Three years later
Feliciano sat down on the pier and patted the smooth, sun-bleached wood beside him in a silent order to sit.
"Feliciano, you still have not -"
"Sit down, Luddy. Then I'll tell you." He promised, a slightly strained quality to his voice.
There was a rustle of fabric and a soft thump when Ludwig did as asked. Feli took his hand and allowed his usual carefree mask to drop. "I want to introduce you to my brother." He told him.
"Your… brother? But I thought he was -"
"No longer with us, yes." He was blinking too often, trying to keep himself in check. "We never found his body… This is where I feel closest to him, not his - not the headstone." His voice wobbled and he clutched his boyfriend's hand tighter.
The blond didn't say a word, only folding his other hand over Feliciano's in a silent gesture.
"He… He wanted me to be happy, told me not to cry." A tear splattered onto the boards, creating a dark and uneven circle. "But I keep letting him down." Feli sniffled.
Ludwig was at a loss.
"But I didn't bring you here to cry about my failures…" He took a deep breath, the nails of his free hand biting deep into the flesh at the base of his thumb and getting enough control back to push a soft smile onto his face.
His boyfriend sighed at this; he'd been trying to break that habit. "I told you; you do not need to smile all the time."
"Lovi wanted me to be happy." He insisted. "And we're here to talk to him." He stretched up to kiss his cheek and turned to face the open sea.
Ludwig pressed his lips together, still unhappy that he was pushing away his sadness.
"Lovino… I brought someone to meet you. He's very important to me. I've already talked to you about him a few times before, but here he is - he finally agreed to come here and stay with us for a week." Feliciano's grip on his hand tightened. "Luddy… He's a medical student, like you were. He takes care of me and stops me from doing anything too stupid. I think you'd like him - after you get over your hatred of Germans." He laughed for a second to himself and turned to look at his boyfriend.
The silence hovered in the air for a moment that stretched out until Ludwig realised that Feli wanted him to speak. To talk to this memory of a dead brother who was the reason Feliciano could never express any kind of negative emotion without feeling guilty. The truth behind the scratches down the small man's arms and the almost perfect mask on his face and the scarring in his heart.
But there was nothing to gain in berating the dead.
He cleared his throat. "Lovino… I cannot tell you how much I love Feliciano. He is…"
Broken.
Strong.
Brave.
Lost.
"... More than I deserve."
Sometimes, a single course of events splits down into two paths; in one universe, the couple stayed at the docks for a little longer, until Ludwig had wrestled the last word he could think of for Lovino out of his mind. They spoke together a little longer, and they went home. They lived… Happily enough, for the most part. Ludwig did his best to help Feliciano stop feeling so guilty, to get some cracks in that mask. Feli never stopped feeling that ache in his chest where his idolised older brother was missing. His smiles were rarely genuine. Nonno Vargas lost the second of his grandsons in a car crash on the way back from his and Ludwig's honeymoon. Ludwig took care of him until he died. Not once did they have any suspicion that Lovino had lived. Why would they?
In this universe, however, Lovino had the courage to come out from the shadows under the planks where he had been listening in. He was nervous, and couldn't stop thinking about all of the ways in which this could go horribly, terribly wrong.
But he still did it.
"Damn right he is!"
"L-Lovi?" Feliciano sprang forwards, crawling over the boards on hands and knees. He could barely believe this. "Luddy, do - do you see him, too?"
"Ja…"
The younger of the two brothers was crying, and desperately trying not to. His nails pressed down the barely visible scars that lined the length of his forearms and Ludwig cursed silently for having become lax in ensuring that they were too short to do any damage. He caught the other's wrist and pulled it away to lace their fingers together.
"Whoever you are, this is a cruel joke." The German growled. "Pretending to be his dead brother -"
"I never fucking died, you moron!"
There was a loud splash as Feliciano threw himself into the water, letting go of his boyfriend's hand. He wrapped his arms tightly around Lovino and went through a cycle of sobbing, catching himself, beginning to speak, and then sobbing again.
"Th-Three years!"
"I know. I'm sorry, Feli." His own arms wrapped around his little brother tightly. "I was scared." He mumbled, so low that he could barely be heard.
"Why didn't you tell us before you - you went?"
"...I wanted you to think I was happy. I'm - I'm so sorry." His breath hitched in his throat.
"Was the truth really worse than having this - this hole inside me?"
All Lovino could do was apologise.
…
The sun was setting. They'd been out there for hours, and he still hadn't worked up the courage to tell his baby brother exactly what he had done. The knowledge that for the past three years he had been living happily with Antonio while he abandoned his family sat heavily inside him. It was made even heavier when he noticed the scars down his arm where, he could guess, he had scratched deeply enough to tear into his own skin. The dark lines were broken up by a few new welts and little crescents that Feli had given himself as they talked. Heavier still when he saw the accusing looks from the blond guy he had brought with him.
"Come on - we've got to get home. Your bedroom hasn't changed since you… left, you know. It just needs dusting, and the spiders can be chased out too! Everything -" His voice hitched for a second and tears threatened to spill down his cheeks.
Ludwig caught his hand and held it close.
"Everything can go back to the way it was. Nonno'll make dinner for all of us, and we can talk and laugh and be a real family again!"
"...No, it can't. Not unless you get a fishtank in the kitchen."
"A - A what? Lovi, what are you talking about?"
He sculled backwards. "This is… Why I survived. It's also why I've been too scared to let you know."
"What are you talking about, Lovi?"
He leaned backwards in the water, and the scarlet side of his tail rose up to the surface. He flicked a few drops of water at them with his fins before quickly righting himself. "I'm… Technically not human any more."
"You could at least tell him the truth about why you abandoned your family." Ludwig growled.
"I fucking am!" He managed to haul himself up onto the boards, a dark puddle swelling out from underneath him. "Look at me! Does this thing look like it has legs inside it? Am I wearing a costume? I have gills! Those aren't something you find in a normal human being!"
"It's… Longer than your legs ever were." Feli sat back down next to him without hesitation and hugged him tightly. "Fratellone's finally taller than me again!"
"What do you mean again? I've always been taller than you."
It wasn't easy to work their way back into being a family, and Ludwig never stopped blaming Lovino for what he did. Somehow, eventually, they made it all work. Antonio was introduced to the rest of the family, and even though it took a long time, their bonds began to heal.
That's not to say that Feliciano wasn't angry, after the shock of having Lovino come back from the dead had worn off. More than once, their conversations devolved into the younger brother just screaming at the older, until his voice was broken and his throat was hoarse and all he could do was sob.
Whenever they talked, their significant others were always close by to hold them afterwards. To gather up the pieces and keep them safe until they could find a way to get back together on their own.
Their grandfather accepted him back with a hug and a murmur in his ear. "I don't blame you. I should have noticed."
That only made the guilt worse.
And he thanked Antonio for saving the life of his grandson, too.
When Feliciano and Ludwig got married, they insisted on a beachside wedding in Spain. Not long after that, Antonio began to look for a way that he and Lovino could join his family on land.
It took a couple of years and the promise of a favour each to a powerful sea witch, but one evening Feliciano helped the both of them step onto land. It took a moment for Lovino to remember how to walk, but Antonio had to be helped through the village in borrowed board shorts and flip flops.
That night, the Vargas kitchen table was full for the first time.
This epilogue was originally meant to be only about 500 words long. It's something like three times that now?
Thank you so much to those of you who reviewed, no matter how long or short yours was. Thanks for reassuring me that you're interested in what I have to say.
