Author's notes: This is another long one, which is somewhat ironic because the actual episode contains very little Dan and virtually nothing from his POV. Again, this getting very AU but I also wanted to keep trying to hold true to the spirit of the episode as much as possible, even though in canon Dan had very little involvement in Jenny's plot line on the show. I'm really anxious to hear if it worked for you, so please review!
On the fifth day following his night with Blair, Dan did the same thing he had done the previous four days: he called Blair and left her a voicemail. This time, he was pretty sure his confusion and frustration were evident in voice.
"Hi, Blair. As you probably know from having hit the ignore button when you saw my name, this is Dan again. I, uh, just wanted to let you know I've been thinking about you, but not like, uh, all the time or in a creepy way. This will be my last call, as I feel six calls might cross the line from proper protocol following a sexual encounter to weird stalker territory. So, please call me."
With a sigh, Dan hung up the phone. He vowed that he wouldn't call her again. He knew it was fruitless to not think about her or their night together, as that was virtually all he had been thinking about that week. To make matters worse, it was spring break and he had very few distractions. After moving from the loft to the new van der Humphrey penthouse, Dan had been sent to Hudson to spend the week with his mom while Jenny went to Aspen with her friends. While he had made peace with his mother for the most part, he found they had little to say to one another so he would beg off to his room claiming that he was working on a story as much as possible.
Instead of writing, Dan spent a lot of time contemplating what would happen when he got back to the city. He would officially be living with his ex-girlfriend while trying to figure out the fallout from sleeping with said ex-girlfriend's best friend. To top it all off, Nate had been sending him increasingly desperate texts about how the soccer team was short-handed and how he should join the team after the break. While he enjoyed spending time with Nate, he wasn't sure he'd be able to keep his encounter with Blair a secret from Nate. Between playing soccer with Nate and living with Serena, he was going to have constant reminders about his undefined relationship with Blair. He had somehow managed to create a tangled web out of the three people who regularly spoke to him, though he supposed he was more the fly that got caught in the web, one which had existed long before he entered the scene. The worst part was, even though Dan had more people in his life than he ever had, there was no one he could confide in about Blair or the situation he had created.
When Dan stepped off the train in Manhattan, he felt an incredible ambivalence about returning to the city. While he had been bored and lonely at his mother's, at least his problems seemed far away. Plus, he still wasn't sure how their makeshift family situation was going to work out. Without spending a single night in the penthouse yet, Dan yearned to return to the loft. It was still strange that the loft was no longer home.
As Dan walked into the lobby of the train station, he was greeted by a sight he was not expecting. He saw a smiling Serena holding a sign that said "Humphrey" along with Lily, his father and Eric, who was looking a little sheepish. Not quite knowing what to say, Dan gave them a small wave as he approached.
"Welcome home!" Serena said sunnily, giving him a hug. Dan smiled, pleased by the warm welcome.
"This was my dad's idea, wasn't it?" Dan whispered in her ear.
"Definitely, but I'm happy you're home to distract your dad. He's already driving us crazy," Serena whispered back.
As he pulled away, he caught Eric's eye. "Hey man, you have a good break?"
Eric shrugged. "It was all right," he said.
"Thanks for coming to the train station," Dan said. "I imagine you had better things to do."
"We're a family now," Eric said dryly. "Families do these sorts of things."
Dan shot Eric a sympathetic look before turning his attention to Lily. "Thanks for coming to pick me up. It really wasn't necessary," Dan said politely.
"It was our pleasure, Daniel," Lily said. "There's a limo waiting out front to take us home."
"Oh, of course," Dan said, trying hard not to roll his eyes. He noticed a small smirk on Serena's face. "So, what's the next stop: meeting Jenny at the airport with balloons?"
"Jenny made it very clear that she had her own transportation home," his father said.
"I still can't believe you didn't make her go to Hudson," Dan grumbled as they walked toward the exit.
"You know your mother and I decided not to fight her on this," his father said. "Speaking of your sister, we can all use the car ride to discuss what we can do for her birthday."
"Be sure that it involves a cake with her picture on it," Eric said sarcastically as they got into the car.
Dan laughed. "Totally, that and party hats," Dan said, exchanging a bemused look with Eric as he sat beside him in the limo.
When they exited the limo, Dan could help but stare at their new building in awe. It was surreal to think the entire top floor belonged to his new family. As he stepped off the elevator, Dan couldn't quite believe this was home. It was weird to step off an elevator and enter the foyer to your home, or at least it felt weird to Dan.
"Home, sweet home," his father practically chirped as they all walked into the living room. Dan sensed that his father was in hyperdrive, likely concerned about how this new family with four teenagers was going to function.
"Dad, you can take it down a couple of notches," Dan told his father. "I'm sure we'll all get used to it, but for now it's going to be an adjustment."
"I just want you to be happy, son," his father said sincerely. "The same goes for all of you kids."
"We know. It's just weird coming home but not coming home," Dan said. "Just like I'm sure it's weird for Serena and Eric to be force fed chili and waffles."
"There's also the board games," Eric chimed in. "Though I do like all those things in moderation."
"Rufus is trying really hard to bond with you two kids," Lily admonished them. "You used to complain about how your stepfathers didn't care about you."
"Mom, he's not complaining," Serena defended her brother. "All of this family bonding is just...different than what we're used to."
"It sounds like you're complaining," Lily said, sounding frustrated.
"How about we order the takeout of Eric and Serena's choice, and then do our own things tonight?" Dan suggested. "Tomorrow we can have a big family dinner when Jenny gets back, and we can collectively harass her about her birthday."
Serena shot Dan a grateful look.
"We just need a night to ourselves," Serena said. "It's nothing personal, Rufus."
"I suppose the chili can hold until tomorrow," his father responded.
"Chinese takeout it is," Eric said.
Family crisis averted, Dan picked up his bags and walked toward his new room. Dan hadn't gotten the chance to unpack before leaving for Hudson, so the room had a very sterile, hotel like feel. Dan was hopeful that a few personal touches may help it feel like home, but he wasn't sure that would ever be the case.
Dan sprawled out on his back, trying to get a feel for his new mattress. He smiled to himself, thinking of how he hadn't left his old bed unchristened after all. His phone started to vibrate, distracting him from his musings. He saw that he had a text message from Blair.
Rumor has it you're back in town. Be here in a half hour.
Dan sighed. She had ignored his calls all week, but apparently felt she could order him around at her convenience. As much as he wanted to stay home to prove a point, he wanted to talk to her even more. He had no idea where they stood, and this made him incredibly anxious.
Stuffing his phone in his pocket, he walked out into the living room just as the food was arriving.
"You emerged just in time for dinner," Serena said.
"I think I'm going to skip out on dinner," Dan said. "I'm really craving some pizza right now-there's no decent pizza in Hudson. Plus, there's this movie I remembered I want to go see..."
"What movie? I could use to get out," Serena said. "Just let me eat really fast, and I can meet you after you grab pizza."
"Well, it's a French Holocaust film," Dan said, not sure how he so easily came up with the lie.
Serena scrunched her nose. "Maybe next time."
"For sure," Dan said, feeling guilty.
When Dan arrived in Blair's lobby, the doorman told him to go on up. There was no one to greet him when he exited the elevator. Not sure what he was supposed to do, he decided to proceed on to Blair's room. He knocked lightly on her door.
"Come in," Blair said.
Dan tentatively opened the door, not quite sure what he was going to say when he saw her.
"You made it with five minutes to spare," Blair informed him.
"What would have happened if I'd been late?" Dan asked, curious.
"I would have told the doorman you were forbidden from coming up," Blair said haughtily.
"That doesn't seem quite fair," Dan said, feeling like the conversation had already gotten out of control. "I did call you five times, all of which went unanswered, I might add."
"If I'd answered, what would you have said?" Blair asked tersely.
Dan supposed that was a fair question. It was too bad he didn't know the answer.
"Uh, I dunno," Dan started tentatively. "I just wanted to let you know that...that night meant something to me. It wasn't just sex for me."
"So what was it?"
Dan sighed, not sure why he had to answer all the hard questions. "I don't think I can answer that alone," Dan said. "I obviously have no idea where we stand. I don't know if you didn't answer the phone because of Serena and Nate and all the other UES bullshit, or if the sex just wasn't good for you. I uh, know the first time was pretty fast, but it was...my first time and uh...it's not like I left you hanging. Then the second time..."
"Please, stop talking," Blair interrupted him, rolling her eyes. She sighed. "First, I'll appease your male ego and tell you that the sex was fine."
"That's appeasing my male ego?" Dan asked, raising his eyebrows.
Blair shrugged. "It's not like you weren't there," she said, gifting him with a hint of a smile.
"So, if the sex was fine, then why didn't you want to talk to me all week?"
"Because I didn't want to talk," Blair said enigmatically.
Dan tilted his head, considering this. "So, are you ready to talk now? Is that why you texted me?"
Blair shook her head. "I still don't want to talk," Blair said, stepping toward him slowly until she was standing right in front of him. Before Dan could express his confusion, Blair yanked his head down into a fierce kiss. He responded instinctively, kissing her back and pulling her flush against him. After a few moments, she pulled away just enough to start tugging at his clothes.
"Seriously, what's with the vests?" she said breathlessly between kisses as she removed the offending garment. Dan decided this was a rhetorical question, and continued to kiss her rather than answering, backing them towards her bed.
Afterwards, as they both gathered their breaths, Dan couldn't help but grin and roll over to face her. "So, was that a booty call?" he asked with a smirk.
She slapped him lightly on the shoulder. "I don't do booty calls," Blair huffed.
"Then what was it?' he asked, still grinning.
"You can go home now," she said dismissively. "Your work here is done."
Dan looked over at the clock. "I suppose I do need to go home," he said regretfully, mentally trying to locate his clothing. "Serena thinks I'm at a movie, and that's probably what she told our parents."
Dan spotted his boxers beside the bed. He got out of bed and yanked them on, noticing Blair's appraising look. He winked at her as he caught her eye. She rolled her eyes in return.
"So how is life at the van der Humphreys'?" Blair asked as he located the rest of his clothing and got dressed.
"Weird," Dan said. "Jenny gets back tomorrow, and I can't decide if that will make things better or worse."
Dan noticed Blair's expression get cloudy at the mention of his sister's name. He figured Jenny was on the same roller coaster she always was with Blair. Not wanting to get involved, Dan decided not to say anything. Things with Blair were confusing enough; there was no need to add Jenny to the equation.
"You guys really are like two-thirds of the Brady Bunch," Blair scoffed.
Dan chuckled, slipping his vest back on. "It would have added an interesting twist if Greg and Marsha had been exes," Dan laughed. He paused for a moment, not sure how to say goodbye. "So, uh, I guess this is goodnight." He sat back on the bed so he could lean over and kiss her softy.
"Goodnight," she said, a little breathless. "Enjoy your first night as an official resident of the UES."
"I hadn't really processed that yet," Dan said, grimacing. "Thanks."
"Anytime," she said, smiling as he left.
The next evening, the whole family sat down to dinner as they had discussed.
"So, Jenny, do you know what you want to do for your birthday?" Serena asked.
"I'm going with my friends to Socialista," Jenny said. "You can come if you want."
"We'll see," Serena said noncommittally. "I don't know what I'm doing that night yet."
Dan wondered if her hesitance had something to do with whatever was going on between Jenny and Blair, but wasn't sure how to broach the subject.
"So you don't want to do something with the family?" his father asked, looking hurt.
"Can we do the family stuff another night?" Jenny asked pleadingly.
"Of course we can," Lily said before his father could protest. "Just let us know, and we will do whatever you want as a family."
At that point, they were interrupted by their doorman entering the room. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but I have a package for Miss Serena van der Woodsen," he said, handing a large box to Serena.
Serena looked puzzled. "Who's this from?" she asked, looking around the room to find no indications that anyone there had sent it.
"Maybe you have a secret admirer," Jenny said excitedly.
Serena shrugged and smiled. Dan had a feeling it wouldn't be her first secret admirer. She opened the lid of the box, then quickly threw the lid back on and pushed the box away in horror.
"What?" Dan asked, opening the lid back up and peering in. "Oh," he said, seeing it filled with sex toys and porn.
"Serena," Lily scolded. "Who are you seeing right now?"
"No one, Mom, I swear," Serena said, looking ashamed. "Someone's just playing a sick joke."
"Daniel, would you kindly dispose of the box," Lily suggested.
"It would be my pleasure," Dan said, then blushed as he realized what he'd said. "I mean, uh, not like that...but I'll throw it away, because it's trash."
Lily rolled her eyes at him, and Dan snatched the box up to throw it away as Serena stalked into her room.
When Dan returned to the apartment, his dad, Lily and Jenny were sitting in the living room. "Daniel, we'd like to speak to you and Jenny alone for a minute," Lily said.
Puzzled, Dan sat on the couch next to Jenny while his dad and Lily sat in armchairs facing them.
"What's going on?" Dan asked.
His father cleared his throat. "Given your new living situation, we were thinking you two might have some questions about money."
"I don't understand," Dan said, confused. He was pretty sure that he and Jenny weren't going to be paying rent, and likely that his dad wasn't either.
"What your father is trying to say, Daniel, is that we understand that you and Jenny haven't had the same resources growing up as Serena and Eric," Lily said. "I know this might cause some conflict in the house."
Dan shrugged and he noticed Jenny fidget in anticipation of what was coming next. He could almost see the dollar signs bugging out of her eyes.
"Lily offered to give you kids each an expense account like Serena and Eric have, but I was concerned about what would happen if you suddenly get too much at once when you're not used to it," his dad said. "So, we reached a compromise: we're giving you each an account where we'll deposit $750 at the beginning of each month for the next six months. If you show you can handle the responsibility, then we'll explore giving you a larger, lump sum."
Dan couldn't fathom spending anywhere near $750 in a month, but he noticed his sister looked disappointed.
"Dad, we can totally handle more than that. Have you seen these girls at my school? They spend $750 a month on brunch," Jenny complained.
"Well, you're not them," their father said. "You weren't raised like those other girls, and I don't want you to forget the value of a dollar."
"So we just go to an elite private school and live in a penthouse, but we don't get to actually have money," Jenny pouted.
Dan noticed that Lily was remaining silent. He had a feeling Lily had wanted to give them far more.
"Jen, it's not like Dad's telling you to go work at McDonald's after school," Dan tried to reason. "This is a lot of money for a high schooler, and a whole lot more than the twenty bucks a week he was giving us for chores."
"You don't understand, it's different for girls," Jenny said before she stood up and stormed to her room, leaving Dan sitting in awkward silence with Lily and his dad.
"Rufus, it really is harder on girls," Lily said, rubbing his father's arm. "You should see Serena's Amex bill."
"Thanks for the...allowance," Dan said, standing up. "I'm going to go check on Serena and Jenny."
Dan walked down the hall and knocked on Serena's door first. "It's Dan," he said, making sure she knew it wasn't her mom.
"Come in," Serena said tersely.
Dan leaned against the doorframe with door open. "So, that was some gift," he said conversationally.
"I'm really not seeing anyone," Serena said defensively. "And if I were, I'm really not into that stuff."
"I didn't say anything," Dan said, raising his hands in surrender. "Do you have any idea who would have sent it?"
Serena shook her head. "I can only think of one person who is gross enough to think this is funny, but I don't know why he would do this now."
Dan instantly knew who she was talking about. "You think Chuck sent this?"
Serena shrugged. "I don't know. He has been bugging me about becoming too good since I came back and started hanging out with you."
Dan could think of some other reasons, one of which wasn't even his own secret to tell. He was pretty sure Lily wouldn't appreciate it if he told Serena about her relationship with Bart Bass. Dan thought Chuck might just be trying to irritate Serena to disrupt their new household. It was also possible that Chuck was irritating Serena as a way to get to Dan. Of course, Chuck could have sent the gift just because he was bored.
"Do you want me to talk to him?" Dan offered.
Serena laughed. "I can handle Chuck," she said. "I have a feeling you want your fists to do the talking."
"Punching Chuck is one of my favorite hobbies," Dan joked.
"I'll keep that in mind," Serena said. "I'm just going to ignore it for now. If he's just trying to get a rise out of me, ignoring him will work best."
"Well, if you need my help..." Dan said, grinning.
"I know where to find you," Serena said, returning his smile.
Leaving Serena's room and closing the door, he looked toward Jenny's door and sighed. He could hear muffled voices coming from the inside, and he realized she was talking to Eric. Trying not to feel like he was being replaced, Dan decided to leave her be for the night.
When Dan arrived at school the next day, he was immediately approached by a smiling Nate Archibald. "So, you ready for practice tonight?" Nate asked. "I hope you're in good shape, because it's going to be a tough one."
Dan was most decidedly not in good shape. "Are you sure this is a good idea? I hope there's no bizarre hazing rituals for the new guy," Dan said, feeling anxious about the whole thing.
"Nothing like that. We're too short on guys to risk injury anyhow," Nate said, then beamed at him expectantly. "You are still coming, right?"
Despite his doubts, Dan didn't have it in him to disappoint Nate when he looked so enthusiastic. "Of course, man," Dan said. "I can't guarantee that I will survive the first practice though."
Before Nate could respond, both of them were momentarily distracted by voices on the other side of the quad. Dan looked over to see Blair and Serena walk in, Blair the target of direct dairy product hits.
"That's cold, man," Nate said, shaking his head. "I'm still kind of pissed that Blair cheated on me, but she doesn't deserve that."
"Aren't those her friends?" Dan asked, confused.
Nate shrugged. "Serena's her friend. The rest will turn on you at the first sign of weakness," Nate said, pausing a beat. "Hey, isn't that your sister?"
Dan felt his shoulders slump. "The one with the really good aim? Yep, that's her," he sighed.
"Sorry, man," Nate said, giving him an affectionate slap on the back. "I'm sure she's not like those other girls."
"She's not," Dan said decisively, not sure who he was trying to convince. "I'll see you tonight at practice. I think I need to go talk to my sister."
"Good luck," Nate told him.
Luckily, Jenny was alone so he could speak to her privately. He approached her, feeling more frustrated the more he thought about the scene he'd just witnessed. "Jen, what the hell was that about? Since when do you throw yogurt at people?"
Jenny rolled her eyes. "Stop acting like you're so perfect."
"This isn't about me. This is about you trying to humiliate Blair just because everyone else is," Dan said, the disappointment evident in his voice. "Does this really make you happy?"
"Blair doesn't need you to fight her battles," Jenny said. "She does perfectly fine on her own."
"This isn't about Blair," Dan said, confused by Jenny's deflections.
"Whatever," Jenny said dismissively. "Just because you don't care if you're an outcast doesn't mean I want to live my life that way."
"Can't you have friends and not sell your soul?"
Jenny shrugged. "If you have any suggestions, let me know," she said flippantly. With that, she stalked away to meet up with her friends, likely to congratulate themselves on knocking Blair down a peg or two.
After school, Dan was grateful for soccer. Even though Nate wasn't lying about the degree of difficulty, it provided a nice distraction from everything else. It also was an excuse to avoid going home. Because of this, Dan enthusiastically accepted Nate's invitation to go out to dinner with some of the guys on the team. Dan had to admit that it was nice to just hang out with a group of guys. He hadn't done that since...well, ever.
Near the end of dinner, Dan's phone buzzed. He looked down to see he had a text from Blair. Luckily, Nate was distracted by the other guys so he was able to discreetly read it without Nate noticing. The message was pretty much the same one he'd received last time.
I want to see you. Offer is valid for a half hour.
Dan felt a little ashamed by how just how much he wanted to sprint out of the restaurant to see Blair, especially with Nate sitting right there.
"So, man, I've gotta run," Dan said. "How much do I owe for dinner?"
"Nothing, this is your welcome dinner. Go on to your booty call," Nate grinned at him. "Who's the lucky girl?" A few of the other guys made appreciative noises. Dan felt himself blushing, not used to hanging out with other guys like this and the accompanying locker room talk.
"Sadly, it's nothing like that," Dan said. "I have to study for the SATs."
Nate laughed. "I saw you get a text message and then practically bolt out of your chair," he said. "Go have fun studying."
Several other guys laughed too, shooting smirks and making teasing noises at Dan as he left. Properly chagrined, Dan slumped out of the restaurant. He supposed the teasing was a sign that he was fitting in, at least.
He felt guilty about lying to Nate to sneak off with Blair, but he also really wanted to talk to Blair and see how she was coping. He felt bad about what she was going through, knowing it was partially his fault for kissing her. It didn't help that his sister was rubbing salt in the wound.
This time when he entered Blair's penthouse, he confidently walked right up the stairs to her room, where he found the door partially open. He knocked lightly to announce his presence before pushing the door open, mentally trying to prepare himself for what he wanted to say. Unfortunately, all those thoughts immediately abandoned him the moment he saw Blair, who was sitting on her bed wearing some sort of negligee. She patted the bed beside her.
"I know you probably want to talk," she said disdainfully. "But I've had a really crappy first day back and I don't want to talk about it."
Dan did want to talk, but he was still having a hard time formulating words. He kind of hated himself for how easy he was. "You can't tell me that this isn't a booty call," he finally said.
"It's a seduction," Blair corrected. "Now come over here and be seduced."
Grinning, Dan did as he was told, sitting on the bed beside her, but not making any move to touch her.
"What is your problem? I don't have all night," she complained.
"I'm waiting to be seduced," he said in a mock serious tone, a hint of a smirk on his face. "Surely you didn't think a text message and lingerie was all you needed?"
He knew she was growing increasingly irritated with him, but alarmingly, he was finding that to be something of a turn-on. They sat on the bed in silence for a full minute before Blair finally hit him in the face with a pillow. Dan couldn't help but laugh.
"Why are you making this so hard?" she pouted. "I'm sure I could find someone else willing to be seduced."
"I'm sure you could," Dan agreed. "But for some reason you invited me. Just admit that you want me, and I'm yours."
"Never," Blair said, narrowing her eyes at him. He reached a hand over and tickled her rib cage. She slapped his hand away and straddled him, unable to hide her smile. She leaned forward and kissed him, and Dan immediately responded, unable to maintain the tease.
"They do say actions speak louder than words," Dan said when they broke apart. Before she could get in the last word, he kissed her again, slowly leaning her backwards onto the bed.
Surprisingly, she didn't push him out the door afterwards. Instead, she rested her head on his chest as he stroked her back.
"So, what are you up to tomorrow?" she asked, breaking the silence.
"Unfortunately, I can't be at your beck and call tomorrow," he said, grinning. "I have soccer again, and... uh...I might be doing something for my sister's birthday," he finished hesitantly, realizing he might have stepped into a potential minefield.
"It's okay, you can mention Jenny around me," Blair said. "You still don't know what her birthday plans are?"
"The plan is for her to go out with her friends, but my dad wants us all on standby to try and squeeze in a family moment," he said, not sure how much she really wanted to know.
"What did you used to do as a family?"
Dan was surprised by the question, but he smiled fondly at the memories. "My dad used to write a song for her every year, which he'd sing as we ate cake," Dan told her, quickly getting caught up in his own story. "She loved it up until she was twelve, then when she was thirteen she cut my dad off the second he lifted up his guitar and said she was too old. So, that was that."
"So you're booked all day tomorrow?" she asked, pulling him out of the memory.
He leaned his head down and kissed her lightly. "I'm afraid so. You'll have to go find one of those other guys to seduce," he said lightly, grinning as she gave his chest a light slap.
On his way home from soccer practice, Dan went to Bendel's to pick up a gift certificate for Jenny, figuring she would return anything he picked out anyhow. He had decided he would give her a generous portion of his new monthly allowance, knowing he was unlikely to come close to spending it all anyhow. He needed to have a gift ready when he got home, as his father had worked out a compromise with Jenny wherein she would unwrap gifts with the family before leaving to meet her friends.
After swiping his card, the salesclerk looked at him coldly. "You have insufficient funds," she said haughtily, eyeing his soccer attire suspiciously.
"That's impossible," Dan said, confused. He hadn't bought so much as a cup of coffee from that account.
"Do you have another card?"
Dan sighed. "No, it must be a mistake," he said, wondering if he had managed to screw up the activation. "I'll have to come back later."
When he got home, he saw the gifts all neatly stacked on the coffee table in the living room.
"You're home," his father said cheerfully. "Just add your gift to the pile and tell your sister we're ready for her."
"Unfortunately, I had some issues with my debit card so I have no gift," Dan said. "I'll have to take her shopping later this week or something."
"That's strange. We'll have to call the bank," his father said. "Why don't you go ahead and grab Jenny, and I'll round up everyone else."
Dan found Jenny's door open when he approached, so entered to find her appraising herself in the mirror.
"You look real nice, Jen," Dan said. "I'm really sorry I don't have a gift for you; for some reason my card declined."
"It did? Have you called the bank yet?" Jenny fiddled with her dress a bit more, appearing nervous.
"I'll do it tomorrow," Dan said. "Don't look so nervous. These are your friends, right?"
"It's just a big night," Jenny sighed.
Dan grinned. "Happy birthday, by the way," he said warmly. He noticed something sticking up in the back of Jenny's dress. "Hey, it appears you have a tag still. Do you want me to cut it out for you?"
"No, I'll take care of it," Jenny said. "You scare too easily to be trusted around scissors and nice dresses."
Dan rolled his eyes. "All right, because it's your birthday I'll let you get away with that one," he said teasingly. "Come on out and open your presents. Again, I feel terrible you don't have anything from me."
"Really, it's okay," Jenny said, abruptly giving him a hug. Dan hugged her back, his eyes getting embarrassingly misty. He couldn't believe his sister was 15 years old and looking so grown up. She was also being surprisingly mature about his lack of a gift.
After opening her presents, Jenny practically bolted out the door to meet her friends. Before any of the rest of them could leave, his father spoke.
"Are you guys going to Jenny's party tonight?"
Dan shook his head. "She doesn't want her big brother there ruining her big night."
"I don't know if that's true," his father said. "At her age, I know it's an internal battle choosing between your friends and your family. If you three went, it might show her she can have both."
Dan looked at Serena out of the corner of his eye, who shrugged in response, as her family life had been far different than his and Jenny's.
"I don't know Dad..." he said skeptically.
"Just go for a bit," his dad prodded. "If she doesn't want you there, you can leave."
His dad left the room so they could discuss it further amongst themselves. It still seemed like a bad idea to Dan, but maybe Jenny had expressed some sentiment to his father that he wasn't aware of. Dan turned to Serena and Eric.
"What do you guys think? Should we go for awhile?"
"Why not?" Serena said. "You do know the festivities got moved to some night club, right? I just want to make sure you're prepared." Serena and Eric both smirked at him, remembering the scene he created when he felt both Blair and Jenny were being threatened the last time he went to a club.
"I'll keep my white knight hat at home," he promised. "Though I'll be watching you, should you decide to set off any club-wide champagne toasts," he teased back.
"That wasn't me today at school," Serena pouted. "My mom doesn't believe me, but I swear it must be Chuck again."
"So ignoring him isn't working?" Dan asked.
"It appears not," Serena sighed. "I still don't want your fists involved in this either."
"Is there anyone I can beat up for you, Eric? Bonus points if you say Chuck Bass."
Eric shook his head. "Fortunately, I stay out of the drama for the most part."
"Smart man," Dan said sincerely, patting Eric affectionately on the back.
When they got to the club about an hour later, Dan turned sheepishly to Serena and Eric. "Could you guys front me the cover charge? I'm afraid to use my card today after the icy glare I faced at Bendel's."
"No need," Eric said, turning to them after talking to bouncer. "Apparently someone put us on the list and paid our covers."
"Maybe Jenny really did want her family here," Serena said brightly.
When they got inside, Jenny was surrounded by her friends. He held back, still not sure how much interaction Jenny would want. He felt Serena nudge him.
"Why would Blair be escorting your dad to the stage?" Serena asked, pointing him toward the front of the club. His eyes widened in horror, the puzzle pieces coming together. It was too late to do anything to stop what was about to happen. All Dan could hope is that it wouldn't be as bad as he feared.
He watched his father sling his guitar over his shoulder and approach the microphone. "I'm Rufus Humphrey, lead singer of Lincoln Hawk if you remember," his father said. "Most importantly, I am Jenny Humphrey's father. Jenny, do you want to come up on stage?"
Dan saw Blair smile smugly and step down from the stage to fetch Jenny. Jenny let Blair drag her by the arm, looking like she was in shock.
Once Jenny was safely on stage, his father continued. "Someone today told me that teenage girls struggle with choosing between their friends and family during big life events. I wanted to show my daughter that she can have both," his father said sincerely, apparently thinking Jenny's wide eyes were an expression of joy and not embarrassment. His father strummed a chord. "Jenny, this song's for you. It's the song I wrote for your thirteenth birthday that you didn't let me sing."
"What is this?" Eric asked, looking as horrified as Dan felt.
"It's Blair Waldorf," Dan said, feeling both angry and sad, the anger winning out at that moment.
"Dan..." Serena said sympathetically, grabbing his arm. "I know you guys have become friends. You have to know this has nothing to do with you."
Dan nodded blankly, wishing it were true.
After his father crooned out the final, horrifying line, "Jenny, you'll always be my little girl," Dan erroneously thought it couldn't get any worse. He should have known to never underestimate Blair.
Blair walked on stage holding a champagne bottle, and Dan noticed champagne being doled out around them. Behind her two men rolled out a gigantic cake with a sparkler. Upon further inspection, Dan saw Jenny's face was emblazoned on the cake.
"Your dad did know I was joking about the cake, right?" Eric asked him, looking concerned.
"My dad's been around me enough to detect sarcasm," Dan reassured him. "This is all Blair." Serena just squeezed his arm, not having any defense for Blair.
Blair put her arm around Jenny and approached the microphone. "Happy birthday, Jenny!" Blair said cheerfully, shaking the champagne bottle slightly before opening it, dousing Jenny with champagne. Jenny looked like she was going to cry.
"Oh, I see you have a tag," Blair said conversationally. "Let me get that for you; it's not like you can return the dress now."
Looking at his sister's panicked face, suddenly Dan knew what had happened to his missing funds. While he was livid with Blair, he felt sad about the desperate steps his sister was taking to get ahead.
Blair continued to smirk on the stage, then her smile disappeared when she spotted the three of them. Dan glowered at her, and her eyes momentarily welled with tears when they caught his. The moment passed quickly, and Blair had her game face back on almost immediately.
"To Jenny!" Blair said, raising the champagne bottle in a toast, then handing it to Jenny and leaving the stage. Jenny looked down at the other girls, and saw they were all either laughing at her or looking bored. He saw Penelope and Hazel confer for a moment, then leave the club. The others followed behind without a word. Jenny ran to the backstage area, presumably to be alone.
Blair tentatively approached them. "You guys weren't supposed to be here," she said as though that were a defense.
"Blair," Serena said disapprovingly.
"I tried to be nice like you said, and that just got me humiliated at Butter," she said defensively. "Jenny started it."
"I'm going to go find Jenny," Eric said, leaving the three of them alone.
"I'll be there in a minute," Dan told him before shifting his glare back to Blair.
"Jenny's trying to take me down. I can't let her do that just because of who her father's marrying," Blair pleaded to Serena. "You told me you'd stick with me through all of this. You knew the other girls would turn as soon as there was a chink in my armor."
"B, I think this is between you and Dan. You know I want you two to be friends," she said, sighing. "I'm going home. I hope you two can work this out."
After giving Blair a quick hug, Serena left. Dan had to admire her ability to never be fully involved in any of the machinations around her.
"Dan..." Blair started hesitantly. The club had cleared out, and Dan walked her over to the corner where they could speak privately.
Dan interrupted her immediately, holding up a hand to get her to stop talking. "Just tell me something: did you have sex with me last night so you could get information out of me?"
Blair's eyes widened, and she looked taken aback by the question. "No, of course not..." Blair stammered. He wasn't sure if she even knew what the truth was.
Dan sighed, his anger turning to sadness. "It doesn't really matter, I guess," he said, resigned. "Either way, you used both me and my father in a scheme to humiliate my sister."
"It's not like your sister is innocent here," Blair protested. "I know you think she's all sugar and spice, but she's devious too. It's all just a game."
"I just feel so stupid," Dan said, the hurt beginning to seep out. "I thought when we were in bed that you were genuinely interested in my childhood, that you were genuinely interested in me. I should have known when you suddenly wanted to talk that you had an agenda."
"It wasn't like that, really," Blair said pleadingly.
"Blair, you specifically wanted to know about my whereabouts so you could make sure you got my father alone," he reminded her. "This was your version of pillow talk. Excuse me if I feel used."
"Quit acting like we were dating," Blair snapped. "You know it was just sex between us, but you just think you're above a friends with benefits arrangement so you romanticize everything. You have to know I could never openly date you."
Dan leaned forward, invading her personal space. "Well, consider that arrangement over," he said angrily into her ear. "I know now that I don't want to be friends with you."
With that, they both did an angry about face and stalked off in different directions. Blair flounced off to the exit, and Dan went to find his sister.
He found Jenny still backstage, slumped against Eric. "Can we have a few minutes alone?" Dan asked Eric.
"Go on home," Jenny said to Eric. "Dan and I will see you there in a little while."
"We're totally eating that cake when we get back," Eric said.
Jenny smiled through her tears. "Only if I get to eat my eyes."
"You have a deal," Eric said, giving Jenny an affectionate squeeze before standing up. "See you guys at home."
Dan slumped down to the ground where Eric had been sitting, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. Jenny didn't lean into him like she had with Eric, instead sitting ramrod straight.
"Dan, I have to tell you something," Jenny said timidly, staring straight ahead.
"I figured out that you stole from me," Dan said, still not quite believing that it had come to this. "Why didn't you just ask me for the loan?"
"I was going to return the dress," Jenny said sheepishly. "I thought the money would be back before you'd notice. I only borrowed five hundred...I didn't think your card would decline because you never spend much money."
Dan laughed mirthlessly. "Well, don't worry about paying me back. I was going to give you a $500 gift certificate to Bendel's for your birthday. I couldn't think of a better use for my newfound wealth than to do something nice for your birthday."
Now Jenny did slump against him, and Dan took the opportunity to pull her closer. "I'm so sorry," Jenny said. "I know you're disappointed in me."
"You know Jen, I'm just worried about you. I don't want you to become a UES cyborg like those other girls. You have so much more to offer than those girls; I just wish you realized it," he said, his mind jumping back to Blair momentarily. It killed him that Blair seemed to fight tooth and nail just like his sister, because even though he was mad at her he knew that Blair had so much more to offer than the Hazels of the world, just like his sister did. He placed a gentle kiss on Jenny's forehead before moving to stand up.
"You ready to go home?" he asked, offering his hand. Jenny stared at him thoughtfully for a moment before letting him help her stand.
"You know what, I still kind of feel like celebrating with my brother and my friends. Everyone went to Butter; why don't you invited Nate so it won't just be you and a bunch of girls?"
Dan was taken aback by her complete one-eighty, but decided he'd take it at face value. He couldn't figure out what her hidden agenda could be. He promptly texted Nate, who said he'd meet them in a half hour.
Dan wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "Nate says he's in. Let's go celebrate," he said, trying to sound enthusiastic.
"Before we go, thanks for being here for me," Jenny told him sincerely. "I hope I'm not causing problems for you with Serena...and Blair," she finished hesitantly.
"You're my sister. I will always be here for you," Dan said. "Serena is staying neutral in your war with Blair, and as for Blair...I guess we were friendly because of Serena, but now we're not."
"Are you sure?" Jenny asked questioningly. Dan wasn't sure why she was so curious about Blair, though he figured maybe he wasn't as discreet as he thought when they'd spoken on the phone. He was thinking the real walls might indeed improve his life.
"I'm completely sure. Blair and I are not friends," Dan said firmly.
