Walking into the Great Hall Hermione was shocked to see that two tables had been pressed together, and all her room mates, bar one, were all seated together.
"Well this is new" Hermione commented as she took her place in between Harry and Millicent, opposite Pansy.
"Yeah well the only person who's not friends with everyone her is Ron. So..." Harry explained, shrugging.
"Speaking of Ron." Millicent added nodding towards the main door.
"Harry move down." Hermione instructed.
"What?" Harry asked in confusion.
"Move."
"What are you doing?" Draco hissed, frowning.
"Ron!" Hermione called ignoring Draco "I saved you a seat." she added discretely emptying one of the vials into a glass of pumpkin juice.
"Here." Hermione offered as Ron sat down next to her grinning, as he down the content of the glass, making Hermione smile evilly.
"So Ron, how have you been? I feel like I haven't spoken to you in ages." Hermione asked sweetly, as Ginny signaled for Lavender to join them.
"Not great actually," Ron replied, "I haven't been able to get any for a while, not to mention the fact that I've had trouble getting myself off on my own recently, oh yeah, and then there's these weird dreams I've been having." As soon as Ron finished his sentence he realised what he had just confessed and proceeded to flush the same colour as his hair.
A deafening silence had fallen over the hall at Ron's confession and everyone was now listening intently, curious as to what would be said next.
"How come you've not been able to get any mate?" Harry asked slapping Ron on the back, trying to fight his smile as he watched the truth potion take place.
"I dunno every time I try and fuck someone recently, I constantly get shot down, even Lavender shot me down, and she never says no." Ron admitted.
"Really Ronald, so do tell me why I put up with you." Lavender snapped, standing at the end of the table.
"Because you're an easy lay." Ron replied before slapping his hand over his mouth, making Lavender's eyes flash with fury.
"Well as long as you're being truthful, answer me this; why do you always fuck me from behind?" Lavender asked.
"So I don't have to see your face it's easier to pretend you're someone else that way."
"And pray tell, who do you pretend you're screwing?"
There was a sudden feeling of a giant breath being held in the Great Hall, as everyone waited for Ron's reply.
"Hermione." Ron replied.
"Oh one more thing, is it true you dressed up in my underwear and heels then got you're dick stuck trying to fuck a bottle?" Lavender smirked as Ron's eyes went wide.
"Yes" Ron replied quietly, but Blaise and Draco's roars of laughter confirmed the answer for everybody, causing the entire hall to erupt into laughter. Lavender walked away looking completely satisfied with Ron's humiliation and mouthed a discrete 'Thank you' to Hermione, who nodded once and smiled in reply.
Whilst everyone was distracted Hermione poured Ron another drink and added another vile of potion to it, whilst Pansy took the opportunity to remove Ron's anti-masturbation spells.
"Here Ron" Hermione said offering Ron another drink, whilst rubbing his back comfortingly, her eyes flashing over to Draco's as Ron downed the lot.
"Thanks." Ron mumbled.
"So Weaselbee , you still lusting after Granger then?" Draco sneered, "How's that working out for you?"
"What do you mean?" Ron asked confused.
"I mean have you actually gotten anywhere?" Draco asked winking as he noticed Hermione's disbelieving glare.
"No" Ron replied quietly, clearly embarrassed.
"But you fantasise about her right? Damn that's got to be hard.... living with her and all." Draco continued.
"Yeah but it means I get to see her in her underwear, it gives me good wanking material."
"When you can." Draco smirked, "Damn that's got to frustrating, living with all these arousing women, and not being able to do a damn thing to ease the tension. Tough break." He snickered as Ron began to squirm in his seat, making everyone at the table shake in an attempt to hold back their laughter.
"So Weaselbee, ever use the enlargement charm on the family jewels?" Draco smirked.
"Yes" Ron replied
"Really who'd did you fuck with that?" Draco laughed.
"Pumpkin Pasty" Ron mumbled sliding further down into his seat. As the Great Hall once again burst out into laughter. Hermione glanced round and smiled as she saw Lavender crying with laughter.
"Changing the subject" Harry interrupted, "Ron you said you've been having these really weird dreams. What kind of dreams?" he asked.
"Yeah Weaselbee, what dreams? More fantasies?" Draco goaded.
"Yes" Ron replied hanging his head.
"Ooo, do tell, who was it this time?" Pansy asked with keen interest. "I'm sorry who?" She asked in reply to Ron's mumble.
"Yeah come on Weasley, who was it?" Blaise added.
"Professor Snape." Ron replied barely audible.
"Could you repeat that?" Hermione questioned leaning in to Ron.
"Don't be ashamed man, I mean, from what we've seen every morning you were clearly enjoying it." Harry remarked.
"Come on Ron, tell who was it?" Hermione asked again.
"Professor Snape" Ron repeated no louder than before.
"Who?" Millicent asked.
"PROFESSOR SNAPE! ALRIGHT I'VE BEEN DREAMING ABOUT SNAPE." Ron bellowed, but before laughter could break out, Draco decided to increase Ron's misery.
"Really? What happens in these dreams?" Draco smirked, as Ron visibly paled and tried to prevent the answer leaving his lips.
"He ties me up in the dungeons and punishes me until I beg him to fuck me." Ron replied turning beet red.
"What does he punish you for?" Hermione asked barley able to contain her laughter.
"Being a bad boy."
At Ron's reply the Great Hall erupted in a roar of deafening laughter, which only subsided as everyone realised the first professor had come down for dinner. Glaring at the laughing students Snape weaved his way through the tables, making his way towards the head table. But as he passed their table, Ron's eyes flicked up to meet Snape's and the second vile of potion began to take effect.
