Author Notes:

Always nice to have a do over, wouldn't you say? Yeah, if you hadn't noticed the ".11" at the end of the chapter number, this is my second crack at this particular series of events. What made me do this over again? Conflicts with certain future plot points and a general feeling of dissatisfaction. I wasn't really happy with how it originally came out, and I'm a bit happier now. Could have been better, but whatever. I'd talk about the chapter, or what changed, but I don't really need too. It's self explanatory enough I suppose. Anyway, S = Saya, R = Rylan, E = Eve, and Se = Serah, in case you needed a legend of some sorts. Who are all these people? Eh, we'll get to that eventually. Enjoy the chapter!

Bonus Chapter 1.11

I mean, all that happened between Ragdorian Lake and the house visit was me and Louise getting a part time job at that inn, nothing really worth talking about.

(Saya: Oh come on! Please? I always love hearing about that part from Auntie Louise!)

(Rylan: … I kind of like hearing about it too.)

Okay, Saya I can understand a bit, but why you Rylan? Nothing happened whatsoever. Me and Louise got asked to spy on some people for Henrietta, we did that, we beat up some asshole and went on from there. There, that's the story.

(Eve: Don't be a jerk. Just tell them their story and then you can move on to the parts you wanted to talk about.)

I mean, I don't really want to talk about much of it whatsoever. Those two have probably heard about it multiple times before. At least until the whole "stop the crusade" thing that happened around two weeks ago. Don't think they're familiar with that.

(Serah: Yeah, but me and Eve don't know anything about any of that! Why do you think we asked about it to begin with?)

(E: Well, I was really just kind of curious, but whatever. If you want to skip it, fine, go right ahead.)

No. Now that you're saying that that just makes me want to talk about it more so get ready to hear about nothing important.

(S: Yes! Reverse psychology wins again!)

Where does a nine year old hear a phrase like that anyway?

(S: Rylan does it to me all the time. It's annoying.)

(R: I recall no such time I've done that.)

(S: Stupid brother. Anyway, continue your story Josh!)

Right. So, if I remember correctly it all started back when I was talking with Emily at the academy. We were talking about the recent "Henrietta and Zombie-Wales" thing. That was an annoying run of events, but what can you do?

"Sounds like that whole thing was pretty awful," Emily said.

"Well, that's one way of wording it," I responded. "I would have worded it differently."

"How so?"

"I'd say it sucked."

"How eloquent."

Emily didn't seem particularly surprised by the events I told her about. Obviously back then we were at a point in time where nothing seemed to surprise her. Once things got off the rails a bit I was able to enjoy that feeling. It happened so rarely that I savored every second of it.

"So how'd the princess take it?" Emily asked.

"Pretty well, all things considered," I responded. "I mean, she's spent the past few days locked up in her room crying her eyes out and refusing to see anyone or allow anyone else in."

"That's not taking it well," Emily said. "Like, the two aren't even remotely reconcilable."

(E: Gotta side with the maid on this one.)

(Se: Yeah, how'd you even think that that would be considered "taking it well?")

I am not a smart man, I thought Eve of all people would realize that. I was even stupider a year ago. I think it was a year ago. Let's see, it's been about two weeks since we finished all of our business and that was around… yeah, it's been a little over a year since I arrived in Halkegnia. Since then I've gotten smarter. At least, that's what I tell myself.

(R: If it makes you feel better, you don't seem like you gotten any stupider.)

Anyway, I said she was taking it well because isn't being sad that the person you loved is now dead a perfectly normal response?

(S: I suppose so. I mean, if Rylan died I don't know what I'd do.)

(R: The feeling's mutual. I don't know what I'd do if I died either.)

*THWACK*

(R: Ow!)

(S: Stupid brother.)

(R: If it makes you feel any better, I was only joking. Probably should have said that before you hit me.)

I mean, that wasn't quite what I was going for since the relationship between Wales and Henrietta is a little different then you two.

(S: I mean, they were cousins weren't they? Me and Rylan are siblings so it's not that different, is it?)

(E: We can discuss the intricacies of human emotion later. Continue the story?)

Right. See, that point I brought up is something I brought up with Emily as well.

"I mean, yeah it's normal, but I don't think shutting yourself off from the world and doing nothing but crying is a very healthy way of dealing with it, you know?" Emily asked.

"You're certainly not wrong, I suppose," I admitted. "But be reasonable. If the person you reunited with the person you love, whom you thought dead, only for them to drop dead in front of you wouldn't you have a very similar reaction?"

Emily put a hand to her chin and pondered for a few minutes. If I didn't know her any better, I'd almost say the question caught her off guard. It probably didn't, but it certainly seemed that way.

"Fair enough," she said after careful consideration. "I can't reliably say I would do anything differently."

"Do what differently, maid?"

That was when Louise decided to make her entrance for the day.

(R: Mom's very good at making entrances when she feels like it. She mostly leaves that job to Saya's mom though.)

(S: Mama makes the best entrances! She'll be like whoooosh, and buuurn and then there's fire everywhere and she looks so cool!)

(Se: That sounds like her, I'll say that.)

(E: Good to know she hasn't changed much at all in her near decade of motherhood.)

"Oh, Louise. What are you doing here this fine day?" I asked her.

"That's my question to you," she responded.

"Well me and Emily-" *Slap* "Emi, were having a conversation. Nothing really important, I suppose."

"Good, because we've got a mission to do!" Louise said, grabbing me by the arm. "Super important, can't wait, we have to go now."

"Now?"

"Now."

"Damn. Well, see you around Emi," I said with a wave as Louise dragged me off.

"Adios," she replied, returning the wave. "Make sure to tell me all about it when you get back."

Back then I remember thinking that she was probably responsible for the mission somehow. I still do, come to think of it. It wouldn't surprise me to one day find out that everything that happened during my stay in Halkegnia was all a plot masterminded by Emily. Then again, nothing surprises me anymore, so that wouldn't be saying much. Doesn't matter, on with the story.

Once Louise had successfully dragged me away a far enough distance, she stopped and took a deep breath.

"Okay," she said. "Josh, we've got a lot of work to do and this is a very secret mission from the princess herself so don't go blabbing about it."

"Oh, is she feeling better?"

"... She's been worse," Louise settled on. "She sent me this letter telling us about our current mission, so I'm not sure if she's left her room yet. Anyway, that's not important! Our job is to go out into the town, live amongst the commoners and report all their concerns to the Princess."

"So, we're spies basically?"

"Exactly. We're leaving as soon as possible, so pack your things we're going to head out in a few minutes."

Since my only belonging at the time was Derflinger, I didn't have much to worry about. Louise took forever since she didn't know what to bring, but she settled on a surprisingly light briefcase of clothes. Clothes that she couldn't even use because they would stand out far too much.

(E: Ouch, all that hard work for nothing.)

(Se: I don't know if picking out high profile clothes when you're on an undercover mission counts as hard work.)

So since she couldn't use those clothes, once we got into town, her first mission was to go buy some clothes that wouldn't set off red flags in everyone's mind just by walking past them. I'm sure the experience helped out in the long run, but that's neither here nor there.

(S: I don't get that phrase. Of course it's neither here nor there, it's words! Words can't be anywhere, they're just words!)

(R: I think it's just a way of saying that it doesn't matter.)

(S: Then just say it doesn't matter! Why do you need to make the sentence so much longer when all you need to do is sat "oh, it helped us out but that's not important right now." Doesn't make any sense. Not at all.)

Well, I didn't invent the phrase, so I certainly couldn't tell you anything about it. For now I'll acquiesce to your demands.

(S: ... Huh?)

(E: It means he'll change the sentence.)

(S: Oh, I get it. Why didn't he just say so?)

So the experience would undoubtedly help us in the future, but that's not important now. What is important is that that left me and Derflinger waiting at a fountain for Louise to finally arrive.

"What is taking her so long?" I asked. "It can't be that hard to find some decent clothes, can it?"

"Don't ask me, I'm a sword," Derflinger responded.

"Smartass. Besides, you're a talking, magic sword. You should know more then the average sword."

"I do! It's just that swords don't know much to begin with, see?"

"Worst sword ever."

"Hey! I'm the best sword you could ever ask for!" Derflinger complained. "Just because I'm not as worldly as most scholars doesn't make me useless! You'd be dead three time over if not for me!"

Since I couldn't argue that point due to him being completely right, I conceded and allowed him a moment of victory.

"Anyway, you better watch out partner, here comes the Missy," Derflinger warned me.

I looked around the courtyard and noticed Louise wandering around. She was wearing a bright and colorful dress full of ribbons. Brightly colored ribbons scream subtlety, after all. Eventually she noticed me and walked over. I noticed a few guys cursing me out as she approached and pretended not to know why.

"Well?" Louise asked, showing off the outfit. "What do you think? Too flashy?"

"Well it's adorable if that's what you're asking," I told her.

(E: I have this image of the event in my mind and I don't doubt that. It's probably an inaccurate picture since I've never seen the dress, but it's not hard to imagine her being adorable.)

Don't hit on my girlfriend, please.

(E: I wasn't-)

I know, I know, I'm just giving you a hard time. Anyway, your mental image probably isn't that far off. The dress she was wearing was pretty similar to what she was wearing when you two met.

(Se: Oh. How odd.)

No matter what she'll be telling you, she really did like that dress. It's no wonder she wanted a similar dress. Anyway.

"What do you mean, adorable?" Louise asked, slightly blushing.

"I figured it was a self explanatory statement. You look cute, is that better?"

Considering her blush got much redder, who knows if that was better.

"Stupid familiar," she muttered just loud enough for me to hear. "I knew I should have gotten something less flashy. And look at this outfit! It's got way too many ribbons!"

I counted three. One on each sleeve and one on the chest. Or in that general area, whatever. I pointed that out.

"I mean, it's more then I'm used to, if nothing else," Louise said as she reached into her pocket and pulled out another ribbon. "And it came with another one! What am I supposed to do with a fourth ribbon?"

I choose to keep my mouth shut. I made that choice, but I was unable to follow through on it.

"I think it's for if you want to tie your hair in a ponytail," I told her. My need to see Louise in a ponytail outweighed my desire to keep my mouth shut.

(E: The allure of the ponytail is terrifying indeed.)

(Se: Yea verily.)

(S: Oh! I get it!)

Get what?

(S: Eve, is that why you have your hair in a ponytail? Because Josh likes it?)

(E: E-excuse me?)

(R: Right on target. Good aim, Saya.)

(S: High five Rylan.)

*HIGH FIVE*

(E: Wha-whatever. You're both completely wrong. I just like ponytails, that's all. I think it looks nice.)

I mean, I do as well, but-

(E: But nothing.)

(Se: It's not nice to be in denial.)

(E: I should be telling that to you. Okay, fine. If you people will be like that, here. No more ponytail. Happy?)

...

(All: ...)

(E: What?)

(R: I'm kind of disappointed now.)

(E: What?)

(S: Yeah, you looked way better with the ponytail. You look kind of plain now.)

(Se: Some things in the universe just shouldn't be tampered with.)

(E: Tough. I'm not doing my hair up again. Josh, continue the story now.)

Perfect, I don't need to say anything about the situation. So like I was saying, Louise did her hair up in a ponytail using the ribbon that was provided for her and it looked fantastic, I told her as such and she got all embarrassed.

"Whatever," Louise said, pulling a small bag of coins out of her pocket. I believe she received those in the mail from the princess. "How many night's stay do you think this will get us?"

"I don't know, maybe a week in a decent hotel," I said, looking at the relative size of that bag.

"What about a five star hotel, what will this get us?" Louise asked.

"It'd get us laughed out of the building," I told her.

"That's not good enough!" Louise says. "I'm a noble, I can't be expected to sleep in a run down inn. You expect me to sleep in anything other then the finest furnishings?"

"Yes, only the finest beddings and toiletries for Misstress Louise," I told her.

"No, I mostly just need the fancy tea sets and doilies," Louise told me dryly.

"... I'm sorry, did you just reply with sarcasm?" I asked. I'm no stranger to the concept, but it's weird hearing Louise of all people be sarcastic.

(R: I'm surprisingly okay with it. Maybe because she doesn't use it that much.)

"Huh? Did I?" Louise asked.

"Certainly sounded like it," I replied. "I'm fine with it. Much better then your angry, yelling voice."

"Oh, so should I use my happy, yelling voice instead?" Louise asked before pausing for a second. "I suppose I was being a little sarcastic, wasn't I?"

"I like it. Sarcasm livens up conversations."

"It certainly makes lowering conversations to your level easier," Louise told me.

"Are you saying that I'm sarcastic?"

"Of course not. That would imply that you have a sense of humor."

"I totally have a sense of humor!"

"Ah! My apologies. Your sense of humor is so bad I simply assumed it had shriveled up and died like some kind of bug."

(Se: Ouch.)

Exactly. That hurt deeply. Though it did give me the idea that should I ever pursue a career as a writer, I'm totally putting Louise in it as a Kyon-like narrator. Assuming Emily hasn't beaten me to the punch on that one.

"Ignoring that," Louise said, "we need a way to make more money right away. Hmmm. Ah! Josh, how's your luck?"

"Pretty terrible, all things considered."

(E: coughcoughliarcoughcough.)

Shut your mouth.

(E: Just saying. I don't know many people with awful luck being as good at card games as you are.)

Fair point, I guess. Anyway, I'll cut to the chase, Louise tried her hand at gambling. It went as well as you're probably imagining.

(R: I want to say... 20 seconds?)

30 seconds.

(R: Oh that's not that bad. She usually does much worse when she makes bets.)

Ouch. I suppose Louise and bad luck must be synonymous. As such, we were left without a single coin to our name and I had to try my absolute hardest not to rub it in her face considering I warned her against it.

"So now what?" I asked. "Now we're broke and homeless."

"We're not homeless, we just don't have anywhere to stay tonight," Louise corrects.

"Right, they're two completely different things."

"Shut up, Josh."

(R: Now why does that sound familiar?)

(S: It doesn't. Not. At. All.)

"Excuse me," a new and unfamiliar voice said. "Are you two perhaps lost?"

(S: Scarron! It's Scarron, isn't it?)

Bingo.

(S: Nailed it! Rylan, high five!)

*HIGH FIVE*

(R: It was pretty easy to figure out, but good job Saya. You successfully figured out something obvious.)

(S: Don't ruin the moment.)

So, as Saya said, it was Scarron the large, muscular, kind of French man. I think he's a man, anyway.

(E: How can you not tell?)

(Se: Isn't that one of the most obvious things about someone?)

It's a touch difficult. Trust me. It's mostly due to his mannerisms and speech patterns, I suppose. I mean, the super tight spandex leaves little to the imagination.

(Se: My brain hurts now. I don't like thinking of muscular men in tiny spandex. You're going to have to pay for giving me that mental image!)

I'm not sorry.

"We're not lost," Louise said. "We're... Um..."

"We're lost," I confirmed.

"Well, yes, but you're not supposed to tell him that!" Louise hisses at me.

"Oh, how unfortunate!" Scarron cried. "And what might your names be?"

"My name is Louise Fr... Um... Just Louise," she said, cutting herself off at the proper time. "This is my... Friend, Joshua."

(E: She couldn't come up with anything better? If I were her I would have at least tried for some fake names or backstory. Like being siblings who got separated from their parents or something?)

(S & R: Ehem.)

(E: O-oh! Sorry, sorry! I didn't mean-)

(R: It's fine.)

(S: No harm, no foul.)

Well, the point is, Scarron offered us a chance to stay at his inn in exchange for us doing a bit of work there. It took a bit, but I was able to convince Louise to go along with it. We get a place to stay and we can work on our mission, it's perfect! And so, me and Louise began our stay at the inn. Oh, and he totally recognized our names. When we introduced ourselves to him he totally recognized us, but he tried to hide it.

(Se: The maid probably sent him a heads up about it! I wouldn't put it past her, she's a shifty one, she is.)

Speaking of introductions, me and Louise introduced ourselves to the rest of the crew. I'll skip those because nothing important happened. I mean, you could say Louise in that work outfit was important, but it was more eye candy then anything.

(E: Remember the company you're in.)

What do you mean?

(R: Ehem. Again.)

Ah! Shit. Sorry, I suppose it would be awkward hearing about that from someone like me.

(R: It's fine. Just a little weird to hear. Very weird to hear, actually.)

I'll try to refrain from comments like that. So anyway, Louise and I started our work there. We waited tables, collected tips, picked up feedback and just went about our business as usual. There was some weird tip race thing going, but I didn't pay attention. First place got this magical love-love dress or whatever. I have no need for a magical love-love dress.

(Se: What do you mean by "love-love?")

(S: The dress had an attract charm on it that caused people to become attracted to you. You could use it to score a whole bunch of tips.)

(E: Ah, I get it. Make a whole bunch of tips so you can make even more tips. Makes sense to me.)

Right. I don't have much need for money in Halkegnia, and even if I did I'm not wearing a dress to get it.

(R: How enviable.)

(S: Don't complain Rylan, you looked cute in that dress. It made me kind of angry actually considering you looked cuter then me.)

(R: That doesn't make me feel better.)

I'll refrain from asking.

(R: Thank you. I'll say it was all Saya's idea though.)

(S: W-well, that's true, but it needed to be done! For great justice!)

(R: I don't know of much justice that requires me to wear a dress. That doesn't matter. Just keep going, please.)

Riiiiiiiight. Anyway, the tip race was going just fine, Louise was in dead last and I enjoyed doing jackcrap. All I did was dishes, Louise did all the heavy lifting. I'd have helped, but I wasn't a waitress. Nor could I be. If for no other reason then I refuse to wear female clothing.

(R: A wise decision.)

(S: Shut up Rylan. It had to be done.)

(R: I mean, yeah, it did. If your definition of "had to be done" involves it solving a problem that it created. If that's the case then good job.)

(S: Shut up, shut up, shut up! I get it already, how many times do I need to apologize for it?)

(E: Serious Deja vu right there.)

(Se: Seriously.)

Anyway, the tip race came to a head when some random jackass decided to show up. He strutted in like he owned the place with his two bodyguards and snapped his fingers, signaling the rest of the patrons to get the hell out of there. The cafe emptied out instantly with everyone seemingly scrambling out instantly. So much for a good tip race, no one's even here! Scarron went up to the guy to greet him, so I suppose he was a regular.

"Why if it isn't Mister," *cough* "To what do I owe the please this day?"

(Se: Wait, what the hells was that?)

Hells?

(E: What, did you just forget his name or something?)

Of course not! I just don't think it mattered so I didn't say it.

(Se: Then what's his name?)

… Um.

(S: His name's Chulenne. I've heard the story from Papa enough to know that at least)

Right. I'll just call him what he is, a tax collecting bastard. So anyway, not knowing who he was at the time-

(R: Something that hasn't changed at all, I see.)

I decided to ask Jessica about him.

(E: Wait, who's Jessica?)

(S: I remember her! That's Siesta's cousin. Remember her Rylan?)

(R: Yes. She was nice.)

Did I not mention her? She's Scarron's daughter, she works at the inn. She was nice enough. I don't Louise liked her much, though that could just be a rivalry thing they set up during the tip race. Anyway, Jessica was more then happy enough to work part time as my exposition fairy for a small time.

"That's the tax collector," insert his name here. "He's a regular here who uses his position to score free meals and feel up the staff without remorse. After all, if any of us do anything to him then he can shut us down and we're all in trouble."

"Well. That sucks," I offered.

(E: A master of sympathy.)

What the hell else am I supposed to say? There isn't exactly a "Sorry you have to put up with the scum of the earth" hallmark card. I'm not good at making people feel better about themselves.

(Se: We've noticed. On quite a few occasions.)

Anyway, since he's developed such a wonderful reputation for being as nice a guy as he is, everyone was obviously lining up to serve the bastard. Fortunately or unfortunately, Louise didn't seem aware of his reputation though and stepped right up to provide her services. Fortunately or unfortunately, he didn't seem much aware of her reputation either.

(E: Sparks flew?)

Like the goddamn Fourth of July. It was a rather wondrous thing, watching those two egos beat each other's face in. There was bickering, arguing, accusations of perversion in response to off color comments about Louise's body proportions. Eventually it got to a point where emotions boiled over enough to where the tax bastard called his guards on Louise.

"Foolish child," he said. "Don't you know who I am? I can have you put away for life you know."

"Louise?" I called out from my spot near the sink, washing dishes. "Is this the part where I come in?"

"Now would be nice, yes," she said calmly as the two guards approached her.

"Alright then," I said walking over to deal with the situation. "Gentlemen. What seems to be the problem here?"

"You know this girl?" Tax bastard asked me.

"We're familiar with each other," I told him. "It's my understanding that you two have reached a disagreement. Any way we could resolve this?"

"Hmmm," the tax bastard appeared to be thinking of how he could use this to his advantage. "Perhaps if this waitress provided a little extra service…"

"I'm sorry, what? I couldn't hear you over the sound of bones breaking," I told him. I slightly nudged the guy lying unconscious on the floor with my foot. "I take that back, they probably haven't broken anything. He's probably a bit sore though."

"E-eh? My guards?" he appeared to have finally noticed that his guards were unconscious. It wasn't that hard, all I needed to do was knock their heads together at a reasonable velocity. Dropped like stones. I filed the technique away under "to use later." I had a feeling I'd be doing that a lot. With his guards taken care of, the tax bastard was easy pickings. Louise managed to lift a few wallets worth of cash off him as recompense for being such an asshole. As such, victory in the tip race went to her, and life went on as usual. Some other stuff happened after that. I had a run in with Henrietta doing something where she ran away from the castle for some reason, something about trying to lure out some traitor or whatever, Louise and Agnis briefly had to make out to throw off some guards that almost noticed them, nothing really worth talking about.

(E: Remember the company you're in.)

What do you mean?

(R: Ehem. Yet again.)

… Oooooh, hearing that would be awkward, wouldn't it?

(R: Not as much as you'd think. I mean, I appreciate the concern Eve, but that image means absolutely nothing for me.)

(S: I'd be more weirded out if it did considering how much Auntie Louise kisses Mama. It happens a lot, so it doesn't really phase either of us.)

(E: Oh, so that's her preference. I mean, I shouldn't be surprised that she's not too keen on guys after that awful thing with Yuji. Kind of feel like I should have noticed that earlier though.)

(Se: All thing considered, yeah.)

Oh well. Anyway, that's about all that happened there. I don't think I missed anything. That good enough for everyone?

(S: I guess. I like it better when Papa tells the story.)

(R: I do too. We can't hope for the same quality from someone else, I suppose.)

Whatever. I don't even care. Now we can move on to the next part without any problems, right?

(E: Right.)

Awesome. Now, what's next?