A/N: Apologies for the slight delay. I wound up tabling two different comic conventions and it created a work nightmare. But we're here at last, for the final chapter of Silence! Let's do this!
EPILOGUE: Whispers
Magic's great, but even the strongest spell can't totally cancel out the effects of a four-year out-of-body experience. My muscles felt like soup, and I had the uncomfortable urge to run screaming sometimes. Not sure that was normal. Luckily, by the end of the week, I was starting to feel like my old self again. I couldn't shake the feeling that I'd been reborn - like I'd seen things from the "beyond" that souls aren't supposed to remember when they're born. I wanted to tell somebody - anybody - so I ran around the Black Mage Village chatting up anyone who would listen. The Genomes and Black Mages were completely entranced by my story – or, at least, the version I told them. They were all so sweet and innocent, and I felt obligated to preserve that part of them as long as possible. Sure, reality was gonna storm the village someday, but who was I to invite it in?
So I took my epic and trimmed it down to the fable of my journey through ice and snow – how I battled living vines and sharp-toothed dragons and evil spirits. I didn't tell them how Garland shattered Kuja's mind, and I certainly didn't tell them how we'd nearly drowned in a sea of tormented souls. I couldn't tell the story, even if I'd wanted to. My dreams were haunted by memories of cold wind and battered faces and the screaming dead. During the day, I did whatever I could to distract myself. If I let my mind wander for even a moment, my thoughts were smothered by memories of Summoners burning and little girls dying and falling and falling and –
Mikoto didn't let her frustration show, but she obviously knew she'd been given an abridged version of the story. Every time I thought about telling her the truth, however, I went completely cold.
After ten days of recuperation, I was finally ready to go home. The day before my departure, I stood beside Vivi's grave and brooded. I didn't notice Mikoto standing beside me until she spoke.
"Vivi's children want to visit Alexandria."
I looked up, startled, and scratched the back of my head. "Oh, yeah? That's cool. They should. The Black Mages need to get out into the world more."
"I agree," said Mikoto. "I created them with the hope that they could bridge the gap between the village and the rest of Gaia."
I nodded absently. I could feel Mikoto's gaze upon me.
"You're worried I will make the same mistakes as Kuja."
"I…" – had absolutely no idea what to say to that. "Don't get me wrong, Mikoto. Vivi's children are amazing, and I'm really glad you could bring them to life for him. I just... don't want you to take this stuff lightly. Kuja thought he could use that knowledge for greater purposes than Garland, but in the end, all he did was perpetuate the same cycle. Kuja wound up no better than his own creator."
"I know." Mikoto nudged at the dirt with her shoe. "But Kuja created selfishly. I only create life when needed or requested, not because I have anything to gain."
I was finally able to give a genuine smile for the first time since waking up. "You're gonna be alright, kid. I just…" My throat felt dry. "I'm… sorry."
Mikoto gave me a confused look. "For what?"
"For… for life, I guess. I'm glad the Genomes are gaining awareness, but… it means they have be aware of the bad stuff, too."
"And the good stuff," said Mikoto. "The lives of the Genomes were meaningless, Zidane. We were alive, but we were not living. Kuja understood that in a way I could not. I…" Mikoto hesitated. "I am grateful to have met you, Zidane – both of you. I cannot imagine the empty life I would be leading now if you and Kuja had not become a part of it."
I couldn't help but laugh, even though it was cold. "The guy who made you appreciate life wound up so overwhelmed by it that he decided not to live anymore."
Mikoto wrapped her arms around herself, even though the sun was melting the snow upon the graves. "Even the smallest insects instinctually shy away from pain. It's a defense mechanism meant to keep us moving forward."
"Yeah, straight off a cliff." I ran my fingers through my hair. "Mikoto… do you think I did the right thing, clinging to this last stupid fragment of Kuja? I don't... I don't think he wanted to come back at all..."
"I think you will never know the answer to that," said Mikoto. "Because everything can change in a moment. I only wish Kuja understood that not knowing what comes next in the story is what makes it interesting in the first place."
"You should give that speech to Dagger," I said, laughing. "She'll never forgive me for bringing Kuja to Alexandria."
"You have no choice. It may not have been Kuja's intent, but you're the only bridge he has left in this world."
"I don't think he wants to cross that bridge," I said bitterly.
"That is up to him. No matter the result, the fact remains that four years ago, you chose to rescue Kuja from the Iifa Tree. You can never take that back, Zidane."
"So you're saying it was all doomed from the start?"
Mikoto's lip twitched into something resembling a smirk. "Kuja was right about you. Sometimes, you 'just don't get it.'"
"Oh no, not you too. I don't need two people in my life calling me stupid."
Mikoto laughed softly. "That's not what I meant, Zidane. I just wish you'd been aware these last four years so you could gain some perspective. You are a weapon created to destroy this planet. Queen Garnet knows that, yet it changed nothing. Even when you chose to rescue the man who destroyed her kingdom, the queen waited for you. Nothing will change how she feels about you, Zidane – not even Kuja."
I was stunned silent by Mikoto's words. She was right, of course. Dagger had been given a thousand reasons to leave me, yet she'd journeyed with me to the ends of the universe and waited four years for a man who was probably dead. It would take time, but Dagger would understand if I took the time to talk to her. The problem was that I couldn't talk to her. The mere thought of telling someone what happened to me made me sick.
Mikoto didn't need to know that either, so instead, I gave her a cheeky smile.
"Maybe Kuja was right. You are a lot smarter than me."
;
During the four years I'd lost, steam-powered airships reshaped the world as we know it. The Mist was slow to clear, making Gaia's weather unpredictable at best. Steam-powered airships were the only transport vehicles strong enough to battle the storms and snow. It also linked the continents together for the first time in Gaia's history.
A year before I awoke, a few of the older, more experienced Black Mages braved the ocean to seek an airship from the Mist Continent. That airship was now their bridge to the outside world. It was also my only ticket home. After a quick crash course on operating a steam ship, I went to gather my cargo…
Kuja didn't say a word as I explained what I was gonna do. The window was open, casting Kuja's shadow across the floor. I sat down in a chair beside him and sighed.
"This is totally your kinda plan," I told him. "Dagger's birthday is in a month and a half, and it's tradition that the royal birthdays are accompanied by some ridiculous, over-the-top play. So we're heading to Lindblum, 'cause I gotta convince Tantalus to help me put on a special performance of 'I Want to be Your Canary.' I've given this a lot of thought – " because it hurt too much to think about anything else – "and I want everybody in on it. I'm gonna surprise Dagger in the middle of the play, and it'll be the performance of a lifetime."
Kuja didn't respond, of course, but I continued talking to him anyways. "I know how much you love that kind of overdramatic, romantic garbage. You're gonna be really sorry if you miss this."
The words seemed to echo in the empty room.
;
I pretty much burst into tears when I threw my arms around my old family. Having no idea how to deal with an armful of crying Zidane, Blank awkwardly patted me on the back and told me to stop before people thought we were "into each other." Unfortunately, by that point, Cinna was crying harder than I was. Typical Ruby was too angry to cry. She stormed off, shouting something about "stupid ghosts," while Marcus shook his head and muttered, "women…"
The moment my tears ran dry, however, Baku dragged me into the cellar in the basement and cuffed me like I was four years old.
"Explain yourself," he growled.
Once upon a time, Baku's wrath was the thing I feared most in the world, but when you've literally walked through the mind of a murderer, the things you used to fear suddenly don't seem so scary. I looked Baku dead in the eyes and told him, "I don't have an explanation."
His expression darkened, even in the dimly lit room. "You mean you don't have one, or you ain't gonna give me one?"
"Kuja is inside the airship parked outside."
Baku's eyes widened, but he somehow managed not to lose his temper. Instead, he inhaled loudly through his nose.
"You vanish for four years without a word, I nearly get my ass thrown in jail harasssin' the queen for answers, an' all I get for my trouble is silence. Then that bitch-ass General Beatrix tells me you'd gone off to 'go be Zidane,' like that's supposed to mean somethin' to me. So just… tell me honestly…" Baku clapped his hands over my shoulders, nearly knocking me to the floor. "Did you leave us – leave the queen – for four years because of Kuja?"
I'd already lost four years, and I wasn't gonna waste another second. "Yes. The world was gonna end, and only Kuja and I knew how to stop it."
"An' you think that makes everything alright? You think he can just walk free?"
"Would you feel better if he was punished?"
Baku's brow furrowed. "…I'd sleep better knowin' he was in prison."
"Well, then you're in luck: Kuja lost everything to save Gaia. You want him in prison? You got it. Kuja imprisoned himself outside his own body, and he'll probably be locked away in his own personal hell forever."
Baku's eyes searched mine for several moments. At last, he said, "You've changed, Zidane. I can see it in yer eyes. Yer full o' darkness."
"No, I just grew up."
For a moment, Baku didn't respond. Then he gave my shoulders a surprisingly gentle squeeze. "I trust you. Yer a grown man now, and ever since you was a kid, you always did what you thought was best, no matter how stupid."
"Do you think Dagger will ever forgive me?"
Baku threw his head back, laughing. "Hell no! Yer gonna be sleepin' on the couch for at least a year, kiddo."
I gave Baku a weak smile. "But did I do the right thing?"
"I can't tell you somethin' like that, kiddo. I dunno the whole story."
"Well, I'm not gonna tell you."
"Then it doesn't matter what I think," said Baku. "Because everything that happened already happened."
It was an echo of the lectures he'd given me as a small child when he caught me fighting other kids in the market. Growing up, I rarely lamented the fact that I didn't have parents 'cause I didn't see what difference it would make. Baku always felt more like a drill sergeant than a father. But here I was, a grown man of twenty, and suddenly, I desperately wanted a guardian who could guide me through the darkness.
"Baku…"
He stared down his nose at me. "Yeah?"
"…What do you think I should do now?"
"Whatever it was you was already plannin' to do. Why do you care what I think?"
"I dunno…"
"Look, Zidane." Baku ruffled my hair and I suddenly felt like a small child again. "I'm gonna say the same thing I say every time things get hard: the show must go on!" Baku suddenly cuffed me across the back of the head, causing me to cry out. "Now pull yourself together! We're gonna put on the greatest show this world has ever seen!"
;
The night garden fell silent as Zidane's story came to a close. For a long time, he and Beatrix simply sat there admiring the stillness of the flowers. In the distance, the sun began to emerge on the horizon.
"…And that's my story," said Zidane, trying to break the silence. He leaned forward and shuddered suddenly as if sick. General Beatrix raised her hand as if to pat him on the back, but decided against it.
"Are you alright…?" she asked instead.
Zidane swallowed and stood up, awkwardly brushing invisible dirt off his pants. "Yeah, I'm fine… I just – "
"Thank you." Beatrix tilted her head towards him. "For sharing your story with me."
Zidane hung his own head as if ashamed. "…Just tell me one thing, Beatrix: why didn't you ever mention Asha?"
Beatrix looked away, and for the first time, Zidane saw the faintest shadow of doubt in her eye. "I… try not to think about Asha. I've seen unimaginable horrors – I've seen hundreds of children die – but I accepted their deaths as unavoidable consequences of war. Asha's death, however…" Beatrix shifted uncomfortably on the bench. "I suppose there will always be a part of me that regrets. Should Kuja ever awaken, I… suppose I would like to apologize to him before I punch him in the face."
Zidane snorted as he eyed the shimmer on the horizon. "Looks like the sun's rising…"
They'd spent the entire night in the garden, and now the silvery flowers were folding their petals away.
"Dagger's gonna kill me," Zidane sighed.
"You can blame your absence on me."
Zidane smirked, but he looked exhausted. There were dark shadows under his eyes as if someone had exorcised a demon from his body.
"Actually, Beatrix, I just wanted to say… thank you."
The general gave him a perplexed look. "For what?"
"For listening. I mean, I only told you my story 'cause you were gonna kill Kuja, but the truth is that I've been livin' in some kinda stasis, even though I supposedly 'woke up.' You pushed me forward, even if you threatened me to do it. You forced me to tell someone my story."
Beatrix chuckled. "Well, in that case, you're welcome, Your Majesty…"
Zidane laughed and turned back towards the castle. "That is never gonna sound right in my ears."
Beatrix laughed as well, but the moment Zidane was gone, she turned towards the faint rustle in the bushes. A harried Moogle popped out of the silver foliage, clutching a thick book.
"What a horrible story, kupo! I thought it would never end!"
"But did you get everything written down?" Beatrix couldn't hide the urgency in her voice.
The Moogle gave her an affronted look and nodded, causing his pom-pom to wave back and forth. "Who do you think I am, kupo?! I got every word!"
"Then I am grateful to you." Beatrix reached into a satchel at her hip and procured three Kupo Nuts. The Moogle snatched them from her hands and hugged them to his chest. Beatrix snorted in amusement, but the Moogle gave her a troubled look.
"General Beatrix, ma'am?"
"Yes?"
"That story… Do you think everything will be alright now, kupo...?"
Beatrix pursed her lips as she watched the sunlight creeping over the horizon.
"I have no idea," she admitted. "But you can't end the chapter of a story you've never actually told. Perhaps now the next act in Zidane's story can be a happy one…"
;
Outside a cold, dark room in Alexandria Castle, the sun rose high and bathed the city streets in gold. Bright light pierced the gauze curtains and cast a glow over the room's sole occupant, similar to the shimmer of magic dispersing from a spell.
The sunlight was so bright, in fact, that it was nearly painful.
Grimacing, Kuja closed his eyes and looked away.
;
A/N: And that, my friends, is the end of Silence. I really hope you enjoyed this ride as much as I did! I want to give a shoutout to my friend Meljay for doing some typo checks for me as I posted this story, and a shoutout to Lucrecia LeVrai, who saved the original copies of my fanfiction and essentially rescued this project from an untimely demise! And of course, a huge thank you to everyone who read and supported this story, and thank you to everyone who left me a review, as well! You're all awesome! The story isn't over, however! Please keep your eyes peeled for the sequel, White Noise! It won't require nearly as much editing as Silence did, so I'll be able to upload it more quickly.
Thanks again, everyone, and see you for White Noise!
