Wow, more than 10 years later .. talk about a long hiatus! So crazy to think it has been so long since I wrote the previous chapters. I had a sudden desire to read some of my old work and I came across a paragraph I had written that was intended to be the beginning of the next chapter to this story. Motivation struck and I decided to finish it, I really enjoyed writing it so if there's still any interest in this story I would love to continue it ! Please let me know what guys think, feedback means the world. And thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed thus far !
Haley dug her toes into the cool sand as she made her way down the beach. It was one of those clear beautiful nights, the kind of night where you could see every star in the sky and the air was chilled by a subtle breeze. The flames danced in the distance and the waves lapped powerfully at the shore, creating a hum in the night. As she came closer upon the bon fire, she could recognize various people from school tangled in a sea of unfamiliar faces. People have been talking about the end of semester bon fire since what felt like forever. Everyone was excited to have a break and let loose. I guess it was fitting, celebrating the end of the semester by burning items from your past. Which was bound to be classwork for most. Everyone was drawn there for different reasons, to let go of the past, to move on, or of course just to party. Haley set the box down by the edge of the first crowd that was forming around the fire. She lingered for a moment before continuing her steps forward towards the various tables set up to supply the alcohol. Classes were finally on break and it felt so uplifting not to have to have her mind cluttered with a thousand different deadlines. It had been 2 weeks since Nathan had made his grand silence ending proclamation to Haley. The one in which he insisted he did care about her, especially during the time when Lydia had left. He just 'didn't know what to do about it'. Haley rolled her eyes for the millionth time thinking back to his excuse, becoming more and more annoyed by the words. She grabbed a bottle of beer off the table, popping the top and throwing the cap into the provided bucket. Her eyes scanned the crowd, looking for nobody in particular. Things had resolved with Lucas after the conversation on the beach, but she knew he was just dying to bring the subject back up and she was intent on avoiding it. She hadn't told him about the whole episode with Nathan, fearing she wouldn't be able to stomach any defense of his brother that he may have offered. She spotted Peyton and Brooke a little ways down the beach, engaging in some animated conversation with Brooke's hands moving around furiously as they both laughed. Haley smiled brightly when they noticed her, waving at her to join. She loved how carefree they seemed and in that moment she wanted to let herself go for the night the way most people her age do on a regular basis. Haley raised her beer to them in a sign of acknowledgement and suddenly felt it being tapped by another bottle.
'Cheers' He moved into her field of vision so quickly she wasn't even sure where he had come from. The smile fell from her face as her eyes took him in, he always looked so effortlessly perfect. No matter how much anger for him moved through her body she could never deny his looks. But she would try like hell to ignore them. Nathan offered the sentiment as a peace offering but judging by the disdain adorning her face he knew it was going to be a long shot.
Haley pulled her bottle away and back to her lips, taking a long sip before turning on her heels and walking away. She knew he was going to be here but did he have to insist on talking to her? The beach was more than big enough for them to continue avoiding each other all night. The last 2 weeks they had barley spoken any full sentences to each other, just various grunts and head nodding. There was just no point anymore. Haley built herself back up in the years that Nathan had disappeared, she was okay for the most part without him and it was going to stay like that. He didn't get to come back into her life and open old wounds just because he was ready to act like an adult.
Nathan followed behind her, trying to initiate some type of white flag waving. He wasn't delusional, he knew Haley wasn't just going to forgive him but he at least wanted her to know he wasn't the total piece of shit she had believe him to be for so long. Having her back in his life on a daily basis made him reminisce about the times when it was just the two of them against the world, even if he didn't want to. He knew his actions were wrong in high school, but that was so long ago. Was it going to be held against him forever? Having her living with him seemed like an indifferent situation at first, it didn't really affect him. It was nice to have her around again, plus the group of friends meshed so easily together. Things were fine. But this awkward silence and tension that now enveloped the apartment was becoming stressful. He didn't want to be walking on eggshells in his own place anymore. Either they were going to be friends or hate each other, talk or scream at each other, there didn't seem to be any in between.
'Haley just tell me what you want me to do' He reached out his hand, tugging on her arm and making her face him. It was bad enough that he was chasing after her understanding, he wasn't going to literally chase her as well.
She let out a long sigh and stopped, knowing he would just keep following her. Her eyes drifted up to his and she consciously told herself to ignore how deeply blue they were. She had spent so much time admiring his gorgeous eyes throughout the years, it was undeniably the first thing anyone noticed about him. Haley sighed again, wanting things to be so different but unable to ignore the fact that things were the way they were and there was no changing that fact. Not to mention Nathan played one of the most significant roles in the downfall of everything that she used to know. And that couldn't be forgiven.
'Maybe you should write another letter' Haley bit out, pulling her arm away from his touch. She took another gulp of her beer, and turned away from him once again, wishing he would just leave her alone. Since when was he concerned with her rather than being the center of everyone else's attention.
'What is wrong with you, you asked me to tell you the truth and I did' Nathan chastised, getting frustrated. He didn't need this, he didn't need to beg for forgiveness. He thought giving her somewhat of an explanation of how stuck he felt before would help. But it just seemed to make things worse, which is exactly why he never attempted it before.
'Well I guess I regret that too' Haley shrugged, walking up to the table again. She finished the last of her bottle and discarded the bottle before popping the top of another. 'Just like I regret ever talking to you again, forever thinking that this could actually be a good idea'
'Haley I meant what I said. I wanted to be there for you, I just didn't know how..' He tried again but was cut off by her voice.
'What does that mean Nathan?! Do you think that's an excuse? Is it supposed to make me feel better? It's not comforting to know that while I was consistently falling apart more and more every day that you were just right outside the door or on the other end of the phone, and you still did nothing because 'you didn't know how' She made the fake air quotes with one hand as she spoke, her voice dripping with venom.
'You know what I didn't know how to do? I didn't know how to live without my mother or live without you or live in the nightmare that became my life when you decided to walk out' Haley nearly screamed, drawing the prying eyes of some members of the crowd. She blinked her eyes furiously, refusing to let the tears fall. She would not cry about this tonight.
'Lucas was there for you, I knew he would make you okay' Nathan countered, ignoring the stares. What was he supposed to do? Just show up one day after months and try to comfort her? Tell her to cry on his shoulder? How disingenuous would that have seemed? Or was he supposed to call so she could hang up on him? His ego wouldn't allow anyone to have the upper hand over him.
'Oh Lucas was there?' Haley laughed bitterly. 'So that makes it better because your brother was there? Do you think he wanted to take care of me like that? Do you think he wanted to worry about his pathetic best friend once he moved away to start over and focus on himself and his new life? The depths of your selfish attitude truly amaze me' She shook her head and once again walked away, this time faster. Haley moved her way through the crowd wanting to get away from him, from this conversation. She was tired, there was no energy left to rehash events that he still knew absolutely nothing about.
'You're not pathetic' Nathan offered sheepishly. He watched as she ignored him, pushed past him for what seemed like the hundredth time. He was done with this, people didn't ignore him, and people didn't push him away. That's not how it was supposed to work, he wasn't used to it and he didn't like it. And as a result his defenses came up.
'Why can't you let the past go? You hold onto shit you can't control and look how unhappy you are. Your miserable and it ruins the people around you' His comment was borderline cruel and not entirely true. She could never ruin anything. But still, she was holding onto his past mistakes and making it impossible for him to apologize or to just make things the least bit civil.
Haley closed her eye tightly, her whole body radiating with anger. She could feel her grip on the glass bottle tightening and for the slightest second she thought about smashing it. He was so clueless, so naïve. She took a deep breath, and then another. It was partially her fault because she would never disclose the details to him, especially after all this time. Everything was just so wrong in the situation.
'Your right Nathan, I should learn how to let go' She took another step forward to where she had stood earlier that night. Haley grabbed the top of the box with one hand and pushed passed him. Nathan stayed frozen in his place this time, immediately recognizing the box. He watched as she made her way around the fire until she was standing in a clearing on the other side. She placed the beer down in the sand next to her feet and took a step closer, emptying the contents into the flames. Everything tumbled out, immediately igniting and sending a rush of golden embers into the air. A few people clapped for the tradition, oblivious to the significance. Nathan watched as the memories turned to ash, the sinking feeling in his stomach becoming harder to ignore. He didn't think she would do that, and he didn't know why it hurt so damn bad either. Haley reached down and picked up her beer, bringing it to her lips as her eyes locked with his through the flames. Their eyes stayed tangled on one another for a moment before Haley turned and walked away. This time, Nathan let her.
Haley caught sight of Lucas to the right of everyone, seemingly watching the entire throw down. She continued walking, averting her gaze to ignore the eye contact Lucas was desperately trying to make. She continued pushing past people, emerging herself further into the crowd. The smell of alcohol and smoke overpowering her senses. Normally she would have gone to the water's edge, watched the waves push their way onto the shore while she basked in the moonlight. But not tonight. Tonight, she wanted to drown the world out with noise. Her waist swayed rhythmically with the music, her hair bounced along her neck and her mouth was wet with beer. She smiled, relieved to finally enjoy the moment.
'Haley don't you think that was slightly excessive' Lucas prodded, appearing in front of her faster than she had expected. He knew she was going to regret it. She had held onto that stuff for years, even when things were the worst they ever were at home, she never threw his stuff out. And now not only was the stuff gone, but it was burned to ashes.
Haley didn't answer, her hips continuing to move to the beat of the song. A thin smile stretched over her lips while she looked at him. She outstretched her free had and ran it along his chest, inviting him to dance with her.
'Haley..' Lucas spoke again, ignoring her invitation.
'I don't want to talk about it' Her tone was light as she swayed side to side.
'Haley you can't just..' His thoughts were cut off, Haley's voice more adamant than the first time.
'No, Lucas okay? I'm done. I don't need that shit anymore. And I definitely don't need to have a conversation about it'. With that, her feet carried her in a different direction, her arms above her head as she smiled and tossed her hair behind her. The music, the night air, the strong feel of alcohol coursing through her veins, it was all enough to pull her into a different world.
Let me know what you guys think! x0 Laura
