A/N: And now we've reached the conclusion! It's time for the men to come clean and, ahem, 'link those swords' as CLAMP puts it. I've had a wonderful time writing this, and I want to think everyone once again for support in every form. Half the reason I'm actually able to finish the multi-chap fics I start are due to fans such as you who give me a reason not to let everyone down (plus, I just love to write). Hope you all continue to enjoy our final part!
Spoilers/Timeline: Spoilers for Nihon, since the timeline is Nihon, right at the moment where Tomoyo is asking Kurogane if he has discovered true strength.
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Fai and Kurogane.
There was only a single door separating them now. Fai could hear Tomoyo's voice filtered through talking of true strength and sacrifices, and then Kurogane's lower tone musing on what he'd learned. Fai brushed his fingers against the door, wanting to reach closer, wanting to be nearer to the voice he had thought he'd almost lost. He should have known better. The Kurogane who'd lectured him endlessly on the importance of living and not giving up hope would never cut his life short and burden Fai with being the reason for his death. He was a straightforward and brutally honest man, but he was not cruel. But still, when they'd first landed in Nihon and Kurogane had started bleeding out on the ground, Fai had not been able suppress his feelings of terror and helplessness. If he dies... if he dies, I'll be...
He pressed his hands over his heart. It hadn't happened, but the fear he had felt had awakened him to all he had forced Kurogane to go through during their months of traveling together. So many times he had tried to die or kill himself right before Kurogane's eyes, but he had never before wondered or cared how the ninja would feel upon seeing him fade away without the power or hope of bringing him back. He understood now why Kurogane had been so angry during those times, and why the exact same thing seemed to incite the fury of the older Kurogane he'd met in another world. He had always seen death as a release, but to the ones who cared for him, it would only serve as a bitter reminder of a wish that could never be granted, a time they would never get back.
"I'm sorry to make you wait," Tomoyo's voice came from behind the door. "You may come in."
Fai's hands trembled as they slid the door open. Kurogane was sitting on the cushions Tomoyo had prepared to him, the stump of his arm bandaged and his robes hugging his body loosely, revealing the wrappings on his chest. He gazed at Fai with eyes that looked almost prepared for the worst. Fai really couldn't blame him. After his cold treatment in Infinity and trying to kill him in Celes, he probably thought it would take a miracle for them to get close again. Kurogane had been able to forgive him his past, but Fai was usually less relenting towards the things that stood in his way or attempted to pick apart the heart he wanted to keep hidden.
"Oi..." Kurogane said quietly. It was the first time Fai had ever heard him sounding so uncertain. In a way, it made him happy. That Kurogane's near perfect resolve would waver slightly because of him meant he was important enough to shake his core, to make him wary of losing that which he held most precious.
Fai crossed the room and stood at his feet, gazing into his eyes while trying to keep his face expressionless. It was a challenge for him. He wanted instead to find a way into Kurogane's arms, to allow himself to be loved in the way he had always been afraid of, to shatter the now pointless line of distance that existed between them. But things weren't that easy. He had tortured Kurogane for so long that they needed the time to mend and repair. He needed to learn how to be honest and unafraid, and Kurogane would need to wait at his side while he figured out who he really was through all the faking and self-loathing he'd imposed on himself for his entire life.
But for now, there was a simple signal he could use to patch up some of the damage done. With a smile, he raised his fist and brought it crashing down on Kurogane's head. He didn't hold back, just as Kurogane had never held back with him. He wanted to release all of the anger that had festered in him, the anger at himself, the anger at Kurogane for never being able to leave him be, the anger at Ashura-ou and all of the stupid things he had done that had been meant to save Fai's life, but had only made him all the more miserable. It felt so good, but not quite so good at the stunned look on Kurogane's face as he rubbed his forehead, surprised that his favorite form of punishment had been used against him.
"That's payback, Kuro-sama," Fai said with a genuine smile. His knuckles were throbbing with pain, and he almost wished his vampire's blood wouldn't sooth the pain away from him. He wanted to remember this moment, to be permanently marked by this first occasion of feeling alive.
"I'll beat the crap out of you, you bastard!" Kurogane shot back.
He was smiling broadly, and Fai's heart stirred at the sight of it. It had been so long since he'd been able to see Kurogane happy. Ever since Tokyo, they'd each dealt separately with their own miseries, Fai and Sakura withdrawing further into their own secrets, and Kurogane and Syaoran facing the backlash with only the comfort of alcohol and the words they used to strengthen each other to soothe their sense of abandonment. The days when they had been happy seemed so far and long ago, but now Fai could remember how it felt before to smile and laugh, to create memories together. And this time, Kurogane's happiness was because of him, and the knowledge of it filled him and left him even happier.
Tomoyo also smiled and quietly left the room before her presence effected the atmosphere between Kurogane and Fai. Fai watched her as she left, feeling grateful to her. Although Kurogane's wounds and Sakura's soulless body had earned the greater share of her concern, she had still extended herself whole-heartedly on Fai's behalf, providing him with clothes to wear and quickly dealing with the amount of blood that had been collected from Kurogane in order to quiet the chaos of his instinct.
"Oi," Kurogane said again, tugging on the long sleeves of Fai's robe. "Why the hell are you wearing that?"
"This?" Fai examined the simple design, looking for something that could have possibly offended Kurogane. Usually the ninja was bothered when he showed his stomach, but this particular piece covered most of his skin, much more than Kurogane's own did, in any case. "Tomoyo-hime picked it out. And I thought the moons were a nice touch. Is something wrong with it?"
Kurogane shook his head. "Nevermind. It was her idea. I thought maybe the cross-dressing that guy was talking about it was beginning to manifest."
Fai tilted his head. "Cross-dressing? 'That guy'? And are you trying to say this is something that a girl would wear?" He studied the garment again and shrugged. "But it suits me, right Kuro-sama? So it's not a problem."
"Not really, but I feel like you'll head down a slippery slope after this. For now, as long as you stay away from the soldiers' barracks while you're wearing that it should be fine."
"I think the room Tomoyo-hime gave me is nearby."
"Then stay here." Kurogane gestured to a spot on the floor for him to sit. "You'll cause less trouble if I can keep an eye on you."
"But shouldn't Kuro-sama be sleeping?"
"I've slept enough for awhile. Right now, you have something to say to me, don't you?"
"Perhaps." Fai took a seat beside him and studied the handiwork of his bandages. "But first I want to know how you are feeling."
"Fine enough. Our medicine isn't half bad here, and it does a fair job of taking the pain away."
"It hurt quite a bit, didn't it?"
Kurogane shrugged. "Don't really remember, honestly. There were other things on my mind right then."
"Are you crazy? You slice off a limb, and you don't even remember how it felt?" Fai shook his head. "It looked horrible. You really gave me a scare when you did that."
"Good. You needed to be woken up a little." Kurogane massaged his shoulder, wincing just slightly. "How about you?" he asked. "All that blood. Must have been hard for you."
"I wasn't going to hurt you any more than you already have been. I owe you that much."
"Hmph. Don't be an idiot. You don't owe me anything, and I don't owe you anything either. You are free to do as you please, and I will agree or disagree accordingly."
"But don't you think it would be nice," Fai said quietly, "if what we pleased was the exact same thing?"
Kurogane stared at him, his expression remaining motionless. "I'm listening," he said at length, but there was a tightness to his voice Fai was unused to hearing.
"The thing is, in the world after Tokyo, I met a Kurogane with your soul. I wasn't in a very good place at that time, and I wanted to ignore everything he tried to tell me, but it seems maybe he got to me after all. I was so afraid of abandoning my brother that you ended up being the person abandoned instead, even though what I really wanted was to become closer to you." Fai flushed a little, surprised at himself for admitting to this out loud. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that if it's possible, I would like to stay by your side as we move forward. I may not be any good now, but I'm going to keep trying so I can continue to be a part of your future. I just think that... that maybe I can finally understand what it means to be happy if you're here with me and can somehow find it in your heart to love me. And if not, well, I just wanted to have the courage enough to tell you before we face the dangers to come."
Kurogane didn't say anything for a long time. He extended a hand to hold Fai's face steady so he could examine his expression, but he did not speak and immediately answer Fai's wish with a simple 'yes' or 'no'. Fai wasn't troubled at all by this. He had always strung Kurogane along on his own and made him wait for the things he most wanted to hear, so in a way he deserved this slow torture, this not knowing if the fate he had seen in another time and place could unfold in this world here.
"Are you being serious for once?" Kurogane asked finally. "That's really what you want?"
"Yes. It's been what I wanted for a long time now. I just didn't want to admit it. If I accepted it, I would also have to accept the life I thought I had stolen from my brother. I wasn't strong enough to do that." He looked down at the place where Kurogane's arm would have been. "But maybe you aren't the only one who has had to learn how to be strong."
Kurogane sighed and rapped his knuckles against Fai's forehead. "Damned idiot. And it took you how long to figure that one out?"
"I'm sorry I can't be as smart as Kuro-sama."
"Hey. I've done my fair share of stupid things, too, so let's cut it out now. It might not be so bad to want the same thing, after all."
Without another word, he leaned in to kiss Fai square on the lips. Fai closed his eyes, returning the gesture and encouraging him to go further. This was much better than even drinking his blood, though the want it sated was quite similar. This act was more mutual and less distant, and the way Kurogane groaned into his mouth aroused him more than the way the blood he forced upon him traveled down his throat. He wanted more. He wanted to react more and hear Kurogane's own reactions, to connect with him and feel the love he had been so terrified of believing in echoing inside his body so deeply that he wouldn't be able to forget or run away.
Kurogane drew away and pulled Fai against him with his remaining arm. "I want you," he said frankly. "You probably don't even have a clue how long I've wanted you. I'm not going to let you keep away from me for any longer, you understand?"
"I understand. And it's also what I want, but..." He trailed off, pointing to Kurogane's wound. "I can't smell much blood right now, but it won't stay that way if we do this."
"What, are you planning on savaging it while we're at it?"
"No, but something could happen if we're not careful. After what happened in Celes, the last thing I want is for you to suffer even more pain."
"Idiot, the way you're going about it now is what's going to make it worse." Kurogane slid down onto his back, pulling Fai down along with him. "Put your hands on either side of my head," he ordered.
Fai obeyed, his hair falling forward as it slipped out of its tie. He held Kurogane's eyes, wondering if he would be able to resist after all. He had such a beautiful view here, looking down into that slick, sweaty face, the red eyes almost drowning in lust, or maybe even love. There was nothing even akin to pain present in them, only want, only Fai.
"You're not hurting me, are you?" Kurogane asked, nodding to his shoulder. "Do you want to know what it's feeling right now? It's feeling that if it was still there properly, it would be holding onto you and putting those foolish thoughts out of your head. It's longing for the feel of your skin, and wondering what's taking you so damn long. Will you really deny it right now?"
A smile broke on Fai's face. "Not a chance. You caught me, Kuro-sama. I'll do it your way, if you really don't mind having me in control. I might not be any good."
"Ha!" Kurogane's hand reached down to open up Fai's robe, and he lifted his head up to nip Fai's exposed nipple. Fai was surprised at how quickly he reacted. His knees buckled, and his body weight settled on top of Kurogane, a delicious cry coming from deep within his throat. Kurogane drove his knee upward to rub against his throbbing skin, grinning in satisfaction as Fai's desperately sought his lips to muffle the sounds he was making.
"Does it feel good?" Kurogane teased. "Are you really so worried that I'll find something wrong with a body as sweet as yours?"
"It feels good," Fai panted back, settling into Kurogane's lap. He could feel Kurogane's own arousal against him, and he wanted it now, wanted it inside him so they could fully connect, no longer two separate parties struggling against each other, but one heart, one soul joined in mutual understanding and experience.
"Then why don't you continue?"
Fai nodded, pulling off his robe the rest of the way. He knew Kurogane had seen him like this before, but his body felt more erotic under these conditions, as if every single bit of skin spelled out his want and gave him away entirely. The way Kurogane was looking at him wasn't helping at all. His one hand had lifted and started roaming across his bare skin, teasing the sensitive areas. When he sat up a bit to reach his neck with a knowing smile across his face, he brought his lips to a certain area and began to suck on it. Fai felt as if he going crazy. He moaned and arched his back, rubbing their two erections together as he swayed into the caress. He reached down and undid the ties holding Kurogane's garment in place and rubbed his throbbing entrance against his arousal insistently, no longer able to wait. "Help me," he begged.
"So you were telling the truth about that spot after all." Kurogane moved away from his neck and directed his attention to preparing Fai to receive him. "You know, I have something to tell you, too. Will you listen?"
"Yes... just hurry, please."
"When the witch asked if we wanted to continue to travel together after Tokyo, I said something about how I was going to return to Nihon no matter what, but I now had another promise to keep along with the first one I made."
"Yes. I assumed it had something to do with how my life depends on yours now."
"It does, but it isn't just that. When a soldier swears himself before Tomoyo-hime, he or she offers everything solely to her with no exception. I had no problem making that vow before. Tomoyo-hime helped me through one of the worst times in my life, and her faith and trust spared me from being controlled by that ass messing with our fates. But there's something I have that I can only give to you, and that's the most important thing that has changed." He slid his fingers from Fai and the very moment he thrust into him, he looked into Fai's widened eye and said calmly and clearly, "The only person my soul wants is you."
Fai felt his control over himself slipping and release racking his body much too soon. He could feel Kurogane's eyes upon him watching in delight, which only made him slip even further into the madness. "That... wasn't... fair... at all," he choked out when he finally caught his bearings.
Kurogane simply laughed and stroked his damp skin back to attention. "Oi, now make me feel as good as you just felt. Stop getting carried away."
Fai couldn't help but laugh along with him and he began to roll his hips for Kurogane, obeying his command. It was such an odd thing, this love they shared. They were two entirely different people who had held opposing philosophies for so long, and Fai had done his absolute utmost to make himself the kind of person Kurogane would never be able to tolerate, much less love. But he had failed somehow. Kurogane had managed to see the true him through everything he did to make himself hated, and Fai had managed to fall in love with the very person he had set his heart against from the beginning. Fate had played its hand after all, but it was a hidden road rather than the one Fai had assumed stretched out in front of him clearly. The things he had believed he needed to do to be happy had never even been possible or what he truly wanted. This was what was real: the firm body beneath him that was now a part of his, the face that watched him with intense heat as pleasure invaded them both, the arm that eased his movements and held him steady as the act reached its fever pitch. The love he felt in his heart, so deep and urgent that it seemed impossible now that he had been able to repress it for so long.
"Kuro-sama," Fai cried, feeling his insides tightening and release welling up within him. "Always, towards you I—"
Kurogane shook his head, unable to speak for a moment as Fai pressed down on him. "I've known that for longer than you have. I was watching from the very beginning, even when you tried to hide every true piece of yourself from us. This is the path you wished for, the one you wanted."
"But this will be the first time I'll be able to say it." He reached for Kurogane's hand and placed it against the flushed skin of his cheek. "So please, let me."
"I wouldn't be able to shut you up if I tried."
Fai could feel Kurogane throbbing inside of him, his control getting away from him but holding on just long enough for the moment they were both waiting for to come, the moment when what they were doing would be changed from an act of passion to a link that would bind them for more than just one night together. As their eyes met, he could feel the air in the room begin to change, he could hear every note of their breathing, every contact point where their skin touched and melded together.
"I love you," he gasped out as Kurogane came inside him, filling him more than he had thought was possible. "The only person my soul wants is Kuro-sama."
He started to collapse onto Kurogane's stomach, but caught himself before drawing too near to his shoulder. He inhaled its scent, which was still too faint to be bothersome. He hadn't ended up hurting him after all, and he was so relieved that it had been was good for Kurogane rather than harmful that a few tears began to collect in his eyes. He had finally done something right, something that hadn't brought pain to someone he cared about.
"Oi, don't look like that," Kurogane said, stroking his cheek. "I would have done better if I was in top shape."
"No," Fai said, laughing and shaking his head. "It's not that. You were wonderful. It's just that... I don't know how to explain it. I've just been realizing how incredibly selfish I am."
Kurogane lifted an eyebrow. "That's not such a horrible thing, as long as your head doesn't swell up bigger than it is."
"But it is a bad thing. The Kurorin I met in the other world had stayed by my side properly my whole life, even though I most likely didn't deserve it at all. The me by his side passed away, and I told him... I said that it was better for him that I was gone. Because all I know how to do is cause Kurorin trouble."
"You cause plenty of trouble, but really, don't you know anything?" He aimed a punch at Fai's shoulder. "If the precious thing I want to protect is taken away from me, how do you expect me to be better off than I was before?"
Fai shook his head. "I understand it now. When I thought Kuro-sama might be dead, I really believed I would end my life without ever being happy. But I wish I could say I was sorry. He got to see the face of the person he cared about the most, and all I could do was be cruel."
"Oi, how many times do I have to call you an idiot before you actually bother using that brain of yours? You aren't that person he loved, the person he most likely wanted to see. I met you, too, in another world, but I was under no illusions that the person that made that guy so happy was actually me. Even if the souls are the same, the product of its experiences are different. The you who is cruel and stupid and can't understand anything belongs to me. And I don't need you to apologize for anything. Let the person you met have the memories he was left with, and worry only about the memories you will give to me." He smiled, running his fingers through Fai's hair. "Let me be the one who is selfish now."
"And it really is okay for things to be like this?" Fai rested his head against Kurogane's chest and exhaled slowly. "That you ended up with such a pitiful version of me makes me worry that I'm not good enough for Kuro-sama. Did the me you met seem like a better person?"
"He seemed like a pretty big flake to me. He enjoyed making me do stupid things and acting like an idiot in public. I was happy there, but I feel better being here. The life we're going to have will be different."
"And what does Kuro-sama have in mind?"
"First, we have to take care of setting things right with the two kids and the princess. If that involves traveling to more worlds, then that's what will happen. There may not be any time for us to do much of anything, but if there is, I'm taking you whenever I can as long as we can keep the kid out of it. And when all of that is over and that ass-chin freak from your memories is sent to hell by my blade, we'll come back here as soon as it's possible for us to. I'll continue to serve Tomoyo-hime, and you can do whatever pleases you in the castle, as long as you don't get yourself killed and are able to return to my side at night. I'm sure someone can teach you the language, too, someone who can spare more attention than we had in Yama."
"But Kurorin punched everyone who tried to teach me in Yama."
"That was because they wanted to seduce you while they were at it, idiot. This time I'll find someone hideous to take care of you. Or maybe a eunuch."
"Not even a pretty girl for me, Kuro-sama?"
"You'd flirt. Do you think I enjoy it when you do that?" He rolled his eyes. "Anyways, I have no obligation to take a wife or anything like that here. Which is fine. There's no need for me to raise another little brat. I've had enough of that with the kid and Tomoyo-hime to last me a lifetime."
"So I get to be Kurorin's bride, then?"
"Bride? Where I come from, it doesn't matter so much what the term you use for it is. When two people are bound by fate and their hearts cannot be happy without the other, that is joining enough. As is this." He trailed a finger against Fai's upper leg where his cum had seeped out, and extended it for Fai to taste. "I've never had time for something like this before, but I'll have no trouble making everyone else figure out that you belong to me and me only."
"So I'll be monopolized? If it's Kuro-sama, I think living like that would make me happy."
"And that's what I have been wishing for," Kurogane said simply. He pressed a kiss against Fai's forehead. "Seems like we made it to Point B."
Point B, Fai thought with a smile. The way out. The path that was always meant to be taken. He doubted it would be perfect as Kurogane envisioned it. Fei Wang Reed was too twisted to allow an easy exit, even if he was defeated, and having relocated to an entirely different world as a child, Fai knew that it wasn't exactly simple to transition fluidly, especially without the help of Mokona. All the same, he was excited at the thought of going through each of these things at Kurogane's side. He wanted to learn all the things they would and would not be able to do, and which experiences they would add to the story their souls. He wanted to take his happiness for the first time without regretting it, and have Kurogane be the reason behind that happiness.
"I'm glad," Fai said, yawning into Kurogane's shoulder. "So very glad."
"Hmm?"
"That when my soul was made, yours was made to go with it."
Kurogane smiled and ran his fingers through Fai's hair as he drifted off to sleep. "Yeah. Me too."
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Thank you, all!
