Chapter 9: Not That Far Away

February 11, 2012 - Seattle

The room was completely silent and felt like it had shrunk to the size of a closet as Carly tried to process what she'd just heard.

I found Sam.

She stared across at Freddie's face. His mouth was moving and it vaguely registered that he was saying something, but she couldn't hear him. On a loop in here head were three words.

IfoundSam…IfoundSam…IfoundSam…IfoundSam…IfoundSam…IfoundSam…IfoundSam…

She stood up, then sat down, then stood again and started pacing in front of Freddie's bed. She as trying to say something, but every time she opened her mouth her throat got tight and she had to stop.

"Carly? Carly are you okay?" Freddie was concerned. Three minutes and Carly still hadn't said a word. She was pacing back and forth in front of his bed, in a perpetual state of motion. He wasn't sure how she was feeling. She might be mad…he had kept a pretty big secret from her, and she didn't even know yet that he'd been searching for Sam on his own for months. He reached out for her hand and stopped her in front of him. "Carly listen, don't be mad. I was going to tell you I just…"

"You found Sam?" Carly said in a voice just above a whisper.

"Yeah… I did."

"You found Sam…" Her face crumbled, fresh tears pouring down her cheeks that she didn't even bother to wipe away.

"Carly…" His words were cut off as Carly launched herself across the space between them and pulled him into a bone crushing bear hug that threatened to cut off his air supply. She was crying in earnest now, soaking the shoulder of his shirt with her tears. After his initial shock he patted her back, trying to help her calm down. "Carly…don't cry. This is a good thing right?"

She pulled away, sniffling. "I can't believe it. How? When. Where is she?" She walked back toward the bed and sat down, waiting for his response.

"According to the information I have, she's in Willacoochee, Georgia. I think I remember her saying her grandmother lives there so it makes sense. I've been working on it for a while now – ever since you and Spencer told me that I wasn't doing enough to get Sam back home. But I really owe finding her to you."

"Me?"

"Yeah. Last week when I came over for Spaghetti Taco night and you went upstairs to change, you got a text message from Melanie."

Carly's face flushed red. "Freddie, I'm so sorry…I totally wanted to tell you but I just didn't know how and I was afraid you'd freak out again and do something…"

"Stupid. Like the last time."

"I'm so sorry…"

"It's okay Carly, really. I haven't handled this whole thing very well and I was pretty much a mess the last couple months. I don't really blame you."

"You don't?"

"No, and it doesn't really matter now. I mean…I found Sam, that's what matters."

"Right…so finish telling me how this all happened."

"After I saw Melanie's text I got her phone number and contacted a guy I know. He was able to track down Sam's address by cross referencing the calls on Melanie's phone with the outgoing calls from Sam's mom's phone."

"Look at you…going all James Bond." Carly smiled, "Sam would be so proud."

It was the first time in three months that they'd mentioned Sam and not felt the painful ache of her absence. This time the atmosphere around them wasn't filled with sadness or hurt; it was alive with hope.

"Yeah… I think she would."

"So, what happens now?"

"Well, I do have a plan for that. But I'm not sure how you'll feel about it."

"Freddie…you found Sam. After all this time you're the one who's going to make it possible to have her in our lives again. I'm behind you, whatever you want to do. I trust you."

Freddie looked at Carly's face and was sure that she believed every word she was saying. But once she actually knew what his plan involved he wasn't so sure she'd feel the same way. Taking a deep breath, he laid it out for her.

"Okay. I know that what we want more than anything is to have Sam and the baby back here in Seattle with us, right?"

"Right."

"But we want her to do that because she wants to, not because we forced her or pressured her. We want her to know that we trust her judgment and her decisions, even if we don't agree with them."

Carly did not like where this was going. "Okay… so what exactly does that mean?"

"I made a video for Sam tonight. Just telling her how I feel, how much I miss her and how much I want her and the baby here with me. I told her that I trust her and that I'm waiting for her with open arms or ready to run to her at a moment's notice… when she's ready. I'm going to send her the video, and I'll keep sending them every week. I'm hoping that once she sees that I'm different, ready for her and for the baby, she'll change her mind about being in Seattle."

"So you're not going to get her?"

"Not yet. Not until she tells me she's ready."

Carly sat quietly. It was definitely not the plan she'd expected. When he said he'd found Sam she'd started doing a mental inventory of how much money she'd need to buy plane tickets to get Sam, already packing her bag. She figured they'd leave, get Sam, bring her home and then the whole thing would be finished. This, however, was a shock. Freddie wanted to woo her back. That would require patience and trusting that his plan wouldn't blow up in all of their faces. Patience wasn't an easy thing for her but as she looked into the face of her best friend, the man who had so much more to lose in this situation, she realized that he needed her to trust him. Sam was her friend and always would be, but Sam and the baby were even more than that to Freddie. They were his family and, hopefully, his future. It would be his job to take care of them and she had to trust him to do that job.

"Okay…tell me what you need from me."

Freddie stared at her in shock. He couldn't believe it. He'd expected her to put up a fight, tell him he was being ridiculous, force him to rush off to Georgia and drag Sam back here, kicking and screaming if necessary. But she hadn't. She was trusting him to handle this and in this moment he'd never been more happy to call her his friend.

"Thank you Carly. Thanks for trusting me."

Carly reached out for his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "We're in this together Freddie. And I know that if this is what you think is best, it's work out…eventually. Now come on…let's get to the post office before they close."


February 15, 2012 – Willacoochee, Georgia

Over the past three months there had been a million times when Sam had wished she could talk to Carly and Freddie. Sometimes she'd see something funny or her grandmother would do something crazy and she'd find herself reaching for her phone so she could text them. Then in the next moment she'd realize the phone wasn't there – it was back in Seattle with Carly and Freddie or whatever hobo found it at the bus station-and a loneliness like she'd never felt would wash over her. This was one of those moments.

She stood in front of her dresser staring into the mirror. Placing her hands softly on the swell of her stomach she turned to the side. It was part of her morning ritual since the slight bump she'd arrived with had begun to grow. It never ceased to amaze her. Lifting her shirt she stared at her reflection. The skin of her stomach was tight – she looked like she swallowed a soccer ball. She ran her hands over it waiting quietly. Her eyes lit up as she felt it, the soft thump, thump beneath her skin that reminded her of the life she carried. She patted her stomach gently.

"You're up early this morning aren't you?"

It had felt weird at first, talking to the baby. But as time went on, it had become a routine, something she not only enjoyed but looked forward to. She found herself at various points in the day, rubbing her belly and talking to the baby-–sharing her heart, telling it funny stories, playing hide and seek as she'd thump one side of her belly and wait for it to respond. Every time she felt it move her heart swelled and she understood what J'Maw Maw meant when she said that you could never love anything the way you loved your baby.

She didn't know the baby's sex yet. Technically, she was supposed to be able to find out at 16 weeks; that was 6 weeks ago and still no word. According to her doctor she was going to give birth to the most stubborn baby he'd ever delivered. She didn't bother to tell him it was hereditary. Every time they'd put the monitor on the baby it had turned away from the screen; legs shut tight. No amount of prodding or poking had been able to get it to move. It was almost comical – at one point the baby had gone to sleep. Like mother like…well, she guessed she'd have to wait and see about that. She was okay with it she supposed. It gave her something to look forward to. And honestly she wasn't sure she had a preference. In the privacy of her room at night, she wondered what Freddie would think. Would he want a girl or a boy? She could see him with a little girl, spoiling her rotten. And she could see him with a boy too, passing on all his nerdy tech boy knowledge. She tried not to think that way too often. It was too painful.

"Sammy! Get the lead out! You're gonna be late!" her grandmother called up the stairs. J'Maw Maw had only two volumes: loud and louder.

She pulled her shirt back down over her stomach, grabbed her bag from the bed, and headed out the door. Walking down the stairs she had to smile to herself. No one from her old life would ever believe it if she told them where she was heading. Samantha Puckett had a job, a real, live job that required work and paid money. Carly would be shocked. Anyone who knew Sam would really be shocked. Being a part of the workforce was never something that had appealed to her. It involved waking up early and doing manual labor when she'd rather be sleeping. And as much as she had dreaded doing this when J'Maw Maw had first mentioned it, the gig had grown on her over the three months she'd been doing it. As always, J'Maw Maw knew best.

She entered the kitchen and sat down opposite J'Maw Maw, helping herself to the scrambled eggs, toast and fruit. Yet another change: real food. Since she'd arrived J'Maw Maw had cooked every day, twice a day. No fast food, no fatty ribs, no pizza. At first Sam had been in withdrawal, craving fat cakes and smoothies and anything with grease. But now she was shocked to find herself eating vegetables and fruit and actually enjoying it. She chalked most of that up to the baby – the kid might be stubborn like her but its appetite was Benson all the way. She craved things that, back in Seattle, she'd have cut off her pinkie toe before eating. Just the other day she'd eaten a giant salad that tasted so good she wanted to cry. She was quite possibly going to be raising a child that liked to eat healthy – it was a scary thought.

"How you feeling this morning honey?" J'Maw Maw asked the same thing every morning but Sam never got tired of hearing it. It was nice to have someone caring about her, loving her at the hardest moment of her life.

"We're good J'Maw Maw." She rubbed her stomach as she shoveled a forkful of eggs into her mouth. Some things had changed but her table manners weren't among them. "But this one kept me up all night, tap dancing on my bladder."

"Did the Doc tell you when you'll know what you're having?"

"Nope. He said I could come in this afternoon and we'd try again."

"Stubborn…well, that's your baby for sure! What time are you supposed to go in?"

She wiped her mouth on a napkin, picking up her plate to take it to the sink. "He said he could squeeze me in at four."

"Oh, Sam honey…I can't take you. I've gotta go down to the police station."

Sam turned around and raised an eyebrow at her grandmother. Since she'd arrived in Willacoochee she'd realized that her grandmother and the four officers who made up the police department had something of a love-hate relationship. They loved her, but hated all the trouble she caused.

"J'Maw Maw! What did you do now? You said you were going to behave!"

"I am behaving! It's not my fault if somebody cut down Lettie McCormick's rose bushes…and her azaleas…and half of her tree."

"Isn't Mrs. McCormick your neighbor? J'Maw Maw…what did you do?"

"Well, I told her that her flowers and that stupid tree were hanging over my property line and she got all snippy with me and told me to 'deal with it'…so I did. And she called the police." She laughed at the look on her granddaughter's face. "Don't worry about it honey, all I gotta do is sign some papers and pay for a new rose bush for that old hag. But I have to be there at four so I can't run you out to the doctor's."

"Don't worry about it, I'll reschedule."

"You don't have to do that, Ryland would run you out there if you want."

Sam tensed, a reaction that wasn't lost on J'Maw Maw. Ryland had been something of a problem since she'd arrived. After catching him in her room with a handful of her unmentionables, they'd achieved a sort of tense tolerance of one another. Well, she'd been tolerant; he, on the other hand, had tried everything in his power to be friendly. He'd taken her to a drive in on J'Maw Maw's insistence and she'd been impressed that even in Middle-of-Nowhere, Georgia he'd found a first rate horror movie showing at a drive in. It had been fun. He'd filled her up with the junk she'd been craving and she'd been surprised to find out that underneath all his red-neck, good ole boy exterior lurked the heart of a nerd. He said he was working and saving up for college where he wanted to study graphic design. She hadn't even bothered to mask the shock on her face at that revelation.

'What'd you expect' he'd said, 'thought I wanted to join the rodeo or something?' He'd spent the rest of the night telling her about how much he loved graphic design and how much he was looking forward to seeing the world outside of Willacoochee. He asked her lots of questions about Seattle but was nice enough not to mention Freddie or Carly or ask anything too personal. After that night it had gotten more uncomfortable, not less, to be around him. And it was uncomfortable because being around him made her feel normal for the first time since arriving. She was scared to admit, even to herself, the reason for that.

"I don't think so J'Maw Maw. I'll just wait until you can take me."

"Sammy, come sit down."

Great…another 'J'Maw Maw' talk. She'd begun to dread these. They always involved her thinking of or dealing with something she'd rather not. She supposed that was the point.

She sat reluctantly and waited for J'Maw Maw to start.

"What's going on with you and Ryland?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all."

"You're a pretty good liar…to other people. But I know you too well. I thought you two were getting along? What happened?"

"Nothing happened. I just…" She sighed, "It's just weird."

"Weird how?"

"He's just. He's really nice and he's always trying to do nice stuff for me and take me places and telling me about his dreams and asking me about mine and…"

"The last time I checked that was called being a gentleman. What's the problem?" She raised an eyebrow at Sam who was staring her lap, rubbing her stomach. "Oh…I see. So things are a little more than friendly with Ryland."

Sam nodded.

"And you don't want that?"

She nodded again.

"Has he told you he's feeling…more than friendly?"

"Not exactly, but…I can tell. It's not what he says, it's in all the things he doesn't say."

"I can't say that I'm shocked. I've seen him looking at you sometimes. I guess I just didn't figure he was in that deep already. And you don't want him to like you that way?"

Sam shook her head. "Ryland is a nice guy. A really great guy, and maybe if this was another time and another place and I wasn't…" she gestured toward her belly, "you know… maybe then it would be different. But, it just can't right now. I can't."

"I have a feeling that this has to do with more than bad timing. You're thinking about…"

"Don't say it! Please, don't say it. I…" she sighed, "I really don't want to talk about it."

"You've been saying that for three months now, and I've been patient, but Sammy you didn't make that baby by yourself and sooner or later you're gonna have to deal with that. You can't ignore him forever."

"It's easy to ignore someone you can't see," she mumbled under her breath.

"Whose choice is that honey?" She reached across the table to hold Sam's hand. "Listen honey, I'm not trying to hurt your feelings or make you sad. You've made so much progress since you've been here and I'm so proud of you, and the way you're stepping up to be a mother to this baby. I just don't want you to keep running away from the things you need to look at head on. Running from them won't make them go away."

She nodded her head and stood with J'Maw Maw, ready to head out the door for work. The ride in the truck was quiet, the cab filled with music. Sam had to smile; since she'd gotten to Georgia it had been all country all the time. She hated to admit that it was actually growing on her. The song on the radio right now was called 'Not That Far Away', it was by a new artist named Jennette McCurdy. She and Ryland had gotten into a rather heated debate the other day about whether or not she and the singer looked alike. Ryland swore they could be twins. Sam didn't see the resemblance—and at any rate, having one twin out there was enough.

"Seriously, J'Maw Maw, we gotta update your music!"

"I like my music just fine. I don't want to drive around listening to all that hippity hop stuff you kids are so crazy about these days. Country suits me just fine."

They drove into town, passing the limited shops lining the main street. Pulling off onto a side street, they stopped outside of a modest white house with black shutters. The house had seen better days but the tenants did the best they could, planting flowers along the cracked side walk. Sam scooted out of the cab – getting out of cars was getting increasingly difficult- waved at J'Maw Maw and told her she'd see her later. She headed up the stairs and onto the porch…littered with children's toys. The door to the house swung open and she was almost knocked over by a blur of blond hair.

"Sam!"

"Hey kiddo!" She laughed as she leaned down to hug the small boy wrapped around her legs. He leaned his head up to see her and she saw that his face was covered in grape jelly. Looking down she also noticed that he had on nothing but a pair of Superman underwear, a cap and a pair of red cowboy boots. She cracked up; this kid could keep her amused forever. "Jason…where are the rest of your clothes?" she said, walking with him into the house, holding one sticky hand in her own.

"I'm a super hero, my clothes are invidible."

"Invisible."

"That's what I said, invidible."

She chuckled under her breath.

"Alright Superman, let's get you cleaned up before you get the rest of your breakfast on Sam's shirt." Sam looked toward the voice coming from the kitchen and smiled. It was Jason's mom Sarah. She walked toward Sam and Jason with a wet washcloth in her hand, her bright eyes twinkling. Sarah was Ryland's sister and they were like male and female carbon copies. Her long blond hair fell straight to her shoulders, her green eyes framed by lashes that looked too long to be real. She was beautiful. J'Maw Maw said that she'd been something of a queen bee in high school: cheerleader, homecoming queen, dating the quarterback of the football team. It sounded cliché but Sarah had experienced high school in a way that most girls only dreamed of. Until she got pregnant.

She'd been working for Sarah for three months now and she was the closest thing she had to a friend here aside from Ryland, if that was even the right term to use for him. Sarah was twenty two years old and Sam had to admire her for the life she'd managed to carve out for herself. She had Jason at eighteen, right of high school. Mr. Quarterback had gone to college, leaving her and Jason in Willacoochee without even looking back. Sarah said she'd never received a dime of support from him and the only communication had been a letter sent two weeks after Jason was born that simply said 'I'm sorry'. Sarah said it didn't really hurt her anymore but she was sad that Jason didn't have a father in his life. Ryland and Sarah's parents had died in a car accident when Jason was only six months old, so they were really all each other had. But Ryland loved the skin off of Jason and did everything he could to be a good influence. Sam knew that as much as he looked forward to life outside of Willacoochee, leaving Jason and Sarah weighed heavy on him. But Sarah wouldn't hear of him staying. She wanted him to go out in to the world and live the life she hadn't been able to.

Sarah went to college online and worked full time as an office assistant for Dr. Parsons. She intended to be nurse one day, but going to school for such a rigorous degree was difficult when she had Jason. Sam often stayed later than she was being paid for, just to give Sarah a chance to study, or just take a break from the hectic life of a single mother. Sam observed her often, taking notes on how she handled Jason, how she managed to work and go to school. If she decided not to go back to Seattle or allow Freddie to help with the baby, Sarah's life would be her own reality very soon. It was a thought that turned her stomach into knots.

"Hey Sam," Sarah called to her cheerfully. That was what amazed Sam the most about her-in spite of how difficult things were for her she always maintained an optimistic outlook. "You ready for another day with the rug rat?"

"I'm not a rug rat mommy! I'm a super hero! Right Sam?" he turned his big brown eyes on Sam and she melted. She had already fallen in love with this kid – hopelessly and completely.

"Sure thing Jason. But you can't save the world with jelly on your face so you'd better get cleaned up." She reached out for the washcloth in Sarah's hand. "I've got this Sarah, you can go ahead, I know how you hate to be late." Sarah seemed to consider it for a moment before handing off the washcloth. She'd come to see Sam as something of a second mother to Jason, she trusted her implicitly and appreciated the help more than she could say. She was paying the girl peanuts and she felt bad about that but Sam never complained. She said that spending time with Jason was good practice and Sarah had to agree.

When she'd met Sam she'd had her doubts on how the arrangement would work out. Sam had obviously had no experience with kids and Sarah found herself calling the house a million times a day to check and see how things were going. She never said that she was less worried about Jason and more worried about the young girl watching him. Finally one day Sam had had enough and she'd told Sarah in no uncertain terms that she was crazy about Jason and she'd never let anything happen to him, but if Sarah kept calling she was going to take the phone off the hook. At first, Sarah had been a bit taken aback by Sam's abruptness but eventually came to appreciate the way Sam always shot straight from the hip. And she had to admit that Sam and Jason had really hit it off. She did an amazing job taking care of him and Sarah was sure that Sam would be a great mother. She only wished Sam didn't have to go through the situation alone.

Sarah knew first-hand how hard it was to raise a child alone with no help from the father. She'd asked J'Maw Maw what the story was with Sam and the baby's father and had been shocked to find out that it was Sam who'd walked away, not the other way around. Apparently, he hadn't taken the news of his impending fatherhood well – Sarah hated to tell Sam but there probably wasn't a seventeen year old boy alive who would take it well, especially on the first try. But instead of trying to work it out she'd fled Seattle in secret. Sam was an amazing girl but Sarah had to wonder at the wisdom of her choice. She wished that she'd had a chance to work it out with Jason's father, wished that things could be different. J'Maw Maw said that Sam's sister kept in contact with one of Sam's friends back in Seattle and from what she'd heard the father of Sam's baby was pining away for her. But Sam was resolute and refused to discuss the situation whenever Sarah brought it up.

Grabbing her back from the coatrack by the door, she bent down to kiss Jason's now jelly-free cheek.

"You mind Sam now."

"I will Mama."

"And no going outside in your underwear."

"Yes, Mama." He nodded, his tiny face solemn.

"I love you."

"To the moon."

"And back." She gave him one final kiss and headed for the door. "You have an appointment at four, right?"

Sam turned to her "Yeah, but I'll have to re-scheduled. J'Maw Maw has to go down to the police station so she can't take me."

"I'll take you."

Both women turned toward the voice coming from the back of the house. Ryland entered the room with his characteristic smile, buttoning up his shirt. 'Why does he have to be so cute' Sam wondered. It made the whole thing even more awkward.

"Alright then," Sarah said brightly, "problem solved."

Sam opened her mouth to protest and was cut off by Sarah.

"I'll see you at four. Have a good day!" and with that she hurried off the porch and to her car.

Sam sighed as she shut the door, watching Jason's cape flutter as he ran toward his bedroom crying at the top of his lungs 'up, up, and away!'.

"So who is he today?" Ryland asked. Jason had a super hero fixation – most day he dressed up as one or another of his favorites. Today was Superman. Yesterday had been Iron Man and last week he spent the whole thing as The Green Lantern. Sam had helped him fashion a ring out of a green marble and aluminum foil.

"Superman."

"Cool," Ryland said. They both stood there silently. They were both aware of how strange things had gotten between them lately. Ryland regretted having made her uncomfortable. Last week he'd taken her on a picnic and as they sat laughing at a story Sam was telling about Jason the baby had moved. Sam placed her hand on her stomach and she'd looked so beautiful sitting there that he'd lost himself for a moment and placed his hand on top of hers as it rested on her belly. She'd looked up at him in shock and without thinking, he'd leaned in to kiss her. She'd jumped up then an asked him what he was doing. He'd apologized profusely, it was the wrong time. He knew she still had unresolved issues with the baby's father back in Seattle. It was just that being around her made him feel something he never had before, and he'd reacted on instinct, an instinct he now regretted as he stood in the awkwardness of his living room looking at Sam as she appeared to want to disappear into the floor.

"Listen Sam…"

"Ryland…"

"You first," he said, although he was about 100% sure he didn't want to hear what she was about to say.

"Ryland, you're such a sweet guy. And honestly, I've had so much fun with you. It's just…this really isn't a good time. I mean…I'm pregnant! Who wants to date a pregnant chick?"

"What if I do?"

She groaned and rubbed her hand over her neck in frustration. "Ryland… we can't do this. I can't do this, and you shouldn't want to. I have…things I need to deal with."

"You mean Freddie."

She sighed, "Yeah, and other things and I just can't. I can't do this with you right now. I'd love for you to be my friend. But right now…we can't be anything else." She looked up at him and sincerely hoped he understood. Sometimes looking at him, seeing how he looked at her, how he treated her, how he went on and one about one geeky topic after the other-she felt herself pulled back to Seattle. Being around Ryland reminded her of Freddie. "You're just so much like him you know…"

"But I'm not him." He said it with finality. It was, honestly, something he'd suspected for some time. The familiarity she showed him, like she'd known him for years instead of months. The way she watched him when she thought he wasn't looking. It was like she was looking at someone else…and he knew who that someone else was. "It's okay Sam. Really it is. I'm not going to lie, I like you – a lot. But I understand your situation and I don't want to make things harder for you." He took a deep breath and walked toward her, hand outstretched. "Friends?"

Her face broke into a wide smile as she accepted his hand, pulling him into a hug. "Friends," she said, whispering into his ear, "Thank you"

"No problem," he said, pulling away, "But if you ever change your mind…"

"You'll be the first know," she laughed.

"Okay, well I better head out. Do you want me to pick you up for your doctor's appointment?"

"You really don't have to do that."

"I know I don't. But I want to. What are friends for, right?" he tried to laugh but it's hard to laugh with a breaking heart.

"I appreciate it Ryland. I have to be there at four."

"Okay, I'll be here for you and Jason at three forty-five." He bent down to grab Jason, who was streaking through the living room, cape billowing behind him, "Alright big guy, I'm leaving for work."

"Aww…can't you stay and play with me and Sam?"

"Sorry, gotta go to work."

"I hate work," Jason pouted, crossing his arms over his tiny chest.

"My kind of kid," Sam laughed, herding him into the living room. "Have a good day," she called to Ryland over her shoulder.

He watched her walk away and sighed, heading out the front door. He hoped that dude in Seattle knew what a lucky bastard he was.

Sam spent the day chasing after Jason. They'd played Superman-saves-the-Princess twice; she was flattered that in any game they played, Jason always wanted her to play the part of the princess – Army commandos save the princess, Giant mutant sea slugs save the princess and, her personal favorite, Prince Jason saves the princess. Jason was about the cutest thing she'd ever seen and she hoped her baby would be just as sweet as he was. Although with her blood running through it, the only thing she could completely count on was that the baby would for sure be as mischievous as he was.

It was that character trait that had her pulling her hair out right now. Ryland would be here in fifteen minutes and Jason was nowhere to be found. She'd checked all the closets, under the bed and in his favorite hiding spot – the kitchen pantry. No luck. So now she was in the family room on her hands and knees checking under the sofa. When he wasn't there she sat down on her knees, rubbing her belly and trying to catch her breath. She had a little over four months left in her pregnancy and as tired as she was now, it was hard to imagine how she'd make it all that way. Already her protruding stomach made it hard to do anything; much less chase after an active four year old. She heard a soft giggle and followed it to the wooden end table. Peeking from behind it were ten tiny toes. Standing up, she grinned.

"I wonder where Jason is. I bet he's not behind the coffee table." More giggles reached her ears and the toes were withdrawn behind the table. "Oh well, I guess I'm just going to have to leave without him." She made a show of starting to walk out of the living room, grabbing her keys from the table beside the door and jingling them.

"No Sam, wait!" she heard Jason cry out behind her and turned to find his sweet face crumbling in tears. "Don't leave me!" she kneeled down and he threw himself into her arms.

"Oh, buddy…I was only teasing. I'd never leave you." She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed, placing a kiss on the top of his head.

"Promise?" he asked in a small voice, mumbling into her shoulder.

She leaned back and, with her hand on her chin, raised his face so she could look into his eyes. "I promise."

"Even after you have the baby and go back to Sea Battle?"

She chuckled, "You mean Seattle."

"That's what I said, Seabattle."

She looked at him earnestly, "I promise that no matter what happens you and I will always be friends…even if I'm in Seabattle."

He wrapped his arms back around her neck and she felt more love for him than she could stand.

"I love you Sam."

"I love you too buddy."

Jason wiped his face and pulled his arms from around her neck, holding her hand as they walked to his room so he could get dressed. "Sam?"

"Yes, Jason?"

"When I grow up and I'm a big guy like Uncle Ryland will you marry me?"

She couldn't help but laugh, "Why would you want to marry an old lady like me?"

"Because you're pretty, and your hair smells good and you always play Superhero with me." She tickled him as she pulled his shirt over his head, "And because Uncle Ryland says you're gonna make somebody a damn good wife one day."

"Jason" she warned, "Watch your mouth. And tell your Uncle Ryland to quit using those words around you."

She heard Ryland's car pull up outside and hurried Jason to the door, grabbing her bag and keys on the way out.

"Hey" Ryland said, standing beside the car door, opening it up for her. "We all set?"

"Yes we are," she said, snapping Jason into his booster seat, "And on the way to the doctor we're gonna talk to Uncle Ryland about his language, right Jason?"

"Uh, oh," Ryland said, closing the door as Sam sat down, "I get the feeling I'm in trouble."

Sam laughed as he slid behind the steering wheel and started the car. The ride to the doctor was easy, filled with Jason telling stories about his afternoon with Sam. Pulling up to the doctor's office Ryland asked her if she wanted him to come with her.

"No…that's okay, but can you keep an eye on Jason?"

"No problem, I'll just keep him until Sarah gets home. I saw J'Maw Maw earlier and she said she'd be here as soon as she got done at the station."

She waved at Ryland and Jason and walked into the office. It was small, the waiting room held only four chairs, a magazine rack filled with old magazines. She walked up to the reception desk and smiled at Sarah seated behind the counter.

"Hey, little mama," Sarah said, smiling out at her as she handed her the sign in sheet on a clipboard, "You excited to find out what you're cooking in there?"

"That's if it even lets us find out today. This kid is super stubborn," she said.

"Wonder where it gets that from?" Sarah said as a nurse walked out from the door beside Sam, calling her name to see the doctor.

"Wish me luck," she said.

"Luck!" Sarah called after her.

She'd been to the doctor enough now that she knew the routine. Climb up on the table, lift the shirt, lower the pants and wait for them to squirt that nasty jelly on her stomach. The door opened and Dr. Parsons walked in. He didn't look like your typical doctor. For one, she didn't think she'd ever seen him in anything but jeans. Today his white coat covered a bright blue dress shirt and a tie she was sure one of his children had given him. There were yellow ducks covering it and it clashed so completely with his shirt that she wondered for a moment if he got dressed in the dark. But she liked him. Since her first appointment he'd proven himself to be gentle and comforting – always setting her at ease.

"So, Sam; are we ready to see what this baby's doing today?"

"Ready as I'll ever be…but I'm not holding my breath that it's gonna cooperate."

"I hear it gets that honest…sort of runs in the family, huh?"

"I see you've met my grandmother."

"And you." He laughed, pulling the monitor closer to them. He turned out the lights and ran the instrument over Sam's belly. She was instantly comforted by the soft 'whoosh, whoosh' of the baby's heartbeat. She loved that sound. It told her that all as well, that as hard as life was right now, there was a something that made it all worth it. Dr. Parsons ran the instrument over her belly at different angles, his brow furrowed. Sam was fairly certain that this appointment was going to end the way the others had. With her knowing she had a healthy baby, but still in the dark on what kind of baby it was.

She heard the sound of arguing outside and the door to the exam room opened.

"This is my grandbaby and my great grandbaby and you can't tell me not to go in there…Sarah…tell this woman something will ya?" J'Maw Maw entered the room pulling her purse over her shoulder. Her face spread into a smile as she entered the room. "So, did I miss it?"

"Nope, you're just in time," Dr. Parsons said as his face lit up. J'Maw Maw walked over and grabbed Sam's hand.

"Well, look who wants to say hello!" he rested the instrument on the side of Sam's stomach, "You see that," he said pointing to the screen. Sam sat up a little and looked intently at the monitor.

"What is it?" she asked

"Well, I think it's pretty safe to say that this, Ms. Puckett, is your son."

Her eyes immediately filled with tears as she gazed in wonder at the screen. She had never seen anything so beautiful. A son. She was going to have a son.

"Well, hot damn!" J'Maw Maw cried and as Sam turned to her she saw the older woman had tears of her own in her eyes. She leaned down to place a kiss on Sam's forehead. "Don't that about beat all?" she wrapped an arm around Sam's shoulders as they both stared at the screen.

Dr. Parsons got a towel and wiped off Sam's stomach, offering a hand to help her sit up.

"So everything looks good, still on target for July. Have you thought about where you're going to have this little guy?" he asked, sitting down on the stool beside the exam table. "We have a great hospital just one county over in Tifton. Shouldn't take you longer than twenty minutes to get there. But I wasn't sure if you'd still be here or…"

"Back in Seattle?" Sam offered. It was a valid question and had she been asked a week ago, or even a day ago, she'd have felt confident to say she'd be having her baby at Tifton Memorial. But, seeing her son's tiny body today, she felt…different somehow. It wasn't just 'the baby' anymore. It was her son…Freddie's son. And she thought that she'd better put some quality time in to the decision. "I don't know yet." She said, not meeting his gaze, "I think I need to think over some things."

Dr. Parsons patted her knee. "I was hoping you would say that. My door is always open for you Sam…I hope you know that."

She thanked Dr. Parsons, fixed her clothing and prepared to leave the office with J'Maw Maw. Sarah was already gone by the time they left. It was just as well; she wasn't sure she was really ready to talk to anyone. Her heart was filled with emotion; her mind filled with questions that she didn't have answers for. Today had been a game changer.

The ride home was quiet. She felt J'Maw Maw looking at her periodically, but she never said anything. Pulling into the drive outside the house, J'Maw Maw pulled the keys from the ignition and sat quietly, neither she or Sam making a move to exit the truck.

"So…you got a lot of things to think about now."

Sam nodded her head.

"Sammy, when you first told me you wanted to come here I have to admit I was a little torn. I don't hold much stock in people running away from their problems." She held up her hand to silence Sam, who opened her mouth in protest. "Now hold on and let me finish." Sam shut her mouth and sat back in her seat. "Once you got here I think I understood things a little better. The situation you have back at home must have been a scary one, but you're one of the most fearless people I know – nothing scares you off, plus, this situation sort of came here with you. So I don't think that's why you were running away. I've been talking to your sister and she told me a little about the baby's father. How smart he is and how much he loves you. She also told me what he said to you." Sam looked at J'Maw Maw in shock; she couldn't believe Melanie would do that. As angry as she had been at Freddie, she didn't want anyone else to think badly of him.

"I'm sure that what he said and what he did must have hurt you something awful. But I can't help but believe that that's not really the reason you're here either. I think you being here has less to do with him… and more to do with you." She looked over to Sam, who was now staring into her lap. "Did you know that your mama and Dr. Parsons used to be an item?" That got Sam's attention and she looked with obvious shock at the revelation. "Yep, I know. It was a shock to everyone. Dr. Parsons was like a local celebrity when he and your mama were in school. Garrison Parsons; he was smart and talented; went to college on a full scholarship. He could have had his pick of any of these little small town debutantes but he was head over heels for your mama. It was quite a big deal around here. The town golden boy fell hard for a girl from a different side of the tracks."

J'Maw Maw leaned back in her seat, her eyes smiling. "You should have seen your mama back then. Lord but wasn't she a beauty! Looked just like you and your sister. And she was a lot different than then she is now-softer, and she had a smile that would light up a room. When she and Garrison dated his mama about had a coronary. Pam wasn't exactly what she had in mind for Garrison. But I don't think he cared a bit, he just loved her. Whenever she came in a room it was like he forgot anyone else was there. They were together for a couple years, then it came time for graduation and college and one day Garrison's mama came over and asked to have a talk with Pam. They were out on the porch for a long time and when it was all done Mrs. Parsons walked back to her car and your mama went to her room, and stayed there for days. I don't think she did much more than cry and sleep. Garrison came to this house every day trying to get her to talk to him, to see him. I felt bad for the boy."

"Three days later Pam came out of her room, walked out on that porch and told Garrison she couldn't see him anymore. I think it just about killed him. He spent a whole summer trying to change her mind. He sent flowers, he sent candy, I think he even sat outside her window singing 'Are you Lonesome Tonight?' He had it bad. But your mama was just as stubborn then as you are now and she would not budge. He finally gave up…left for school and no one heard a word from him until he showed up here ten years ago and took over the practice in town. Sam looked at her grandmother, but remained quiet. The story was so familiar that she felt sure of what was coming next.

"I asked your mama once, what Mrs. Parsons had said to her. I remember she sat beside me on that old porch swing and started out into the yard, she couldn't even look at me. 'She said I'd ruin his life and that if I really loved him I'd let him go'. That's all she ever said to me about it. Not too long after that your daddy showed up and she took off with him for the west coast. The saddest thing about it to me was always knowing that the reason she and Garrison weren't together wasn't because they didn't love each other. It wasn't because he didn't need her. It was because she allowed herself to believe she wasn't good enough to be what he needed."

"Now you may never admit it to me, but at some point you need to admit to yourself Samantha, that what you're doing – walking away from what you love-isn't because you're being noble. And it's not even because of some amazing life you think he can have without you. It's because you're scared. Plain and simple. And if you allow yourself to continue living in fear it will destroy everything that's beautiful in your life. Do you know what I mean honey?"

Sam nodded, holding back tears.

"I've watched you over these months you've been here and I can see in your eyes that the story isn't over between you and that boy. I don't want to tell you what to do; if you decided that you and the baby were gonna stay here with me till they roll me in the ground I'd be happy as a pig knee deep in mud. But I don't want you to stay because you're too afraid to go back; too afraid to stand beside the person you love and know that you are worthy to be there. I don't want you to be here, when your heart is in Seattle."

"It's hard," Sam whispered.

"Oh, honey…life always is. But after all the bitter comes the sweet." She said, running a hand over Sam's belly.

J'Maw Maw grabbed her purse and started from the truck, Sam following behind her. Once inside all she wanted to do was lay down. It had been a crazy, emotional day and she wanted to escape in sleep. Maybe then she'd know what to do.

"Oh, I almost forgot," J'Maw Maw called up the stairs after her. "Some mail came for you today. I laid it on your bed."

Sam walked into her room curious. Maybe it was from Melanie. Laying her bag on the chair she slipped her shoes off of her swollen feet and walked toward the bed, picking up the manila envelope that had her name printed in familiar handwriting.

Freddie.

She dropped the package like it was made of hot coals. Turning around she rushed down the stairs and dialed her sister's number.

"Hey Sam!" Melanie's usually chipper voice rang in her ear. "How are you? Did you find out what you're having yet?"

"Don't 'hey Sam' me, Melanie! You told!"

Melanie got quiet on the other end. She knew exactly what Sam was talking about. Carly told her about the videos and she'd been waiting since yesterday for this call, sure that Sam was going to think she was the reason behind the package – the weak link in Sam's wall of silence.

"Told what?" she whispered.

"Don't play dumb Mel! You told Freddie where I was!"

"No! I didn't Sam, I swear!"

"Then how did he know?"

"I can't tell you that."

"If I wasn't pregnant and thousands of miles away from you I'd wring your neck right now! But I'm gonna drop this kid soon enough, so if you don't want me coming for you then you'd better start talking. Now!"

"Sam, just listen. I can't tell you anything, but everything you need to know is on the video." She got quiet as she heard Sam sigh. "Just watch it Sam. Just give him a chance."

Sam shook her head. This was a conspiracy for sure but deep inside, she'd known from the moment she saw her name in his meticulously neat print that she was going to listen to whatever it was he had to say.

"Alright…I'll listen."

Melanie squealed on the other end. "Call me as soon as you get done, okay?" she said and a dial tone cut off any response Sam might have made.

She trudged back up the stairs and shut the door, pulling the new laptop J'Maw Maw had gotten her up with her on the bed. Well, she said, pulling a DVD case from the envelope, here goes nothing.