Alright, last chapter likely for a while. I have to work for the next 5 days, and I have no clue when next I'll be inspired, so wish me luck. Enjoy!

Hey Nat,

So...today was...different. I mean, not bad kinda different, but like...D kinda different, you know? I guess I should probably explain, huh?

Well, after practice I went home and showered, because, I dunno if you know this, but Double D's a neat freak. Like, to an extreme. That, and he was letting me come over to his house, so I kinda had to wash up. I don't think he'd have let me sit down if I didn't, not that he'd have much of a choice. But he's been the only person who gives a shit about me recently so I guess I'll at least give him that much.

Still, it was...weird walking up to his house, or even thinking about going in it. This was a place where that dork Eddy used to come over and make these ridiculous scams all the time. I figured it could have been some big trap and Eddy was in on it, it wouldn't surprise me.

Then Double D answered the door and I remembered Sockhead couldn't be devious if he tried. He was so damn happy about...studying, of all things. I couldn't believe anyone could get so excited about studying. Then he started talking about where I could sit and I just decided to plop down on the other side. I dunno why he thought I would want his side. I'm not that much of a douche, right? Don't answer that.

So now here's the weird thing. Weird for me, not for you. He asked if I wanted a drink and I asked for a pop, so he went over to the fridge and leaned over to grab them. He was smiling for some weird reason. But the stupid thing is where my mind went. He leaned over...yeah, you know, Nat. I know. I think it's your fault, showing me all those damn magazines. But I know a nice ass when I see one. Guess I'd never bothered to look at his.

I looked away when the dork came back, tried to forget where my mind just went. Look what you've done to me, dude. You have me all confused. I don't even know who I wanna hit on now. It's confusing and frustrating and...it kinda sucks. I see where you're coming from. Not knowing if a guy's into that thing sorta sucks. Whatever, it's Double D, he's not into that kinda shit anyways. I'm just glad I have someone to talk to I guess. Other than you, yeah, I know you're there. But you're THERE. So yeah.

So while I was thinking about NOT thinking about his ass, he must have grabbed a book and started talking to me. I caught most of it, just took a sec to realize he asked me if I wanted to study or whatever. I didn't really, but it was his house, I asked to come over, beggars can't really be choosers.

Then he blushed. I dunno why. Thought maybe I'd offended him or something, but then he smiled all dork-like and said we could just talk. So I did.

And I kinda...yeah, went down that road. The one you don't want me going down. I started beating myself up because...you know. But everything I said, he had some sort of counter for it. He kept telling me it wasn't me, it was just that people wanted Nazz happy, and I guess I can see that. It just sucks, you know?

Still, I got kinda pissed and even cursed, which isn't something the Dork likes. It's kinda funny to offend him, he makes this little gasp like I stepped on his ancestor or something. Tried to tone it down anyways.

Then he dropped a bomb on me.

Guess what. Dorky knows what sex is. I know, I know, everyone does, but he is, like, the most non-sexual person I know. I wasn't even sure if he ever hit puberty.

But like, he was going on about how all the guys going after Nazz were thinking with their dicks. He said it in 'fancy words,' something about anatomy and some other shit, but still. Hard to believe he had it in him. Wonder if he knew he had a nice ass. Probably not. I think he's still pretty clueless.

Then I ended up rambling and kinda maybe told him Nazz is asexual. But I...guess I trust him not to tell. I'm also kinda trusting you to be right about trusting him. This isn't shit I wanna get out.

He knew a lot about it though. Like, got me to understand why Nazz was like she was, better than her explanation of 'I'm not into that sort of thing'. But it kinda got me thinking, cuz I guess it's not easy for people like her to find love...cuz they don't like all the sexual things. Or even making out. So I basically thought I left her there to be alone.

So he told me that if I'd stayed with her, I'd have eventually fucked up, and...basically gave examples that match what I did. So I asked him if it matched and yeah. I guess I'm just a fucking example.

But he wouldn't stop there, and kept insisting it was all normal, and I...guess I just gave in. Now, I know you don't know Double D, but he's not someone who lies. Other than those stupid scams, he seems like the most honest guy you could ever meet. So when he told me she'd forgive me, and that I just had to learn from it...I guess I just listened.

That, and I kinda freaked out for a second when he touched me. Like, put his hand on my shoulder. Surprised he didn't wear a glove. It wasn't bad or anything. It'd been a while since I'd felt like someone really gave a shit about me. I guess he was right, I can't stand not having physical contact in a relationship. It just makes me feel like shit. I'm not surprised I screwed up. Or, well...found some way to get it, I guess is what he'd say, since he insists it was so 'human' of me.

His arm kinda moved over my back when I moved, cuz at that point I'd been holding in my tears for fucking ever and my lungs felt stapled, and I think it freaked him out. Actually got him to blush again, but this time I had no clue why. I looked at him for a bit, but I guess he didn't know what else to say cuz he started reading again.

I just kinda sat there and thought about what he'd said for a while. Things started to fit together in my head, and I was kinda glad. I just...wasn't sure about something else. You know, the thing. I mean...Edd's so smart. He's so fucking smart I can't believe it sometimes. I just figured...if anyone could figure it out, maybe he could? It couldn't hurt to try...could it?

So I told him. I told him about how we met and about the meet-ups and about the night I made the biggest mistake of my life. And yeah, I know, you weren't bad, but it doesn't mean I'd do it again. Don't go bitch-mode on me for calling it a mistake. Cuz I barely remember most of it, so it's not like I can judge. I mostly just know what you told me.

And after all that, I ended up realizing I was kinda scared Nazz would tell someone. I mean, I don't even know what I am right now. What if the school found out? I didn't know what I'd do. He put his arm around me to like, comfort me, and I told him about my...stupid fear.

He just told me...I didn't deserve to be ignored and shit, that Nazz wasn't gonna tell anyone kinda like I wasn't gonna really tell anyone about her, and he said he understood why I was afraid of telling him. It sucks to hear one of the most cowardly guys in the school talking to you about your stupid fears. I'm a jock, I'm Captain of the Football Team, and I'm scared of what some girl can say about me...

Still...it was kinda nice to have his arm around me. I just kinda wanted to enjoy it for a while, without having to feel guilty, or having Nazz pull away because she didn't really see the point in it after a while. So I did. And he kept talking.

And he told me something you're going to be excited about. I can hear it now.

He, in some roundabout way, said he liked guys. Idk if that means he's bi, or gay, or what, but it kinda put a whole new spin on his arm being around me. It wasn't a bad thing, exactly, I just got caught off-guard. I think my cheeks went red and I hope to God he didn't fucking notice. Either way, his did too, and he took his arm away. Guess he realized what he said.

So yeah...that was the night, for the most part. I picked up a book he had on the table and read it. Couple hours flew by and next thing I knew it was a quarter past nine. I asked if I could borrow the book because it really was good. I dunno man, if there's more books out there like this, I might actually bother reading. But anyways, he agreed.

And I...thanked him. Cuz, you know...he was there when no one else was. He didn't even realize what I was thanking him for at first. The dork. When he realized though, it was nice to see him smiling.

It's like, he's always smiling, but that was the first time I saw him actually -smiling-.

I got home and did my homework. Or, well, fudged it. And now I'm writing to you. And all I can really think about is talking to him again. And that my clothes smell kinda like his house. Ugh, I probably just need some sleep.

Message me back and remember, don't bitch at me, Queenie!

Talk to ya later.

Kev