Garfield League of America Chapter Nine: The Hero's Return! Reunion of Friends!

Traveling at speeds beyond thought Garfield was getting ready for atmospheric reentry in Earth as the planet hurtled into view. His heart grew harsh as he saw what the chaos army of Batman had done to the planet, bleeding its seas red and razing the green to nothing but black ash. As Garfield neared his reentry point he ran smack dab into a sentient Wayne Enterprises Satellite with killing on its mind.

"We cannot let you come back and ruin everything Garfield. Prepare to be vaporized!" Said the Satellite as it sprouted several killer dishes getting ready to beam fleshrending soundwaves at Garfield.

"I'm taking you off the air Batman starting here." Garfield said insolently as he charged up some power from his new Cosmic Lantern arm and exploded the Satellite causing a joint reaction of energy bouncing from target to target that took down the entire Wayne Space Force.

Accompanied by burning metal, Garfield penetrated the atmosphere and like a shooting star, rocketed with fury and mission on his mind to what had once been Los Angeles. Batman-caused earthquakes had ravaged what was once the West Coast as part of a Batman Real Estate development schemes, and what was not flooded had unaffordable luxury condos and other construction projects littered on the soil like hives.

Garfield then landed in the ruins of Hollywood. As far as eye could seen, the landscape was littered with bombed-out movie studios and landmarks. Dead Hollywood movie stars and directors were strung out everywhere in morbidly artistic arrangements, Batsymbol branded into their hedonistic bodies. Garfield shook his head and then looked at his Astro-Harness, which had clearly flown its last mile.

"Say Goodbye to Hollywood. Though I can't say it's a total loss." Garfield commented as he stepped over the corpse of Bryan Singer and began to explore his surroundings, looking for a map that would tell him the quicket route to Gotham for some bat-slaying.

"If the angels didn't desert this city years ago they sure as hell have done it now." Garfield remarked as he reached Downtown LA and saw that what skyscrapers had not been leveled had been reduced to skeletal framework. The signs of the dead and fallen scarred the SoCal landscape everywhere Garfield went and an unearthly gray cloud made of harvested souls blanketed the entire skyline.

"You think this is impressive you should see what we did to New York!" Sneered an evil prepubescent voice accompanied by beating wings. Garfield looked up above and saw on a Goliath the red monster Damien Wayne aka Robin. "We made the lights go out on Broadway and Batman personally laid low the Empire State!"

"That is one of America's treasures. You will pay you pint-sized brat." Garfield dodged as Goliath swooped. As he passed over, Garfield created a construct of a claymore with his Lantern arm and stabbed upwards, disemboweling the crimson beast.

"America was a foolish notion of the past! Let the past die, we killed it because we had to." Robin laughed even as he was flung from the dead Goliath. "To put up something better in its place: Gothtopia!"

"America is not dead. It is standing right here and I will fight till I drop!" Garfield declared with patriotism as he dodged Robin's Batarangs.

"Then I guess you will just be the final corpse on America's pyre!" Said Red Hood as he dropped in and began firing bullets from his dual Glocks at Garfield. With quick reflexes, Garfield constructed a giant shield and blocked the bullets, before transforming it into a Cosmic RPG as soon as Red Hood emptied his clips.

"MY TURN." Garfield said as he fired his Cosmic RPG. "Oh shit" Red Hood said as he jumped but could not escape the cosmic blast radius and was flung into the filthy ocean.

"You will not defeat us Garfield! I have entire menegarie of mayhem whipped up for you." Said Robin with zoology as he sicced his Bat-pets on Garfield.

"MOOOOO" Said Bat-Cow with mad cow disease as she charged Garfield. Bat-Cow had been given testerone implants turning her into a hermaphrodite and she leaned orward to impale Garfield on her horns.

"The only thing running will be your blood, bull." Garfield said with coolness as Bat-Cow got closer and closer, with no plans to get out of the way. With pinpoint timing, Garfield grabbed Bat-Cows horns, stopping her in place with such force he broke all her legs in two.

"Don't have a cow, man." Said Garfield with bovines as he lifted Bat-Cow up in the air and threw her into the sky. Charging up his Lantern Arm, he constructed a laser cannon and exploded Bat-Cow raining hamburger all over Los Angeles.

With his Lantern Arm still running Garfield made quicker work of Ace the Bat-Hound as he rushed at him. However as Bat-Cat leapt at him Garfield hit empty on his Lantern Arms power and it went into self-recharge mode. Without breaking a sweat, Garfield reached for the Godkiller and with a swipe cut off Bat-Cat's jaw. Garfield then grabbed the flopping cat tongue and wrapped it around Bat-Cat's jaw.

"Tongue got your cat, Robin?" Garfield taunted as Robin screamed as Garfield popped off the cats head like an zit before him.

Garfield advanced to finish off Robin scurried off in retreat. He readied the Godkiller for another killing blow but suddenly there was loud beeping overhead. Garfield looked up and a UFO was moving into position.

"WE ARE ROBIN. AND WHEN YOU TAKE ON ONE OF US YOU MESS WITH ALL OF US." Announced a voice from the UFO's loudspeaker. It was Tim Drake, Red Robin! "NOT EVEN YOUR ALL-AMERICAN MANLINESS AND MIGHT CAN WITHSTAND THE PURE KILLING POWER OF SCIENCE."

Inside his UFO Red Robin flipped a switch and hit a button, igniting a countdown. The UFO transformed into the World Engine that Zod had used years ago in his invasion of Earth only it had been reprogramed by Batman with a new purpose: Killing Garfield.

Garfield tried to get out of the way but found that he was caught in a tractor beam.

"How can this be? Mere tractor beams cannot hold me." Garfield shook his head with disbelief as he struggled in place.

"That question can keep you occupied on your way down to hell." Red Robin giggled with glee as he hit the final button and the World Engine cannon fired an unending wave of anti-manliness Dark Multiverse energy point black onto Garfield.

"Nnnnngh." Garfield tried to resist the power of the Dark Multiverse and remain standing but even his strength and will had finally met his match. Every second more of his manliness and soul were sapped away by the World Engine. His muscles began to shrivel and Garfield fell to one knee.

"And so your legend ends Garfield." Red Robin jeered at him over the loudspeakers. "Broken by the Batfamily."

Garfield was all out of strength and breath. He collapsed completely in the dust, and the World Engine was mere minutes away from finishing him. Garfield's heart grew weary with sorrow, for he knew that soon he would have failed everyone. Wonder Woman, Jon Arbuckle and all his other friends, and worst of all America. But Garfield could do nothing but wait for the end to come.

"Yes we did it! We killed Garfield! Batman will be so proud of us!" Robin cheered as he jumped with giddiness.

"Not on my watch." Interrupted a new voice. Hearing the shattering of the sound barrier in the distance Robin turned around only in time to be swept off his feet by a hurtling force and knocked unconscious as a Hans Zimmer's theme song for Superman from Man of Steel movie played.

Suddenly Garfield felt the tide of killing energy that had flowing into him stop. Weakly, Garfield managed to look up as he heard the battle cry of one man standing alone against chaos. Standing above Garfield was a man wearing an all-black suit and cape as he resisted the World Engine with nothing but the sheer force of his will.

"NONONONO WHAT IS HAPPENING." Red Robin could not see who the mystery savior of Garfield was but in frantic panic he pulled another lever pumping up the level of Dark Multiverse energy being shot downwards.

"Need a hand, old friend?" The man in the black suit asked to Garfield as he turned his head with a sly wink. Garfield's eyes widened in shock as he recognized him, the man in black standing proud against the World Engine's Dark Multiverse beam with one fist raised high in resistance.

The man then punched upwards with such power that he created a shockwave that cleared the skies, restoring the sun to the entire West Coast. As sunlight bounced off his body, the color in his suit began to change like photosynthesis. As the black turned into red and blue, the man turned to look at Garfield one last time and used his superbreath to push Garfield out of the way into safety. Instantly, Garfield could feel his strength and life returning to him.

"Superman! You are alive!" Garfield said with big reveal dialogue to the Man of Steel as Superman got ready to end the tomfoolery of Red Robin. "Wait I cannot let you do this alone!"

"Don't worry Garfield. I've got this." Said Superman as he took flight with a sonic boom towards the World Engine, shrugging off its killing beam as casually as ordering drive-thru. The music playing reached new dramatic heights as Superman flew higher and higher.

""I'M NOT SCARED OF YOU SUPERMAN I HAVE THE POWER OF SCIENCE ON MY SIDE." Red Robin spewed panicked as he hit buttons of World Engine security defences. Killer giant tentacles sprouted from the World Engine and charged Superman.

"Bring it Tim Dreck go ahead make my day." Superman said with challenges as he did graceful dodges of the tentacle swipes ripping them into shreds like shredded wheat with his fists as he passed them by.

"SEND IN THE DRONES." Said Red Robin with dated pop culture references. Millions of exploding kamikaze drones spilled forward from the World Engine and clumped onto Superman like a beard of bees but with a chuckle Superman flexed his muscles slightly and sent them all flying.

"Extra large order of Kansas Fried Drone, coming right up." Said Superman with heartland humor as he switched his heat vision on and began blasting drones out of the sky.

"NOT EVEN YOU CAN SURVIVE THIS SUPERMAN." Red Robin said with last resort as a colossal robot fist emerged from the World Engine's underside and rushed at Superman with a jab.

"The bigger they are the harder they fall." Superman said regarding the fist as it traveld towards him. Gently, Superman flicked his finger and with perfect timing the very most microscopic tip of his fingernail tapped lightly against the robot fist. The robot fist exploded and sent crippling feedback.

Superman reached the World Engine cockpit and ripped open the roof to get into the fuselage interior. Inside Red Robin sad in a puddle of his own urine with SIG Sauer in his hands.

"YEEEAAAAAAGH." Red Robin shriekd with fear before trying to shoot Superman.

"Chill out." Said Superman with freeze breath as he froze Red Robin's arm right as his finger twitched to pull the trigger, shattering Red Robin's arms into a million melting pieces.

Superman then grabbed Red Robin by the top of his head and looked directly into his quivering eyes.

"Let's use the magic of lobotomy to put your brain to better use." Said Superman with surgery as he used his X-ray vision to find the right spot and then his eyes turned red. With heat vision, Superman then fried Tim Drake's brains removing the threat of his science-know-how from the playing field.

Superman then returned to the ground with Tim Drake in tull and tied him to pole securely. Superman began to walk to where he had left Garfield. Like termites in the woodwork, surviving Californians began to emerge from their hiding places. Their eyes widened when they saw their man Superman had returned. Some fell to the ground kneeling in reverence while others reached out hoping to touch Superman's suit.

"The more things change the more things stay the same." Superman commented wryly as he saw that he was Christ Metaphor more than ever now. Suddenly a young kid in a Superman shirt suddenly ran up to Superman and wrapped his arms around him in hug as the music entered slow low and meaningful part. This is not violation of Superman's privacy but rather kids are manipulative sentimental storytelling that always works. Superman laughed and patted the kid gently on the head before letting the kid run back to his smoking hot mother.

"Do not fear, America. I am sorry for not being here when you needed me the most. But I promise you all, I will never leave you again. Because I am like your car keys and car keys are just like hope. You may not know where I am at all times and it may be vexxing and hair loss-inducing but I promise you when the light seems darkest and all that matters is on the line will be there for you." Superman told everyone with a motivating speech to cheers and applause. Garfield then walked up to Superman, his muscles and virility having returned to stable levels.

"Superman I thought you were dead. Killed by the bastard Batman." Garfield asked Superman with curiousity to the status of his alive.

"Yes I was dead but now I am alive again." Superman informed Garfield with a wink. "Besides what matters more. How I am alive again? Or that I am alive?"

"I guess you are right." Garfield said to Superman before they chest-bumped in a display of friendship that signified the purest of heterosexual male bonds. "It is good to have you back, old friend."

Garfield then went off to retrieve Tim Drake. Superman took a breather, wondering about any further ramifications of his resurrection. He hoped that no idiot clone kids without fashion sense or evil cyborgs or ancient Kryptonian eradicators took over in his stead while he was gone though black guys in steel suits were okay. Suddenly, a throwing knife was flung and embedded itself in a nearby lamppost. Superman turned and saw that it was Damien Wayne the Robin, who was still alive and mad as a hatter.

"I love to end this happy reunion. I will take your head Superman to my father Batman." Robin fumed with red face and smoke billowing from his ears as he took out a katana. "Then he will finally say to my face that Daddy loves me." Robin added with issues.

Robin ran towards Superman screaming like samurai on bath salts but Superman grabbed him by neck and held Robin up in the air.

"Curse you Superman! You are nothing more than relic of the past! And you know what Batman always says? Let the past die! Kill it if you have to! Your boy scout brand of heroics are passé and outdated. You have no grit or edge. You have no place in Batman's world!" Damien Wayne spat at Superman.

To this Superman just grinned.

"I am passé and outdated? I have no grit or edge? TELL THAT TO ZOD'S SNAPPED NECK." Superman laughed as he broke Damien Wayne's neck, leaving him paralyzed for life but alive.

"I see that you are as tough as ever. But why have you spared their worthless evil lives?" Garfield asked as he walked up to Superman and cripple Robin with vegetable Red Robin in tow.

"After I killed General Zod I swore I would never take another life. You may have taught me to be the hero I am Garfield but I cannot take the taking of life as easily as you do. Even if it is impossible I shall make it possible." Superman told Garfield with moral principles. Garfield nodded in silent admiration, because what was more manly than a man who stuck to his principels even when they were pushed to the brink.

"Still Garfield, if something were to happen to them while alone in your custody, I woud not mind." Superman added with a wink as he tossed the cripple Robin to Garfield.

With a thumbs-up, Garfield then dragged Robin and Red Robin into an abandoned convenience store. He looked through the shelves until he found a blow-torch, pliers, a power drill and a classic robin killing tool the Crowbar.

Garfield then addressed the Robins, who could do nothing but sweat and look on in dreaded anticipation hoping that Garfield would have mercy. But in their deepest depths of their rotten hearts, Robin and Red Robin knew that Garfield was all out of mercy for them.

"Hello boys. When I send Batman to join you in hell tell him that he shouldn't have messed with me, my woman, and most important of all my damn country. You sons of bitches brought the war to me, so don't cry when I go nuclear."

With that, Garfield got to work and smiled with satisfaction. The silent screams of the Robins as Garfield tortured them to death were but a prelude to his warpath of vengeance against Batman.

To be continued…