Another few months passed, and soon James and Lily were both eighteen. For both of them, it meant that they were being pushed to work harder; and though neither of them were willing to admit it, their hectic work lives were taking a toll on their relationship.
It had gotten to the point where more often than not, when James arrived on Lily's balcony, her room was either empty, or he could hear multiple voices inside and knew not to go in. Sometimes, Lily rubbed her ring but James just didn't come; she knew it was never intentional, but it still upset and frustrated her that in the few hours she had free to be with him, he couldn't be with her.
Before turning eighteen, it had seemed to James that Dumbledore had been quite laidback about teaching his apprentices, and had felt that each of his students should learn in their own way. Now that they were all of age, however, this approach seemed to have vanished. Suddenly the four of them were flying hundreds of miles to observe rare magical creatures, find potion ingredients, practice spells on ancient sites, and attempt to unravel what exactly the source of their magic was. Remus had always been a bookworm so James wasn't surprised that he was doing so well in these new lessons, but when Sirius was also miles ahead despite never seeming to study, James felt that he needed to work twice as hard as the others just to keep up. Any moment that wasn't spent out of the tower was spent reading dusty tomes of forgotten spells and then practicing them on Peter, who was often woken late at night by whatever hex James wanted to practice first.
Running a country was no joke either. Lily had thought that her duties as Queen were already tough, then she discovered that jobs had actually been held back from her until she had come of age. Fourteen hours, seven days a week of meeting subjects, arguing with politicians, touring the country and a thousand other jobs often felt like too much for just one person. As she remarked this to Madam McGonagall, who had now been promoted from Royal Minder to Secretary of State, the older woman had replied, "Well, it won't be just one person for much longer". Lily had been swept away by a servant before she'd had the chance to ask what Minerva meant, but the comment had been hard to forget.
It seemed like James' ring was flashing constantly. Okay, he thought, it's probably only twice a day, but it seems like a lot. She must really miss me. The thought made James smile to himself, but he also wished that Lily didn't have to miss him, and that he didn't have to miss her. I'm going to have to see her tonight, no matter what. It's been too long.
That night, after waiting to see if Lily was alone, James entered her bedroom.
"Pregnant yet?" He'd expected a more joyous response, but Lily seemed to be frozen to the spot, white as a sheet, her eyes glistening with tears. James felt his stomach drop.
"Oh God, what's happened? Are you alright?" He had crossed the room in three strides, and had taken Lily's hands in his own. He looked down for a moment when he felt an absence on her fingers.
"Why aren't you wearing the ring?" James smiled as he asked, but only out of nervousness.
Lily kept her eyes down.
"Because I'll be wearing another ring soon." As much as she didn't want to, she made herself look James in the eyes as she said the next sentence. "I'm getting married."
James felt his blood run cold. He tried to laugh nervously, but all that came out of his mouth was a strange, strangled noise. He looked down at Lily, who was trying to look anywhere but at him. He dropped her hands and spoke in the coldest voice she had ever heard.
"Who?"
Lily sat on the edge of her bed, still refusing to look at James. She felt sick.
"His name is Severus Snape. He's a lord from a nearby kingdom; I've never actually met him."
James let out a laugh at this; a loud, sharp bark.
"You're marrying a man you've never even met? Why? How could you possibly know that you could love him, or even get on with him? You could be dooming yourself to a life with someone you can't stand."
"You think I don't know that?" She was on her feet now, staring James in the eye, no longer trying to hide the tears that were streaming down her face. "I don't want to marry him, James, I don't. I don't want to marry someone I don't know, someone who doesn't know me, but I have to. It's my only choice."
James was quiet for a moment. "Your only choice... So I was never even an option?"
He turned away from her to pace the room but she grabbed his arm, thinking he was trying to leave. "James, please…"
"James, please what? Please stay with me while I marry someone else so I don't have to give anything up? Please absolve me of any blame because I don't want to feel guilty? Your only choice… You know what, Lily, if you cared enough about me you could have made sure I was a choice."
"James, it isn't a marriage of love, it's political. It's for stability, to unite our kingdom and his."
"And that couldn't have been done any other way?"
Lily paused. "I've tried," she said in a quiet voice. As she sat on the bed, her body shaking from tears, James felt his anger fall away for a moment. Only then did it really sink in; this was over. He cleared his throat, but his voice still wobbled.
"We were drifting apart; maybe if we'd seen more of each other recently, I'd have known about this sooner. I'd have tried to stop all this then before it all happened, rather than now, when… it's too late." Their eyes met. He silently begged her to tell him it wasn't too late, and she wished with all her heart that she could.
"If I could marry anyone I wanted-"
"You can! Don't try and pull that bullshit, Lily. You're the Queen, if you want to marry someone else, you can."
"It's not that simple, James! My marriage doesn't just affect me, it affects the thousands of people who call me their Queen. Anyone else's marriage would be between just two people, but this will change so many lives, for the better if I say yes, and for worse if I say no. As much as I wish I could find some way to just wait and see what would happen between us, I can't."
There was a pause as both of them desperately tried to think of an instant solution to their problem, but neither of them could come up with anything.
"Well you've made your choice, just don't expect me to stay around to watch it happen." Without another word, James walked out, and was in the air before Lily could follow him. As he soared away from the castle on his broom, he looked back at the small figure on the balcony, took off his ring, and dropped it. As he turned to look in front of him, he allowed the tears he'd been holding back to flow, pushed off his face by the wind.
As Lily watched James disappear into the night, she felt so upset that she thought she might be sick. Even when she had almost died, it hadn't hurt this much. And this time, he won't ease my pain, she thought. He won't be there to heal me anymore.
James returned to the tower, slamming the door behind him as he entered.
"Oooooh," said Sirius, looking up from his game of cards with Remus. "Had a fight with the missus?" James tried to walk past them to the stairs, but Sirius blocked his way.
"Come on now, tell us what happened," said Sirius with his usual impish grin, which faded from his face when he saw that his friend was more upset than he expected. The panic on Sirius' face told Remus what had happened, and so he put down his own cards and guided James to the couch.
"It's over," James said tiredly as he sat down.
"Completely?" asked Remus gently. "Sometimes these things-"
"She's getting married," said James flatly. "So it's pretty permanent."
"Crap," Remus muttered. "I'm sorry mate, I know you really liked her."
"Yeah it's a shame, I kind of liked her too," said Sirius, but then quickly changed his tone when both James and Remus glared at him. "I meant I liked her as your girlfriend! You know, I could put up with her. Who's she marrying?"
"Lord Severus Snape." James didn't even attempt to hide his bitterness.
"Twat," said Remus and Sirius at the same time, sharing a proud look for hating someone so identically.
"Well the only consolation I can give you is that it's not like you're going to see her any time soon," said Sirius, clapping James on the shoulder. "You'd never accidentally run into her, and we're always so busy that you can use that as an excuse to avoid dropping in. You can take your time to get her out of your mind and get over her without having to see her."
It wasn't the best consolation but it was worth keeping in mind, and as James went to bed that night, he told himself that he might not see her for months. When he woke the next morning however, his post told him otherwise.
You are cordially invited to a ball held to celebrate the engagement of
Her Royal Highness Queen Lily Evans
and
Lord Severus Snape
James didn't bother to read any more; those few lines were enough to make him feel sick. A quiet "Oh crap" from behind told him that Sirius had read the invitation over his shoulder.
As Lily was dressed by her servants that morning, she kept glancing over to the dresser where she had left James' ring. Alice noticed the glances and walked over to the dresser asking, "Is there anything else you require, your Majesty?" As she opened the top drawer, she found the ring and looked at her Queen. She brought the ring over and placed the ring on the fourth finger of Lily's right hand.
"You might not be able to wear it where you'd like to, but you can still wear it," she said quietly, holding Lily's hand in her own. "I know it was tough, your Majesty, but it had to be done."
But did it really? Lily asked herself. She'd tried to think of other options a thousand times before yesterday, and probably a thousand more times last night, but hadn't been able to come up with anything. But as she looked at her bare left hand, she felt that if she was really making the right decision, it wouldn't feel like this.
