Author's Notes: So I'm trying a slightly different (perhaps more organised) structure for this chapter that's more character-by-character. I'm hoping that will lead to more balance between storylines. Also, a reminder that I'm using Australian English so sometimes spellings are different, but not wrong. It just occurred to me that I use a lot of words with the letters s or u in this chapter. Enjoy!
"So how was training today, Lauren?" Ever since Summer had returned to Boulder, she'd made a point of trying to re-establish her relationship with Lauren. It had been about a month since she'd returned, and Lauren was only just warming up to her again. Their initial meeting at Lauren's house hadn't gone well. Lauren hadn't taken being "left again" very well, and spent a great deal of the time making snide remarks and being unapologetically rude. They'd agreed on weekly meetings at a coffee shop in central Boulder, and would email or text each other intermittently.
Lauren flopped down into her usual seat, seemingly exhausted.
"Sasha's totally ignoring me again." Since her return, Summer had learned not to jump to conclusions at anything Lauren said. More often than not, it seemed that she was externalising blame or reading more into the situation than there was.
"I'm sure he's not doing it on purpose, Lauren. Maybe he's just busy. Nationals are coming up soon, aren't they?"
"Yeah, in like a month. He's spending all of his time with Payson. It's totally obvious that he's just trying to get her alone to- "
"Lauren." Summer cut her off sharply. "You should know more than anyone that there's nothing going on there. Just because I went away doesn't mean I forgot what you did."
Lauren huffed. "If you're going to be like that, I might as well leave."
"Lauren, it's obvious that you haven't accepted responsibility for what you did yet. You betrayed your friend and your coach, and you need to stop blaming other people for your behaviour."
"Well, if he wasn't ignoring the rest of us, I wouldn't have had to."
Summer shook her head and opened her purse. "I'm really disappointed in you, Lauren. " She handed her a business card.
"Whatever." She looked at the card. "What's this?" Lauren asked.
"It's the number of a therapist. I thought I might be able to help you, Lauren, but I think you need more than me."
"I don't need a shrink! I'm not crazy!"
"Lauren, I want to help you. I really do, but I just don't know what else to try. I'm not going to leave Boulder again. I can't run away from my problems, and you need to learn that you can't run away from yours, either."
Lauren just stared at her, so infuriated she didn't even know where to begin. Summer picked up her bag and left. Lauren stayed, staring at the coffee Summer had left behind. She felt so angry, not just at what just happened, but at Sasha, at Payson, at Ellen Beals, at herself, even at Kaylie and Carter, which she hadn't thought about in months. A tiny voice in the back of her head suggested that maybe Summer was right, maybe she did need to talk to someone, but she squashed that thought almost instantly. Without even thinking about it, she grabbed her bag and marched up to the counter.
"Hi, could I get a piece of the double chocolate cheese cake, please?"
"Haven't you earned a break yet?" Austin asked as his girlfriend jumped off a chair, climbed up and jumped off again.
"Almost." She managed to answer. "Just ten more."
When she finished her last ten reps, Austin was waiting for her with a water bottle and a chicken salad.
"Thanks." She choked out, grabbing the water bottle. "Just give me a minute." She lay down on the floor, totally exhausted.
"Sasha got you doing more conditioning?" He asked.
"No. Well, yes. But this is extra. Gotta get my power up." She sat up, having regained some of her ability to breathe, and started drinking.
"You wanna come eat lunch with me? I got a salad from that place you like." Austin saw a slight hesitation in her eyes.
"Yeah, sure." She said after a second. "Just let me catch my breath." He helped her up and handed her the salad. She looked at the food in her hand for a moment before looking up at her boyfriend and smiling. "Let's go."
As he watched Payson nail her vault over and over again, Sasha was overtaken by the urge to do something. He didn't really know what. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to say something or actually undertake some action. He didn't know what he wanted to say or what he wanted to do. He just knew he wanted something to happen. She was working with Tara, one of the assistant coaches, so he had no real reason (excuse) to talk to her. He sighed. He felt… pulled to her. As if he was… compelled to be close to her. Perhaps it was the distance she had put between them after their last… interaction. He knew what he'd done wasn't fair. He'd manipulated her emotions (emotions that she shouldn't even have) to stop the drama with Max. Of course he'd done it to help her, but… he couldn't deny that he'd also done it to be close to her. He sighed. Payson was working well without him, so there was no real reason to interrupt her just for a chance to be closer to her. He debated telling Tara to go work with Kaylie on bars, but then he realised that his need to be close to Payson was exactly why he should stay away.
"So I really need to get some of my power back, you know? I need to make the team again this year to get on the Worlds team and then the Olympic team."
"That's great, Kaylie." Austin knew he had to phrase his next words very carefully. "So what happens if you… don't make it?"
"What do you mean?" Her tone turned icy instantly.
"I mean, it's a possibility everyone has to face. We're gymnasts. You never know if there's a junior gonna come up and surprise you, or injury. There are so many things that could happen that we can't control."
"I know that." She said, irritated. "Look, Austin, if you don't think I can make it, just say so already."
"No, Kaylie, that's not what I meant. I just want to make sure you're prepared in case you don't."
"Well you know what? I already know what my chances are. I already know what can happen, okay? I don't need you hovering over me every second, watching me like a hawk!"
"I care about you, Kaylie. I only want what's best for you." Austin replied.
"You're my boyfriend, not my father, okay? Just… don't."
He held up his hands as if to say 'I surrender'. "Okay. I just want to make sure you're okay."
"I'm fine, Austin. You don't need to treat me like I can't take the truth."
"I won't. Hey, aren't you going to finish your salad?"
"Not right now," She replied, "I only have another twenty minutes for lunch, and I really need to study for my algebra quiz." He looked at her, alarmed. He was trying to trust that she could handle herself, but with her history with food it could be hard at times. She saw the look on his face and rolled her eyes.
"Fine." She said, stabbing the last few pieces of chicken with her fork and stuffing them into her mouth. "Are you happy now?" She garbled through her food.
"Yes, actually, I am." He replied. She rolled her eyes again and slid off the hood of his car. Sometimes he forgot that she was still technically in school. He had 'graduated' over two years ago, and he often forgot the age difference between himself and Kaylie. He was pretty sure that she'd gotten quite a bit of school work out of the way while she was out of training, trying to prove to her parents that she was fine. Come to think of it, she hadn't mentioned much in the way of education in a few months. Then again, neither did Lauren or Payson, although he was fairly certain they were both closer to finishing than Kaylie. He shook his head, remembering the disagreement he'd just had with Kaylie, and decided her schoolwork wasn't something he was meant to worry about.
"Fancy seeing you here." A feminine voice came from Sasha's left. He turned to find the source. He recognised her, but it took a second to place her.
"Sarah!" He exclaimed, hoping the name was right. He'd met her at this bar once before. How long ago had it been? One month? Two?
"Sasha, right?" She asked. He nodded and she gave an exaggerated sigh of relief. "Glad I got that one right!" He laughed and smiled at her.
"So how's the job going?" He remembered their first meeting had been mostly a discussion about her job and how it wasn't working out. Apparently he asked the right question, because she beamed at him.
"I got an offer from a wedding-planning agency here in Boulder. It's a small business, but people always want to get married so it's pretty stable."
"Congratulations," Sasha replied, sincerely, "When did you start?"
"Last week, and it's already going great! I mean, at first I had to find an apartment and get to know people here. You know how it is."
He made a sound of agreement. He was fairly certain his cross-continental shift trumped her move from Denver to Boulder, but he wasn't about to tell her that. The bartender placed a cocktail in front of Sarah.
"How about you? How's the coaching going?"
"Oh, you know," He began, "it's going. We've got a big meet coming up in a little less than a month. I'm trying to get everyone prepared, but some of them are so distracted…" He trailed off, realising that talking about his job basically meant talking about his gymnasts, which he didn't think Sarah really wanted to hear about.
"Distracted?" She asked.
"Well one girl in particular, Lauren. She's been so angry the last few days, she just snaps at everyone who tries to talk to her."
"Is that bad?"
"It wouldn't be, except it's beginning to throw off her routines."
"So do you just coach girls?" Sarah asked.
"No, no," He reassured her, "Boys as well. Well, they're mostly men, really. They don't usually get distracted like the girls sometimes do."
"Lucky." Sarah said. He was used to women being concerned about his coaching if he mentioned the girls more than the guys. He made a non-committal 'hmmm' sound and turned the conversation back to her. He hadn't really come to the bar to meet people tonight. He'd just felt like a drink and didn't want to be drinking alone in his apartment. As the night (and drinks) went on, he found himself pleasantly buzzed.
"Hey," Sarah said suddenly, "What happened with that girl you mentioned last time?"
He blinked. "What?"
"Uh, with the name… P- something."
"Payson." He said. He sighed and leaned forward on the bar. "Payson is… fine." Technically, it was true. She was fine, on top of all of her routines. As far as he could tell, she'd patched things up with Max, but they certainly seemed less… chummy than they had before. And, of course, his undeniable need to get her to let him be close to her again.
"That's good. You know," She giggled, "I had a roommate in college who was really into gymnastics and after we met I thought I recognised your name so I asked her and," She made a sound between a laugh and a snort, "you were big in Sydney!"
"Thank you." He replied sincerely. It wasn't often that a member of the general public recognised him anymore. After all, it had been eleven years since he'd been in his last Olympics, and even then he hadn't been on the American team. He realised Sarah was still talking and tried to zone back in.
"… so I asked her and she was so into you." Sarah had an empty martini glass in her hand and waved it around slightly as she was speaking. He realised that she'd definitely had more to drink than he had. He also realised that opening the gym at 5 for Payson was less than 8 hours away. It was definitely time to pay his tab and go.
"Hey," Sarah pressed something into his hand just before he got up to leave, "call me some time." He nodded, although he had no real intention of doing so.
"I'll see you around." She called after him. He looked back and smiled, noticing a familiar sparkle in her ambiguously blue-green eyes.
As he walked back to his apartment, he considered Sarah's advances. She was physically appealing, and he enjoyed their conversation. She didn't seem to have a problem with his working with girls. She seemed more extroverted than he was, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Going out with her could add a touch of normalcy to his life that was often missing. Gymnastics wouldn't be his entire life. She was age-appropriate, which he saw as a positive until he realised it shouldn't even be an issue. He could see the benefits to going out with Sarah. At the end of the day, though, she wasn't Payson. He realised that that was the exact reason why he should call her tomorrow and ask her out.
"So Payson, we're one year out from the Olympics, very exciting. How are you feeling?" Payson turned on her best mega-watt, media-darling smile.
"I'm very excited, Karen. Obviously training has really stepped up, but I'm also really looking forward to seeing the new Healthy Bar campaign launch this September."
"Busy schedule, huh? I can't say I'm jealous."
Payson forced a somewhat-convincing laugh and kept a smile plastered on her face.
"Can I just say, I can't believe I'm here at the home of the Rock Rebels! You guys are legendary."
"Oh, that's very kind of you," Payson began, "but the Rebels were really Lauren Tanner, Kaylie Cruz and Emily Kmetko. I was in full-on training mode trying to come back from my surgery."
Karen, the bubbly "journalist" doing the interview, had to pause for a second to think of a segue into her next question.
"And what a hard time that must have been." Karen managed to dial down her enthusiasm for a sombre moment. "From what I've heard, it seems like you're back on top now, though."
"Well, at Worlds I couldn't compete in the all-around due to my ankle injury but it was an honour to be part of the team." Payson could see her media representative, Jarred Schwarz, smiling behind Karen. He'd drilled her about how to answer the questions so she would seem well-spoken and professional. She just tried to remember the kinds of things Kaylie used to say and it seemed to go fairly well. Her cheeks were beginning to ache from the fake smile, and Karen's demeanour was starting to irk her. The two tech staff taking photos and video footage in the background weren't helping.
"All healed up now, right?"
"That's right!"
"Now, just between you and me," Karen leaned forward and winked at the camera, "are there any surprises we might be seeing from you in the next year? I heard a little rumour that there may be a new beam routine in the making?"
"Well," Payson pretended to go with the 'it's a secret' act, "there is a little something I'll be trying at Nationals."
"Any hints about what it might be?"
"All I can say is that I think you'll be very surprised."
Karen made an 'ooh' sound and carried on the interview to ask about Nationals, her sponsorship deals, and her training. Payson couldn't really remember what her answers were. They were all pretty generic, answering the questions without going into much detail.
"Okay, just one more question to go!" Karen announced. Payson's fake smile became a little more real. "I know gymnasts aren't usually allowed to have boyfriends, but is there anyone special in your life?"
"Well, Karen, just between us girls, I have been seeing someone."
"Any hints about who?"
"We train together, but we're waiting until after the Olympics are over to see how things turn out. Having no distractions between now and the Olympics is really important for my chances of making the team."
"Very true," Karen replied, "well Payson, it was a pleasure talking to you. We'll be having another chat after Nationals and then every two months after that."
Payson looked at Jarred for confirmation. He nodded.
"Alright, let's just wrap this up and then we'll get out of your hair."
As Karen and her "team" packed up their gear, Payson let her bubbly demeanour drop.
"Don't worry," Jarred reminded her, "only 7 more of these." The look on her face made it clear that this was no consolation at all.
"Or you could, you know, think of the money." He said. Payson nodded, finding the financial incentive much more agreeable. Afterall, $10000 for eight, ten-minute interviews was just about the easiest money anyone could make. Plus, as Jarred had reassured her, there was no exclusivity contract and the extra exposure the interviews would give her could lead to more endorsements. Although her Healthy Bar deal was going well, it hadn't ballooned her into some kind of celebrity overnight. Her best bet was still to become the 2011 National Champion and ride the hype of the Olympic year.
Steve Tanner was not a happy man. Summer had called him that afternoon to tell him about her last meeting with Lauren. Although he hadn't always set the best examples for his daughter, he still had enough sense to know that approaching the subject of therapy so directly was a bad move. It was a possibility that he'd wanted to broach with her eventually. In retrospect, it was something he should have talked to her about a long time ago. Perhaps tomorrow, after she'd finished eating everything with sugar in the house, she would be calm enough to talk about it rationally with him. Maybe.
It was only 7 that night when Sasha started shutting the lights off. Payson frowned. Sasha didn't usually start closing the gym for at least another hour. He came out of the office and jogged down the stairs.
"Sasha, what's going on?"
"I… have plans for tonight." He admitted to her slowly. "I have to leave in half an hour."
"Oh," She said, "what are you doing?"
Sasha sighed. She was going to make him say it.
"Payson, I have a date." His tone was shorter than he'd meant it to be. She jerked back a little, looking surprised and a little affronted.
"Oh," She said again, "I guess I should… get out of your hair, then." She turned on the spot and marched across the floor to the locker room. When he was sure she was out of earshot, he let out a sound almost like a growl. He could see how upset she was, but there wasn't anything he could do about it. He'd hurt her, again, and there was nothing he could do about it. He couldn't feel attracted to Payson anymore. It wasn't allowed. His frustration grew as he marched back up to his office to finish closing up. Suddenly, he heard a very quiet gasp. It was Payson, standing in the middle of the floor, watching him through the window. One of her arms was curled around her stomach, the other hand was pressed against her mouth, as if to stifle any noise. She was staring up at him with an almost-blank expression, except for her slightly raised eyebrows and flushed skin. The corners of her lips were tight and sloped down, and her chin was very slightly crinkled. She'd thrown on her clothes haphazardly, and her gym bag looked like it had been packed very hurriedly. He couldn't read her eyes across the distance. Very slowly, as if it physically pained him, he lifted his arm to wave to her. He knew she would take it as a signal to leave. He knew if he pushed her away, she would go. It wasn't something he wanted to do. He wanted to go down there and smooth her forehead, make her smile, keep her safe forever. And that was exactly why he had to do it. She moved her wrist in a small, reciprocal gesture before turning and leaving. He sighed as he was left alone. It was for the best. It really was. So why did it feel so wrong?
Payson sat in her car, heart racing. An ache had settled in somewhere behind her stomach and in her throat. A heavy, uncomfortable feeling encompassed her. Damn Sasha! The second he'd said the word 'date', her stomach had dropped and her heart had flipped, and this unbearable ache had settled into her throat. Why would he do that? When he knew – he knew – exactly how she felt about him! And he touched her as if to caress her, and danced with her, and came to her freaking dance recitals, and stared at her with dark eyes, as if he would take her at any moment! She gripped the steering wheel so hard that her knuckles turned white and her hands strained with the effort. She'd never been able to hate him, but this was the closest she'd come so far. She tried to yell or scream or curse him, but the ache in her throat stopped the sound. She leaned forward, resting her head on the steering wheel. She wanted to cry, but no tears would come. There was no relief, only this pain. Suddenly, she gasped in breath and dry-sobbed. She wasn't sure how long she'd been there when she finally drove home, but she noticed Sasha's car was gone and the gym was totally dark. When she got home, she found a note on the kitchen table telling her that Kim and Becca had gone out for frozen yoghurt to celebrate her sister getting an A in algebra. Payon bypassed dinner, unable to eat after the night's revelations. She changed quickly and crawled into bed, wishing she could forget that Sasha was probably on his date right now. She lay there in the darkness until the first tear came, followed by a torrent more. When the sun started to come up, she didn't move. She wasn't quite sure if she'd slept or not. After a while, she got out of bed and stumbled over to her desk. She wrote a note for her mother, saying that she felt unwell, wouldn't be going to the Rock today, and needed more sleep. She slipped it under her door into the hallway and collapsed back into her cocoon. She would just take today, she told herself. To calm herself and nurse her wounds, and tomorrow she would go back as if nothing had happened. As if Sasha was just another coach and she was just another gymnast. As if there was nothing special about their relationship. As if they were… normal.
A/N: Woah, angst! Not to worry, our favourite couple shall prevail in the end! I'm sorry it took so long to update, but, you know, life happens. Still, after this chapter I'm hoping to get back into it and get more writing done!
