A/N – I know, I thought this story was complete too... but apparently not.


Chapter 10 – goodbye

It had been just under a week since we returned to Denali. We would probably have to move on again soon, we were thirteen vampires under one roof; far too noticeable for us to stay for an extended period of time. I overheard some of them arguing over where to go next, obviously Forks was out, as was anywhere too far south, or too sunny. I heard Carlisle talk about returning to England, it would be interesting to see where Carlisle came from, even if it would be barely recognisable as his home country.

I had spent some time getting to know Tanya, Kate, Irana, Carmen and Eleazar. I found out that Kate could produce an electric shock that zapped even a vampire when she touched you – I obviously didn't feel it, and neither would I let Edward – and that Eleazar could sense other people's powers.

I was very happy with vampire life, well ecstatic really and even that was an enormous understatement.

Secretly I was kinda glad it wasn't necessary to have private, human moments any more, and especially glad he didn't have to leave me to hunt, we could do it together. We could do everything together, if we really wanted. Which, as it turned out, included a revenge for the hurried shopping trip in Italy.

The tricky thing was, we couldn't exactly plan it. Fortunately Alice had no clue of our intentions and wasn't looking for anything, which gave us a little breathing room... until Alice decided we would go shopping again within the next few days to replenish my wardrobe. We couldn't really get out of it, it was true that I had a minimal amount of clothes but I would have liked a little more time to readjust, maybe after we settled in to wherever we were going next?

Alice came looking looking for us the day of the dreaded shopping trip, but Edward was a genius and suggested we hide.

"But how can we hide from Alice? She'll see wherever we plan to go."

His famous crooked smile made a grand appearance and he got a mischievous glint in his eyes, "We just close our eyes and run, make a turn every now and then and Alice wont be able to see anything, except for a few minutes ahead of us," he explained simply.

I went through his plan in my mind, there really was nothing better we could do, and Alice's frustration at being thwarted would definitely be a good revenge. Plus it had been so long since I'd felt free and relaxed, this plan was beginning to sound better and better by the minute. I felt a mischievous smile creep onto my face, I had never felt so... young before, even when I was young! Having to be mature and having responsibilities thrust upon you at a young age makes you grow up too fast, and now I was a teenager forever. I felt so awed by him at that moment that I simply stood and gazed adoringly at him.

Edward extended a hand in an invitation that was truly impossible to turn down, honestly, I could see only up-sides to this. So I grasped his hand in mine, feeling the excitement that went with my first rebellious act, purely for the sake of it – apart from the motorbikes, but again, I had an ulterior motive, and again, that ulterior motive involved Edward. This was just pure... fun!

We closed put eyes and ran – occasionally knocking over or ploughing through a tree or two – in a random direction of my choosing. I heard Edward's phone vibrate in his pocket and we chuckled at the thought of Alice's reaction.

It took almost a week for Alice to calm down. Well, it took her a day to talk to me and a week to forgive Edward – apparently he was a bad influence on me – but we talked to her and made her understand that shopping for me was like Alice having to wear the same cheap clothes – that didn't match – for a week. I told her that Rose and Esme were willing shopping partners for the majority of the time and demanded a limit to my shopping hours per month – with a Christmas bonus if she had been good. I also made her see how neither the shopping trip in Italy or the one she planned – or tried to plan – five days ago were inappropriate and unnecessary. We all forgave each other and moved on.

My new life was wonderful, and in the relatively deserted Alaskan wilderness made me feel wrapped up in a bubble of bliss. I was so big yet so small at the same time, but either way, I was overflowing wit happiness.

It was only a week more before my bubble of euphoria got a crack. Alice spaced out, having a vision, I didn't pay it much mind as she frequently had visions about unimportant things like whenever more vampires were entering the vicinity and the weather. And I would've ignored this too... if Alice hadn't looked especially sombre as she came back to reality and Edward had a very troubled expression as soon as he had seen what Alice had seen.

"What is it?" I asked desperately, "What did you see Alice?"

Edward gently took my hands and guided me to sit down on his lap before tenderly wrapping his arms around me. "It's the funeral... your funeral."

I sat there in shock, not moving for the longest of time... or was it only a few seconds? I was dimly aware of Alice and Edward waiting anxiously for me to say something... but what could I say? I know Charlie will be devastated... and Renee and Phill! I started sobbing, I felt horrible for letting everyone believe that I was dead.

"I want to go... see Charlie one last time," my hoarse whisper sounded loud in the silence.

"Bella, he can't see you, you're a vampire and he thinks you're already dead," Alice tried to tell me gently.

"I know that. He doesn't have to see me, I just need to see him one last time, say goodbye my own way..." my voice got steadily softer as I kept talking.

Edward and Alice looked at each other, I knew what they were thinking, what are the risks? Is it worth it? I saw Alice's eye glaze over, she was searching the future, could we turn up there and leave relatively unnoticed?

Alice nodded as she came back to the present, "But only me, Esme and Carlisle will be able to speak to Charlie, Emmett and Rose can come but it will be best if they just keep back and stay unnoticed. You two simply have to stay unnoticed by Charlie! If he sees you, Edward, he will fly into a rage, he already kind of blames Bella's death on you – but subconsciously. If he sees you there then... And you Bella, I don't need to tell you it would break his heart to see you as a vampire after he's just accepted that you're gone."

I nodded solemnly heeding her words, I didn't want to cause Charlie more suffering, it's best if he grieves, gets it over with, and moves on... In the long run anyway.

Unfortunately, Alice saw this as another opportunity to shop, although the occasion we were shopping for toned down her enthusiasm to a more bearable level... as well as making me feel even less up to it. But I was determined to go, it would be good for me to see Charlie one last time and say good bye in my head properly.

Four days later found me in Edwards bedroom... staring at a bed. It was an ornate, wrought-iron, four-poster bed with and an elaborate design of roses entangling around the bed frame. And it was huge. And it had gold sheets, matching the rest of the room... And it was absolutely, frickin' huge!

"Where the hell were you hiding this bed before? I know I've never seen it just lying around anywhere, and why did you have it? Just in case you felt like lying down? When you're a vampire?"

Edward cracked up and almost collapsed onto his sofa, overcome with merriment. I stared at him incredulously for five seconds before joining him on the sofa, not able to contain my own giggles. Since becoming a vampire, I'd found my mind to me very flighty and my moods to be vary fluid. I liked it.

I didn't feel anxiety or nervousness for the funeral until merely an hour before – Edward, Emmett and Alice had done a pretty good job of distracting me. I gripped onto Edward's hand with a force that would completely crush a human's hand. Alice had been over to Charlie's and helped him get through the last few days. Rosalie had been avoiding me a little, she was no longer hostile too me, but she was a very proud woman, it would take time for her to get over her resentment towards me, especially since she was a little bitter about me becoming a vampire, she knew I had wanted to.

We got to the service after everyone else and sat down quietly at the back. My eyes quickly scanned the crowd for Charlie. Suddenly I spotted him, there he was, sitting on the front row – closest to my coffin – his shoulders shaking with silent sobs. Charlie was never one for emotions. It saddened me that Charlie was so grief stricken. Then I felt Edward shift a little next to me.

"He feels guilty," he murmured only low enough for me to hear.

"What does he have to feel guilty about?" I mumbled back incredulously.

"He thinks that he didn't show you enough how much he cares about you when you were with him, he regrets not really saying how much you meant to him."

I closed my eyes. I couldn't let him live on like this, I knew how much he cared for me. But how do I fix this? How do I let him know that I knew I was loved? How do I communicate that to him when I was supposedly dead? And I thought that saying goodbye to him would be the hardest thing I would do here.

I started to think, how do the dead leave messages for the ones they leave behind? Suicide notes? That was the thought that immediately popped into my head, but they know I didn't commit suicide, they thought I had been attacked by a bear or another large, carnivorous animal. But a note could work... I could smuggle it into my room in the middle of the night or something. But then what would I write? I couldn't exactly put dear Charlie, please don't feel guilty about not showing your emotions, I know you loved me really, love Bella, could I!

Alice turned around in her seat, "No, that really wouldn't work Bella." Ugh! This was so frustrating!

I looked up and caught sight of my mum sobbing into Phill's shoulder. I sighed heavily, I wished I had kept more in-touch with her. We had been exceptionally close when I had lived in Phoenix, even though our relation ship was a little unusual, it worked for us. I hadn't even replied to her last email...

A plan came together in my head; Alice helping Charlie sort out my room, finding an unsent email on my computer... maybe I could finally give them the closure I had gained from coming back here. Edward squeezed me encouragingly as he saw my plan come into fruition in Alice's head. It would work.

We filed out the back of the church and followed the procession to the cemetery. Me, Edward, Emmett, Rosalie and Carlisle stood slightly apart from the gathering. I could see out of the corner of my eye the Quileutes gathered around Charlie offering their support as well as Esme and Alice. I could hear Alice offer to help Charlie get sorted at home and saw him nod his head. I felt incredibly guilty for his grieving but I knew it was the best way.

The wolves hung back at the end of the ceremony, Jacob, Sam, Embry, Paul and Jared. They were glaring at us, including Jacob. I knew he had left me to protect me, but could those kinds of feelings really be reversed that easily? I guess Jake's loyalties would always remain with the pack. It was... disappointing.

When everyone else was far enough away, Jake suddenly seemed to crack he marched right up to Alice and spat, "You have no right to be here, it was all your fault anyway."

"We had no idea that Victoria was after Bella, or that she was using Laurent to get to her," Alice defended.

"If you hadn't left, Bella wouldn't have been there!" Jacob's words cut like a knife, they sliced through the heated arguments leaving only silence behind...

Because his words were true.

There was nothing anyone could say to deny the fact that, had the Cullens never left Forks, Laurent wouldn't have turned me into a vampire. It was also true that, had the wolves been a second earlier, I wouldn't have been changed either – but I didn't think that would go down very well. I wanted to say something, anything to absolve the Cullens from their imagined offence. As Jacob had spoken, I felt Edward's shoulders slump in defeat, then flinch. I looked at him but his eyes were fixed on Jacob, who looked like he was concentrating very hard on something.

"What's wrong?" I whispered to Edward so only he could hear.

"It's nothing, Jacob just has a good memory, that's all," Edward tried to soothe me.

What? How could memories cause such a reaction... Then it clicked. He was remembering me when I was a mess. Suddenly my blood boiled, just who the hell did he think he was? He abandoned me when I was already hurting. Sure his departure didn't would me as Edward's had done, but that didn't make it ok for him to judge other people for making the same choice he did! Jacob had given me a taste of what happiness was like after Edward, I had become dependant on him and he had allowed it, encouraged it even! But then he left me too. And I had been worried about him! At least Edward had had the decency to say goodbye.

I couldn't believe I had just heard those words come out of Jacob's mouth.

I strode forward and faced Jacob head on, with about two feet between us, "I cant believe you Jacob! You're judging them because they left, but you left me too! I cant believe I was so worried about you! You left me alone and confused when you knew there were vampires out there! Did it now occur to you that had you been a second earlier I would still be human? You're nothing but a coward and a hypocrite!"

Extremely thankful that I didn't have tears streaming down my cheeks, I turned on my heel and stormed off with all the grace of a vampire, past the shocked faces of both the Cullens and the wolf pack. There goes my best friend. After the loss and anger wore off, I found myself smug. I had always been shy, but I guess being a vampire had boosted my confidence, and I was secure in the knowledge that Edward loved me; and would always love me; forever. It also helped that I was so murderously angry that all my rational thought had gone out the window, but still...

I heard Edward come after me, I didn't try and out-run him. I didn't need time alone with my thoughts, I just needed to process what had happened... and having a loving, comforting presence that wouldn't interfere, was exactly what I needed. Was exactly what Edward was. He took my hand as I slowed and we dawdled along at a slow human pace. Today was a day for goodbyes, fortunately, the goodbyes that would hurt the most, the ones I couldn't live through again, weren't happening... not now or ever again.

Eventually, Edward's patience ran out, "What are you thinking?"

I sighed, "I'm trying to figure out what to put in the fake email to Renee."

After a pause, Edward spoke again. His tone wasn't accusing, just curious, "Why did you say those things to Jacob?"

"Because they were true," I stopped and turned to face him, "You left because you thought you were protecting me, Edward. Jake might not know that, but I do. He did the same thing, but he's just not taking responsibility for his actions. And he wont admit to the fact that you are good people."

"Bella, we're vampires."

"Yes, I'm aware of that," I smirked at him, then my smile softened, "Haven't you heard that it's our choices that define us? I know you think you don't have a soul, but where else could your love come from? You're kind, thoughtful, compassionate, loyal... maybe a little bit overprotective and pessimistic. But, you're good Edward, you're constantly making the choice to be good. The wolves hate bloodsuckers, as in, vampires who suck human blood. They just cant differentiate. I bet, if they ever eat in their wolf form, they eat raw animals as well."

Edward stood there looking at me as if in shock. His hands were unmoving in mine, his eyebrows were raised and it didn't look like he was going to move again any time soon. I couldn't judge what he thought about my rant – other than that he wasn't expecting it. It really didn't look like Edward was ever going to move again, so I decided he needed some help.

"Edward?" I asked placing one hand on his cheek, "are you still there?"

He blinked and I saw the light turning back on in his eyes. "Wow," he breathed, "I guess... I guess I never thought about it like that before."

"Edward, you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, sometimes it's hard watching you struggle. Not everything is your fault," I paused thoughtfully, "Although, you have been a little less pessimistic and guilt-ridden recently."

Edward chuckled taking my face in his hands, "The power of love, you make me happy, Bella. Now that I finally accepted that you are a vampire, I can truly relax around you. I don't have to constantly fight back the burn of the thirst, I don't have to monitor my every action around you so I don't accidentally crush you, I don't have to worry about things that would harm a human such as car accidents and diseases... but most importantly, I don't have to worry about condemning you to a life of eternal misery. I realise now that it was my preconceptions and my loneliness that made me miserable, not my new life. And now love has made me happy, and has kept you happy."

I grinned at him, secretly overjoyed that Edward was letting go of his angst. "Now, do you have any ideas of what to write in my goodbye note?"

Charlie's pov

Bella's room was a mess. The bed was unmade and there were a few clothes scattered about the place. It was like she had just left and was planning on coming back again... but she wasn't. Her room was lying. I didn't want her room to look like she could walk through the door at any moment, but I didn't want her room to be generic, like no-one had ever lived there. Thank god Alice was helping me.

I sighed and reluctantly put the teaspoon down. I tried not to spill any drops on the stairs as I made my way back to Bella's room, but my hands were shaking. Had she know I loved her more than anything? Had I shown her what she meant to me? Was there any doubt in her mind that I cared for her so much? Why couldn't I be more open with my love for her?

Of course Alice brushed off all my fears, saying Bella knew she was loved and loved me too. Why had she not listened to me? I told her to be careful! And then she goes into the woods when there have been lots of bear sightings...

"Charlie!" Alice called, "I think you better come look at this."

I ran up the rest of the stairs to Bella's room, no longer caring about the carpet or the tea. I walked through the door to see Alice hovering over Bella's computer

Dear mum

I'm still in love with Edward. And I think he still loves me.

I know that sounds crazy but... Edward has an unfortunate habit of blaming himself for everything. He left me to protect me from himself... another unfortunate habit Edward has – overreaction.

I remember when we were running from that psycho James – at least that's what I think he was called. When I went to play baseball with Edward's family, that's when James and Victoria came along, they pretended to want to play with us... but James kept looking at me weirdly. He was dangerous, he started a fight and it was clear he would go to any lengths to get to me... including hurting dad. That's why I left, I pretended to leave so James wouldn't find me, I couldn't let dad get hurt. Edward wasn't too enthusiastic about my plan but he eventually conceded. And then James found me, Edward barely made it in time. Edward blamed that on himself – of course Charlie didn't help, he blamed it on Edward too. But I just couldn't bring myself to explain... he would just be more worried. I know he loves me so much, I love him too. But I don't need him hovering like he would – even if it was an act of love. It's surprising how similar Edward and Charlie are when it comes to my safety.

Then on the night of my birthday... it was Edward who pushed me into the glass table. Every little accident he blamed on himself. That's why he left.

Is it better to be hurt physically or emotionally? I think it depends on the wound.

Jake was finally making me feel normal again, less like a zombie... and then he left too. I don't know why he left, he said he was ill and then he started avoiding me, like he couldn't stand the sight of me any more. He even got Billy to lie to me on the phone about him. Was it because I was with Edward? I know the tribe has a grudge against them, but I don't see why they cant let it go.

It's a beautiful day today, I might go out and try to find the meadow that Jake told me about, I need a distraction... I'll come back later and finish this email off with how that went. See you later!

"Is it true?" I whispered.

Alice nodded sadly. I let my grief overcome me then, I sat and cried into Alice's shoulder, feeling to upset to be embarrassed. But I was relieved as well. She knew I loved her and she loved me. I still couldn't stand Edward, but maybe he wasn't as bad as I thought.


A/N – ok, its really over now. Seriously. Sadly. *sigh * but you can still review. (I prefer this ending to my previous one, it ties everything together nicely) =]