A/N: Thanks for views and reviews! I read them all and was like XD. I'm traveling tomorrow, so if chapter 10 isn't ready before then, it might be a day or two before it's posted. Hope you keep reading!
U.S.S. Enterprise: An Engineer's Adventure
Chapter 9 – Talking it Out
While M'Benga finished the exam, Penelope thanked the stars that she'd been assigned to anyone but McCoy.
Not that she didn't like M'Benga too, just that as quarterly physical time came around the ship, the gossip and complaints from crewmembers who had McCoy were on their patterned rise. There were horror stories, exaggerated tales about the deranged look in the CMO's eyes as he ran experiments instead of proper tests. Penelope had heard he'd even made a young Ensign cry last week, but that was just a rumor. When the captain had brought it up during dinner last night, Scotty and Penelope were stifling their laughter as the CMO turned on his friend and threatened him with monthly check-ups.
"Everything seems to be in order, Lieutenant," the doctor said, pulling away one of his many medical devices, "although you're a bit underweight. Have you been eating properly?"
"Sort of," the Assistant Chief answered truthfully. Coffee had been her main source of sustenance since she'd boarded the starship, as her appetite always seemed to disappear when she worried. And there were so many stresses that went along with her job that Penelope hadn't really been paying attention to her diet.
M'Benga gave her a disapproving look before turning to the computer beside the biobed. The two were in a small room off to the side of the main Sickbay, which Penelope was grateful for. "Sort of isn't really what we're going for. I'm changing your diet card until the next quarter. Be sure to actually use it this time, Waters."
Penelope nodded at the comment, making a mental note to be more aware around meal times.
"I'm also recommending that you go see the ship's counselor."
Wait, what? "Why?" the engineer began.
"I've made all the crew who returned after last year's attack go see her," M'Benga replied, cleaning up his station. "You're certainly not the exception." Penelope stood up from her seat on the biobed, adjusting her wrinkled uniform.
"I don't have an eating disorder."
"I don't think you do either, but that's not what I'm getting at."
The engineer waited for a more in-depth explanation, crossing her arms and leaning back against the bed. "You have a past of disciplinary problems," the doctor said.
"Not aboard this ship," Penelope argued.
"No," M'Benga agreed, "But previous psychological exams show you have a tendency for anger. I'm worried that the stress of your new job in a place that has had, admittedly, its fair share of violence might be conducive to bringing out a bad reaction."
"You think I'm going to attack somebody if I don't go see a therapist?" the engineer questioned in disbelief.
"You punched a wall so hard you broke a few fingers, Lieutenant."
"That was two months ago."
M'Benga sighed. "Yes, and why that's only being addressed now is a failure on my part. I should've required you go sooner." The doctor finished scribbling something away on his large tablet screen. "Being healthy in both body and mind are essential to being a good officer," he added, as though that would make her feel any better.
"I'm fine," Penelope insisted.
The doctor looked up from the screen and met her gaze. "Everyone was affected by what happened when that ship attacked, Waters. It's okay not to be fine." Penelope disagreed. She needed to be alright, and she was. Her outburst in Sickbay didn't have anything to do with what the medical officer had talked about. She'd been worried about Scotty, and upset at herself for holding a grudge. The captain had also deliberately provoked her, something she suspected he could do to almost anyone.
"I've scheduled you for a meeting tomorrow with Doctor Robinson after your shift, Lieutenant," M'Benga called out as Penelope left the room in a huff. She stormed out of Sickbay and down the hall. After calling out for the elevator to take her to Engineering, Penelope closed her eyes and calmed herself.
Penelope hated Sickbay, with all its bright whiteness, but that was alright because right then she just needed to breathe. Don't think about M'Benga, with his irritatingly calm voice, or his knowing looks. Everything was going to be fine. Tomorrow, Penelope would go in, see the counselor, and then never go back again. That was all.
Exiting the lift, Penelope walked along until she reached E Section. "Illa!" the Assistant Chief said, drawing the other woman from a heated disagreement with her second-in-command, Gus. Motioning sharply for the man to leave her, Illa came forward to greet Penelope. "Okay?" Penelope asked, noticing Illa's flushed cheeks.
"Fine," the Lieutenant replied a little too quickly.
Penelope gave her a look, so Illa sighed and answered. "It's really nothing. Just some supposed problems over the new security system. He thinks there's something wrong with it, but I've checked it, Penelope, I swear. And it works great!"
The Assistant Chief nodded in agreement. "I trust you, Illa. You say it works fine, then it works fine."
Illa threw her a grateful glance. "Thanks. I don't know how you and Scotty do it. Everyone's always second-guessin' you, thinking they can do it better..." Penelope and Scotty had hand-picked their Engineering section heads from the very start, and though Illa was young and inexperienced, Penelope had thought she'd make a great weapons system leader. She had the necessary background, and something about her had made Penelope push Scotty to request the assignment transfer.
"You're doing great," Penelope said in an impulsive gesture of kindness, reaching out to grab the other engineer's shoulder. Illa smiled at her comment and then seemed to shake off the argument's effects.
"How'd the physical go?" Illa asked as they sat down to monitor the systems from one of the computer docks. Penelope shook her head.
"Alright." Horrible.
Illa made a frightened face. "I'm too scared to go in. Did you hear what Dr. McCoy did to Ensign Thomas?"
"It's true," Penelope confirmed, which made Illa whimper.
"Why'd I have to get him, Penelope?" she groaned.
"Have you scheduled it yet?"
Illa looked sheepish. "No. I'm waiting until the last possible moment."
"That's just going to make it worse."
"You think?"
"Yeah."
The other engineer sunk a bit in her seat, then perked up as Carol entered the section and walked towards them. As always, the woman was dressed in the blue standard female uniform, looking like it had just been pressed. "Hello," Carol greeted nicely. Illa made a leer at her.
"How's the cap'n?" she said with a wriggle of her eyebrows.
Carol blushed, but gave Illa a determined glare. Penelope thought that was pretty brave of her, considering how much Illa would tease her about it. "I'm here for the daily weapons check," she stated.
"Of course you are. Say, how big is it?"
Carol looked confused. "How big is what?"
"The cap'n's -" Before Illa could finish the question, Penelope had slapped a hand over the younger engineer's mouth. She licked her palm, and Penelope jerked back her hand in surprise. Carol seemed to be blushing even harder now, glancing around as if wishing to be anywhere else.
"That's not fair, Penelope. I was just going to ask about his ego," Illa defended glumly, not appearing in the least bit guilty or truthful. Penelope glared at Illa, looking between her and the weapons specialist pointedly. "Fine," Illa sighed, "Sorry, Carol. I wasn't tryin' to be mean, honest." Carol glanced at Penelope in thanks before replying.
"It's quite alright," the science officer said. "Do you want to do the check now? I can come back later if you're busy."
"No, no," Illa waved her hand, "Let's go." As the pair walked away, Penelope could hear Illa start teasing again. Catching her eye from across the way, the Assistant Chief shook her head in disapproval, causing Illa to pout. Penelope's eyes drifted back to the computer screen, re-checking the section on her own. As everything looked in order, the engineer got up and went to D Section.
That continued on, with Penelope stopping at each section and offering help. She'd gotten particularly held up in C, where one of the engineers had slipped from their harness and broken an arm. M'Barrow, the C Section Head, had the man escorted to Sickbay by Keenser, who apparently could convince any engineer to do as their told with a single look.
B Section was much more organized, owing to Yomai's obsessiveness. George had made faces behind the Commander's head when Penelope was trying to talking with Yomai, which had ended with George getting tripped as he tried to pass the pair. As expected, George held a look of betrayal as she left the section, but Penelope ignored the whispered threat of revenge.
In A Section, Scotty was hanging upside down along the side of the core, with Rome in a similar position at his side. The rest of the engineer's were gathered around on the floor below, watching with awed expressions.
"Fly, what's going on?" Penelope asked as she approached the spectacle.
He grinned at her. "I have no idea," the Ensign admitted, "but they're both cursing up a storm, so we all decided to watch." At her look, Fly added, "For their safety, of course."
Penelope whistled loudly, gathering the attention of everyone, including the bickering engineers. "I want everyone back to work!" When no one moved, Penelope tacked on for good measure, "Now!" That appeared to do the job, though Scotty and Rome still dangled helplessly. When she came right below them and crossed her arms, Penelope watched as they had the decency to look ashamed.
"We were just having a wee spat, lass," Scotty said, his face turning red as the blood rushed to his head. Rome nodded in fervent agreement. At Penelope's continued glare, the Chief Engineer gulped. "We're fine now, so why don't you just run along-"
"Run along, sir?" Penelope intoned dangerously.
"He meant to say," Rome burst out, "that we might need help getting down."
Penelope looked both men in the eye, and then turned away. Run along? Sure, she'd run along and let them pass out from their own stupidity. Maybe that would get it through Scotty's head that she wasn't his assistant, and it wasn't her job to clean up his idiotic messes. It probably wouldn't though.
It still made her feel better.
Penelope entered the counselor's office with barely contained dread.
Doctor Robinson was an older woman, looking around her late fifties. Her auburn hair was cut short on her head, reaching about to her chin, and the lines around her dark eyes made them appear unfailingly kind. The doctor's office was littered with homey decorations, and Penelope had never seen a room that looked less like it was on a starship. She even had a shelf filled with actual books.
"Hello. You must be Lieutenant Waters. I'm Dr. Robinson," the counselor had greeted while shaking the engineer's hand with a firm grip.
"Hello," Penelope returned.
Robinson gestured toward a plump, tan chair behind a small table. "Please. Have a seat." Wishing she were anywhere else, Penelope did as she was told, and the doctor placed herself in a similar looking chair across from her. She had a table and stylus in hand, and crossed her legs as she gazed over at the engineer.
"How are you today, Lieutenant?"
"Fine," the Assistant Chief answered, trying not to shift in her seat at the doctor's gaze. Everything about the older woman seemed made together to put people at ease, and that usually meant she shouldn't be.
The doctor smiled, eyes crinkling. "No complaints?"
"No."
"Good. That's good," Dr. Robinson stated. "Doctor M'Benga suggested you come here," she provided as an awkward silence filled the room. Not knowing if that was a question or a statement, Penelope thought to respond in the affirmative just to keep the quiet from being overbearing.
"Yes."
"Do you know what his reasons were?"
Penelope shrugged. "He said everyone came down to talk to you eventually."
"Most of the crew visited in the first week of the mission," Robinson supplied.
"I got my physical done just before the ship left." As if Penelope would put something like that off until the last minute. Just because a majority of the crew procrastinated didn't mean Penelope would ever come unprepared.
Robinson seemed unsatisfied with her answers. "Was there anything more specific? Any other thing that's happened recently to make M'Benga prescribe this meeting?" Penelope had a feeling Robinson had already poured over her file, and it was probably a good read, too. And almost everyone knew about Penelope's fight with Scotty, with the captain, the wall...
"I lost a few pounds," Penelope admitted, searching for a more neutral tone to the conversation. "Not a lot," she assured, "but enough."
That caught the doctor's attention, as she was now scribbling something lightly on the tablet. It wasn't the clear, double-sided ones most of the crew used, but had black-tinted back so that Penelope couldn't read what she was writing. "Do you often have significant fluctuations in weight?" It took the engineer a moment to process the words.
"Uh...no?" It came out as more of a question because Penelope really wasn't one for stressing about it. She normally ate a healthy amount and exercised to help manage her anger. She wasn't ever really in danger of falling too low or high on a scale, so she just didn't monitor it.
"So this is a new problem for you," the doctor stated simply.
"Yes, but," Penelope said, "it's not really a problem. I just wasn't paying close attention before. I am now."
Doctor Robinson looked her in the eye before nodding. "I see." Penelope really didn't think she did, considering the light condescending note to her voice. Another silence pervaded the counselor's office, and Penelope waited for the doctor to say something. She wasn't the one that wanted this meeting, so she wasn't going to be the one moving it along.
"You're originally from the French Quarter?" The question came out of nowhere, so Penelope answered as a knee-jerk reaction.
"Yes, ma'am."
"Did you speak Standard growing up?"
"I learned it in school," Penelope said, not really sure where the conversation was headed, but felt wary about it anyway.
"Did your parents speak Standard at home?"
Penelope never really talked about her parents with other people. Actually, she didn't talk about herself much at all. It made her distinctly uncomfortable that the counselor brought them up, but Penelope had been through meetings like this before, so she was able to respond in an even voice.
"Not usually."
The doctor started to write again. "Did they know how?"
"My mother knew more than my father. He... I don't actually remember him ever speaking it," Penelope realized. Had he known? She always assumed that he had, just that he didn't speak it well. He insisted that only French be spoken in the home, a way to preserve their culture and heritage. His small rebellion against the unity he seemed to despise.
"What did your father do for work?"
Penelope tilted her head. "I believe he never really settled into any one job."
"Have you spoken to him recently?"
"No."
Robinson paused in her writing and looked up at the engineer, her brown eyes searching. "When was the last time you spoke?" Penelope considered it for a while, not truly remembering the exact date. It was so long ago.
"About eighteen years, give or take," the Assistant Chief finally replied. That was longer than she'd originally thought, but then again, it had been a while since she'd bothered to do the math. Never really believed it was worth her time.
"You must have been very young. What happened?"
Penelope nodded, distancing herself from the incident in her head. "Left off-world for a mining job when I was about nine. Never heard from him again. When I was fifteen," she said, knowing that the doctor probably already knew this, but also knowing the quickest way to leave was this, "and my mother died, he was contacted by social services. He waived any parental rights. That's the last I ever heard about him."
"Where did you go?"
Pointless, pointless questions. She'd been given a full psychological examination before she got in the ship. Wasn't that enough for M'Benga? "I stayed with my mother's sister and her husband and daughter on Andoria."
"For how long?"
"Roughly a year?" Penelope said, her eyes straying from the doctor's form over to her desk. Unlike many, it comprised, not of sleek metal lines, but of a light wood. There were holo-pics of people that looked like Dr. Robinson' family. Most had dark hair and eyes, but pale skin, and they all looked happy. People always did in those things.
She heard the doctor switch legs, adjusting herself in the chair. "They were researchers, your aunt and uncle?" Robinson asked, and all of a sudden, Penelope wanted to be somewhere far away. Someplace like in the doctor's holo-pics where the children and grandchildren wore big grins.
Penelope still wasn't looking at the counselor. "Yes."
"Your aunt in particular was an expert in xenobiology."
"Yes."
"You left while they were still in Andoria, but they were on Vulcan when -"
"Yes."
"I see," the doctor said, and that time, Penelope thought she might really.
Life for most people was a string of events that twine around in loops and hit other people's strings at odd angles and sharp edges, and the trick of it was always to find a way to smooth it all out. Penelope's life had up to that point been a series of disasters, mitigated only by the extraordinary individuals that seemed to twist into where her string lay in knots.
That some outworlders were on Vulcan the day it had been attacked was a long overlooked fact, a reasonable reaction in the wake of a genocide so complete it had almost wiped out an entire species. Why it had to be Penelope's aunt and cousin on Vulcan that year, just for that year, her aunt had said in a message Penelope had never responded too, was a heartbreak so unbearable Penelope had tucked it away into all the other knots and let it tangle silently.
The beaming faces of Robinson's family stared mockingly back at her. Penelope wished desperately to be anywhere else, to be talking to anyone else.
"After you came back to Earth from Andoria, on your own, where did you stay?" Penelope was glad Robinson had dropped it.
Penelope took an extended amount of time before answering, her gaze sliding over to the bookshelf in the far corner. "Just kind of all around," she said, examining the worn spines of actual, physical books. They were neatly packed in, but varied enough in size and color that they didn't appear too orderly.
"And then you attacked Mr. Platte?"
"Yes." Penelope had only ever seen physical copies of books in a small section of the Academy library when she'd been a Cadet. It seemed ages ago, now.
"You were given the option between a penal colony and an enlistment with Starfleet, is that right?"
"Yes."
"Why did you choose this?" the doctor asked, waving the stylus-holding arm around. "Penal colonies would have helped you rehabilitate, and by this time, you would've been sent back to Earth."
Penelope considered lying, but the trained eyes of Dr. Robinson warned her that she would be seen through in a heartbeat. "My lawyer told me to pick the penal colony." After declaring herself guilty, she could remember the android's calculated voice, informing her of the odds of a person like herself not violating the terms of a contract with Starfleet. It would be more expedient, the lawyer had advised, to simply serve her time. If she maintained a good rapport with the workers there, she might even have her sentence shortened. It was to her best advantage to pick Frello V.
Of course she had chosen Starfleet after that.
"You thought the lawyer was wrong in telling you that?"
"No."
"I don't quite follow," the doctor admitted, flashing her a tight smile. It was like all the others on the holo-pics, but less genuine, and it gave Penelope a start to realize how far off-topic the conversation had veered. Hadn't they just been talking about Standard? But time had passed by quickly, Penelope noted when she discreetly checked the PADD in her hand.
Penelope yawned pointedly. "I'm a bit tired, doctor. Have I satisfied the terms of this appointment?" The doctor checked the time, looking a bit surprised herself. She nodded, and the both of them stood up. All Penelope wanted to do was get out of the office before things could get even more personal.
"I think, Lieutenant, that it would be prudent for us to meet ever quarter. Like your physical with Dr. M'Benga, your mental health may need a bit of small work," the doctor said before Penelope could leave. When she tried to protest, the doctor held up a hand in a graceful gesture. "I do not imply that you are unfit for duty, only that it would be in your, and your engineers', best interest if we continue to meet."
"Do you think there's something wrong with me?" Penelope couldn't help but ask. Her own mother hadn't realized, or accepted, that she'd needed help. Was Penelope becoming like her, but not realizing it? Was that why M'Benga had sent her here?
The doctor shifted forward, and Penelope stifled the urge to ask her how she got a regulation female uniform to be so long on her legs. Penelope might not actually mind wearing them if they didn't end mid-thigh. It would always be a bit hard to do engineering work in a skirt, though, no matter the length.
"There is nothing wrong with you, Lieutenant," Dr. Robinson assured, "But most people don't realize that our minds need just as much protection as our bodies."
"And with that, I will bid you a pleasant evening," the doctor said in farewell as she finally let Penelope escape the cozy confines of her office.
"You sure you're alright, Penelope?" Johnny asked again as they rushed onto the shuttle. Penelope nodded without thinking, and together they found a pair of seats in the back row. Johnny let Penelope slide in first, her orange-red Cadet skirt catching on the seat before she tucked it under herself. She looked out the window, watching as other Cadets raced onto shuttles.
"You know, it's okay not to be," Johnny said, "fine, that is." But everything was fine. Vulcan had sent out a distress signal, but it would be alright. Her family was there, and Penelope hadn't returned a call from her aunt since her trial years and year ago, but that was okay. She could still hear Olivia's question echoing in her head.
When are you coming back, Penelope? Her little cousin had asked when she caught Penelope sneaking out in the middle of the night, plans made to stowaway aboard a Starfleet ship headed from Andoria to Earth. But it was okay that she never gave Olivia a direct answer because she and her aunt were going to be fine.
"I am," Penelope insisted sharply, strapping in as the pilot called out for departure. She knew she was lucky that the two of them had been assigned the same ship. As much as she tried to convince herself, Penelope knew she'd be nowhere as sane right then without Johnny at her side. "Did you call Marie?" the engineer asked Johnny, hoping to switch his attention.
Johnny still got a dopey expression whenever his wife was mentioned. The couple had recently had a son, and Johnny had been over the moon, though incredibly exhausted, since. "She's a bit pissed that we're being sent out," her friend admitted, running a hand through his hair in a nervous movement. "But we're almost graduated, so I don't really see the difference."
"Not everyone here is," Penelope commented, nodding up to the front where an extremely young looking guy tried to wriggle his way into the safety belts. She'd already been through a year of enlisted Security training, a year of enlisted Engineering training, and was now finally on her way to completing officer's training at the Academy. This kid didn't even look like he'd graduated secondary school. Granted, Penelope never had either, but that was beside the point.
The shuttle began to lift-off, and Johnny was giving her one of his faces that meant: she's a total idiot for thinking he didn't notice how she'd changed the subject. "They're doing evacuations there as we speak," Johnny assured her.
"I said I was fine."
"Right. But let's just assume you aren't for like a nanosecond," Johnny began, and continued even when she glared at him, "Your aunt's husband, what's his name..."
"Jared," she supplied.
"Yeah, him. He's not even on Vulcan."
"So?" Penelope asked, not understanding what he was getting at.
"Isn't he some important science guy or something?" Johnny pressed, grabbing onto the armrest when the shuttle started to leave atmosphere. Penelope nodded.
"So don't you think he'd be the first to be getting his wife and child off that planet, no matter if this distress call is because some Vulcan accidentally cried watching a Terran holo-vid?" Penelope wanted to rebut that her uncle had nowhere near the type of influence to demand a swifter evacuation of his family over anyone else's, or that a place like Vulcan would never be swayed by said pull even if he had it.
She didn't, because when she looked up and caught Johnny's black eyes, he beamed a smile at her that reminded her of every insane thing they'd ever done together. This probably wouldn't even make the top ten, answering a distress call from a Federation planet as Cadets. "Thanks, Johnny." He chuckled, leaning his weight into her so that she was squished against the window. "Hey!" she complained, trying to push him off her.
"Don't mention it, Waters. I got your back."
She would've responded, but instead, Penelope's eyes were suddenly filled with the most beautiful, sleek looking starship in the entire fleet. And she was going to be on it, working in it's engines. If it were in any other circumstances, Penelope might let herself be thankful for the opportunity. Things as they were, the sight of the U.S.S. Enterprise gave the young engineer a tight ball of worry as the shuttle entered the loading dock.
"Penelope?" Johnny asked, his body still pushing into hers.
The engineer kept her eyes on the Enterprise as she answered in a small voice. "I'm scared, Johnny."
"I know."
"What if something bad happens?"
"I'll fix it," Johnny said, confidence seeping into his tone.
"Would you trust me to?" Penelope turned suddenly, causing Johnny to pull back. Other Cadets were now exiting the shuttle, though the kid in the front was still having trouble with the belt. He was muttering in some Slavic Terran language Penelope couldn't understand.
"Trust you to what?"
"Fix it. If there was something wrong with you, would you trust me to?" She needed to know because if anything happened to either of them on answering this distress call, Penelope didn't want any doubt over where they stood with each other.
"Of course," Johnny replied, sounding as though it were the most obvious fact in the universe. "Of course I would."
