Title: The Laws of Quarterbacking
Disclaimer: I do not "own" South Park or any of its characters. The lucky bastards Trey Parker and Matt Stone do, however. I only own this plot idea and the OCs that will appear in this story.
Rating and Warning: Uhhh…T bordering on M. It's SOUTH PARK, of course! There'll be language, suggestive dialogue, sexual situations, you name it. It wouldn't be South Park without those things!
NOTE: Some landmarks, characters, events, etc. in this story who are based on real life people or events are fictional.
If you want to know who the OCs are:
Bill: Football coach at Texas A&M, Stan's older boyfriend
Ryan: Kyle's "best bro" from law school
Oh, and another quick note. If you see something that's all caps, or in bold, or italicized, or whatever, that means that the character is putting a lot of emphasis on that particular word/phrase, or he/she is screaming or saying it in anger.
Please leave non-flame reviews!
Saturday Night.
Cartman's Party
Cartman booked a room at the banquet hall that looked more like a nightclub. There was a huge dance floor with a disco ball, strobe lights, a stage on the far left side with a big projector screen for karaoke, a bar in the back with free drinks for everyone, a VIP room, bathrooms, and a small booth at another side. The party would likely consist of about 40 people or so. Again, Stan could bring Bill as a date, considering the former South Park alumni respect his privacy and wouldn't out him.
People started showing up about 8 PM and headed straight for the bar. The DJ that Cartman booked began to play the latest Top 40 music.
Kyle showed up at the party with Ryan, with Kyle's arm around Ryan's waist and Ryan's arm around Kyle's shoulders. Cartman greeted them and showed them around the party. After Cartman's tour, the duo went to the bar for a couple of drinks.
Around 9 PM, Stan and Bill showed up. Cartman also greeted them, gave them the tour, etc.
"Want a drink?" Stan offered his elder boyfriend. Stan looked around the room to see all the guests. It looked like everyone from Mr. Garrison's class, except for Wendy of course, were there. His eyes met with Kyle who was sitting on a couch with the person he assumed was the law school friend. He saw that Kyle and this "mystery man" were laughing. He and Kyle hadn't spoken since the Starbucks incident.
"Sure, I'm fixin' for a beer myself." They headed toward the bar. This is the first interaction between Stan and Bill that didn't involve football. Ever since the incident with Kyle at Stan's condo, Bill chose to sleep in the guestroom until Stan made his decision. Bill figured that personal spat wasn't enough to affect their professional relationship, however.
"Hey, can I get the beer special tonight for this gentleman here and a club soda for myself?" Stan asked the bartender. Stan had been about 12 years sober and he wasn't planning on breaking that streak anytime soon. When they received their free drinks, they went to the opposite side of the party away from Kyle and Ryan.
Kyle's eyes met with Stan and Bill who were heading to the other side. He figured that Stan had already made his decision since they haven't spoken since the day at Starbucks, not to mention Stan hadn't even walked over to him to say a simple hello.
Kyle pointed his finger in their direction. "Ryan, that couple over there, is Stan and Bill." Ryan looked over to see them. He had never seen Stan outside the old high school yearbook photos or the occasional Broncos game (As Ryan was a native of Missouri, he was a Chiefs fan, NOT a Broncos fan). This was the first time Ryan saw Kyle's ex and super best friend in the flesh.
10:00 PM.
The party was packed to the brim. Some were on the dance floor, others were at the bar, and a few were lounging around and mingling.
Cartman then made his way to the stage and grabbed a mic. "May I have everyone's attention please?" It still wasn't quiet enough, and Cartman said "Hey, I'm the party host, RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH!" Everyone then quieted down and looked at Cartman. "Thank you. First, I would like to thank everyone who made it here tonight and is making this party a huge success so far. I thought we could do some karaoke tonight. Anyone want to come up and sing a song to a loved one, a friend, or just to sing for the hell of it?" Cartman asked looking over at the crowd.
Kenny got onto the stage. Cartman handed him a book of songs and the mic. "Hey, what's up? I'm Kenny. I've got a little song to sing. This one's for all the sexy ladies out there!" Kenny then told the DJ which song he picked and the song began to play.
Kenny sang the song "Da Ya Think I'm Sexy" by Rod Stewart. He made all kinds of obscene hand gestures with his crotch during the chorus.
Everyone laughed hysterically throughout Kenny's act. "Oh, my God! Only Kenny McCormick can pull this off!" Kyle said, unable to control his laughter. Once the song was over, he had the crowd in stitches from too much laughter. It was classic Kenny. He got thunderous applause.
Bill then got off the couch and headed to the stage. Stan wondered if Bill was going to sing a song. He was feeling nervous, considering the two of them haven't spoken about non-work matters in a week or so. Bill told the DJ his song of choice. "Hey, y'all. I'm Bill and I'm dedicating this song to my boyfriend Stan."
Bill sang "My Infinite Love" by George Strait. During the entire song, Bill made perfect eye contact with Stan. Stan's eyes began to water up. He never knew Bill felt this passionately about him.
Just a few feet down, Kyle observed Stan's reaction. When Bill was finished singing, he went up to Stan, only for the two of them to kiss passionately, as if they were the only two men in the room. Kyle felt crushed and destroyed at that moment. Ryan rubbed Kyle's back up and down and gave it some pats, saying "It'll be ok, bro."
Kyle was shocked when Ryan got up and walked onto the stage. "Hey ladies and bros. I don't exactly have a sappy love song to sing to anyone, but I do have a fun song dedicated to my best bro Kyle! Hit it DJ!" He whispered the song into the DJ's ear and the song began.
Ryan sang "Michael" by Franz Ferdinand. Kyle started laughing at the choice of song. He remembered that was the song they jammed to the night they began their "Bros With Benefits" relationship. They started dancing to the song, began kissing, and one thing led to another. For Kyle, it was the best summer he had in a really long time. Ryan kept his eyes on Kyle almost the entire time he was on stage.
The women cheered Ryan on, and even a lot of the guys were entertained by this display. A woman shouted out "So, who was the Michael in your life?!"
"Kyle." Ryan said on the mic with a grin.
Stan looked at Ryan and then at Kyle who was hysterically laughing at all of this. He couldn't believe that there was a possibility Ryan and Kyle could have been involved with one another at some point. In Stan's eyes, Ryan sang the song a little too seriously for it to be just a "bro" thing. And the way Ryan looked into Kyle's eyes…Stan was starting to get pissed off and even feeling a little hurt. Kyle never mentioned a thing about Ryan to him. Stan thought to himself Kyle isn't innocent at all. He's trying to play the victim, but with the way he's acting, and with the whole Ryan thing tonight, he's got his share of guilt too.
Bill, of course, was lounging on the couch with an evil grin on his face. He saw the looks on Stan's and Kyle's faces.
Stan then got up and went on stage. About a minute later, he found a song.
"This is dedicated to a particular someone in this room. They know who they are." Stan glanced around the room, but stared into Kyle's eyes for about a minute longer than anyone else. Kyle knew that he was that "particular someone" by Stan's expression. Ryan also looked up at Stan in interest, wondering what the song would be. Bill was on his second bottle of beer, quietly chuckling at this whole spectacle. The DJ then began playing the song.
Stan sang the song "Heartless" by Kanye West. He sang the song with pure, raw emotion, staring at Kyle almost the entire time. Stan had finished the song very pissed off.
Kyle sat there trying to comprehend the song Stan had the balls to sing to him. He was starting to become quite angry himself as well. Ryan had to pull Kyle back to the couch to stop him from walking over to Stan and Bill and causing a scene.
After Stan got off the stage, he walked over to Bill. "Bill, I've made my decision. I choose you. Now let me tell him." Bill grinned, thinking to himself: I won!
Stan walked over to Kyle who was seething about the song Stan had "dedicated" to him. Kyle got up and walked over to Stan.
"You have the fucking balls to call me heartless?! Get REAL, Marsh!"
"You areheartless, Kyle. One second you're hot. One second you're cold. You hardly speak to me all week. And now it seems like you have a past you never told me about. The list goes on."
"Sure, right," Kyle said, rolling his eyes, waiting for Stan to continue.
"Anyway, I just came here to tell you I've made my final choice. I choose Bill." Stan awaited Kyle's reaction. All Kyle could do was stand there quietly. Stan saw that his ex was both pissed and hurt, but he couldn't tell what he felt more.
"Bye." Stan said flatly, walking off. No one knew that Stan was hurting inside also, but he chose to plaster a fake smile for his former South Park schoolmates. Stan sat next to Bill and they began to make out. Kyle watched them for a minute before he went to the bar for two shots of tequila. He downed them and then went up to the stage. Kyle whispered the song to the DJ.
"This song is for someone in this room. Hit it DJ!"
Stan looked to see that Kyle was looking directly at him. He decided to move closer to the stage to hear what Kyle was going to sing. He felt a little nervous, as he could tell Kyle was pissed off by the way his face was quivering with fury. Ryan sat on the couch nursing his beer, waiting for his best bro to begin.
Kyle sang "25 to Life" by Eminem, singing it with all the anger and resentment he had brewing inside him. The ginger Jew felt that Eminem's lyrics were so applicable to this situation, and he felt the white rapper from Michigan deserved a proper tribute. When Kyle was done, he got off the stage, staring at Stan for about 10 seconds before walking off. Stan looked a little scared, not realizing just how pissed and hurt Kyle was.
Bill walked over to Stan. "You feeling okay there champ?"
"It's fine. He's probably just pissed about my decision." They headed over to the couch.
Cartman then got on the stage, noting how Ryan, Kyle, Stan, and Bill were all looking like they wanted to murder each other. He knew it was time to stop before things got out of hand. "Okay, everyone, I think that's enough karaoke for tonight. It's getting a bit tense up in here. DJ, just take song requests," Cartman said as he went back to the party.
Everyone got into the party mood again.
"This next song is for Kyle from Ryan," the DJ said as he began to play the track. It was "Gigolo" by Nick Cannon. Ryan asked Kyle to dance and he accepted. They went onto the floor and began to dance like they were in a gay club.
"I can't believe you, Ryan!" Kyle said laughing, gently socking him in the shoulder.
"Hey, it's the perfect song for you, gaygolo," Ryan replied back grinning. Stan stared at them, wondering why they were laughing and joking around about this particular song. It then clicked in his head that there was definitely something from Kyle's past he didn't know about.
A few hours later…
Kyle was walking toward the bar when he bumped into Stan.
"What the fuck was that, Kyle?"
"Excuse me?"
He and Stan went to a quieter corner of the party to talk.
"What was up with Ryan singing that Franz Ferdinand song about a guy who's bi curious and you guys laughing while he does it? And then he dedicates a song about gigolos to you?"
"What business is it of yours? You made your choice! Go and be with your boyfriend!"
"Um, I'm not the one that pretended to be an innocent victim here."
"So, because I suffered quite a few painful experiences in my young adult life, that means I'm not allowed to have fun?"
"The way you talked, it seemed as if the only men you've ever been with are me and Luke!"
"Wait…why do you care so much about this? Are you saying it's wrong for me to be with other guys after we break up, but it's perfectly fine for you to dump me so you can go marry and bang Wendy?!"
"I'm saying the way you seduced me in your office a few days ago, and now you're all cozy with Ryan. It's like Kanye's song goes. You're hot one day and cold the other."
"Oh, we're back to the heartless thing again. You want heartless, Stanley Marsh? I'll show you heartless…"
And with that, Kyle pulled Stan's face to his and kissed him with all his passion and might. Stan could feel the passion and was trying his damndest to not kiss him back. He even had his eyes closed. However, a very quiet moan did escape from his lips, and his body language indicated he was enjoying this. Kyle pulled away and said "I'm off to the dance floor. Ryan's saving a dance for me" as he walked away.
Stan opened his eyes to see that Bill was staring at him. He walked over to him and said "Sorry about that, I guess Kyle's not completely over me…"
Bill wouldn't answer.
"Hey, you okay?" Stan asked a little concerned. Bill walked right past him toward the bar.
"What's wrong?" Stan asked again confused.
"You kissed Kyle."
"Uh, it's more like he kissed me."
"Whatever, Stanley." Things looked pretty bad. Bill never called Stan by his full name during their brief relationship. Ever.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You fucking liked kissing him. I saw your body language. I'm going home. You stay right here, and don't wait up," Bill said, walking out of the party with his face twisted in anger.
"Could this night get any fucking worse?!" Stan wondered out loud.
A few minutes later…
The music abruptly stopped. Everyone started scattering around and screaming as someone entered the party firing gunshots…
To be continued…
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Author's Note: If you want to read the lyrics to these songs, go on !
