Playing message 167:

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This is the burrito palace, Burreehaw! We're asking you to come to our going-out-of-business finale! Lunch buffets still only $24.95!

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Master Hand, this is Mario. I can't join the next brawl. I ran into one of those stupid Piantas and it gave me a nice launch. Now I feel like Donkey Kong just sat on me. For thirty minutes.

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Master Hand? It's Peach. I sent Marth out with some instructions to give to Meta Knight, but I haven't seen either of them in a while, mainly Meta Knight. Do you know where they went?

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Marth, it's Meta Knight. Get down here so I may paint your toenails with your kidneys...haha, got ya! That was a Mario Sunshine parody reference!

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Master Hand, it's Pikachu. You'll need to give me some smash dollars before I can go down to the store and get your personalized ruler. Those things cost a bundle, and there's not a single one with the name 'Master Hand' inscribed on it.

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Hey Master Hand, it's Yoshi. The sign on the road says PETSMART, but does it mean 'Pet Smart' or 'Pet's Mart'? Or what about 'Pets Mart'?

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Master Hand, I can't tell you who's calling. But there's a snowball fight going on in the main lounge with quite a few smashers. You can check the security camera, but I think it just busted.

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Gameboard Pizza Special: two medium pizzas for only ten dollars!

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Get your Skal-mart rewards card today!

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Verizon Wireless available to you for the low price of $1570 a month for the entire mansion!

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Crackers are on sale at Moger's!

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Stupid telemarketers…they always call at dinner…

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Now's the time to stock up on your illegal fireworks!

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Stop by Giovanni's to get your portrait done! All donations proceed to Team Rocket's charity organization. WE ARE NOT A MAFIA!

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SUPER DEDEDE JUMP!

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SUPER DEDEDE ENTER KITCHEN!

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SUPER DEDEDE WASH…GLOVES!

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SUPER DEDEDE MAKE SANDWICH!

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SUPER DEDEDE POUR CHIPS!

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SUPER DEDEDE MAKE ICED TEA!

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SUPER DEDEDE—MMMFF!

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Master Hand, it's Kirby. I taped Dedede's mouth shut. We should have peace for a few hours from exaggerated movesets.

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By the way, if anyone else does another one of those exaggerated movesets, I'm going to ignore my peaceful tendencies and strangle them with this duct tape rope I made. I can't STAND it when people do that; it drives me insane!

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This is the Smashville Public Library calling. We'd like to thank you for attending our Juggling for Idiots class. Don't forget to come back next week for the second part, 'Juggling for People Who Are Halfway Intelligent When It Comes to Juggling!'

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Hey, Master Hand? It's the Villager. I still owe about 200,000 smash dollars in my mortgage…could you maybe lend me a hand? Or how about some money?

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Falcon PUNCH!

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Falcon PAINT!

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Falcon WASH PAINTBRUSH!

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Falcon CHUCK SPONGE!

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Falcon—MMMFF!

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Jirachi here. I just won tickets to a concert. The people playing are A Noisy, Annoying Band That You're Sure to Hate Because I Like It. 6 PM on Thursday, baby.

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This is Fawful's Amazing Lottery of Chance-ness! Today's winning numbers aaaaaaaare…not yours! Not yours! Not yours! Not yours! And finally…not yours! Thanks for playing; and don't forget to recklessly throw your money to us so that Fawful can make an amazing comeback so his fangirls can rejoice once more!

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I've fallen and I can't get up!

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Master Hand! It's Marth! Why do people keep stealing my hairbrush?! I can't just waltz down to the Dollar Tree and pick one up; it's like the dimension is sold out of hair brushes!

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Greetings to our valued Dollar Tree customers! We've now added a whole aisle dedicated solely to beauty products for your hair! Spread the word! ...and this is not a prank call to make you ignore your problems, Master Hand; don't suspect it for a MOMENT!

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Hey Master Hand, it's Skitty Simmy! Thanks for letting my food blogging friends come to the smash mansion! We've got ten regions of recipes down here for you to sample, if you want!

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AUGH, MASTER HAND, NO! NOT MORE PINK CATS! NOOOOOOOOO!

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Master Hand, it's Dr. Mario. Where is that pay raise?

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It's Pikachu here. I'm out to Dartboard. Do you need me to pick anything up?

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Master Hand, this is Falco. Quit the bread jokes.

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Master Hand, this is Popo. I know the perfect tactic to drive away intruders—and it's NOT Nana's nightcore songs. Call me back…

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And the results for the President of Kitchen Sampling and the Pastry Chef of the Month have been totaled! The President of Kitchen Sampling is now…Knuckles the Echidna! There were a lot of close votes on that, but he won by half a vote! On the other hand, there was only one vote for Pastry Chef of the Month. It was a write-in vote for…DR. EGGMAN?!

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Master Hand! I'm NOT eating anything made by someone who turns his egg and cheese into something resembling plastic!

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Master Hand! Are you trying to murder us?! I'll steal your credit card to eat out solely for the purpose of spiting this decision!

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Agh! I can smell that plastic pepper parfait already, Master Hand! You're the boss around here; kick that dude out!

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Master Hand, this is Peach. I refuse to work with someone like that egotist Eggman. I quit. Again.

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This is Zelda. The only thing Eggman can fix is the coffee pot, and I already paid Meta Knight to do that.

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Master Hand? The Smash Mansion is in an uproar about the recent Pastry Chef election. Is there nothing you can do?

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Master Hand? It's Knuckles. I retire! PLEASE!

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HAHA, KNUCKLES! YOU GOT TRICKED BY THE FRICKING EGGMAN, YOU DUMB—

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Master Hand, it's Dr. Eggman. The first pastry of the night is…DURIAN ECLAIRS! Hahahahaaaaaaa!


DURIAN (Noun) – A very hard, spiky fruit that grows in tropical islands. It appeared in Super Mario Sunshine, which the author has been referencing for no apparent reason, and can only be moved by kicking. It is said to taste glorious, like almond custard, but it is banned from some public places in the areas it grows for one good reason: its strong smell. People have described it from rotten onions to sewage to 'pig shit', according to Wikipedia…