh.
"It's just, you seem very….upbeat."
Lou mirrors Remus' concerned face. "I see. I see how that must be a worry for you. I tried to keep this dreadful, terrible cheerfulness hidden, but it seems you've seen through it. Oh, Remus, I'm so sorry to worry you, to let you see me like this -"
"- shut up!" says Remus, interrupting the flow of a promisingly sarcastic speech. "I was just asking how you were, there's no need to take that attitude."
"Sorry, dad. Seriously, though, I'm fine. No need to worry."
"But -"
"Drop it, Remus. I'm happily sitting here, chatting with a good friend, and if I want your advice, I will ask for it, okay?"
"I suppose."
"Super! Now, are you going to change the subject, or shall I?"
"It's okay, I will. When's your first Quidditch match of the season?"
"Two weeks. Hufflepuff."
"Will Kingsley be ready, do you think?"
"Of course! I've never failed a challenge yet."
"What about -"
"Never."
They both laugh.
And so, the evening progresses cheerfully enough, culminating in a group conversation - once all slurping-based activities have been completed -, marred only by Sirius and Lou's attitudes to each other - cold, indifferent, and completely distant. The whole group are now witnesses to the way in which unsuccessful romantic feelings obliterate friendship, and it saddens them all, apart from Jess, who is oblivious to the conversation's subtext.
That night, when everybody has retired to their dormitories, Lily slips into Lou's cubicle. "You were brilliant, today," she says. "Some of the most defiant happiness I've seen in ages."
"Thanks."
"Are you sure this is what you want?"
"What else is there?"
"You could speak to Sirius - it's not too late, I think he'd still want you."
"He's with Jess now. And even if he wasn't, I haven't changed my mind."
"Making yourself unhappy now, in order to prevent future unhappiness, is bad logic, Lou."
"Who says I'm unhappy?"
"But -"
"I'm fine, Lily. Tell James, tell everyone. Maybe then people will stop treating me like I'm some fragile little doll that's going to break. I'm a grown-up, and I've made a decision, and I'm perfectly happy about it. So let's all get on with our lives, okay?"
"You don't need to snap at me."
An apology and a forgiveness ensue, and Lily returns to her own cubicle. Lou lies in her bed, inwardly raging at Sirius Black and the difference he's brought about in her life - in her friendships, especially - and she falls asleep, slightly cheered by the knowledge that every day that passes brings her one day closer to a time when nobody remembers what has happened.
