A.N: Hey everyone, just a quick note to say thank you so much for reading and please please please keep reviewing! Your reviews are what improve this story so I need you! Hope you enjoy this chapter x
For two weeks, Chloe had hardly left Beca's side. The girlfriend/roommate balance had completely gone out the window. If Beca needed someone to stay with her at night, Chloe was there, and actually grateful for the comfortable mattress in comparison to the couch. If Beca needed someone to stand by her side as she made a coffee, Chloe was there. She was there sitting by the bathroom door when Beca didn't trust herself to take a shower without talking to someone as a distraction; when Beca froze with anxiety; she was there all the time and she didn't mind one bit. Thankfully she had only needed to leave class once, but as she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket she knew she would need to leave again. She glanced down at her phone beneath her notebook and saw a text from Aubrey.
Need you home ASAP. It's Beca.
Without a second's hesitation she stood up and called out to her teacher, "I feel really ill, can I go see the school nurse?" As usual her teacher let her go without any further questions, and as soon as she was out the door Chloe broke into a run. She ran out of the building, across the quad, and all the way to her apartment without stopping. By the time she reached the front door she was breathing heavily, and so stood for a few moments to regain composure and clear her mind. Eventually she opened the front door and stepped inside, wondering where Beca was.
Her question was answered when Aubrey stepped out of the bedroom that Beca was occupying and steadily approached Chloe. "I can't get her to move. She got home from class and walked straight into your room, so I figured she needed some space. The next thing I hear is glass smashing and I ran in there to find her curled up in the corner of the room. There's blood on her hand – not much, but I don't know where it's from. It's like she's frozen, she won't move."
"It's her head," Chloe said, "It's too loud. This happened before… At least, the last time she hid in a corner it was because of her head."
"I shouldn't have let her go in there alone… I'm so sorry Chloe."
"Don't. It's not your fault – she's been so strong these last few days it's been exhausting her. I doubt even I could have stopped her."
Chloe briefly touched Aubrey's hand reassuringly before heading towards her bedroom. Slowly she walked inside and saw Beca in the corner, much like she was that time in the bathroom at rehearsal, looking tinier than ever. "Hey," she said softly, walking over and sitting by Beca's side. "Is it your head?" Beca nodded ever so slightly Chloe had to think twice as to whether or not she imagined it. Gently she reached over to Beca's hand and felt her ice cold fingers as she tried to get a better look at the small amount of blood across her knuckles. It didn't look serious at all, but Chloe wondered what had caused it.
She glanced around her room until her eyes fell on her mirror. It was still there, but shattered with fractures spreading across the whole glass. Slowly she pieced together what had happened: Beca's head was too loud; she couldn't stop hearing all of her criticisms; she saw her reflection, and lashed out at it. "Oh sweetie…" she said, cradling Beca's hand between her own. "Does it hurt?" Beca shook her head and a single tear quickly ran down her cheek, which she quickly hit away. "Sorry…" she whispered. That seemed to be a habit of hers, Chloe thought - apologising when there was nothing to apologise for. Retreating to corners was another habit.
Knowing she needed to distract Beca, Chloe scanned her brain for something to say that she could focus on. "Did you know that a lot of athletes and musicians take beta-blockers? They help keep their heart rate roughly level before a performance. The beta-blockers bind themselves to receptors on the cells of the heart, and because the receptors are blocked it's harder for the heart to be affected by symptoms of stress. They work by reducing the activity of adrenaline and noradrenaline, which form part of the sympathomedullary pathway which kicks in at times of acute stress. This system causes increased heart rate, sweaty palms, dilated pupils, and rapid breathing."
By the time Chloe was finished even she was wrapped up in her own words, until she noticed Beca broken out of her statue-like position and staring at her. "I don't know where you learnt that," she said, "But I think your geek was showing." Chloe smirked and held lightly onto Beca's hand. "Shall we go into the living room?" she asked, and Beca nodded. Slowly they stood up and walked into the main room where Aubrey was sitting on the sofa. They joined her, but not long after Chloe got up to make a drink for all of them. "I'll help you," Aubrey said and followed her into the kitchen. They stood at the counter while the kettle boiled, muffling their conversation. "You're incredible with her. How the heck did you get her to move?"
"You just need to talk to her, give her something to focus on. Make sure she has to really listen to what you're saying, but don't make it too complex because that will stress her out even more."
"Okay. I'll remember that for next time, although hopefully there won't be one."
The kettle switched off and they made the drinks, saying no more about the situation before settling back down on the sofa.
Later that night after returning from a two hour Bella's rehearsal in preparation for the upcoming sectionals competition, Chloe was sitting on the sofa with Beca laying down, resting her head on the older girls lap. Aubrey had gone out, leaving the two girls with the apartment to themselves. Chloe ran her fingers soothingly through Beca's hair as both of them enjoyed the luxury of the soft sofa, and it was Beca who broke the silence first. "Chloe," she said cautiously, "I have something I need to tell you."
"What is it?"
"I'm a… um… a-a…" her lips shaped to form the next word but nerves paralysed her mouth before she could fully say it, until Chloe began to make gentle circles on the back of her hand with the tip of her finger. "You don't have to be nervous," she said, and Beca relaxed slightly before trying again. "I sort of… haven't really had sex before."
"Okay. So you're a virgin."
"It sounds even more embarrassing when you say it! I'm kind of a virgin, I guess." Beca sighed, covering her face with her hands. Chloe laughed and moved her hands out of the way before leaning down and placing a kiss on Beca's nose. "It's not embarrassing; it's completely and honestly fine."
"No it's not. I mean, we have sex, but I never get undressed. So it's like you have sex but I'm still this embarrassing half-virgin."
"I don't want to pressure you into anything – we don't have to do anything until you're ready. If you want we can stop before things go too far so I don't have sex either, that way it's fair."
"That's not what I mean. I mean… I've been thinking about it for a while. I want you to be my first. I want to have sex, with you, but I thought I should probably tell you I've never done it before."
"Okay, so we take it slow. And you call the shots – if you want to stop then we stop."
"Okay," Beca said, a smile forming on her lips. Chloe leant down and drew her into a kiss before Beca slowly sat up and turned to face her. Their bodies drew closer for another kiss, this time more slow and sensual. Chloe's hands placed lightly onto the smaller girl's waist, gently leaning her onto her back. She positioned herself between Beca's legs and kissed from her chest back up to her mouth, her red hair cascading over her shoulders and lightly brushing against Beca's pale skin. As they kissed they could both feel the heat between them building, and Chloe noticed a particular heat pressing against her legs. She slowly raised her knee until it was pressing against the warmth, making the smaller girl jump slightly beneath her. "Are you okay?" she asked in a hushed voice.
Beca nodded, and Chloe took it that the jump was a good response. She ran her hands up Beca's sides lightly pulling at the red top she was wearing, revealing a band of smooth, bare skin. Slowly she snaked her right hand up Beca's top, occasionally grazing her skin with her nails as she went causing a soft, quiet moan to elicit from Beca's mouth. Beneath her hand she cupped Beca's breast, and she realised that they had never even reached this far before. Every time they had gotten intimate, Beca had always made sure to switch it round so that Chloe was getting all the attention. She kicked herself for not bringing it up before and felt selfish and guilty, which made her more determined to make Beca's first time even more special.
As she moved her hands back down to the hem of Beca's top she felt the smaller girl tense beneath her, and she pulled her lips away to search for reassurance in her eyes. "I just… my scars," Beca whispered, biting her tongue to stop the fear completely overtaking her.
"You don't have to worry," Chloe said, "You're beautiful with or without them." It was then that she also realised that apart from that one time in the shower, she had never seen Beca's whole arms. Even in the shower she was too focused on her legs to notice her arms. She had seen one of her forearms when she first found out about her self-harm, but that was it. Particular in this moment it was even worse than usual for Beca to reveal her arms – this was a much more intimate and personal setting. But she was determined to at least try and let her scars not ruin her life, so she nodded, encouraging Chloe to continue.
Tentatively Chloe began to lift Beca's shirt; revealing her pale, tense stomach. Slowly the fabric reached her chest, and Chloe could literally feel the smaller girl's heart pounding in her tiny frame. It was so fast and prominent that she feared it was about to burst out of her ribcage. She looked into Beca's eyes hoping to calm and reassure her, but she saw nothing but panic. "We can stop, if you want," she said full of honesty. But Beca merely shook her head and took in a deep breath. "No, I'm fine," she replied with a trembling voice.
Chloe hesitated briefly, and then began to raise the top up even slower than before, but she lifted it no more than two inches before Beca flinched beneath her and said, "Wait. I can't, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, but I can't." She covered her face with her hands as Chloe pulled her top back down around her waist and skilfully manoeuvred herself to lie next to Beca. "That's okay," she said, "I told you – you call the shots." Beca smiled gratefully at Chloe and said, "You're amazing, you know that?"
"No, I'm just being a decent person." Chloe placed a quick, gentle kiss on Beca's lips and wrapped her in her arms. Beca rested her head against Chloe's collarbone as their legs tangled together in the limited space on the sofa and they lay content with being in each other's arms. As they both started to drift off to sleep Chloe said, "Do you want to go to bed?"
Beca shook her head and replied sleepily, "No. Comfy."
"Okay, but I should warn you this couch will give you neck ache in the morning," Chloe said shifting closer. She was used to the aches and pains from the sofa and Beca wasn't, but she was too tired and too content with the way their bodies fit together perfectly to insist on moving.
