The day had flown by much faster than Erin had anticipated, especially since she and Penelope had managed to take a ninety-minute lunch, somehow losing themselves in conversation as they ate. It was odd to have that sort of connection with her, since the last person she'd clicked with so well was Alex. Eventually, Helen had had to interrupt them, letting Erin know that her budget meeting was starting in fifteen minutes.
That had taken the rest of her afternoon, and then she was heading home to relax and recharge. The first thing she did, after getting her mail, was check to see if she had any messages on her phone. The light was blinking, so she pressed it while toeing off her shoes and hanging her jacket up. "Hey, Erin, I figured you would probably come home rather than spend the night at my place, so I had my assistant take care of Mudgie. I think that this case isn't going to take too long, but I'll probably drop by your place when it's over. That overly soft mattress is calling my name, bella. I love you."
The call disconnected, and Erin felt a goofy smile spread across her face as she began to rummage through her cupboards for something to eat. As was usual when David was gone, she couldn't decide on anything that sounded good, so she opened the fridge and stared inside. Again, nothing appealed to her, so she decided to call in an order of Chinese. Just as Erin went to pick up her phone, it rang, and she blinked a little as she answered. "Hello?"
"Mama! I was hoping you'd be home tonight. When I texted Dave, he mentioned that they were out on a case, and that it would be good of me to call."
Erin nodded as she took a seat on the edge of the kitchen table, imagining her daughter in much the same position. Alan never liked either of them doing that, as he felt it would cause them to break much more quickly. But it had been a habit deeply engrained in her during her youth, and Tabitha had picked it up from her. "It is good to hear your voice, baby," she said lowly as began to swing her feet back and forth. "How is school going?"
"The less we talk about it, the better. You should ask me how my cello lessons are going."
Erin laughed. "You have to do well in school, too, Tabby. Even if you get into a good conservatory, you'll still need maths, English, history, all of that. It doesn't do to grow only in the direction that's easiest for you."
"I know, Mama. But it's so nice to focus on the thing I like best, and that's music. After all, I have a whole year to worry about great grades. I have the feeling you won't let me get senioritis."
"No, I won't, Tabitha. Have you, have you thought about maybe moving back home for your last year of high school? Things are more even for me now, and I would spend all my time here, if that's what you'd want."
"I just want you to be happy, Mama, and you're happiest with Dave. I could never take you away from him, even if I would love to live with you again. And he certainly doesn't want a teenager living with him."
"If I talked to him, and he agreed to it, would you think about it?"
"Of course! That would be major bragging rights at school, after all. Ugh, I'm getting a Skype request from my group members. We have a presentation on Keats tomorrow. I don't like Keats."
"Not everyone has to, baby. Just do well, and I'll talk to you soon." She let out a soft sigh. "I love you, Tabitha."
"Love you, too, Mama. I'll call tomorrow." They kissed into the phone, and then hung up.
Erin let out another sigh before dialing the Chinese place closest her house, and placing her usual order. While she waited for it to arrive, she pulled out the files she needed to finish and set them out on the table before scurrying into the living room and grabbing her laptop, knowing that she would have to log into her work email and check a few things on the mainframe. As she booted up the device, Erin started a kettle of water boiling on the kitchen before grabbing out her tea chest, blindly grabbing out three bags.
"Earl Grey, huh?" she said with a chuckle as she grabbed out her favorite mug and got it ready for the water. There was still about twenty minutes before her order was delivered, and she sat at the table, logging into her personal email. There were more messages than anticipated, though she was able to delete quite a few advertisements. As she scrolled down, she smiled to see that there were letters from her son and Penelope. Deciding to leave these for last, she continued looking through them, only to come to a halt when she saw Alex's name in the list. "I wonder…"
Deciding to start with her message, she clicked on it and drew in a slow breath, curious as to why the woman had written her so soon after they had talked. Erin, I know that we left things in a good, but nebulous, position this morning before I left on the case. I just seemed unable to focus on anything other than our situations, however, giving Hotch and the team only half of my attention. Thankfully, Dave was the only one who noticed my inattention, and suggested that I write to you and get it out of my system.
I keep thinking about you daughter, and my angry words that brought painful memories to the forefront. And as my thoughts circled around that, my Ethan also started to pop up. His decline, happening just before the Amerithrax case, was the catalyst for the end of our friendship. And I hate that that happened the way it did. I never had the chance to talk to you about how I felt in losing him. It just seemed like you understood that I was drowning in sorrow and needed to bury myself in work to ease that pain. And that irked me a little, because I wanted to lose control in front of you, to let those dark, ugly, feelings out with a trusted friend. And then, you had to decide who would take the blame for our errors in that case…
Looking back, I know that you made the only decision that you could. But at that time? It felt like the bitterest betrayal. I missed so much time with Ethan because of the case, and then you were gone from my life, too. It wasn't fair to conflate those two things and put everything on your shoulders, and yet that is exactly what I did. And still managed to do, even after we had started to bury the hatchet that was between us. I know that you forgave me, but a tiny part of my mind wonders if you can ever really forgive all the damage we unwittingly created for ourselves in the past. And perhaps I don't wish to start with a clean slate, because I want us to acknowledge the past that is between us. I want it to mean something. I want to take the ugly and sad and difficult and use that experience to create something vibrant and loving between us. When I get home, I wish to discuss how we can set about doing just that. Until then, Alex
Erin sighed as she finished reading the letter, touching the back of her hand to her lips as she swallowed her tears. "Oh, Alexandra," she whispered as she hit the reply button, wondering what she could begin to say to the woman to let her know that she felt exactly the same way.
