It's been so long since I've been able to write this story but I wanted to try and start posting again! Hope you guys like this..
It's hard to tell when it happened. Was it the first time they'd woken up in each other's arms? Their first year anniversary, when they returned to that little Italian restaurant? The day they moved into their apartment together? It seemed impossible to pinpoint the exact moment he knew, because it felt like it had always been, like he couldn't even imagine his life beforehand. Regardless there was one definitive truth. Castiel Novak had fallen for Dean Winchester. And although Dean would never say the words out loud, he'd fallen for Cas too...
It was the rich smell of coffee wafting into Cas's nose that first stirred him. Sunlight was glaring through the blinds into his eyes when he blinked awake. As his eyes adjusted to the brightness he spotted Dean perched by the window, twiddling with the blinds, adjusting the slats so that the light wasn't too harsh.
He turned when Cas shifted onto his elbow, "Oh, didn't mean to wake you."
Cas rubbed a knuckle into the corner of his eye, "Don't worry about it, I need to get up early anyway. Meg will slaughter me if I'm late."
Dean smirked and padded his way over the bed, crawling up Cas's body and stopping when his nose was brushing his boyfriends.
"What time do we have to leave?" He planted a kiss on Cas's smooth cheek then round his neck.
Cas mewled and slowly shifted his head back to give Dean more access, "Sam's coming for us at 9."
Dean glanced over to the bedside table where a big round alarm clock was sat next to a romance novel Cas was reading and a framed photo of them together on holiday.
"We've got nearly two hours baby," he whispered in Cas's ear, nibbling at the bottom of his lobe. Castiel moaned. Part of him hadn't properly woken up yet; his body was in a hazy daze, muscles relaxed and mind foggy. The soothing sensation of Dean's lips on his throat made his naked body quiver weakly. He reached for Dean, entwining his fingers around his back and drawing him in closer. The heat radiating of him was electric.
Dean curled his hand in the white sheets and drew them back. For a moment he simply looked at Cas, drinking in the sight of his body. His green eyes were heavy under the dark curtain of lashes and he gazed down with such adoration that Cas blushed profusely. He blushed whenever Dean looked at him like this, like it was the first time all over again.
"You're perfect, you know that?" Dean said with a husky voice. His warm hand glided up Cas's thigh, making the hairs on his legs stand up.
"Will you just kiss me please?" Cas groaned. His dick was already hard and it lay against his abdomen leaking pre cum. He dropped his fingers to the waistband of Dean's boxer shorts, thumbing the fabric suggestively.
Dean dipped forward and pressed his pink lips onto Castiel's mouth, suckling on his bottom lip and nibbling at the tender flesh. Cas breathed heavily out his nose. With a lump in his throat he reached up and grabbed hold of Dean's head, revelling in the feel of the tousled hair moving through his fingertips.
As they kissed Dean shuffled out of his underwear, then reached and yanked the sheets back over them. Cas murmured lightly, his hand still combing through Dean's mane .
His muscled body was heavy atop of him and fiery to the touch. The way he moved, shifting his hips into a tantalising position, made Cas's stomach flutter like a candle in the breeze. Dean started kneading round his thighs. Running his hands down Cas's back. Licking up his neck. Drawing him in. Initiating the act of making love that they had perfected so well over the past year.
Being with Dean was everything. Moments like these, rolling around in the sheets together, Cas felt his heart bloom and unfold. He touched his palm on Dean's chest. The racing thump of his heart strummed, matching the flow in his own veins. Their pumping blood creating a symphony of beats, fitting together and bouncing off each other in sweet harmony while they rolled into a swirling rhythm.
The alarm clock made a slight ticking. In the streets below cars honked and revved. Birds tweeted. Laundry flapped in the wind. And Cas blocked out the sounds, one by one, silencing them in his mind till the only noise he could hear was Dean panting in his ear and the beating of their hearts combined...
Cas picked an oversized, grey, v-neck top from the floor and slipped it over his wet hair. His body was still damp and patches of wetness seeped into the t-shirt. He ruffled the cream towel against his head as he left the steamy bathroom and walked barefoot, and half-naked, into the open plan kitchen/living area.
"I made a new pot of coffee. The other stuff had gone cold," Dean hollered. He was laying on the brown leather sofa in a pair of jeans and a flannel shirt flicking through the pages of a TV magazine. A half-empty cup of steamy coffee was caught in his fist.
Cas skipped to the counter to pour his drink into a white mug, lazily fiddling with the bottom of the t-shirt; it was big enough that it brushed against the tops of his thighs. Dean eventually looked up from what he was reading and glanced over.
"Is that my shirt?"
Cas picked up his mug and spun round to lean on the kitchen island, the t-shirt riding up just enough that if Dean edged sideways he could sneak a peak at Castiel's perky butt.
"Sure is," he winked and sipped his coffee.
"Good thing I didn't open the blinds yet, wouldn't wanna give the neighbours a show," Dean smirked. All along the brick walls to the east of the apartment were huge floor to ceiling windows and when the blinds were drawn back the glorious sunrise engulfed the entire living quarters. It was what had made Cas fall in love with the place when they'd first viewed it on an early January morning. And once Dean had seen the sparkling smile on Cas's face, the glow of the sun in his eyes, he couldn't say no. They'd signed the papers by lunchtime.
"What do you fancy for breakfast?" asked Cas.
Dean flung the magazine onto the coffee table and bounced up enthusiastically, "Anything. I'm starving."
"Well there's nothing in the fridge. I still need to go shopping remember. I didn't get chance yesterday because Meg kept ringing me up and begging me to run errands for her," Cas glugged his coffee, "This art exhibition is making her into the friend from hell. I had to trail all over town to pick up the champagne flutes. You can't let me forget them by the way. There's two boxes in the hallway."
Dean shimmied up behind Cas, his big hands holding him around the waist, "I'll remember." He pecked at Cas's collar bone.
Cas rocked back, "You better. Maybe you could pop to that cafe on the corner and pick us up some sandwiches while I get dressed?"
"Sure, sounds good to me," Dean smoothed one of his hands under the fabric of the t-shirt, "Did I happen to mention that you look sexy as hell wearing my clothes?"
"Did I happen to mention that I'm hungry?" Cas laughed, "Get me some FOOD!" He quickly snapped his hips and pushed his butt out against Dean's groin.
Dean humphed back a few steps. His hands cupped his junk protectively, "Hey, watch the goods!"
Cas turned round and elbowed his tanned boyfriend playfully in the stomach, "Then move it. You said yourself you're starving; go get us something to eat!"
A barking laugh burst out of Dean's lips. He dodged Cas's next tickling attack and coiled his arm around his partners stomach. Cas squirmed giddily. His hands came down in jokey, battering swings.
"Get off you big lump!" He cackled just as Dean lifted him off the floor and jostled him in the air so he was hanging over a thick shoulder. He thrashed his legs, roaring and squealing. Dean's hands were all over his skin, poking at his ribs, pinching at his exposed ass.
"PUT ME DO-!" Cas choked into a laugh and wriggled around in hysterics. His stomach was starting to hurt under the strain but he was so caught up in being swung here, there and everywhere that he barely cared.
Finally, when both their laughter had subsided, Dean let Cas's body slip down with his steady arms till his feet graced the floor. His hands however remained entwined around Cas's back. The soft trickle of his fingers trailed up and down Castiel's spine tenderly. He had that look on his face, gazing down at Cas like there were a million thoughts racing through his mind. A lopsided smile eventually curved on his lips.
"Sooooo," Cas trailed the 'o' vowel dramatically, "How about that breakfast?" Dean just shook his head with a defeated grin, his hands dropping to Cas's thin waist.
"Maybe bring back donuts too," Cas said sweetly, shifting his weight on his feet from side to side. He batted his eyes at Dean sarcastically. Dean chuckled under his breath and spun round to head for the door.
Quickly Cas reached his hand out and grabbed onto Dean's, "Oh, and one more thing... " He leaned up, pressed their lips together softly, "I love you."
Dean's eyes filled with warmth, "I know."
The sky was near spotless; like someone had wiped a cloth across the blue, glassy surface and cleaned away all the grey and white clouds. Dean was gazing up at the view through the sun roof from the backseat humming to pass the time. Every so often branches of yellow and orange flittered by above casting amber toned rays into the car.
"Yes, I know, Meg. I've got them. They're in the backseat with Dean." Cas was talking into his mobile, making exaggerated movements with his arms. Dean could practically hear Meg's exclaimed disgust that HE had been left in charge of the 'delicate' champagne flutes.
"No, he's not gonna break them. Meg, he wouldn't do that out of SPITE. Would you?" Cas flipped round from the front seat and lifted his eyebrows questioningly in Dean's direction. Dean cocked one eyebrow cheekily and pressed his tongue against his cheek. Cas rolled his eyes and returned to reassuring his friend.
"Hey Sammy?" Dean leant forward, speaking in a hushed tone, "How much further?"
Sam combed a hand through his hair, "Half an hour maybe?"
The car hit a rough patch of road and the boxes of glasses by Dean's side shook, the flutes tinkling like a wind chime.
"You sure this is the right road, Sam?" Dean placed his arm over the two boxes to keep them steady.
"Yes, Dean. The gallery is in the next town over, I know where I'm going," Sam retorted sharply.
Dean put his other hand up apologetically. "Okay, okay, little brother. Don't get your knickers in a twist."
"Jerk," Sam muttered.
"Bitch," Dean snorted
Cas finished talking and put his phone on the dashboard, "It's a wonder you two managed to get any hunting done. You're both a pair of kids." There were no secrets between Cas and Dean now. Cas knew every detail of Dean's previous profession', which had been put on hold as of late.
Dean shrugged, "Hey, I kept him alive didn't I?"
Sam rolled his shoulders with a chuckle, "Oh, here he goes. Always the hero. Not like I never saved his ass a thousand times?"
"And you never let me forget it! Though I'm pretty sure you were the one getting your butt kicked last time we hunted together?" Dean laughed.
"When? Back in Mississippi with that witch?" Sam tapped the steering wheel, "Dude, I was distracting her. You were supposed to swoop in on my call. I wrestled that old lady for a good fifteen minutes before you showed."
Dean laughed, "I apologised! I was finishing my sandwich." This time they both cracked up. Cas giggled at them.
Of course Dean missed hunting. Reminiscing reminded him of the excitement. The thrill and the rush and the action. But in the end it was too dangerous. He didn't wanna risk dragging Cas into that life and he sure as hell didn't want Cas being used against him by any sort of enemy. He cared too much.
When he blinked up, wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes, Cas was watching him from the rear view mirror and smiling. Neither of them saw the tree lying on the road when the car turned a bend till Sam swore loudly.
Then everyone's eyes flashed ahead.
Dean couldn't think fast enough. He tried to throw his hands forward and hold Cas back while reaching for the wheel but it came too quick.
Sam swerved abruptly. The car launched sideways. Dean's head snapped back and pain shot up from his spine to his throbbing temple. The boxes to his side hurtled onto the car floor and an insane smashing sound echoed in his ears. There was skidding. And screaming. And screeching.
Without warning the car hit something sharply and suddenly they were airborne. Hanging in a moment.
Turning.
Rolling.
Flipping.
Dean couldn't figure out what way was up. The sky seemed to bounce around, one second it was above him and the next it was below him. Shards of glass whizzed past his eyes. He saw the back of Cas's chair and the mop of his dark hair where his head was. There was a crunch. Metal groaning. More glass breaking. It was like a fairground ride and Dean couldn't get off. His stomach heaved at the uncontrollable motion till there was a climatic crunch. Then in an instant Dean's life went blank.
When he felt himself coming to it was like a wrecking ball of sensations. Everything ached in one moment. In the stillness and darkness Dean thought it would be the end. There was no way he could feel anymore pain. His bones were trembling. But with each blink of his eyes adrenaline started to vibrate through his body. The instinct to get up. The instinct to protect.
"Cas? Sam?" His throat felt twisted, like someone had dragged a rake along his voice box.
"Dean.."
Cas. Cas's voice. Dean's eyes finally adjusted and focussed. Blue. The sky. He was outside. The ground beneath him felt slightly damp and muddy. An earthy texture brushed his skin. Very slowly he became aware of his surroundings. Branches and trees crept into his vision. Despite the surges of pain he willed himself to push up. As he did so a burning flash of hurt clawed on his head. He grunted, inhaling deep and trying to ignore mind-numbing feeling.
With gritted teeth he lifted his head from the ground, grabbing on to the grass and pulling his torso up too. His whole world tilted on its axis and for a brief moment his vision spun like a drying drum.
"Dean?" Cas murmured, his voice strangled and strange. The usual bounce in his tone missing.
"Where's Sammy?" Dean exclaimed. Dizzily he looked around for his brother. The sight of the wreckage scarring his mind. Twisted clumps of metal lay strewn around the shell of Sam's car and glass was sprinkled like confetti in all directions, but no Sammy.
"He went for help. He's fine Dean," Cas coughed. Dean turned to where Castiel's voice was coming from.
Blood. Glaringly red blood, so bright against the green of the grass and leaves. That's all Dean saw. His Cas was lying on his back, staring up at the treetops, pale hands curled around his stomach protectively.
Before the pain could even strike him Dean was rushing to Cas's side, "Cas! What happened? Are you okay? Where's the blood coming from Cas?"
"Sam's getting help," Cas repeated. He seemed so still. The way he watched Dean with a chilling calmness. Almost like he wasn't worried.
Dean calmed his panicked voice, trying to match Cas's composure and raked his hand down his hair, "Where does it hurt baby?"
"My stomach," Cas whispered. His hands were still guarding the wound, so Dean carefully peeled them back to assess the damage. Sick rose up his throat instantly but he forced himself to look deeper. It was like mangled mince. All violently, deep red. He couldn't even tell where the blood was coming from, it just kept flowing out everywhere. When he finally turned away in disgust his hands were painted with Cas's DNA.
"How long will Sam be?" Dean asked, shaking his head.
"Not sure... He's meeting the ambulance on the road..," Cas coughed, "Can you... hold me please?"
Dean sighed sadly, "I'm not sure I should move you."
"Please, Dean."
"You're just so delicate Cas. If I moved you and I made you worse.."
"Dean. Hold me," Cas pleaded.
With a gulp Dean nodded and sat down on the ground. Carefully he scooped Cas's frail body into his arms and then gently pulled him into his lap.
For a few moments they just lay there, trying to ignore the stench of blood or the state of destruction around them. The wind was light against their skin and they listened for the sound of footsteps and help. Yet as the sun moved over the sky all the things Dean never said, all the chances to tell Cas he loved him, came tumbling against him like bricks till he couldn't contain it anymore.
"Cas, I'm sorry," Dean began.
"Sorry for what? You've got nothing to be sorry for," replied Cas kindly with a smile.
"I'm sorry for not telling you how I felt. I should have said it. I should of said it every day Cas. Every moment we spent together I should have told you what you meant to me. I was scared, okay, but I should have just said it and I'm not scared now," Dean stroked Cas's palms. Soft. Just like the first day they ever met. Those little details imprinted in Dean's mind.
"It's okay Dean. You don't have to say it. I've always known," Cas said. The words starting to come out slow with large pauses for breath between them. His mouth dry and throat course.
"But I do. I love you. I love you Castiel. To the moon and back. I love you so much that it kills me to see you in pain. God, I am so much better because I know you Cas, so much better because I have you in my life. You brought me out of the dark. So that's why you have to hold on. Just hold on. Sam's going to come back and your going to be fine," Dean squeezed Cas's fingers. A horrible, gut wrenching sensation churned in his stomach. He tried to ignore it, simply rocking Cas gently. His baby.
"Dean.. I'm not.. I'm not going to be fine," Cas's eyes began to flicker with exhaustion. He was sucking in ragged breaths. The whites of his eyes were a wet, bloodshot mess.
"No. Don't you dare. You don't start that... I'd give anything for you to be okay right now," Dean rested his head against Cas's forehead. It was insanely hot.
"Even the Impala," Cas chuckled and then he began coughing, spluttering flecks of blood into the air. Dean reached down and rubbed his chest till the coughing subsided and wiped away the drops of blood from his lips. The horrible metallic tang invaded Cas's mouth. It saddened him. He didn't want the blood to be the last thing he tasted. He wanted Dean's lips on his, the flavour of Dean's sweet mouth to be scarred into his soul for eternity.
"There will always be other cars, there's only one Cas," Dean smiled halfheartedly, another tear running down his cheek. He didn't wanna upset Cas but the tears kept on flooding down his face.
"I'm going to miss you, Dean. I'm going to miss everything we could've been. I had big dreams for us. I couldn't help it, I planned it all out in my head, because I loved you," Cas paused, "I will always love you." He lifted his quivering hand and held it on Dean's face. The roughness of the stubble tingling the senses in his fingertips. He was trying to unload all his thoughts. There was so much that he wanted to say and so little time to say it all. He just couldn't muster the energy to get all his words out at once.
"Shhh. We're still going to make those dreams happen baby. We're gonna buy a house, somewhere in the woods where it can just be me and you. You'd like that, yeah?" Dean asked, Cas nodded his head, wincing ever so slightly, "And we'll buy a dog. Something with shaggy hair. And you'll write a book. You're so talented. It's going to be the best book ever written. I just know it. And I will work on the cars and go hunting. I can open up a repairs garage. Then when I come home from work you can look at me and smile the way my mom used to smile at my Dad. And most importantly we will get married. I don't care where we have to go or what we have to do or how long we have to wait; I'm going to marry you Cas. All I need is for you to be my husband. You and me, together, we are unstoppable." Dean kissed Cas's scratched fingers as they slid past his lips.
"Unstoppable," Cas repeated, closing his eyes again slowly. Exhaling loudly.
"Listen to me. Stay awake. Sam's coming. Not long now," Dean turned, scanning the trees for any sign of Sam, his heart thumping with panic. Sam had to get here soon. The blood was starting to dry on his palms and there was a large red stain on his jeans. He focussed on Cas. The paleness of his face. The colour was draining out of him, oozing out with the blood.
Cas opened his sad eyes and gazed at Dean, "I'm dying..."
"No your not. Because we have so much still to do. Don't you get it Cas. This is it. The big one. The love you read about in all those god damn books; the forever love. Me and you. Forever. Do you understand?" Dean leaned down and spoke into Cas's hair, cradling his head in his lap, tears soaking the dark, mottled locks. He gripped tightly on to Cas's hand again.
"Forever love.." Cas whispered, his voice trailing and cracking. He looked up at Dean, big blue eyes soaking in all the features on his face for the last time, the skies beckoning him in the background. Sunshine glistened through the treetops. In the distance he was sure he heard the melodic whistle of a blue bird. He glanced one final time into Dean's beautiful eyes, till he was swimming in the shades of meadow green, colours so enchanting. Colours of Dean. Dean. One last tear broke down his cheek, then his eyelids slipped close and his hand fell limp in his loves grasp.
"Cas?" Dean shook Cas gently. Nothing. He stroked his hand over and over to no avail.
"Cas?" His voice broke, "Wake up. I love you Cas. I need you. Wake up. Please. I-I don't know how to be happy without you.." Cas's face was white. The light drained from his once radiating cheeks.
"Cas... Please.. Don't leave me... We are the forever love.." Dean sobbed, holding Cas close to his chest so that Cas's head leant on his heart. His body trembled, vision blurred by tears. He started wailing. An inhuman sound curling from the pit of his stomach and echoing through the trees. The sound drowned out everything. Flocks of birds scattering in fear. His Cas was gone. Actually gone. Just like that. No warning. Simply snapped away. And the pain was flooring him, rocketing through him like a bullet, tearing apart his soul.
"You can't do this to me!" Dean screamed into Cas's head, the black hairs tangling in his mouth, saliva and uncontrollable tears sticking the strands to his cheeks. He was praying that Cas would hear him and come back. If he shouted loud enough he could get through to him.
Dean's voice shrank, getting hoarse and hushed as his screams died down to a pained whimper, "You can't die! You can't make me love you and then just leave me.."
He wanted to keep screaming, till his throat ached and his face was blue but there was nothing let. His voice box was empty. Everything was empty. His mouth just gawped open as he cried.
To be continued...
