My garrison had been given an order without me to order it. I knew who was behind this; I connected my mind with the other angels and listened for a minute till it got quiet. They were all waiting for me to say something. I wish to speak with Castiel, alone. I growled the 'alone' and I felt the angels shrink under my voice; I could hear some of them snickering, thinking he had angered me in some way. It wasn't long before he showed up.
"Ananchel?" I placed my hand in the air to silence him.
"No, don't talk, just listen." He looked beyond confused. "Who gave you the order to kill Anna?"
"Zachariah; he said you had been informed, but was not participating in the capture." I huffed and tuned my head to the left.
"Danm." I paused "It looks like I'm no longer in charge." He looked worried. I looked back at him and didn't know what to say.
"Who is?" I wasn't sure if I should answer his question, but then again, it wasn't like they hadn't demoted me already.
"I think something's wrong with the angels; and you and I are just poor souls stuck in the middle of there fight." I paused for a minute. "Maybe its best if I back away from them and let them duke it out." I stepped closer to him. "Promise me this. You'll look out for the Winchesters and yourself. I have a feeling they'll want you to keep your distance from me." I patted his shoulder and laughed an uncomfortable laugh. "I've got to go. I have a feeling they'll have a death sentence on my head pretty soon." I put my hand on the side of his face and rubbed my thumb against his cheek.
"Where will you go?" he grabbed my hand and cradled it within his own.
"I don't know yet. Just got to disappear for awhile." I smiled and some unknown emotion crept into my mind, my stomach, and the rest of my body. Something internally was telling me to move, act on influence. Something clicked in the back of my mind; I leaned forward and got only an inch from his lips. I placed my hands on the nape of his neck, I could feel his hands react and settling on my hips. I could feel his breath on my mouth, and everything in my mind screamed. Go for it, go for it. I couldn't move from that position and waited to long; he pulled back and looked to the ground.
"We cant, I'm sorry." He wouldn't look at me and flew back about five feet from me.
"No, you shouldn't be sorry, I…I…I'm sorry. I shouldn't…I'm…I should go before I do something else that could get us both killed." I turned around to walk away but a hand caught me. It was Castiel.
"I don't want you to go." My gut lurched into my chest to hear his words. I paused for a minute and realized that my hands were in his.
"I'll be close." He smiled and I felt his hands leave mine. I stood there unsure of what to do next.
It was December and I had been noticing a lot of changes. Zachariah was moving my garrison like he assumed command when I left. I had been given no orders other then to keep away from the angels; it was starting to get suspicious. I stayed low and out of sight to keep away from the angels but I still contacted my garrison every now and then; until one day I noticed that some of them weren't responding. I felt no presence around them; I had no idea where they even were. It was like they were wiped off the map.
I was sitting on a stump trying to listen to there talking when I heard a scream; it wanted my help; the garrisons help. I couldn't ignore it but I didn't want to come out of hiding. Castiel… he had beaten me to it. I'll find her. I waited to hear back from him, but there was only silence. I couldn't wait anymore; I left the forest and appeared behind Castiel he just left and then I saw what he was looking at, cops were moving in on the scene. They looked at her with confusion they didn't know what to say about the crime scene. There was no more of her presence; she was gone. I returned to the forest and felt Castiel beside me. There was sadness in his voice when he told me what had happened. I was standing but I had to sit down to steady my legs.
"Castiel, I want to know who did this. Find out for me." I could feel anger rise and I clawed at the stump, ripping the dead wood from it.
"I shall."It was quiet; I didn't want to be alone, knowing that there was an angel murderer on the loose, but he left me to think. I sat on the stump for at least an hour before I felt a presence behind me.
"Ananchel." I turned around to see a face I was glad to see.
"Anna, what happened to your body?" she looked down at herself and pulled at her clothing. I stood up off the stump and turned to face her.
"I called in some old favors; you know how that goes." I smiled and shook my head sitting back down on the stump.
"Yeah, I know how that goes." I lowered my head. She sat down on the ground in front of me and placed a hand on my knee.
"You gave me a life as a human, a life as an angel again. You deserve more then hiding out in an abandoned forest with hex bags surrounding you. I wish there is someway I could help you." I patted her hand and she looked up at me.
"If I make it out of this angel rules the world business, teach me what its like to be human." She nodded her head and smiled.
"I promise." For the next few hours she told me about all the things she had done while human. How her mother and father loved her more then anything, her experiences at collage, her feelings about people and how things all seemed to be figured out by what you chose. It all sounded so wonderful, no orders, no being told what to do; I wanted to know what that felt like.
We sat there for a while when I could see through Castiel, he was standing outside a room and I could hear Alistair screaming in the background. I could feel sadness through Castiel and I looked back to find Anna standing.
"I'll go, you stay here." She left and I connected with Castiel to see what he could see. I saw the whole conversation and even after all that I was going through, Anna, The Orders; he was still faithful that it was God's orders. He wouldn't respond to her. She left and returned to where I was sitting on the stump.
"He won't listen to me." I looked up at her and stood.
"I'll go; I need to talk to him anyway." She put a hand on my shoulder and then sat down on the stump.
Castiel was leaning on the table and had his back to the doors where Dean and Alistair were, 'in interrogation.' I couldn't feel the Demons presence very clear because of the Devils trap; it seemed to block him from my senses.
"Castiel" I waited for him to turn around but he just looked to his right to get a sideways glace at me. "Castiel please, think what you're doing to Dean; I told you to look out for him, but you do this instead." He turned his head back around.
"I have orders, just like you." I closed my eyes and scrunched my forehead. "Or did you forget." He turned on me and I felt like I had been betrayed. I nodded my head and bit my lip.
"I haven't forgot, I just know what's right." He seemed hurt by my words but he kept his front strong. He stayed quiet for a minute. I smelt the demon stronger and the feeling of him got stronger. He was free, but how.
"Castiel; Dean." He looked confused for the minute before it dawned on him as well. I watched him go through the door and I ran over to look through the window, I watched as they fought" I pushed open the door and took two steps in when I felt another presence. I turned around and looked through the main door, it was Sam. I returned to the door and looked through the window. Alistair had gotten the better of Castiel, I opened the door to help but Sam was getting closer and I pulled away. I could not be seen by the Winchesters, I took one last look through the window before I left, staying just above the building.
Sam stopped Alistair, saved Castiel, and Dean and killed the Demon in the process, I watched the whole thing and knew what he had been doing behind Deans back, I didn't know that it was this bad, but I did know that the higher angels knew about it; I would have to confront them about it, no matter the cost to me.
I waited through the night to see Dean alone, he was in bad shape and I felt like it was my fault, I was the one who put him there. I stood next to his bed because Sam had left to wash up and get something to eat. I touched his hand and felt floored; there were no words for the feelings I felt. I pulled away and placed my palm to his forehead. His eyes snapped open and he took a breath in. I removed my palm and left before he could look over at me.
I found Urel sitting on a bench he was concentrating and listening.
"Castiel. I received revelation from our superiors. Our brothers and sisters are dying and they … they want us to stop hunting the demon responsible." I took a seat next to him. "Something is wrong up there. I mean, can you feel it." I remembered what Ananchel had said about her orders were concerning even her.
"The murders; maybe they aren't demonic. Sam Winchester said the demons had nothing to do with it." Uriel was angry with the orders; to me, he looked scared.
"If not the demons, what could it be?" I was remembering the time I had spoke to Ananchel and how she was being pushed aside.
"The will of heaven. We are failing, Uriel, we are losing the war. Perhaps the garrison is being punished."
"You think our Father would…" I cut him off and repeated some of the same words Ananchel had said to me.
"I think maybe our Father isn't giving the orders anymore. Maybe there is something wrong." I realized right then that Ananchel was right. Something was wrong; I just wish I knew what it was. He stood up from the bench and looked up at the sky.
"Well, I won't wait to be gutted." He left me alone to sit on the bench and think, I could only think of one thing; call for help. Ananchel wouldn't answer to me that night, I figured it best not to bring her out into the open, for once I called for Anna.
It was the next night and I could hear the angels speaking again, there were more and more deaths; no one could find who was responsible for it. I felt a presence behind me and she placed a hand on my shoulder and turned me around.
"Anna, they're losing. What do I do? I can't save my own angels from danger. I can't help them in hiding." She pulled me into a hug. "What do I do?" she pulled me back to look at her.
"Do what you think is right." I looked at her with hope but she just looked past me, like I was invisible. "I can't tell you what is right; you have to figure it out on your own." I lowered my head and nodded a defeated nodded. "I have to go, think for yourself; like you always do." She patted my shoulder before disappearing. She was right, wasn't she?
I was listening to the sounds of the forest when I heard a help ring out of complete silence. I was pulled into Castiel's position; he was punched twice, then Urel started to talk. I pulled away long enough to send a message. Anna, Castiel needs help. NOW! I fell back to Castiel knelling on the floor being punched to a bloody end. I tried to help him fight back but it felt like my arms were heavier then bricks.
Finally Anna showed up, she saved him and I heard her whisper last words to Uriel and saw her through Castiels eyes. She walked next to him to watch Uriel and I pulled back to my own body.
I regained my control and stood up from the ground, I had fallen while the vision had taken place. I rubbed my head and sat down on the stump, this was going too far, the angels didn't even take notice to Castiel's cry for help. Did they hear mine? I needed time to think on what to do; should I continue to follow my orders or stand up for myself.
I brushed the dirt off my pants and noticed the blood coming from my knee; apparently when I fell, I fell on a rock and split my knee open. I waved my hand over my knee and the skin knitted back together and the clothes were fresh and clean again.
As I sat on the stump I was thinking of all the ways this 'should' have been taken care of, I shouldn't have to hide, I shouldn't have to follow Zachariah's orders, I should have been there, I should have stopped Urel, I should have been the one to save Castiel, not Anna. I was helpless in hiding; no good to the angels around me. I sat for what seemed like hours, a complete statue; not moving. I finally twitched and stood up. I wasn't going to stand for this, I had a voice; I wanted it to be heard.
I was sitting with Dean in the hospital when I felt a familiar presence outside his door; I looked up to see Ananchel by the window. She nodded her head to the door and I got up to walk outside; Dean gave me a funny look but he hadn't seen Ananchel.
I walked out the door and down the hall to find her next to a window her face was of concern and sadness.
"I've made my choice. I refuse to sit here and continue to be leashed." She paused and waited for a nurse to pass by and then continued. "Castiel, protect Dean, he's all we have. I know the pain inside him, you have to help him see." She turned around to walk away and I grabbed her arm.
"Wait, help him see what?" she looked back and rested a hand on mine.
"I wish I knew; that's what I'm going to go find out." She tried to pull away but I held her jacket from her getting away.
"Tell me, what is going on? Where are you going?" she turned around fully and sighed.
"I don't know what's going on, that's the problem. I'm going straight to the angels, if they want me; here I come." She paused and looked around. "Cass, I can't ask you to follow me, but if I do anything rash..." She stopped unable to continue. I put a hand to her shoulder in reassurance. "You watch out. If they can stop me, they can stop you." She pulled away into the darkly lit hallway and disappeared in a flutter of wings. I feared for the worse when she would arrive at the angel's council.
