The private jet landed and Fox stepped out, soaking up the warmth of the tropical landscape and breathed in the salty smell of the nearby ocean, but that wasn't the only thing he was looking forward to. Standing not 10 feet away was a beautiful blue vixen wearing a skimpy tribal outfit and a flower necklace.
He casually strolled up to her and romantically said "Take my bags up to my room, I might be a while."
"Oh you are so romantic...I want to have your children." said Krystal monotonously.
"Pucker up, baby." said Fox, sweeping the vixen off her feet and claiming her mouth with his own.
(...)
Fox's eyes opened.
"I just had the most wonderful dream." he yawned.
"You do know we're still flying, right?" asked Tricky.
"WHOA!" shouted Fox as his arwing plowed into the middle of thorntail hollow.
"He's back." said a thorntail casually.
Two sharpclaw cautiously approached the wrecked plane/spaceship/gnome/etc, checking for signs of life from the object when the windhsield blew off the cockpit and crushed one of the sharpclaw. The other was too shawked to notice a Desert Eagle emerging from the smoking cockpit and was blown to bits, never knowing what hit him.
Fox McCloud jumped out of the cockpit and landed on on his feet. After checking for hostiles and finding none, he slid his now uncocked magnum back into his hip holster.
He wasn't sure where he was supposed to take the spell stone, so he headed over to the nearest thorntail who, unfortunately, was having a bitch fit.
"WAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! WHY IS THE LIGHT GONE? waaahed the reptile.
"Would you like some cries with that waaahhmburger?" asked Fox casually.
Then Tricky jumped out of the arwing wreckage and ran up to his furry master.
"Don't be so heartless, Fox. This guy looks distressed. He could have lost a dear friend to a sharpclaw attack for all we know. :O" said Tricky.
"Kay, fine." said Fox, turning back to the weeping cold blood. "What seems to be the matter, my good friend?"
It took the big guy a few moments to regain his composure, but finally, he was able to speak.
"The...the sharpclaw came while you were away...and they put out all our nightlights. We're scared of the dark. :,(" whimpered the dino.
Fox just stared at him like o_O
"You do realize it's the middle of the day, right?" he asked, glancing up at the sun.
"THAT'S NOT THE POINT! THEY STOLE OUR NIGHTLIGHTS! I GO CUT MY WRISTS NOW!" shouted the thorntail who went into emo form.
Fox fell over laughing.
"Fox, stop laughing!" said Slippy through Fox's com.
(Three months later)
Fox finally stopped laughing and got back up, only to be greeted by another hologram of Slippy.
"Hey, didn't I destroy you in chapter 7?" asked Fox.
"Yes," replied the Frog Princess "but while you were laughing, I built another one. Now we can be together...FO-EVA!"
Fox ran away screaming, but since he didn't look where he was going, he ran into a wall, which fell apart and he found himself inside another passageway.
"Well that was convenient" said Fox, walking through the passageway.
He got to the center of the room when Tricky came skipping in after him, but since the dino was so heavy, the floor cracked and collapsed. Fox screamed as he fell, but as he descended further, he noticed his voice getting more high pitched until he sounded like he was breathing helium. Fox would have wondered what was causing this, but the gassy hue surrounding him confirmed his helium theory.
They came to a dead stop above a conveniently placed fan with an even moar conveniently placed doorway right next to them, with a big neon exit sign mounted over it.
"Help me!" shouted a girl behind Fox.
The vulpine turned around to see that it was only Tricky on helium.
"Screw you, ya fat lard. You got me into this mess by being so feakin heavy." squeaked Fox, giving Tricky the finger.
"Stop fighting!" squeaked holo Slippy.
This gave Fox an idea.
"Yeah, we shouldn't be fighting, we should talk things over...you talk it out with Slippy while I go make sure it's safe ahead." squeaked Fox, cleverly leaving the two behind as he 'swam' up to the top where he found himself at the base of a long hill.
"Attack!" he shouted, charging up the hill.
A moment later...
"Run away!" he shouted, running back down the hill, chased by dozens of barrels rolling down after him.
He rolled behind a boulder (which was also conveniently placed) and pulled out his Hi-Def Display Device (HDDD) and got a good look at where the barrels were coming from.
At the top of the hill stood a lincoln log fort. In it were three sharpclaw, one regular, one fat, and one huge.
"Hahahahaha, didja see the way that foxy ran?" laughed the regular one.
"Soy-tainly. They sure are fast like everyone says. NYUK NYUK NYUK." laughed the fat one.
Then the big one walked up and slapped the other two in one swipe.
"Shaddap and get back ta work!" snapped the big guy, then turning and walking to the back room.
"Whoopwhoopwhoopwhoopwhoop!" squealed the fat one, running his hands down his face repeatedly.
Hearing all this through his display device (they call it high-def for a reason) Fox put the device away and said "Screw it, I don't have to take this."
He switched to his com.
"Peppy, I need a laser strike on the Moon Pass fort." he said.
The old hare responded surprisingly quick.
"Sure thing Fox. Stand back."
A moment later, several beams of light rained from the heavens and obliterated the guard post atop the hill, sending lincoln logs everywhere.
"Thanks, old timer." thanked the Vulpine.
"Watch it, I'm not that old, my fur's just lightly...ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ" snored the old rabbit.
Fox continued jogging up the hill and ran over the crater where the fort once stood and continued running until he reached a brightly lit entrance to some fiery place made of bricks, and after jumping over moar pointless lava pits and running up a conveyor belt while dodging barrels thrown down at him by a giant ape wearing a red tie, Fox made it to a bridge with a gate blocking his path.
"Any idea how I'm supposed to get past this?" asked Fox to no one in particular.
"Use the spellstone." said Tricky who came out of nowhere.
"GAH! Where did you come from?" shouted a startled Fox.
"Even I can't figure it out." shrugged the confused midget.
Fox held out the spellstone in front of the gate and it rotated until it was no longer blocking him. But instead of proceeding, Fox turned toward Tricky.
"What exactly are these traps for, anyway?" he asked.
"To keep out intruders." replied the Dino.
"Doesn't that seem a little redundant, given that all these places have already been broken into and I'm currently trying to bring the stones back to keep your planet from exploding?" asked Fox.
Tricky just shrugged. "I'm not the one who designed this place."
"Fair enough." muttered Fox as he continued on...only to find an old dinosaur similar to the shopkeeper blocking his path, though he did have a beard, the one thing the shopkeeper did not have.
"Stop!" said the old reptile.
"Care to move out of the way? I'm trying to save the world." asked Fox, annoyed.
The old dino grinned at him.
"Who would cross the bridge of death must answer me these questions three."
Fox pressed a button on his wrist PDA and Slippy's hologram appeared in front of him.
"Slippy, do ya got anything on this old codger?" he asked.
"I'll check it out." said Slippy, moving the hologram toward the shop keeper look-alike.
"What is your name?" scraggled the old reptile.
"Slippy Toad." replied the frog.
"What is your favorite color?" asked the old dino.
"Green, of course." answered Slip.
"What is your quest?" hacked the cold blood.
"To help Fox make love to me...I MEAN SAVE THE PLANET!" squealed the frog, but it was too late and the hologram got tossed over the bridge and into the lava (much to Fox's delight).
"Pffft, that's easy." said Tricky, skipping forward.
Fox sure hoped so.
"Stop! Who would cross the bridge of death must answer me these questions three."
"Go ahead." said Tricky unenthusiastically.
"What is your name?"
"Prince Tricky." came the reply.
"What is your quest?"
"To find the magic happy tree that grants wishes! :D" said Tricky excitedly.
Fox kicked him into the lava himself, and then stepped forward.
"Stop! Who would cross the bridge of death must answer me these questions three. Er the other side, ye see."
"Out with it, geezer." demanded Fox impatiently.
"What is your name?"
"I'm the Bawse!" said Fox, pointing to his chest with his thumb.
"What is your favorite color?"
"Black." said Fox flatly. "As in Black Op."
"What...is the average velocity of an arwing?" asked the old dino suddenly.
Fox thought about it for a moment before replying.
"What do you mean? Starfox 64 or Starfox Adventures?"
The old lizard was stunned.
"I...I don't know that." he said nervously.
Fox quickly pulled the old man's underwear up over his head and booted him into the lava.
Like a Bawse. :D
Fox was about to proceed when he noticed one minor problem: he was at a dead end. The door in front of him was locked in too many places to count and looked too heavy for anything he was carrying.
"And just how am I supposed to save the world when everything is locked down despite already being broken into?" shouted Fox angrily.
He turned to leave, but came face to face with pure evil:
"Hey, Fox." said Tricky.
Fox screamed at the sky until lighting came out of it, then reached into his Arab bag and stuffed a suicidal midget into Tricky's mouth, and ran all the way back to Thorntail Hollow while Tricky's head exploded. He stopped to catch his breath near the creek in the middle of the hollow.
Now to get something to break down those doors with.
He headed over to the shop, carrying a Texas-sized bag full of scarabs, and barely managed to squeeze through the doorway.
Upon seeing the money bag Fox was dragging in, the shopkeeper floated up to him and gave a slightly different greeting.
"WELCOME!" he said with a slight British accent as he pulled open his coat, revealing some rather beefy looking guns.
Fox went O_O
"Whaddya buyin, stranga?" asked the now english accented shopkeeper.
Fox looked at the selection of weapons and was pleasantly surprised by what he saw:
The first was some kind of assault rifle that looked alot like a Belgian F2000, but with an ammo counter in place of the gun sight.
"What weapon is this?" he asked, pointing to the rifle.
"The choice of an avid gun collector...it's a noyce gun, stranga." beamed the shopkeeper proudly.
Fox squinted at the logo on the side of the rifle and noticed it read UNSC MA37. Fox didn't know what UNSC meant, but he knew the shopkeeper could have just told him the name of the freakin weapon. :P
He looked at the next one, which was a revolver, but the barrel was aiming backward so that whoever pulled the trigger wouldn't be so lucky.
"What kind of revolver is that?" asked Fox.
"Ah, it's the new government approved Roulette Revolver for civilian use...the government banned all other firearms, but they allowed this one." explained the shopkeeper.
"And who is in charge of the government?" asked Fox.
"General Scales, of course." said the shopkeeper.
"That explains alot. :P" muttered Fox.
He then noticed a BIGASS shoulder mounted gun.
"What does that thing do?" asked Fox, pointing at the weapon.
"Stranga, STRANGA...now THAT's a weapon." smiled the shopkeeper. "It's called the Fatman and it launches mini nukes, via catapult."
"Via what?" asked Fox.
"Ah'll show ya how it works." explained the shopkeeper, heading outside where he aimed the Fatman at the emo thorntail and pulled the trigger.
A big rubber band snapped and a small object resembling a rocket ball flew out and zoomed at the doomed reptile. Fox was immediately blinded by a bright flash, followed by a miniature mushroom cloud (that's miniature by nuclear standards, which means this explosion still took roughly half the hollow with it).
That was all Fox needed to see.
"I'll take it. 8D" he said, shoving the bag of scarabs toward the shopkeeper.
"Ah see you have an eye fo things." said the shopkeeper, handing Fox the launcher and a single nuke round. "Gun's not just about shootin, it's about reloadin. You'll know what ah'm talkin about."
Fox wasn't sure what he meant by that, but he wasn't gonna wait to test out his new toy. He ran all the way back to the Volcano Temple and stopped at the bridge, ready to see a nuke explosion up close. He was so excited that he didn't notice Tricky jumping out of nowhere.
"Hey Fox." said Tricky, no indication that he even remembered being blown up only a few minutes before.
"Not now, kid, I'm breaking and entering." said Fox, shoving the mini nuke inside the Fatman.
"How are you gonna do that?" asked Tricky?
"By huffing, puffing, and blowing those doors away." said Fox proudly as he aimed the launcher.
"But Fox, you shouldn't do that! :O" cautioned Tricky.
"I don't give a dead moose's last shit." said Fox, firing the nuke round at the large double doors.
A bright flash and a mushroom later, a gaping hole was all that remained where the doors once stood.
Fox's joy lasted a grand total of 4 seconds.
"I meant you shouldn't do that because all you had to do was use the spellstone to unlock the doors." said Tricky.
Fox just stared at where the door once stood.
"DICKWEED FAG COOKIES!" he shouted, charging into the room, magnum drawn.
But when he got in, all he found was another door that was locked by some force field with a bunch of skulls spinning around on it.
"What the hell does this mean?" asked Fox.
"I think that means you still have some enemies in this room to defeat." said Tricky.
"No problem. Let me at em." said Fox, readying his weapon.
Several Doom 3 Hell Knights appeared out of thin air right in front of Fox, as if the temple wasn't hellish enough already.
"Is it too late to be friends? ^^;" asked Fox, sweatdropping.
All four Hell Knights threw green plasma balls at Fox who jumped out of the way just in time.
He rolled behind a pillar and fired back at the Hell Knights, hitting each of them in the face. They blinked.
So even his magnum was ineffective.
Great, four dudes as badass as I am, except they're bigger and there are more of them than me...which means more awesomness than me, and I can't live with that. thought Fox with great sadness.
"Hey Fox." said Tricky stupidly.
Fox got an idea.
Gun's not just about shootin, it's about reloadin...
He grabbed Tricky and shoved him into the Fatman and jumped out from behind cover.
"Here boys, dinner is served." he said.
The Hell Knights turned to look at him, and he launched Tricky over the lava bridge, and all four Hell Knights jumped in after their food.
The door unlocked and Fox ran through.
"Whaddya know? The shopkeeper sold me something useful for once. :)" said Fox as he continued on his quest...the quest for the Holy Grail!
Three cheers for Andy Samberg and Monty Python for teh references...NOW READ AND REVIEW! I'm already low on funny juice, so it wasn't easy putting that chapter together. Also, the MA37 is the super cool assault rifle that will be used in Halo Reach. :D
