Title:
Suffering is the Best Punishment
Author:
Shannon - shannyfish
Disclaimer:
I do not own "The Mentalist" or its characters, CBS does. This
is merely for entertainment purposes only.
Rating:
PG-13
Summary:
Takes Place during Season Two. Red John attacks Jane using his own
twisted type of psychological warfare.
Warning:
Severe spoilers for season one.
Chapter 9 – "Disorder Attracts Attention"
Author's Note: Okay, I blame my allergy-ness for any errors...I ended up getting the worse bought of allergies yesterday and I'm just now getting proper medication. Seriously, I think I'd rather be sick...
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"Order is never observed; it is disorder that attracts attention because it is awkward and intrusive."- Eliphas Levi
CBI Headquarters
"Goodnight," Rigsby said as he, Van Pelt, and Cho headed out.
"Night," Van Pelt echoed.
"Night Boss," Cho said.
"Goodnight," Lisbon responded back.
Jane watched them from her couch. He'd been lying there most of the day. His hands neatly folded over his stomach. Lisbon had hidden in her office for almost the whole day. He found it unsettling. She didn't often isolate herself in such a way, but he had a feeling that part of that response was due to his actions earlier in the day.
With her door now open, Jane could see a glimpse of her. He felt bad if he'd scared her. He had only meant to keep her safe. If she didn't believe him, then how was he supposed to keep her safe? How was he supposed to keep Red John from hurting her?
"Go home, Jane," Lisbon's voice carried to him.
Obviously, Lisbon had missed the whole point of him being there. He didn't want to leave her. He wanted to stay. He wanted to be there. She was a target. Didn't she understand that? He hated that she still may not believe him that she was one.
He got to his feet and meandered to her office. "Are you leaving?" he asked as he leaned against the doorframe.
"In a while," Lisbon responded honestly. "I still have some paperwork to finish up."
"I'll help." He moved into her office and took a seat across from her. He smiled at her and she smiled back, but then turned her head slightly. This was a look he'd gotten before. He wasn't leaving though.
"I don't think you can help."
"So, I'll be here for moral support," he offered.
"Thanks, but no."
Jane just sat there and smiled at her. He didn't care what she said, he wasn't leaving her. He wouldn't let her be taken again. The threat was too high.
"I'm serious, Jane. Go home."
"I'm serious, too."
"Serious about what? As far as I've seen, you're a clown."
"Seen or remember?" Jane challenged.
He watched her as she stared back at him. She was thinking about how to respond to his question. "You're remembering..." he said quietly. It was flat out statement and he stood by it.
"It's just blurred...bits and pieces that don't make sense," Lisbon admitted.
Jane grinned. "What do you remember?"
"Did you not hear me? Blurred bits and pieces. It doesn't make sense."
"That's okay, tell me. I'll help fill in the gaps."
"It's okay," Lisbon told him and then started to shuffle papers.
He could tell that she was trying to look busy. Like she didn't need him. He still wasn't leaving. This wasn't one hundred percent functioning Teresa Lisbon, though he wouldn't have left if it was. He was honestly worried about her. He wasn't just going to let it go. He cared about her.
He loved her.
"You're still here," she pointed out as she briefly looked up from the paperwork on her desk.
"I am," he told her proudly. He smiled brightly at her and started to randomly look over her office.
"Why?"
"Because I'm not leaving you here alone."
Lisbon sighed and looked up at him. "You do realize that not only am I armed...and by the way, Minnelli had me retested to make sure I know how to handle my gun. I passed. But there are also guards. You don't have to sit here and "protect" me."
"I wish you'd take this seriously," Jane said with a bit of irritation seeping into his voice as he stared up at her ceiling. "You would know to be serious if you remembered how serious he can be when it comes to his victims."
"What? You want me to remember the cases? I remember them, Jane. Would you like me to start reciting the cases? Would that make you feel better?"
Her voice was portraying her irritation and upset at him very convincingly. He didn't care. He wasn't leaving her. "It might." He turned his attention away from the ceiling and back to her.
"I remember..." Lisbon paused.
He noticed how her face softened and then she looked back down at the paperwork. He frowned. Did she remember? He knew that she remembered some about Red John. "Lisbon?"
"I remember..." she told him quietly and then went back to her paperwork.
Jane just wanted her to know how dangerous he could be. Even though she didn't believe that Red John would have let her live, he knew better. This was a way of making him suffering. And he was. He was suffering...it hurt him so badly to know that she didn't remember him...that she didn't believe him...that she didn't trust him... That was worse than having Lisbon dead.
"I wish you'd remember to trust me," Jane told her. He was still afraid that he'd burned some bridges with her earlier when she'd been forced to remember being blind and walking alongside a road. Jane felt guilty about that...
"Trust you?"
"I did take a bullet for you," Jane reminded her.
She frowned.
"We even did a trust fall...though you don't remember it."
"A trust fall?"
Jane nodded and smiled brightly at her. "A trust fall. Where you turn around and fall backwards and I catch you."
"That can't possibly prove trust," Lisbon argued. "That's a lame exercise they make you do at those work retreats."
"We did one and you said you trusted me."
"I don't remember that."
Jane smiled at her. "You should."
"And yet...I don't."
Jane sighed and shook his head. "I'm starting to think this is all a complex mind game you're playing with me."
"Now," Lisbon said and leaned forward across her desk. "Why would I do that?"
Jane's smile brightened more and he laughed lowly. "Because I sort of do them to you all the time."
Lisbon nodded. "I thought so."
"If this is pay back for my behavior, then this has to be the best pay back you've come up with."
She shrugged. "Too bad I can't take credit for it."
..................................
CBI Parking Lot"I can walk myself to my own car," Lisbon complained.
"Can't you just let me be a gentleman and walk you to your car?" Jane asked her.Lisbon stopped and turned to him."I doubt this is something you would normally do or something that I would normally allow you to do."
"You're right," Jane told her. "But I'm going to do it anyway."
"Why?"
"I already told you why. Did you forget already?" he asked.
"I'm starting to think that you just want to piss me off is what I think..." Lisbon shook her head. "Watch me from a distance as you walk to your car."
The suggestion was obviously one that was a sort of compromise. He liked his idea better though. He frowned a bit when he noticed her wince. Her hand went up to her head and her eyes closed. He waited, but worried. He didn't want to overreact. He was still paying for freaking her out and bringing up bad memories earlier in the day. He wouldn't make that mistake again.
After a minute when she didn't start trying to get him to leave her alone again, he finally spoke up. "Lisbon? Are you okay?" he asked gently with concern.
"My head just hurts," Lisbon responded. "It's been hurting all day, but it just suddenly got worse..."
"Let me drive you home," Jane offered. "Please?"
Lisbon dropped her hand and opened her eyes to look at him. "If I let you drive me home, then you're going to want to come in...and then I'll never get rid of you. You are the mouse in the story If You Give a Mouse a Cookie."
"I'm not sure it's the same," Jane argued a bit, but smiled at her.
"I'm starting to think it is."
"So?" Jane asked. He tried to keep the fact that he was completely excited by the fact that she was going to let him drive her home inside. He didn't want to force her to decide to drive herself and risk getting into an accident because she knew he was enjoying it too much.
"Fine."
Jane felt like bouncing, but instead contained himself. He held out his arm for her and she took it, though a bit reluctantly. He guided her to his car and opened the passenger side door for her and then shut it once she was inside. He hurried around to the driver's side and was inside in no time at all.
"You know, this is trust," Lisbon spoke up as Jane guided the car out of the CBI parking lot.
"What is?" Jane asked as he focused on driving.
"Allowing you to drive me around in this."
He smiled brightly. "You've told me that before."
"I have?"
"You have," he assured her and took a moment to flash a smile in her direction before pulling his attention back to the road.
"It still holds up."
"I promise, no accidents," he told her. "Which way?"
................................
Teresa Lisbon's Residence
"I knew you'd talk me into doing something I had told myself I wouldn't do," Lisbon muttered as she unlocked the door.
"I don't know how you could ever think that I could talk you into something," Jane told her.
"Yeah, right," she mumbled and stepped into her house, leaving the door open for him to follow in after her.
Jane did follow and closed and locked the door. He looked around immediately taking in what the interior of her place looked like. It was clean and neat, but sparse. He thought that her place was probably like it was, not really decorated because she was probably hardly there. She spent most of her time at work and Jane didn't see her as one who partied after work. Lisbon had always seemed to be one of those people who kept it pretty close to the book.
"Let me stay the night," Jane requested.
"What?"
He could hear that he'd caught her off guard. After all, he hadn't known he was going to make the request until it came tumbling out of his mouth. "I'm not saying we do anything. I'll be a gentleman and sit in a chair or sleep on the couch or something... Floor even if you like."
"That doesn't sound very comfortable," she pointed out.
"I sleep on the couch at work all the time," he countered.
Lisbon frowned. "I don't need a babysitter anymore, remember?"
"You've been having headaches," Jane pointed out. "Plus, someone has to drive you."
"I'll call for a taxi."
"Come on," Jane told her with a smile. "I promise to be good. I won't even raid the refrigerator."
"I'll call for Van Pelt."
Jane shook his head. "Just let me stay. I'll sit right here on the couch," he told her before dropping down to sit on her couch. "I'll be quiet and everything."
"You make it sound like you're a dog or something."
Jane shrugged. He wasn't going to argue if that meant that he got to stay. After all, it was much easier keeping an eye on her from inside rather than being stalker-like and sleeping in his car. He watched as she walked off. He stayed put. He didn't go there to invade her privacy. This was her home, she'd never insisted on going into his.
Her head poked out minutes later, he turned to look at her. She seemed to be studying him. He didn't move, just in case. He did put on a bright smile for her though. He just hoped that she wasn't changing her mind on him. He was starting to get comfortable.
"Why do I think that when I do remember, that I'm going to be irritated at myself for allowing this?" Lisbon questioned.
He just laughed at her. "I love how you're worried about what you're going to think..." he teased. "Plus, if you are mad at me then, I'll take any punishment you wish to inflict on me."
Lisbon's face was perfect. He wished he could take a picture. She seemed to be really contemplating it. He almost didn't mind her not remembering him; it was almost like making new memories with her in an odd sort of way. This wasn't the Lisbon that he'd worked this long with, but a newer more cautious one. He didn't think that was fair though, the others had given her sufficient warning.
He turned and lay down on her couch once he took off his shoes. He just looked backward to see her still standing there. Jane was tempted to ask her if she remembered something, there was an odd look she as giving him. He couldn't quite place it. Like she was trying to remember, or maybe even attempting to place a memory? Jane wasn't sure. All he knew was that she had to know somewhere deep down that he was serious about Red John in order to let him stay with her.
"Goodnight," Lisbon finally said quietly before disappearing.
"Goodnight," he repeated. The lights all started to go off. He just lay there and stared up at the ceiling thinking. Thinking about everything and nothing. The past, present, and the future. Life was so unpredictable. Sometimes people had the right idea when they said that you had to live like there was no tomorrow. He didn't want to think of that concept when it came to Lisbon. She'd have tomorrow and the day after...and the day after...and the next...and on until she was old and grey.
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TBC...
