Title: The Choices that Define Us

Pairings: Alistair/Elissa Cousland

Rating: Mature

Summary: She begins to learn more of who she is. He sees more than she knows.

Timeline: Saving Anora

Warnings: Violence and Light Sexual Themes. The violence regarding the battle with Howe is quite aggressive. I apologise in advance for any upset the scene causes.

The Choices that Define Us

Elissa could feel Alistair's eyes on her back. She tried to shake it off, to keep her head focused but it was hard to do so. Especially when she remembered that they had been happy only a short time ago.

She had given into her desire to be with Alistair, had let go of her fears long enough to be with him and she didn't regret it. She remembered seeing Alistair's smile, the way he touched her, how he felt.

She felt her cheeks turn warm and shook her head. She needed to stay focused. They were going up against Howe's men and she knew that they would offer no mercy if they caught her off guard.

They had found Anora but unfortunately for them, the door had been sealed with a magical barrier. Morrigan and Wynne had tried to break through, but both of them agreed that they would need to take down the Mage who was powering the barrier.

Which meant they needed to find Howe. She gritted her teeth. Nearly a year, it had been nearly a year since the death of her family and she could feel her blood pounding. Rage and anxiety mixing together.

Elissa kicked open the door, startling the occupants and her companions. Arl Rendon Howe stood up from his seat and a smarmy smile crossed his lips, twisting his features.

"Well, well Bryce Cousland's little spitfire. All grown up and still playing the man." Elissa just glared at him. "You never did learn to know your place."

"My place is right here, avenging my parents," she informed him, unsheathing her daggers as she did. "Did it make you feel good? Killing people under the cover of darkness? Knowing that you would have died if you had made it fair?"

"Your father had his chance," Howe remarked with a smirk. "And he failed."

"And killing a seven year old boy?" she asked.

"He was useless."

She tightened her grips. "Tell me why, you bastard! Tell me why they had to die!"

"Your father had everything that should have been mine!" he snapped back. "There! That look in your eyes. That was the mark that made the Cousland superior."

"We were superior," she informed him haughtily. "Because we had the respect of others. You had their contempt. For they saw how pathetic you were."

"Yet your father let me be around."

"He always did like his strays," she remarked, making sure her words cut him deep.

"He was nothing! Your family was nothing! You took everything from me!"

"I am a Cousland," she pointed her dagger at him. "Never forget that." Howe snarled angrily.

"You should have died with them, you selfish little bitch," Howe snapped at her.

"Then come and get me," she taunted.

"Oh, I will hear your screams, little girl," He promised her. "I will gut your lover like the bastard he is and I will have you on your knees begging for mercy, just like your mother did before I killed her."

Rage fuelled her as she ran toward him, ignoring the soldiers and mage that was in the room. Her daggers sliced through the air causing him to jumped backward before he rushed forward and she blocked his blows.

Kicking him in the stomach, she sent him backward, dodging as a soldier came at her side, his sword ready to gut her when Alistair appeared out of nowhere, blocking the blow and bashing him backward.

Howe had tried to used the distraction to stab Alistair but she got there first, blocking him with one of her daggers and he looked at her, surprised.

She was not going to let him take anyone else she loved away from her. She would be damned. She pulled her dagger away, using her free hand to punch Howe. He fell backward before he came back at her again.

Their daggers clashed together, blocking and parrying. Her anger fuelled her on. She needed to find a weakness. She needed to find a spot where he was open. She felt blind and lashing out.

If she did not find a way to control herself, he would be the one ending her. He caught her off guard, slicing her arm. The dagger caught the material, splitting it, and sliced the skin. She could feel the blood running and in that moment, she saw clearly.

Open! She lunged in, her dagger already finding it's target and he froze, staring at her as she looked right back at him.

"You are finished," She twisted her dagger in his stomach, causing him to gasp then yanked the weapon out of him. He clutched his wound, stumbling backward before he fell down. One bloody hand smearing the ground as he tried to break his fall.

The blood was coating his, slowly leaking out between his fingers and for a moment – she saw her father. She blinked and the image was gone, leaving her breathless.

He was breathing heavily as he looked down at his wound before he looked at her. His anger and hate was so utterly clear it chilled her to her core. How long-

"Maker spit on you," Howe spat at her, his voice hard. "I deserved more."

"Fuck you!" She kicked him hard in the face, sending his head backward where it met the floor with a sickening crack. "My parents deserved more! My nephew deserved more! You bastard!" She kicked him in the stomach then stalked away, her hands tightening on her daggers. Raging was coursing through her, she needed to...she needed to...

"Elissa-" Alistair started but Elissa screamed as, her anger overwhelming her and she threw her daggers to the floor, storming back over to Howe.

"You bastard!" She straddled him, grabbing him by his shirt and punched him. His head snapped back under the force, blood spraying. "You selfish murderous bastard!" She hit him again and again. "You killed them!" She slammed his head onto the ground where it met with another sickening crack. "You killed them all!" She slammed it again. "He was seven!"

She was back at the estate. She opened the door to see Oriana lying there, her face bruised and bloodied, her clothes torn in places. Oren lying next to her, a pool of blood under him. His face twisted in terror.

The soldier lying further away, most of his armour was off, making it clear what he had intended to do.

The smeared blood trail behind her father as he dragged himself, trying to make it to safety. He had been so close, so near that he almost reached it.

Her mother touching her face, begging to her to leave, to avenge their family, to find Fergus.

Elissa shook her head. 'Come with me', she had begged her mother. 'We'll find a way to get father out'.

'No, it's too late, pup,' her father told her, shaking his head, blood trickling out the corners of his mouth. He was so pale, his blood pooling under his body.

'I will not join the Grey Wardens,' she spat at Duncan, tearing her arm out of his grip.

'You'd rather die?'

'Yes,' she held herself up straight, daring him to defy her.

'No,' her mother begged, tugging on her hand, pulling her back down to her knees. 'You must go with him, you must live.'

'Come with me,' she begged once more.

'You must live!'

Her mother's screams reverberated off the tunnel walls. She tried to go back but Duncan grabbed her around her waist, hauling her away as she fought against him. She wanted...she needed to go back. To protect her family.

Let me go, let me go, Mama, Papa!

"Elissa!" Hands grabbed her by her waist, pulling her off Howe's broken body. She fought their embrace, causing them both to fall to the ground as she wrestled to get free. "Elissa, he's dead!" His voice cut through her haze as he held her close. His arms were banded around hers to prevent further thrashing. "He's dead," he repeated.

She stared at the body, his face was a bloody mess, the back of his head was caved in and she broke down. Tears came hot and fast, her sobs cutting deep as she clutched onto one of Alistair's arms.

Alistair rocked her. "It's okay. I'm here. It's okay," he repeated. He stroked her hair with his free hand, softly kissing the top of her head as she continued to cry.

She felt empty, she felt nothing. She thought she would feel something after she had killed him but right now – She was hollow. Her parents were dead, they were never coming back. Her nephew was gone, his life cut short. Her sister-in-law never had the chance and her brother was still missing.

Soon her sobs subsided, leaving her drained as she stared into space. She still had to move but she could not find the strength to. She wanted to leave, to go somewhere where she would feel safe.

"Was that-" she heard Zevran begin to ask.

"Not now," Alistair cut in, shifting his head. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. She needed to leave, they needed to get back to Anora.

"We have to go," she told them.

"Are you ok?" Alistair whispered. She squeezed his hand.

"Help me up," she whispered back. He pulled away from her, slowly helping her up with one arm around her waist. "We need to get to Anora before anyone finds out about us being here. She could still be in danger." He picked up her daggers.

The others nodded, each leaving the room casting concerned glances in her way. She went to look back when Alistair squeezed her waist gently.

"Don't look back," he whispered, guiding her out of the room and she didn't.

The cells were filthy. They had discovered a young elf who had been bewildered over how long he had been in the cells for. She had let him go. In another cell had been a Templar, a Templar who had been searching for Jowan, the mage who had poisoned Eamon.

The poor man was in so much pain that he begged her to take the ring, to find his sister. She had briefly thought about ending his life then decided not to. Let the sister be the one to know what to do with her brother, she was best.

They had discovered a young noble man who had been tortured. Morrigan and Wynne had healed him the best they could, giving him the chance to return to his father.

There had been one last person in the cells and the moment she saw that smug smirk on his face, she instantly knew who it was and her anger came back.

"Well, well, how the mighty has fallen," she remarked. The man in the cell before her frowned.

"Do you know who I am?" he demanded. "I am of Noble blood! I demand that you let me out of here."

She scoffed. "Demand it all you want, I'm not letting you out." She turned on her heels.

"The Cousland bitch," he snapped and she froze. "I thought I recognised that attitude." She clenched her hands. "Shame I didn't get to break you when I had the chance." She spun around and saw that he was leering at her. "I got that Amell bitch good, didn't I?" she stalked closer. "Should have just let me do what I wanted and she would have still been with you."

He gasped, staring at her with his eyes wide before she yanked out her dagger, his blood running down.

"May the Maker deny you his side," she hissed spitefully at him before she spun on her her heels and stormed away, ignoring the wide-eyes stares from her companions. "Let's get to Anora before we meet any more restrictions."

"Maker," she heard Wynne whisper.

"Is she going to be alright?" Leliana asked.

"Give her time," was all Alistair said. "This is part of her past."

"She cannot go around killing people," Wynne shot back at Alistair. "No matter of what he had done in the past." Her anger reached boiling point.

"That bastard was the reason Solona was sent to the Circle!" She rounded on Wynne. "He tried to force himself on us and she used magic – for the first time – and protected us. So the Chantry hauled her off the circle because some rich noble boy thought he had the right to have his way with us and pissed off because he failed."

Wynne was speechless, Alistair was watching her while the others milled around, curious to what was going to happen next. It was strange, only Wynne was protesting over her killing the man in the cells and she wondered what the others thought.

"Do you really think Solona would have wanted this?" Wynne demanded. "You killing defenceless people?"

"She is dead!" She took a deep breath. "My sister is dead because some noble thought he was in the right to attack us, and because a mage thought he was in the right to take her life."

She turned on her heels once more. They were going to get to Anora and they going to get out of this forsaken place before she lost any more of her sanity.

She was barely hanging on as it was.

~_TCTDU_~

The barrier was down, Elissa noticed with relief. She knocked on the door and it swung open to reveal a soldier. She frowned. The figure pushed back the helmet to reveal the Queen. She arched an eyebrow while Alistair came to a stop next to her, puzzled.

"What are you wearing?" Alistair asked.

"Amour," Anora shot back. Elissa frowned.

"We can see that. The question is why are you wearing that?" she corrected.

"So we can sneak me out," Anora told her.

"Wait a minute – we are here to rescue you. There was nothing about having to sneak you out after we snuck in," Alistair protested. "Why not just tell them that you are here?"

"Do you have any idea how much danger I am in?" she demanded. "Howe had me kidnapped. We do not know of others who would kill me if I were to walk out of here."

"Howe is dead so I do not think he would be ordering any hits," Elissa told her.

"My situation is still the same. So I will blend in." Elissa looked at Alistair, who just shook his head before turning around and leading the way out.

"Very well," Elissa told Anora, who smiled gratefully and followed Alistair. The others quietly grumbled as they reached the hall leading to the exit. They stopped they saw Loghain's Lieutenant with a group of soldiers behind her, blocking the way out.

"Nothing can ever go easy, can it?" Morrigan remarked sarcastically as Elissa and Alistair withdrew their weapons.

"We are here to arrest you," Ser Cauthrien told them. Elissa heard Alistair growl next her but she knew that they were outmatched. She had heard of the woman from her father. The woman before them had been hand-picked Loghain to lead his elite force.

"Stand down," she ordered her companions as she sheathed her daggers. "Arrest us."

"You are coming willing?" Ser Cauthrien asked, suspicions clear in her eyes.

"We're not going to fight?" Oghren asked, aghast.

"I have no interest in listening to a lackey of Howe's," she spat at the woman, whose eyes narrowed. "Don't waste your breath in trying to convince me you are not. Just get this over and done with."

"Leave the rest, we need only the Grey Wardens."

"Elissa-" Morrigan looked at Elissa, worry clear in her yellow eyes.

"We will be okay," Elissa told Morrigan. The witch stared at her before giving her a short nod as the guards grabbed Alistair and her by their arms, dragging them out of the doors. Elissa yanked her arms out of the grips only to have them grab her again.

She gritted her teeth. Fine, she will put up with it. For the time being.

~_TCTDU_~

Someone was stroking her hair, pushing it away from her forehead before touching her cheek. She recognised the touch, the pattern and she slowly opened her eyes only to groan as the pain shot through her.

Alistair was above her, looking down at her with concern clear on his expressive face. It turned to relief when she met his eyes.

"You're awake. I was beginning to think they hit you harder."

"They didn't need to hit me," she grumbled. He chuckled.

"You were quick to shove the soldier when he tried to hit me," he reminded. She slowly sat up with his help, realising she was sitting between his legs and they were both in their small clothes.

"Why are we stripped?" she asked, alarmed, looking at him. He shook his head, his hands stroking her arms, soothing her.

"Nothing happened. They stripped us down to make sure we weren't hiding any weapons." She narrowed her eyes. "I promise. You were never out of my sight." She nodded then noticed her hair was loose.

She groaned, her hand going to her hair before she sighed. "Yeah, I think they figured you could be keeping lock-picks in your hair. I'm actually impressed."

Elissa looked around before she gave Alistair a wry glance. "You take me to all the nicest places."

Alistair grinned. "I know, right. We should use it when we are recruiting. Join us and you'll see all of Thedas."

She laughed, slowly getting to her feet, stumbling as Alistair held her hips until she felt steady. Taking a deep breath, she took a few steps forward, testing and noticed with satisfaction that she was walking just fine.

"Is there any way out of here?" she asked as she moved closer to the cell doors, noticing the soldier that was patrolling and frowned.

"Unless you have more lock-picks hidden, he's pretty much our way out." She sighed, that's what she expected. "So, I heard some rumours about there being a Dark Wolf sneaking around Denerim, apparently stealing from the nobles." She continued to look outside at the cells. "I don't suppose you know anything about that, would you?"

"Should I?"

"Maybe, since the robberies seem to coincides on the nights you snuck out of our bed?" he said, casually, she stiffened. "Oh yeah, I noticed." She sighed as she turned to face him.

"And what if I have?" she asked, crossing her arms.

"I'd like to think that you would tell me at some point in our lives," he joked. "You know, before the guards showed up to arrest you." She flinched and he rubbed his forehead. "Were you going to tell me?" he asked.

"I...don't know," she admitted and she hated that. She should have been able to tell him everything. She knew that one day she would give him the full account of the attack on her family. However, this thing...she wasn't sure.

Maybe it was because of the rush she got when she broke into someone's house and stole their prize from under their noses. Or lying someone straight to their face while pickpocketing them and they never knew a thing.

Or maybe it was because it was a dark side to her. Would she be able to give it up? Did she want to?

"Did you think I would turn away from you?" he asked. He sounded hurt that her heart ached. That was the last thing she wanted to do to him.

"I just..." she ran her hand through her hair before rubbing her forehead. "I liked it, Alistair." She looked at him. "I...enjoyed it. I guess I did not want to..." she trailed off, unsure what to even say.

"Maker's breath, Elissa! I am not going to walk away from you if I hear something I don't like. I love you!"

Elissa inhaled sharply, her eyes widening as she stared at him, her heart thudding.

"You-what?" she had to ask. He had to repeat himself. She must have heard wrong.

He gave her a flat glare.

"I. Love. You," He emphasised.

He did say it. He told her that he loved her. Her heart and mind were at two different stages. Her mind was blank as she continued to stare at him, bewildered. Her heart was leaping. He loved her.

"Well, are you going to say anything?" he asked impatiently.

"You have the most unbelievably lousy timing!" she snapped at him. "Honestly Alistair! In jail?"

He flushed, rubbing the back of his neck which only emphasised the muscles in his arms.

"I know," he admitted. "This isn't the best place for a confession. I had honestly meant to tell you before but we kind of got swept up in this whole rescue mission."

"So you think the best time to tell me is in jail?" She demanded, stepping forward. "You could not wait until we were out?!"

"I would have if you hadn't infuriated me," he told her, stepping forward, his own eyes flashing. "Maker's breath! You make my head want to explode!" His hands gesturing his movements.

"And you make me want to go crazy!" she snapped back at him, her own hands gesturing her frustration.

"Shut up!" The guard shouted but they ignored him.

"How can you possibly believe that I would have turned away from you just because you happen to be a thief?" he demanded.

"Oh!" She bounced lightly on her toes. "Maybe it's because you have disapproved all the other time I stole!" she shouted. "Or maybe it's because you are practically the paragon of goodness!"

"And I'm still here!" he shouted back, his hands cutting through the air in frustration, his cheeks flushing. "I haven't turned away from you nor have I left you!"

"It does not mean you do not have a limit, Alistair," she told him, her voice softening, and he growled, causing her back up, her eyes widening as desire flushed through her. He followed her, practically stalking her.

"I have no limit when it comes to you," he told her, his voice softening but still firm. "I watched you beat the shit out of a dead man and I felt nothing but concern for you. I watched you stabbed the man who is the reason why Solona had been taken away from you and all I felt was rage when I discovered who he was. And I was turned on when you chewed out Wynne for trying to call you out on your actions!"

They were both breathing heavily, staring at each other. She felt stunned, numb, and aroused. It was a strange combination of feelings to having but she couldn't deny herself any longer.

She reached up, her hands cupping his cheeks, and pulling him down for a hard bruising kiss. He returned it, pulling her up against his body and pressing her against the cell bars. It was uncomfortable but right now, she did not care.

She loved him. Dimly, she realised that she never said it back and pulled away from him, leaving him blinking at her, bewildered and breathless.

"I love you too," she blurted out breathlessly. Alistair stared at her before a slow grin crossed his face and he pulled her back into a deep kiss that made her toes curl. She moaned, wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him in closer.

She wanted to jump him, she wanted to push him against the wall, she wanted to push him on the ground and show him just how much she loved him.

"Hey!" The guard's voice broke into her thoughts but she ignored him as Alistair's hands ran over her back. "Get away from each other!" She vaguely heard the lock clicking open and a hand was on her arm, pulling her roughly away from Alistair.

She gasped only for Alistair to pull her back, his other hand swinging out, catching the guard on the cheek. Blood sprayed from his mouth as Alistair stepped forward, punching him hard in the stomach causing the Guard to grunt as he fell to his knees then slumped onto his side with a dull thud..

Elissa stared at Alistair wide eyed as he wiped his bloodied knuckles on the man's breeches before searching for something. He then pulled out a small key – one that would fit perfectly into a chest – and held it aloft with a triumphant grin.

She tugged on his arms, pulling him up before she pulled him back down for another kiss, her nails scraping over his back as his hand cupped her ass, pulling her in.

She pulled away. "Have I ever told you how sexy I think you are when you fight?" she asked, breathlessly.

He gave her a sly smirk that made her heart thud harder.

"Let's get out of here. I suddenly have the urge to show you just how much I love you."

She giggled as Alistair pulled away, tugging on her hand as he led her out of their cell, wondering just how she had been so lucky to find a man like him within the darkness that surrounded their lives.

~_TCTDU_~

"You have to save them!" Anora demanded as they made their way closer to the library the servant had directed them to when they inquired to where the Queen was.

"What do you suggest, Anora?" Eamon's voice asked. "Storm Fort Drakon? It is, after all, your fault they are in there."

"Eamon! Surely the blaming game can wait until after we save Elissa and Alistair?" she demanded.

"Don't worry," Alistair said as they stepped into the room. "We saved ourselves, got out with minimal fuss." Anora spun around to face them and relief cross her face.

"Oh thank the Maker for that," she told them and Elissa tilted her head, curious.

"Glad to see that you made it out," Eamon told them.

Elissa just hummed, eyeing him. She didn't trust him, she was never going to trust him. That she knew and she wondered if the old man knew it. Hearing Alistair's childhood had made her too bitter toward him.

"We should talk," Anora told them, stepping forward.

"We should leave it for later," Eamon told her and Anora turned glared at him.

"It is of great importance," she informed the older man.

"I hardly think now is the time to be discussing the throne," Eamon informed her and she narrowed her eyes.

"It is of a more pressing issue," she told Eamon before looking at Elissa. "There is a situation brewing in the Alienage." Elissa sighed, wincing as her bruises decided to protest. She nodded.

"I will-"

"We'll deal with it tomorrow," Alistair cut in. "We need to recover from our fight with Howe and breaking out of Fort Drakon. I am sure the others would like to have a moment break too."

Anora looked at Alistair before she looked at Elissa before nodding.

"I understand," she told them. She tipped her head slightly before she left the library. Eamon was still standing there with his arms crossed.

"We should discuss-"

"Later." Alistair's tone brook no argument. She saw Eamon's jaw tick with annoyance before he relented.

"Very well, we shall speak in the morning," he told them before leaving. Elissa rubbed her shoulder as she turned to look at Alistair who had an unreadable expression on his face and wondered what he was thinking.

A clearing of throat caught their attention and they turned to see Leliana was standing in the doorway.

"Leliana," Elissa smiled at the sight of her friend. She still not had the chance to talk to Leliana regarding Marjolaine and it had been playing at the back of her mind. Leliana gave her a small smile before she looked at Alistair.

"I have more information," she told him. Alistair stiffened beside her. "There is no evidence he knew." Alistair nodded. Elissa watched, curiously, as Leliana gave her a short nod before leaving the library. Elissa then turned to face Alistair.

"What is she talking about?" Elissa asked. Alistair sighed as he turned to face her.

"I had Leliana look into your family's death, along with some other things." She frowned. "I wanted to know why Howe went after your family and if there is a reason to why Loghain hadn't killed him."

"You think Loghain was involved," she whispered and he shook his head.

"I can't find anything that say Loghain knew of your family's death," he admitted. "All I find is that Howe's jealousy got too much for him and he just happened to pick the..." he trailed off. she laughed bitterly.

"He got away with it because King Calian was dead. He was never going to get away with it in the first place."

"I think if Calian had lived, Howe would have been executed. Since Loghain knew of you being alive and Calian telling him about Howe. However, with us being Grey Wardens and him declaring us as traitors, he decided to use Howe's excuse to let him off."

She remembered the letters saying her father had been committing treason, allying himself with Orlais.

"His fear of Orlais has ruled him," she whispered, shaking her head. "I actually feel sorry for the man." He tilted his head. "He was once a great hero, Alistair. And now...he has let his fear control him."

"Elissa-"

"I am going for a bath." She turned away and exited the library, needing to get away from a place that felt like home to her. She was different, her skin felt different and she needed to breathe.

Elissa made her way into the bathing room, the bath already steaming from where the servants had filled it. An empty basin sat next to the bath and she looked into the looking glass only to see that her armour was covered in blood.

Elissa could only stare at the woman in the glass. Her hair was a mess, her face splattered with dried blood. Her eyes were bloodshot, it had been a long night after a long day.

It was so hard to believe how quick a day could change. She had been happy, hopeful, so in love with an amazing man and she had finally been with him. Seeing him after Goldanna had only strengthened her feelings for him.

She wanted to be his family, she wanted him to know that she would be there for him, that she would love him no matter what.

Then everything had gone to shit when Anora had been kidnapped and they had been forced to face Howe. The memories swam before her mind eye. Hearing the cries as people fought to defend the castle. Her mother vow of revenge as she held her lifeless grandson in her arms.

Tears broke free and for the first time, she finally allowed herself to grieve for her family. She fell to her knees, her sobs shaking her body and the image of her sister's broken body slammed to the front. Nausea rose up inside of her and she crawled over to the basin, vomiting, sobbing as she held her hair back the best she could.

She squeezed her eyes shut, images of beating up Howe flashing through her mind. Her family's death, the smell of blood, the hate that ran through her veins, almost choking her.

Hands were on her back causing her to gasp, flinching before she recognised the touch.

"It's okay," Alistair whispered, holding her hair back for her as she emptied her stomach. Once she felt the nausea abate, he helped her to sit against the bath, picking up a cloth and wiping her face. "I thought this was going to happen."

"I killed him," she whispered. She couldn't look at him. "I did not even hesitate."

"You did what you had to do to protect yourself," he told her and she laughed bitterly.

"I taunted him, Alistair. And I killed a defenceless man in jail. I could have just walked away."

"Really?" he asked, picking up the basin and heading out where a waiting servant took the basin from him. He knew that she was going to be sick and had asked a servant to wait for them. He knew her better than she knew herself. He closed the door.

"He was a bastard," she looked down at her hands. The gauntlets were still covered in blood and she felt the nauseous again. She swallowed it back. "A selfish bastard who never cared about anyone but himself. I had heard rumours what he did to his servants, and to some of the noble girls who had not been lucky enough to get away from him. However, he was in jail. All I had to do was leave him there."

Alistair knelt down in front of her, taking her hands and she looked at him.

"And he would have gotten out at some point, took his anger out on another girl."

"I did not think about that," she admitted. "All I saw was Solona's face as the Chantry took her away from us. She was scared, desperate and was begging my father to do something. He could not do anything – we had no power when it came to the Chantry. I watched as she was marched out of my life." Her bottom lip quivered and she bit her it. "When I saw him I saw her, lying there, broken and dead. All I could think was if he had kept his mouth shut, she would have been safe. Maybe she could have helped to save my family if she had been with us. That she would still be alive."

Alistair sighed, running his hand over her face before he helped her up. He started removing her armour.

"You once said to me that we cannot change the past, no matter how much we want to," he reminded her.

Her gloves were gone, the breastplate next. He sat her down on the edge of the bath, removing her boots then tugged off her breeches before pulling her to stand up once more, tugging off her tabard.

She stood in front of him, near bare and did not once feel embarrassed. They had only made love a handful of times (Grey Warden stamina was good for something) yet she felt they had been doing this for years.

He ran his hands over her arms, linking their fingers together as he leaned in, resting his forehead. She closed her eyes, breathing in his scent.

"I am here for you." Her heart skipped a beat. "It doesn't matter what, I am here for you whenever you need me. Take your time, mourn your family for as long as you want. I'll be right here whenever you feel ready to talk about them."

"Thank you," it came out as a whisper but it said everything. He kissed her forehead.

"Now, time to have a bath and try and get some sleep. Maker knows Eamon is going to have us up before dawn just to plan." She looked up to see his cheeks were rosy and she sighed.

Of course, now he was shy.

~_TCTDU_~

Elissa slipped from their bed, taking care not to not to disturb him. He needed his sleep and she needed to do some thinking.

The opposite of what he had said earlier but it could not be helped. It was not long until the Landsmeet and she just knew that she was going to be asked to decide the future of Ferelden.

Had she not done enough? She had made choices throughout the year and it was wearing on her. She could not see the future, could not see what impact those choices would have yet people were quick to turn to her, to ask her to make the choice.

So she could become a scapegoat in the future if something went wrong? She scoffed. She would love to see them try. She rubbed her face, sitting down in front of the fire. Damon lifted his head from his next to her and she smiled, taking one of his ears and gently rubbing it. He whined in pleasure, his eyes closing.

"What do you think, boy? Should Alistair and I just pack up and leave?" He whimpered, shifting in closer so his head was in her lap and she chuckled. "Of course you will be with us." She rubbed his back. "I could not go anywhere without you." She bent over, kissing his head and he was quick to turn his head, licking her cheek.

Laughing, she rubbed his muzzle. "Maybe I should tell everyone to talk to you. You would be a better choice than me that's for sure."

There was a knock at the door and she glared at it before giving Alistair a quick look, making sure he had not been disturbed. Once she was satisfied that he was still sleeping, she got up, watching as Damon tilted his head, and walked over to the door. If it was Eamon...

She opened the door to meet the cool gaze of Queen Anora.

"Anora," she greeted. Anora was quiet for a moment that Elissa wondered what was going through the Queen's mind when she finally spoke.

"May we speak?"

Elissa looked over her shoulder at the sleeping Alistair before meeting Anora's cool gaze once more and nodded. Anora nodded back before she headed to her room and Elissa closed the door, heading over to Alistair's side.

She noticed a slight frown on his forehead, reaching out to smooth it before lightly kissing his cheek. She ran her hand down his arm, his fingers briefly curling around her fingers when she reached his hand before she pulled away.

"Look after him, ok?" she asked Damon and got a low growl of confirmation.

She reached for her robe, pulling it on, watching Alistair sleep a little longer before she turned away and let herself out of their room. Hopefully she would be back before he noticed her missing...again.

Elissa walked down the hallway, taking care not to startle the servants before she reached Anora's door. It was opened and she peered in to see Anora was sitting in one of the chairs in front of the fire.

Anora looked up before she gestured for Elissa to come into the room. Elissa closed the door behind her as she did, taking the seat across the Queen.

"Would you like tea?" Anora asked. "I am making myself some herbal tea in a bid to try and get some sleep tonight." Elissa narrowed her eyes as she watched Anora make a cup.

"Are you going to try and poison me?" she asked, watching as Anora's head snapped up to meet her gaze, her eyes widening. "I must warn you, Alistair would not take it lightly to someone trying to kill me."

"No!" Anora hissed scandalized, shaking her head before Elissa let the corner of lips quirk up, showing she had been teasing. Anora narrowed her eyes before she exhaled. "I would not stoop low to poison someone, in my own room nonetheless."

Elissa laughed, taking the cup Anora offered her, taking a sip and allowing the warm liquid to sooth her.

"I was merely jesting. Though you best hope Eamon has not seen me entering your room. He may rush to tell Alistair that I am committing treason." Anora scoffed as she took her own cup, sipping it.

"If Alistair would not take lightly to me trying to kill you in the middle of the night, I hardly think he would take it lightly to Eamon accusing you of the sort."

Elissa chuckled as she eyed the Queen. "You are right. Alistair knows me, inside and out. He has seen enough of me to know that I would not betray him. That I would give up my life for his – something he would protest over."

"Yes, he strikes me as the type who would give up his life for yours."

Elissa nodded, turning her gaze to the cup.

Both of them sat in silence for a moment when Anora broke it. "Forgive me, I have not had the chance to ask you how are you doing? I know of your deeds during the year and facing Howe after he had murdered your Family could have not been an easy feat."

"I am tired," Elissa admitted, stunning the Queen and she chuckled, noting the look. "Did not expect to hear that from a throne grabber?" Anora regarded her silently for a moment before she sighed.

"Arl Eamon is the one pushing for Alistair to take the throne," she said softly and Elissa nodded.

"Against Alistair's protests." Anora arched an eyebrow. "He was abandoned as a child to live in the stables under Isolde's orders. He was sent to the Chantry to become a Templar from a young age then was conscripted into the Grey Wardens. Now a man he calls a father is pushing him to take the throne. Tell me – where does Alistair have a choice?"

Elissa looked at the fire as tears burned the back of her eyes.

"You care for him," Anora whispered.

"I love him," she whispered back, turning to look at Anora, who was smiling sadly. "And I honestly do not know what choice to make, Anora. I see both sides and..." She trailed off, sighing then shaking her head. "I can't lose him, either way."

"Would he take the throne without your say so?" she asked and Elissa laughed.

"Do you really believe Alistair is just a puppet?" she asked. "Alistair knows his own mind. If he wants the throne, he would take it. I have no doubt about that."

"So why is Eamon asking for your backing?"

"Because he is an fool," she scoffed. "He was the one who threw Alistair to the Chantry. He was the one who was urging Calian to set you aside." The look in Anora's eyes made her nod. "Alistair did not think you knew. He was the one who found the letters when we returned to Ostagar."

"Was it true that he was in communications with the Empress?" Anora asked, her voice tight and Elissa nodded.

"It looks like he was trying to come to an arrangement of a truce," she admitted. "Nothing of marriage, which I think would have been impossible to pull off either way considering the Empress does like her women."

"So my father-"

"Was ruled by fear," Elissa interrupted. "He feared Orlais was planning on invading Ferelden. And maybe he is right but how many people have been lost because of his inaction when it came to the Blight?"

"He tried his best," Anora protested.

"Lothering is lost. The mages caused an uprising because your father promised them freedom," Elissa reminded. "Anora, he took your throne rather than leave you on it. Yes – you could have used the excuse for grieving but there is no excuse for what he has done."

Anora was silent and Elissa sighed, rubbing her forehead. "I know you wish to keep your throne, but you will have to face up for your Father's choices sooner or later. Eamon is using this as a reason to give the throne to Alistair, along with his Theirin bloodline. Not to mention sending a mage to poison him."

"Do you have proof?" she asked sharply.

"We found the Templar in the cells. He had been tasked with tracking down the mage when Loghain took him into custody. Alistair says he has gone through a massive lyrium-withdrawal. I have already informed his sister and you can be sure, Anora, that the Chantry will not take kindly on this."

"He used to be a good man."

"He was a hero," she agreed, startling the Queen. "My father admired him for his role in helping King Maric take back the throne. However, I was not impressed when I first met him. And his actions have not inspired me."

"He tried to do his best for our country."

"He is better suited as a General. Not as a King. A King must put his fears last, he must concentrate on those who need his guidance. Loghain did not do that, allowing his fear to start a civil war with the neighbours. We have come across a few of them. There was even a messenger who dared to insult the Dwarves by calling them cowards for refusing entrance into Orzammer."

"He has lost his way, I admit that," Anora agreed.

"Then you understand the people's fears?" Elissa asked. "There are those who believe you will follow in your father's footsteps – despite you ruling effectively for five years."

"Do you understand?" Anora asked.

"It's not me you have to convince," Elissa pointed out before she sighed. "It's the Nobles of the Landsmeet. Eamon brings forth reasons for why Alistair should be King, you bring forth reasons for why you should stay Queen."

"I am surprised that no-one had thought about asking Alistair and I to have an arranged marriage," Anora half-heartedly scoffed. Elissa felt her heart froze at the thought before she shook her head sharply.

"It would never happen," she told Anora firmly, causing the Queen to look at her in surprise. "I do not care if that makes me selfish. I cannot lose Alistair. I love him too much to force him into a marriage with someone who he does not, no disrespect, care for. Nor can I force you into another marriage after your husband's...less than discreet affairs."

"You know." Anora closed her eyes.

"Servants talk. Most nobles do not listen but I found that the Servants know more than the nobles and thus it pays better to listen to them. I believe they knew the King better than the nobles."

"Well, he always did like his other women," Anora muttered and Elissa felt her heart go out to the woman. She tried to hide it but it was clear that she did care for Calian, at least in a way Calian had not cared for her.

"Do you understand why I cannot do that to Alistair?" she asked. "He never had a choice in his life. For me to do that to him...it would tear us both apart."

"I envy you," Anora told her, opening her eyes. "You have a love that most would pray for. I had hoped that Calian would come to care for me in such way."

"I think he did," Elissa admitted. "He did not give into his Uncle's persuading in setting you aside for a younger wife nor had he arranged to have a marriage with the Empress. If he was truly the dishonourable type, he would have done so by now."

"I...guess we will never know what his intentions were," Anora finally said and Elissa nodded.

"Whatever his plans were, they died at Ostagar."

"Thank you," Anora started and Elissa frowned, "For finding his armour. Alistair gave them to me. It must have caused a great deal of anguish to face the place where you had lost so many."

"It was worth it," Elissa admitted, giving the Queen a small smile. "Alistair has grown stronger as a result. I...learned to accept Duncan a little bit." Anora frowned. "He conscripted me during the attack on my family. I had not been...pleasant about him wishing to recruit him during such time."

"Ah," Anora nodded. "For what it is worth, I am truly sorry about your family. I had met them briefly and they seemed like honourable people."

"They were, until Howe murdered them in the middle of the night due to jealously."

"When I had discovered this news – I had been furious. That was part of the reason why I had went to see him. To demand answers for his crimes. Yes – they said it was a fire but I had my suspicions – especially when it was revealed that you were one of the wardens."

"So your father never told you that King Calian had promised me justice for my family's murder?" she asked. Anora slowly shook her head. "And add in the fact that Howe was at your father's side." She paled.

"My father never knew about it," Anora whispered and Elissa nodded.

"I know. Alistair had sent a good friend of ours to find out. She cannot find any evidence that your father knew of the assault before Ostagar."

"However..."

Elissa shook her head. "I'm sorry, Anora, but I cannot forgive my family's murder and I cannot forgive your father for allowing Howe to continue breathing. Make your choice – hopefully this will all be settled at the Landsmeet and they can decide who is to rule."

"You won't make the choice?" Anora asked as Elissa got up, placing the cup on the table and moved toward the door.

"I have made enough choices as it is," Elissa paused in the doorway, her hand resting on the door-jam. "Anora...I cannot promise you anything regarding your father." She heard the sharp inhalation from the Queen but refused to look at her. "You need to prepare yourself because if your father will not stand down, Alistair will take him down. I cannot stop him."

"You could try," Anora protested and Elissa let out a bitter laugh as she tilted her head.

"Then you do not know Alistair as well as you thought you did. Heed my warning, Anora. Do your hardest to get your father to stand down...before it's too late." She walked out of the room, closing the door behind her and sighed, closing her eyes.

Now...she will see how the Landsmeet will go. She could only hope that they would be able to stop further bloodshed.

Elissa headed back to her room, slipping in and closing the door. She rested her forehead against it, exhaling softly.

"Imagine my surprise when I woke up to find you gone." Alistair's voice made her shiver before she looked over her shoulder to see him sitting up in their bed.

A glance at the fire place revealed Damon was gone and she frowned. "He went with Sten. Apparently Sten wasn't impressed with dinner so he decided he'll head to the kitchen. Damon followed him."

Well, so much for her dog following her orders if he could be easily distracted by food.

"Where did you go?" he asked.

"Anora wanted to talk to me." She walked over to the bed.

"About?"

"My support for her being the Queen." She touched Alistair's cheek, feeling the rough stubble.

"Hmm, are you going to support her?" he asked and she narrowed her eyes at him. She was still trying to ensure she was not the one going to make the choice and decided that maybe she needed to distract Alistair for the time being.

"Maybe we should focus on something more interesting," she suggested with a flirty smile and she felt his jaw tense under her touch.

"Like what?" his tone was carefully controlled. She pulled her hand away.

"Like celebrating over breaking out of jail without bloodshed?" She asked, gathering the skirt of her night-shift up to her waist as she climbed onto the bed, straddling Alistair.

"Really?" His hands slid over her thighs, the rough calluses making her shiver, before they settled on her hips, pulling her in closer as her hands ran up his arms, enjoying the feel of his muscles.

Alistair leaned in, kissing her neck and she moaned. "You do make a convincing argument." She laughed breathlessly, shifting in closer. One of his hands slipped further up under the shift, cupping her breast, rubbing the hardening nipple and she moaned.

His head moved down lower, dropping slow wet kisses over her collarbone, down over the swell of her breasts peeking from her night-shift before stopping at the nipple. She gasped when he planted an open wet kiss over the material, teasing her.

"Oh..." she rubbed herself against him, her hips rocking. He gave an answering thrust before moving over to the other nipple, his thumb already running around the wet nipple he left behind and her head fell back. He gave it the same treatment, leaving her gasping as she grounded further down on him. She needed him.

Bringing her head forward, she noticed Alistair was watching her and she pulled away from him, her hands going to the bottom of her shift, meeting his hands, he obviously had the same idea.

They removed the shift from her body, baring her body to his gaze as he dropped the shift down the side of the bed.

She raised herself, her hands going to the cover and pulling them away, lifting each knee. He helped her and she found that he was already naked and gave him an impressed smile.

"What can I say?" he pulled her back to him. She straddled him again, gasping as she pressed up against him. He kissed her deeply and she whimpered, rocking against him once more the pulled away from his lips.

"I love you," she whispered. He gave her a slow smile before he kissed her again, taking away her breath, again.

TBC

Well – this was fun to write *Sweats nervously*

One more thing – I am not going to show the Landsmeet. I was originally going to do it but I decided that I'll leave it ambiguously.

(The best way not to write myself into a corner)