God I am such a freak.
But who can blame me? When a gorgeous bronze-haired god clad in pajamas just turns to you randomly and asks what you want to do that day, what are you supposed to say? None of this was covered in any of my college courses.
So of course when the phrase So, Bella, what did you want to do today left his full lips I had absolutely nothing prepared.
All I could think was Well, we could always turn down the heat so we'd be forced to cuddle together for warmth, and you could find out just how comfortable my bed is. That's seriously all my brain could come up with. Of course I couldn't say that out loud.
And Edward just stood there, waiting for me to answer, with an amused smile on his face. So, I quickly settled for the first normal-sounding idea that came to my mind.
"Um…well…could you…uh give me a tour of the cabin?" I said tentatively. "I've only seen my room, the living room, and the kitchen so far."
Thankfully he agreed and went to get ready. It was extremely hard to force my thought process to function when he was in the room, especially when he looked so adorable in his pajamas with his hair all rumpled from sleep. Sex hair my mind purred.
Oh my God. I never purr. Out loud or mentally. What was going on with me?
I decided to clear my mind of any possible psychological disorders I may or may not have and get dressed. Except, when I got to my room, nothing I had packed seemed suitable. Sure it was only a stupid cabin tour, but…Edward was there…
I gave up on thinking and just settled for jeans and a blue shirt. I combed my hair out, hoping it would stop frizzing all over the place. I must have looked a mess when Edward walked into the kitchen this morning. How embarrassing!
It shouldn't matter. You don't think of him that way, remember? He's just supposed to be Alice's brother and nothing more. Oh, right.
I exited my room and sat in the living room to wait for Edward. My pulse was racing. I was just excited to see the rest of this glorious cabin. That was all. Just pure excitement over the possible home décor I was about to see on the tour. I kept staring at the floor, telling myself this over and over, until I pair of shoes came into my line of view.
My eyes traveled from those shoes up. His legs were covered with a pair of expertly worn jeans that fit him right at the hips. A dark green sweater that emphasized his lean figure and those green eyes hid the rest of him. He'd tried to wrestle his hair into obedience, but it just looked as crazy as ever. Edward was too much for my eyes to take.
I looked up at him, speechless. I hoped he was going to say something because I didn't know if I could. Finally he spoke.
"Right now you are sitting in what a lot of people call a living room, but Alice prefers to call it a thriving room since…well, you've met her," Edward laughed. I smiled at his joke. Thriving was something Alice excelled at. "But you're already familiar with this room. Let's move on to somewhere else."
And so I got up to move to his side, trying not to notice the way he smelled, and we began our tour. He explained how everyone had his or her own bathrooms for convenience reasons, and I thought about how I'd shared a bathroom with Charlie my entire teenage life. A personal bathroom was like an unattainable dream for me.
I was startled out of my thoughts when Edward stopped at the first door on our excursion
"Oh, this is the room I'm staying in," I interjected.
"Seriously? This is Alice's room." He said.
"Really?" I shouldn't have been surprised. Everything about it screamed femininity and elegance, in other words Alice "How funny that I should choose it." Then something randomly occurred to me. "Wait a sec-how does Alice manage to get her little but in that huge bed?"
I just couldn't picture my little pixie-sized roommate being able to sleep in that enormous sleigh bed, especially when she was a kid. It was hard for me, and I was a foot taller than she was!
"Hmm…" Edward appeared to be thinking about the logistics of it. "I'd never thought of it. I'd say she probably takes a running start."
The mere image of little Alice bounding into the bed made us laugh, but abruptly Edward turned serious.
"Do you like it in there?" He asked with a sincere look in his eyes. "Because you could always move to a different room."
I'm good, but if you ever wanted to switch rooms, I have a huge bed just begging for another body. I shook my head, trying to clear it of my crazy thoughts so I could answer him.
"Oh, I love it. It's nice and cozy." I tried to change the subject before I could continue my pondering on our sleeping arrangements and pointed to another polished door. "What's that room over there?"
It was Alice's second closet for all of the clothes that didn't fit into her first one. The saddest part was that didn't even rattle me, so we continued. I turned to follow Edward down the hall, trying my hardest not to look at his butt. It was just so firm looking and well shaped. I admired its denim glory from a purely appreciative perspective. There was nothing wrong with admiring beautiful things. This one just happened to be located on the back of Edward-not my fault.
I was submersed in admiring Edward from a purely appreciative perspective when he spun to face me. I felt him looking at me, but I trained my eyes on the floor. I begged my cheeks not to blush and give me away. Muntiny is not acceptable right now!
"Over here is Carlisle and Esme's master bedroom…"Edward informed me hesitantly, oblivious to my inappropriate staring. "Please tell me you don't want to go in and look around."
I had to look at him then.
"Why? You don't want to go in?" I asked, baffled.
"Well it's just weird, you know? Snooping around your parents' bedroom-it still seems so forbidden, even when you get older." He seemed uncomfortable about something when he added, "Plus-we might discover something me don't want to see in there."
This confused me. I wondered what in the world Edward thought his parents might be hiding in their room.
"Something we don't want to find?" *Cue verbal filter shutdown* "Like what? Whips and chains?"
OH. MY. GOD. Something IS wrong with me. Why else would I have said something so creepy and stupid? Who just came out and said something like that to a gorgeous guy? I wished the floor would open and swallow me, but I doubt that would erase my shame. Edward would still be standing in the hall thinking What is up with that complete spaz and pervert who just got swallowed by the floor?
Edward, completely oblivious to my self-hatred in that moment, just answered, "God, I would hope not. But please-let's not risk it."
I felt like a huge burden had been lifted off of me. Edward hadn't even blinked at my comment. I was in the clear.
"This is Emmett's room. Did Alice ever mention him to you?" He wanted to know.
Emmett was Alice's big brother. I recalled all the stories she'd told me about her family. They'd always sounded so fun, so loving, and so perfect. I'd wanted to be a part of it.
"Oh, sure. Alice talked about her family all the time. Emmett is the big teddy bear right?"Edward scoffed at my answer and said sardonically, "I suppose he is now, but I still have scars from our childhood to prove that wasn't always the case."
I pictured all the little childhood scuffles that might have occurred in the rooms of the cabin-little Alice with her dress up clothes, Edward and Emmett wrestling on the floor, Carlisle and Esme smiling indulgently. It made me smile.
I wanted to know all the memories this place held, so I eagerly reached out to open Emmett's door, but Edward stopped me.
"What? Are there S&M toys in here too?" I said jokingly. Edward seemed to take me seriously, though.
"Not exactly…Just hold on a second," he said uneasily, peeking into Emmett's room cautiously. It was strange. Were there S&M toys in there? The thought made my pulse race for some reason.
"What was all that about?" I asked casually as he finally opened the door.
"Emmett was…uh…rather enthusiastic about his poster collection when we were teenagers. I didn't want you to see them if they were still up."
"How considerate of you," I responded. It was really sweet of him to think of me like that. I would have been completely uncomfortable if those posters were still hanging up.
I glanced over at Edward to see him smiling slightly at something. It was probably just memories that Emmett's room brought to his mind. I didn't see anything too exceptional about the room. It was furnished simplistically. Although, I imagined that was because Emmett didn't want to detract any attention from his posters. And since the posters had been removed, there was nothing to hold our interest; so Edward suggested we go to the next room.
It was the last door in the hallway, squeezed in at the very end. I had a pretty good idea whose room it was, so I walked ahead of Edward to eagerly open the door.
On the other side, I was met with golden walls accented with oak furniture and blue curtains. There were clothes and books scattered about on the floor but not to the point of messiness. As I hungrily surveyed Edward's room, I felt him come to stand behind me.
"Hey-whose room is this?" I questioned, even though I knew it was his.
"This?" Edward rasped nervously- though who knew what he had to be nervous about?
. "Uh…well…I…this is mine"
"Yours, huh?" I faced him with a playful smile. "Then where are your whips and chains?"
Again, I'd meant it as a joke, but Edward's eyes widened and he coughed a little.
"Edward-I'm totally kidding. Relax," I reminded him calmly.
"Sorry. You just caught me off guard," he choked, attempting a smile.
Seeing that he was okay, I continued to scan his room until I saw this absolutely sophisticated sound system in the corner that reminded me of the radio in the kitchen.
"Whoa! Is this your sound system?" I asked because it seemed too impressive for a person to have in their house.
"Yeah. Music is a big passion of mine. That thing has great acoustics."
"I'll bet. What kind of music do you listen to?"
He seemed to hesitate longer than necessary.
Please don't say rap. Please don't say rap. Please don't say rap. Please don't say rap. Please don't say rap. I begged. Not that there was anything wrong with rap, it's just…I didn't know who long I could stay in a cabin with someone who insisted on playing it with the bass turned all the way up.
"Uh…I generally prefer classical music. Debussy is my favorite. But every so often I'll listen to a little jazz or oldies or indie music," he admitted, but then his expression turned to worry, and his whole body seemed to tense up.
"Debussy…my mom used to listen to Claire De Lune all the time when I was little. It's pretty great," I let him know. I remembered all the times Renee had attempted to play classical music on our little piano. Her efforts had sparked a love of the classics that followed my throughout my life. "But I always listened to Haydn when I studied for my finals. It helped me concentrate more."
Edward visibly relaxed and strode over to his sound system.
"I like Haydn too. In fact…" he pushed some buttons and a fantastic symphony echoed throughout his room. It reminded me of school and Alice and the heat, making me laugh from pure happiness. Feeling more comfortable, I walked further into the room. Then I saw that Edward had a phenomenal bed in his room too.
"Your bed is even bigger and fluffier than mine!" I exclaimed. I stared at the bed. It was just begging to be sat upon. "Do you mind?" I asked him. He didn't seem to, so I jumped right up on the mattress. I just couldn't help myself. The comforter and pillows were so fluffy when I patted them; I also couldn't resist lying down.
Just lying there was pure nirvana, but then my brain chose to kick in and send me a quick reminder. Hey-remember how when you're in someone's bedroom-especially a stranger's, it's kind of rude to just make yourself at home and lay on his or her bed like you belong there? Yeah, that still applies to this situation.
A quick peek at Edward assured me that he wasn't offended by my actions, maybe the opposite in fact. That didn't stop me from being completely embarrassed. I can't believe I did that! I also couldn't believe that my humiliation didn't stop me from hungrily inhaling his scent from the bed like some crazy person. I figured I should say something to justify my craziness to Edward.
"You know I really like the beds you guys have here. I might get one for myself once I get back to Phoenix."
Edward just looked bemused for a moment before continuing politely, "We'd…better get on with the tour. There's a lot of other stuff to see."
I rose slowly, hoping he wouldn't notice my uncalled for reluctance to leave his bed.
"Alright. Where to next?" I asked. He just smiled and gestured for me to follow him.
We walked back down the hallway, through the living-er, thriving- room, into another hallway, and through another door.
"So, what do you think?" Edward asked.
It was…unbelievable. I felt like Belle from Beauty and the Beast. I mean…it was…
"You have an entire library in your cabin?" I whispered incredulously.
"Uh-yeah I guess. Why? Is that weird?" he said nervously.
"Weird? More like spectacular. It's…it's…incredible. I'm so jealous."
"Well, I'm glad you like it so much," he said in a relieved voice. "I've always been a big reader myself, so Carlisle's study was where I spent most of my time here."
"I like to read too. Actually, I majored in English in college."
"Oh, really? What do you do now?" he asked me interestedly.
I paused, wondering what to say. Sure, I loved to read and write, but when I told people about my career aspirations they were…less than encouraging. A degree in English didn't exactly scream hire me!, but it was what I'd wanted to study. My passion was really writing, but people weren't crazy about that either. There just wasn't enough job stability in the field, I guess. I wanted to say something that would impress him and make him like me, but I didn't want to lie. So I just settled for good old-fashioned honesty.
"I, uh, well…right now I work at the library in Phoenix as a children's librarian. It's great and everything, but I really just want to write."
I tensed for his reaction. I could almost hear Writing?! But that's not even a real job! You probably won't get published. It's too risky. But I should have known from the odd kinship and comfort I already felt around him that he'd never say something like that.
"Writing, huh?" he smiled. "That sounds exciting. I always wanted to be a concert pianist, but I was too cowardly to pursue it. I was afraid I wasn't good enough."
That was exactly how I felt about writing.
"Oh? Then what do you do?"
"I majored in psychology and opened my own therapy office in Seattle. I actually like it a lot. Figuring out people's thoughts has always fascinated me."
It was nice-this whole opening up to each other thing. I couldn't help but think that the whole situation would have been awkward with anyone but Edward. I was just so abnormally at ease with him. It just felt like we were getting reacquainted instead of meeting for the first time.
How strange that two people would coincidentally get trapped in a cabin together during a snow storm and get along so well! It was almost like…I mean- I know it sounds crazy-but it almost felt as if…it wasn't an accident at all-but something else.
I looked up at Edward to see him scanning over the spines of some books on a shelf, his perfect body leaning with uncommon grace to read at a distance, his emerald eyes dancing along the literature. Just looking at him, my heart gave a weird little sigh.
Something else indeed.
