The day after the violation of Loren, Prince Jake came to visit me at my scoop.

«Tobias isn't around, is he?» said Prince Jake as he demorphed.

«No,» I said.

«Good. You said while Tobias was, uh, with Loren, that you wanted to talk with me privately.»

«Yes,» I said, and waited for him to demorph. Now that Prince Jake was here, I wished I could be alone again. My mind was full of dark thoughts, of Elfangor and Alloran and Visser Three, and the sight of Tobias in Yeerk form slithering into Loren's ear.

"I'm sorry we had to do that to her," Prince Jake said at last, to break the silence. "But we did have to."

«I see that now,» I said. «And I am sorry I attacked you, Prince Jake. But as an aristh to my prince, I must make a complaint. You were in the wrong. You should have told us your plan.»

"I didn't know what the plan was when I sent you to get her," Prince Jake said. Prince Merlyse, shaped as a very large deer with spreading antlers, paced along the edge of my scoop. "And there wasn't time to convince you it was the only way. If she was a traitor, we didn't have a moment to spare. So I went over your head. I had to. You weren't thinking clearly."

«I believe there is a human saying that it is easier to ask forgiveness than permission. You did not ask for my permission, but you could ask for my forgiveness, and more importantly, hers.»

"Do I need to ask forgiveness?" Prince Merlyse had stopped pacing, and Prince Jake laid a hand on her flank. "It was the only thing to do."

I considered this in silence. I had been reluctant to agree that this had been the only way, but then, I had had much less to lose by a potential betrayal than any of the others. If the other Animorphs were taken, as great a loss as that would be, I could fight on, or make my escape to the homeworld. But for them, it was their families, their planet, they fought for.

«It was the only thing, short of killing her outright,» I said. «But it was not the right thing.»

Prince Jake and his dæmon exchanged a brief glance. "Yeah. I get that. If it was my mom. Well. I know what I'd say. So. Do you forgive me, Ax?"

I studied him and Prince Merlyse. I had never thought him capable of what he had done yesterday. Now that I knew what he would do, I must admit I was afraid of him. I still call him Prince, but every time I do, a small part of that fear is there. But it also gave me confidence, because I knew that he could do what was necessary to cripple the Yeerks by the time the Andalite fleet arrived. And perhaps, if the Yeerks were already crippled by that time, I would not need to worry about whether the fleet would fare as well against the invasion as I hoped.

«I forgive you, Prince Jake,» I said. Then I added, because I thought it was something Tobias might say in my place, «Friends?»

Prince Jake blinked in surprise. Then he smiled. "Yeah, Ax. Still friends." He looked around at my scoop. "This is a pretty cool setup you have here. Where'd you get the generator?"

«I found it broken behind an electronics repair store and retrieved it in human morph. Cassie let me keep it at her house until night fell and I could take it to the woods. Apparently, the owners of the store thought it was irreparable.»

"Not for an Andalite," Prince Jake said, smiling.

«Of course not.» I lifted the cover of the scoop a little so Prince Jake could see. «I have camouflage for the scoop for when I am not present, of course. I plan to acquire a computer, and Tobias says I should find a television as well.»

"A scoop? Is that what you call it? It's more like an Andalite bachelor pad."

«What is a "bachelor pad"?»

"Never mind. It's cool, Ax. It's about time you and Tobias had a place of your own set up. Actually, I feel bad I didn't suggest it sooner."

I shrugged. «We find ways to entertain ourselves.»

"Still. We should visit you out here sometimes. TV in the woods? Sounds fun."

«Yes. I hope to show Loren when I am done.»

"How are things with her?"

«That is not your affair,» I said evenly. «I forgive you, Prince Jake, and I promise I will share with you everything you need to know as our leader. But even if we are all Animorphs now, we must have some privacy as a family.»

Prince Jake held his hands up. "Okay, I get it. Sorry."

«In two days, she will morph for the first time. We will be there.»

"Tell me how it goes, okay? I know I, uh, don't really have any right, but I do want this to work out for her. Not just because she's fighting on our team, but because, well…" Prince Jake turned to Prince Merlyse for a moment, as if speaking to her instead of me. "She really impressed me yesterday. Not everyone could have held up the way she did. I want this to go well."

«It will. We will make sure of it.»


The door opened to my knock. "Come in, Loren," said a tall, friendly-voiced man with a greyhound dæmon.

I followed him inside, wondering vaguely if I was in the right place. I was in a foyer with a living room beyond it, a TV playing at low volume. There was a small woman with long black hair and a teenage boy sitting on the couch. Both of them had canine dæmons too, though I couldn't tell what kind.

Of course we're in the right place, said Jax. He knew your name.

"Where are the androids?" I blurted out.

The tall man laughed. "We're the androids. We have our holograms up right now."

Two little dogs ran up to Jax and sniffed him, tails wagging. Jax sniffed them back and inspected the greyhound dæmon. "You're a hologram?" he said.

"Yes," said the man's voice, coming from the dæmon's mouth. Jax jumped a little, making the little dogs take a step back. Even dæmons the same gender as their humans don't sound exactly alike.

"My human name is Daniel King."

"And I'm Phiroth," said his dæmon, in a pleasant soprano. Jax shuddered a little at the fake dæmon. She was perverse in a way that Tobias pretending to be Ax's dæmon hadn't been.

"Uh, pleasure to meet you," I said, though it wasn't a pleasure at all.

Mr. King led me to the living room. "You've met Delia," he said, gesturing to the woman, "and Nguu Lang. Erek and Damaris play the role of my son." The teenager's dæmon, a rough collie from what Jax could tell, waved her fluffy tail.

Play the role of my son. That made me feel a little sick again. "Hi," I said, flashing a fake little smile. "I'm Loren. This is Jaxom." I didn't sit. The uncluttered living room didn't make me feel welcome. A large dog came up to me, and I petted its neck absently. These androids were really into dogs, weren't they?

Jax looked to Delia/Aftran, wondering if she would say anything about the last time we'd met.

"Why don't you show her the tech, Daniel?" Delia/Aftran said.

"Sure," said the android. He opened a drawer in the entertainment system that housed the TV and took out a piece of clothing. "We wove the tech into a skintight suit, since that's the most you can take with you when you demorph. The emitter's effect will be turned on and off by your voice, Jaxom, since no one can morph you and impersonate you. To calibrate it, I just need you to say a keyword to turn it on. I recommend something that sounds innocuous, but that you wouldn't say in normal conversation."

Jax thought about it for a moment, then said, "God fucking damn it."

That drew laughs from Delia/Aftran and Erek. I shrugged. "We don't swear. But lots of people do, so no one's likely to notice."

"OK, now I need a phrase to turn off the hologram. This doesn't have to sound innocuous, since you're not going to turn off the hologram anywhere that's not secure. But it should still be something you won't accidentally say in conversation."

Jaxom considered, then said, "End farce."

Delia/Aftran laughed again. "Oh, I like you."

"You volunteered to invade my mind without my permission," I snapped. "I don't think I like you."

"You should be grateful," she said, and I got the distinct feeling it was Aftran speaking, not Delia. "Think what would have happened if I hadn't volunteered."

I gritted my teeth and said nothing. She was right, of course.

"Well, it's all set up," said Mr. King, ignoring the exchange. He passed me the leotard.

"Don't wear it the first time you morph," Aftran said.

Jax's ears flattened against his skull. What is she trying to say?

"I've been inside Cassie's head. She didn't have this problem because she's a naturally talented morpher, but all the others couldn't manage clothes the first time. You wouldn't want your holographic leotard to get lost in the ether."

I scratched the dog I'd been petting along its jaw. I could feel it drooling a little on my pant leg. I remembered something. "Cassie suggested that I try a dog for my first morph. May I acquire this one?"

"You want to try out a dog morph? Excellent," said Erek. "We love dogs. We believe they're infused with the spirit of our creators, the Pemalites."

Androids who worship their creators, thought Jax. It seems twisted somehow. Wrong. Those Pemalites played God when they created a race of beings capable of worship.

And yet, they are capable of worship, I thought. There's something a little reassuring about that. Something that makes them different from the computers at the library.

"Champ is a very handsome German shepherd," Mr. King said. "We got him from a rescue. Go ahead."

I pet Champ, and Jax turned around to look at him. He was big and powerful and wagging his tail like the world's sweetest puppy. I thought about how his fur felt beneath my palm, what it would be like to share this body with Jax and smell the world through its nose. Champ's tail stopped beating. He went very still.

"Is this normal?" I said nervously.

"Yes," said Aftran. "This is the acquiring trance. Keep going."

I kept petting him and concentrating on him until his tail started wagging again. "Wow," I said. "That was weird. I guess I did it." I gave Champ a grateful pat on the shoulder.

"Thank you," I said, holding up the leotard. "This must have been a lot of work."

"Not so much," said Erek. "It's nice to be able to help, in the ways our pacifist programming allows."

"You're pacifists?" I said. I felt a pang of jealousy. As a soldier in this war, I would have to kill, to stain my soul with murder. These androids managed to help without sullying themselves.

"Yes," said Aftran/Delia. "We work in other ways."

Jax studied Aftran/Delia. We'd made assumptions about Aftran, because she was a Yeerk. But Tobias had been right. Yeerks did have goodness in them. They were God's people too.

Perhaps more so than I, who was soon to violate the most solemn of his commandments.

"Still," I mumbled. "Thanks." And I left.


Loren requested that I arrive at her home a short time before Tobias did, so we could speak in private.

It was evening, so I flew to her house in owl morph and landed on a tree branch near a back window. «Loren,» I said. «Please open your westernmost back window.»

With my owl ears, I heard her say near the window, "Hmm, is this the western one? I'm not sure."

«Yes, it is.»

"Andalites must have a mean sense of direction," I heard Jaxom say before they opened the window.

I glided in silently. «Thank you. Now please block the windows so I may demorph.»

"Oh, so that was you who flew in," Jaxom said. "We didn't hear a thing."

«Owls are excellent at going undetected.»

Loren drew an opaque cloth across the window, blocking view. I demorphed, and saw that Jaxom was watching intensely. Loren flinched when my stalk eyes burst from my skull, and when my spine bent with a wet snap. I did not count these reactions against her success at her first morph. The process still disgusted me at times.

I swept my stalk eyes around the room, much dimmer now in my own vision. I guessed that it was similar to the room where we had fought in David's house. It had a bed, a mirror set low to the ground, a bookshelf, and a small door that most likely led to a closet. I had read enough books to know that this must be Loren's bedroom, and that it was a private space.

«I will morph human and accompany you to the living room,» I said.

"No. It's OK. Stay here for now. I want to talk to you like this. With your real face."

«As you wish.» I was apprehensive. Perhaps Loren had invited me early so she could further lecture me on her rights as a vecol. I had already faced up to enough of my own inadequacies on that subject that I wasn't eager to hear more.

"Listen, Ax," said Loren. Her unseeing eyes stared at a point somewhere above my minor heart, while Jaxom angled his head up as far as he could to look at my main eyes. "Do you know anything about how Tobias grew up?"

«Yes,» I said darkly. «I do not know details, but your siblings mistreated him.»

"Tobias' aunt who had custody of him wasn't exactly my sister – she was my sister-in-law when Tobias was born, my taf ratheen, I guess you'd call it. Leo and Zoë had been married then, and they got custody of him as a couple. But then they divorced about seven years ago, and I guess they passed him back and forth ever since. Anyway. I knew they wouldn't be good guardians for him. But I thought I'd be worse. I was wrong. I should have gotten him back the moment I was able to live independently. I don't know the details, but he didn't have a childhood, Ax. He had nothing. No bedtime stories, no family traditions, nothing. Do you get what I'm saying?"

«I do.»

"Elfangor kept up all the rituals, you know. Even though he said he couldn't do them right in a human body, on this strange planet. 'How can I do the moon phase rituals with only one moon?' he'd say. But he figured out ways, and got me to try them too. And I had my traditions, and he gave them a try. We would have raised Tobias in both our traditions. Jesus, how we would have argued, but we would have, still."

«Elfangor did the moon rituals? On Earth?» I had given up the moon rituals here on Earth, just as any Andalite must who is on a mission in space. That Elfangor had adapted the rituals to suit this planet made me feel astounded, reassured, and a little afraid all at once. I was reassured to think that Elfangor had not abandoned the Andalite traditions entirely when he left the war to become human, but I was also afraid, because it seemed easier than I would have thought to combine what was sacred to Andalites and humans – and if that was so, I could not be sure where to draw the line between them.

"Yes," said Loren, "and nearly killed himself with a knife doing the wood-carvings, the first few times. But do you see what I mean? If Elfangor could do these rituals on Earth, then so could Tobias."

«You want me to teach him,» I said.

"To initiate him, I guess. Like Elfangor did with me when we got married. I have a tradition I want to do with him. It's called a baptism. It's usually done on babies. The ritual is so they can be reborn in water and the Holy Spirit. It brings the child into the traditions of the church."

«Reborn in water and the Spirit,» I said slowly. «Yes, that is appropriate. Water gave birth to us, and to be reborn into its flow is to receive the spirit of all life that originated there. Andalites do not have a ritual exactly like this baptism, but I think it would be well for Tobias to morph from my DNA and perform the morning ritual with me.»

"'From the water that gave birth to us.' Yes, that's right. Okay, we'll do the baptism before dawn, and then the morning ritual. That'll be good. I think it's something he needs. He should be here any minute now, but let's plan some more for this later."

«Thank you,» I said. «I would not have thought of this on my own, but it is an excellent idea. Tobias should know where he comes from.»

"And who loves him," said Loren.


When Tobias and Ax came into the living room, both human, I stood up and said, "Okay. I'm ready."

I was barefoot, dressed in torn old jeans and a threadbare T-shirt. Aftran had said I wouldn't take them back with me, when I demorphed from this, so I decided on clothes I wouldn't mind losing.

"What do you need us to do?" Tobias said.

The simple question reassured me. They were here for me. They were ready to listen. Or Tobias was, anyway.

"First off," I said, "I want to remind you, though I hope you know this by now, that this isn't the part of the movie where the music gets all inspirational." Jax looked pointedly at Ax, to remind me, and I corrected myself. "Uh, sorry, Ax. What I mean to say is, this isn't a celebration. This is a transition. A difficult one. From now on, nothing is the same for me. Do you remember what that's like?"

"I do," Ax said.

"Yeah," Tobias said, a little roughly.

"So no applause, no victory laps, no congratulations. Tell me you understand."

They both said that they did.

"Okay. Now pull the curtains closed, then turn off all the lights."

The room went dim. The only light was spillover from the kitchen. In this dark, Jaxom didn't see much worse than any sighted human. It equalized us. Yet I felt terribly vulnerable. I said, "What do I do now?"

«Concentrate on the dog you acquired. Hold its image in your mind. Imagine becoming it,» Ax said, switching to thought-speak.

"That's all?" I said. It seemed like so little, to do so much. But touching the blue box had been kind of like that, too. I pictured Champ, though it wasn't an image in the way Ax probably meant. I saw him dimly through Jax's eyes, but I also felt his rough fur, the thump of his wagging tail against my leg. I thought about what I would be able to smell with his keen nose.

I wouldn't have known anything was happening if Jax hadn't said, "Loren. Your toenails. They're long. And sharp. Oh, Lord."

I curled my hands, and felt sharp nails scrape against my palm. My skin itched, and fur erupted from my forearms. I gave a little cry, and the changes stopped.

"Go ahead," said Tobias. "Keep thinking of the dog. If you stop, the changes won't come."

I considered it, for a moment. What if I reversed the morph now? Would I still be myself, or was it too late to go back to the way I was?

We're about to become a dog, oh Loren, this is madness, why must we? Jax wondered.

Because what if they die, and we could have been there to save them? I thought. I focused on Champ again. He didn't question himself. He wasn't about to join a war. He was a dog. He had doggy friends, and a world of smells, and nothing to be afraid of.

My ears crawled up the sides of my head, became long and pointed. The fur raced up my chest, my neck, my face. I felt it when my scars melted into my skin, never to return. I felt my pelvis crunch and grind, and I was forced to balance on my hands, which weren't hands anymore.

Can't we take another break? Jax said, but I focused fiercely onward. I thought of being a guard dog for Tobias, walking with him as he went barefoot on the sidewalk, and the changes kept coming.

My organs lurched terrifyingly in my chest, then shifted. My spine lengthened out into a tail. The room became larger around me as I shrank. Then I gave a cry of real alarm as everything went black.

«Aaahhh!» Jax cried. «I can't feel my hooves! I can't – » He scraped a paw along the floor. «Oh. Oh. Here I am.»

This is what it is for some blind people, I thought. People whose dæmons can't see either. We didn't have anybody like that in our low vision support group – it was very rare – but it happened.

"Are you all right, Jaxom?" Elhariel said.

«I'm fine, it's just – this is what it's like, huh?»

"Yes. That's what it's like," Elhariel said.

Jax didn't know what to say to that. If he said it was awful (which was true) Elhariel might take it as pity, but if he said it wasn't so bad (which was also true) then it might sound callous. There was no right answer but to offer his head for her to perch on, and he couldn't do that, so he kept on morphing.

Our vision came back, much the same as it had been, all murky grays. Depth perception was better, but the real difference was that it was all centered in one body. Jax didn't have to see for both of us. We both saw, from the body we shared, and it was so disorienting we nearly staggered.

But then smell came, and vision became nothing more than an afterthought.

I could smell my house: a residue of soap on the ground from the mopping I'd given the floor yesterday, the rot of the garbage in the kitchen, a smell ingrained into the armchair that I realized was myself.

There were two other human scents, too. They both smelled strangely blank, like they'd been dropped into this room out of nowhere. Their smells had no history or layers to them, just plain old human. What a strange mystery! I came forward to find out more, my tail wagging a little as I went.

The humans wore clothes, and when I came close, I smelled pine and rotting leaves on their clothing, like the woods. I sniffed the darker human, trying to pick up on anything else. Maybe the human would pet me!

"Tobias, I do not think Loren would engage in this behavior, yur, if she had mastery-ry-ry of the dog's instincts. In. Stincts."

"Hey, Loren. Loren, are you with us?"

"Jaxom. Come on, you know who you are. Come back to us."

Which was when Jax realized he was sniffing Ax's crotch.

«Ah! Sorry!» he cried, taking a step back.

«Wow,» I said. «Uh, well. I was not expecting that.»

"It is okay," said Ax. "Kay. Oh-kay? This is your first morph. It is always challenging. Ing."

Now it makes sense why they don't smell like much of anything, Jax thought. They only just morphed human. Their human bodies have been… well, wherever our bodies are now, I guess.

«I like the dog's mind, though,» I said. «It loves smells. And being pet. It's a pretty happy mind in general.»

"Yeah, Jake and Marco told us that about dog morph. Sounds fun." Tobias scratched me a little between the ears, which made me feel relaxed and loved all over. I could feel my tail wagging.

«I'd like to practice sniffing things out in this morph,» I said. «I'd take any excuse to stay in this morph a while, really. But that's not what we're here for. It's time to face the music. Turn around, boys.»

As soon as they turned around, I missed their gazes on me. It had been nice to know that they'd been watching over me. Bearing witness. But this was something Jax and I would have to experience for ourselves. We would be reborn, naked as I had first come into the world, and nothing would be the same.

It's still good, though, Jax thought. To have them there. Even if they're not watching. I guess it's time.

I'm not sure I can do this.

If Elfangor were here, he'd want us to do it.

I choked. I remembered, now, Elfangor's words about vecols as he transitioned into human society. Of course he'd want us do it. He wanted Tobias to do it, and we're actually an adult. Besides, it'll make me normal again, right?

He changed his mind.

Some. Not as much as he could have. It was easier for us to ignore, back then. I guess we just don't know what he would say. I steeled myself. But never mind that. We have to focus back on our own bodies, right? To demorph? What am I supposed to focus on? I don't even know what my body is going to be like.

I know what mine will be like, Jax thought. Let me do this.

Jax felt his hooves on the sidewalk. He imagined the world through his eyes, wider and flatter. He felt my hand on his neck. And we began to change.

The room shrank back to its normal size. The bones of my legs rearranged themselves into hands and feet with a series of snaps and pops. My spine shortened, leaving my tail hanging like an empty sleeve before it shriveled away. The fur on my body receded into patches, then nothing. My face flattened. Jaxom appeared by my side, and I held onto him for comfort as my neck and pelvis creaked and groaned into place, my eyes tightly shut. When the transformation was over, I was kneeling naked on my living room floor.

I could feel the difference already, in my face. There was none of the tightness I was used to from the scars. I could feel something else, too, faintly through my closed eyelids, but I ignored it for now. I took Jax's face in my hands and guided it so his nose was inches from mine. How do I look? I asked.

I saw my own face through Jax's eyes. It was beautiful. Not beautiful like Lenny had once breathed into my ear as we lay entangled on my bed. Beautiful like Lila at church, who used to be an actress, or like women on billboards. It wasn't a kind of beauty I'd ever associated with myself. It pinched at my skin more than the scars ever did.

The ones on your chest are gone too, Jax said. I ran my hands over my bare chest. The skin between and just below my breasts was smooth. I felt as if I had been flayed.

It's coming through my eyelids, Jax. The tiniest bit of light. I pulled him into my lap and squeezed him. I'm scared.

Open your eyes, Jax said. I did.

There was nothing but light at first. I knew from Jax that the kitchen light was only a faint glow in the living room, but it whited out my vision with its radiance. My eyes watered and spilled over. Jax licked the tears away.

As my eyes adjusted to the light, a shape formed in front of me. I slowly realized it was Jax's face. I could see the dark pools of his eyes against his lighter fur, the tiny cones of his horns. His ears flicked uncertainly.

I dropped a light kiss on his nose. "I see you, Jax," I whispered. I put him down so I could get a better look at him. His stripes stood out on his back, black on tan. I brushed his back and stared at his tan fur, the color just visible in the dim light. It was the first color I'd seen since the accident. Jax's, and therefore my best beloved color in the world. He looked like a tiny, perfectly formed deer, though I knew that really he was an antelope.

You really are so dear, I thought. I can't imagine why every other dæmon doesn't snuggle you on sight.

Jax laughed silently. I'm glad they don't.

I looked around my living room. It was just as plain as I'd already known it to be, though now that I saw color it struck me just how drab it was.

Then something astonishing happened. I knew where my bathrobe was. I couldn't see it right now, but Jax was facing the other way, and he could see it draped over the arm of the chair. I could see in more than one direction now, just like any other person whose halves could both see.

I reached behind me, grabbed my bathrobe, and belted it on. "You can turn on the light now," I said. "I'm decent."

"Are you sure?" Tobias said.

"I've had my adjustment period," I said. "Besides, there is an upside to all of this. I really want to see your face."

Ax turned on the lamp, and the world flooded with light again. I sat down in the armchair and gathered Jax onto my lap, squinting my eyes against the onslaught. I wiped away the tears with the back of my hand.

Oh, if I thought that was color I saw before… Better that my living room was drab; even as it was, the world felt like a kaleidoscope. Shapes stretched and blurred beneath the weight of their colors, beige and brown and blue-gray. "Hold on a minute," I said, my voice strained with the headache building inside my temples.

I'm looking at the kitchen door, said Jax. It's ajar. There's light coming through it. Can you see? Focus where I'm looking.

I looked down at Jax, and was instantly mesmerized. He was so many shades of brown, darker on his face and neck and lightening to a sandy contrast against the black stripes on his back. The stripes didn't have neat borders, either. They were broken up a little by stray overlapping hairs, black on tan and tan on black.

Come on, Loren, focus.

Jax was looking elsewhere. I could follow the direction of his gaze. I saw a portal of warm yellow light, framed by an off-white wall. A wooden door, rectangular, with a round brass knob, flung open. My kitchen door.

Okay. That's progress. I'll face them first, then your turn.

Jax turned his head. Through his eyes I saw Tobias and Ax, facing me, their postures tense. I turned my head in the same direction.

Boys. Two boys, thirteen years old. One taller, browner, curly dark hair shot through with gold, coltish legs, teeth caught on his soft full lower lip, looking stripped and alone with no dæmon in sight: Ax. The other paler, flyaway dirty blond hair, brown eyes blazing in a blank face, pointed chin, little black bird with white markings on his shoulder: Tobias.

I felt the tears start again, but not from the light this time. "Your eyes are just like his, Tobias."

Tobias gasped out a breath like he'd been hit, and sat down hard on the couch. Ax looked back and forth between us. So much information on their faces I could never read before: the nervous flick-flick-flick of Ax's gaze between us, the widening of Tobias' eyes as he took in what I'd said. I'm sure I wasn't keeping track of all the details. I had to relearn that visual language everyone else understood effortlessly – except maybe Ax.

Ax sat down next to Tobias, studied his face for a moment, then looked back at me and said, "What did Elfangor's human, huh-yoo-mun, morph look like?"

I shrugged. "He wasn't anything remarkable to look at. He picked the humans to acquire for his morph before he understood anything about how we see each other. He was my height, kind of slight. Brown hair with some curl, dark brown eyes, just like Tobias'. He was half Asian and half white, give or take, not surprising given the population he acquired DNA from. Oh, and his chin. He had that point to his chin, like yours, Tobias. I always said it made him look like an elf. Elfangor, get it?"

Tobias huffed a laugh. Elhariel looked at his chin, gave it an experimental peck. He looked at his dæmon, then at me, and said, "My hair is closer to your color, though. Not quite as blond, but. And the shape of my face. We both have kind of wide cheeks, you know?"

"I guess," I said. "I haven't looked in a mirror yet. I know how Jax sees me, but… he doesn't get the details."

Tobias blinked. "Well, go ahead and look at one."

I shrugged. "I don't want to. Not yet. This is, well, a lot. And I think the mirror isn't a step I'm ready to take."

"Then we must respect your wishes. Wissshhhhes. Ssshhh. But Tobias is right. I see how you are alike, now that your scars are gone."

I flinched a little at that, but I found that I wasn't angry. It was only the truth, after all. It would be easier to spot the likeness in our faces without the scarring. If he hadn't said those words, I would have felt them in the sentence anyway.

"What about Hala Fala?" said Elhariel. "You told us about Elfangor, but not about her."

"Yes," Ax said slowly. "Of course. Hala Fala. How did he have a dæmon?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. He just did the Frolis maneuver, and when he morphed, Hala Fala was there. Maybe the Ellimists wanted him to have her."

That made Jax squirm a little. The Ellimists seem to like to meddle in affairs that are best left in God's hands. It's a fundamental kind of blasphemy.

Besides, I couldn't quite remember what Elfangor had said when he morphed human and she had appeared – just my joy at seeing his soul made manifest. Maybe he hadn't credited it to the Ellimists at all.

Elhariel said, "You said she was an insect."

I smiled. "Yes. The most beautiful I've ever known. She was an orchid bee, a blue so rich and shining she was like a sapphire with wings. Orchid bees are amazing creatures. The females nest alone, but if there are lots of predators around, they build a nest communally and share so there'll always be at least one female guarding the eggs. And the males, they collect scents from different flowers into unique bouquets of perfume. Such little bees, and they'll travel for miles to find just the right orchid. They build their own identities, in a way. I think Elfangor embodied all of that." I felt the corner of my mouth twist. "Though I wish he had taken that part about guarding the nest more literally."

Tobias looked at me sideways, his brow creased, his mouth tight. He was hurt by those last words, I saw. He wished I wouldn't talk about how much I resented Elfangor's choices. Would I have missed that, without my human eyes?

«That is fitting,» Ax mused in thought-speak. «I think Hala Fala would have liked that.»

"Why do you say that? Did you know her well, back on the homeworld?"

«Ah! So I was right! She was the same consciousness as Elfangor's Garibah

"Yes," I said. "She was a very strange dæmon, let me tell you, after spending hundreds of years as a tree. She barely spoke. But she could say so much without speaking a word, you know?"

Tobias and Ax nodded. «I think it is well that it became a pollinating bee,» he said. «Hala Fala always loved the pollinating insects that stopped to visit its flowers. It sang djafid to them.»

"You miss Hala Fala," I said.

«How could I not? It was a part of Elfangor, and he of it. Elfangor did not come home often. When I missed him, I could touch Hala Fala's bark and be connected with that part of him.»

I felt a pang of jealousy. Ax had had Hala Fala to remember Elfangor by, when he was gone, while Tobias and I were left with nothing of him, not even memories. In that moment, he and Hala Fala felt like a presence in the room, who touched us all in fleeting and broken ways, and we were left to put together the pieces. I both hated and loved him for it.

"You were lucky," Tobias said, very quietly.

«It did not seem to me that way at the time,» Ax said. «It seemed to me terribly unfair that Hala Fala was all I had, and it so far away from where I lived. But now, I see it differently. Now I know how very much I had.»