This chapter is a little longer and it starts out with a flashback from high school and continues on into Helga's college life (everything in italics is flashbacks). Enjoy!
"Hey Helga, wait up," it's Arnold, that stubborn football head, yet the love of my life and boyfriend. We had an argument last week about graduation, and I am not sure I want to talk to him. I hope he isn't still mad at me.
"What is it, Arnoldo? Criminy, I haven't got all day," I spit at him. I'm still pretty mad at him for not wanting to invite my parents to his party.
He gives me that half lidded smile, "You're so cute when you pretend to be angry,"
My eyebrows raise, "What makes you think I'm pretending," I growl, raising my fist.
"I don't know…there's always a certain look you have when you're pretending…" He says. God, that smile drives me crazy! He knows I can't stay mad at him for long, even when he is an idiot.
"And if it means so much to you," Arnold adds, grabbing my hand, "I'll invite your parents. I didn't mean to offend you, I just didn't want to have any fights. You know how my grandpa is around your dad,"
I laugh, he's right. They argue every time they see each other. "Thanks, Football head," as we walk together. "I'll see you at the ceremony tomorrow," I tell him cheerily, turning off to Phoebe's house.
"Yeah, see you then,"
….
My eyes flashed open in the darkness. Was I just sleeping? The events of those days seemed so clear in my mind, and yet so far away. I remember what happened at the ceremony, but I don't want to think about it. I roll over angrily and drift off to sleep again. Unfortunately for me, we don't get to choose what we dream about.
….
It was late after Arnold's party, and everyone had gone home. We were up on his rooftop silently watching the city lights. I was cuddled in his arms. Normally we would be making out about this time, but for some reason there was a quiet edge surrounding us. We were each miles away from each other.
"Arnold, I was accepted into Columbia," I say, breaking the silence.
He looks at me. "I thought we were both headed to Stanford. That's where you said you wanted to go," he says. He doesn't sound happy.
"No, that was your idea, but now my chance at going to school in New York is finally a possibility," I say, excitedly. This is my dream. "And think about it, Pheebs and Gerald are going there too so we could all stick together,"
"Yeah, but I already was accepted into Stanford. I have been planning on going there for the past year!" He says bitterly.
"Criminy, Arnold, just apply to Columbia. It's not that big of a deal," I say. His mood is rubbing off on me now.
"You know what, I think it's more than that," Arnold says, standing up.
"Oh yeah, what is it then?" I say, standing as well. If he wants a fight, he's got one.
"We have been arguing for the past few weeks constantly. All you can do is disagree with me!" Arnold shouts.
"Disagree with you?" I say in disbelief. "You've been crankier than the Jolly Olly man! You are almost never in a good mood anymore," I shout back, folding my arms. "You're always grouchy, always complaining, always a million miles away, even when you're standing right next to me!"
He runs his fingers through his hair, "Let's not fight," he says.
I scowl and remain silent. He was always trying to avoid confrontation. I can't live like that. Bad things happen, but he never wanted to acknowledge that.
"We can both go to the colleges we want to go to, right? We can make it work," he says, but there is a tiredness in his voice. I feel crushed. How could he say that? We would be on separate ends of the country, and he didn't even care?
"No way, football head! I am not up for some long distance thing. You have to make a choice, me or Stanford. Which one is going to be?" I shout.
"You know what I think," Arnold says, "I think we are two very different people who are now headed in very different directions. Maybe we just weren't meant to be,"
My heart is broken, but I scream at him and walk out. Alone in my dark cold room that night I cry my eyes out. For some reason I know that I will probably never see him again. I don't want to see him again. I want to forget that I ever loved him.
…..
"Shit, I can't deal with this mess," I say aloud quietly. I got another D. My first two years of college had been fine and easy, but now, I am drifting. I don't know what it is either. I doubt I am homesick, but I still feel this odd sense of loneliness I can't push away. Maybe it's because Pheebs transferred last semester. Criminy I'm a mess!
"I can help you, if you want," I hear a voice say. I turn to see a young guy with short dirty blonde hair and a flashing smile. He's cute, that's for sure. "Yeah, how's that," I say grouchily. He laughs and flops down his paper. 100 written at the top. "What the…" I mutter, staring at it. I didn't even think that was possible.
"So, what do you say, wanna meet at the lounge and study?" he says. I shrug my shoulders. "Sure, why not,"
He flashes his dazzling pearly whites, "See you at the north dorm at three," he says, and moves back to his seat. I sit staring after him…
…
I wake up hyperventilating. What the hell is wrong with me tonight! I can't stop dreaming about the past. I rub my face trying to forget. I remember him very well, unfortunately. Those bright brown beaming eyes, but most of all that dazzling smile. Damn it, why couldn't I just have steered clear of him. We had studied together for months…months. He was always pestering me to come to his dorm for parties, but I never bothered. I toss and turn and close my eyes again.
…
"Hello?" My phone rings. It's my father, that's a big surprise. He never calls me. I haven't spoken to him since Christmas.
"Yeah, what's up Bob?" I say. The sooner I can get off the phone, the better.
"It's your mother…" I hear him say, "She was traveling in Texas to see her sister last week and…"
"Well, spit it out will you," I demand, munching on some pork rinds.
"She died in a car accident. She was…driving under the influence," he says. My heart stops. I can't breathe. I instantly drop the phone and crawl into a ball.
For hours I lie on the floor of my dorm room. Miriam, is…gone. I can't process it. My own mother, who although hadn't always been there for me, was dead. The tears rolled down my cheeks. I feel an overwhelming sense of sorrow. I can't even move…
There is a knock on my dorm door. I don't stand up. "Helga, it's me," I hear my studymate Curtis say. I get up and let him in.
He does a double take at the sight of my messy hair and running makeup. "What happened," he demands to me. "My…m..mom…died," I spit out. I am blubbering like an idiot, but I can't help it. He wraps me in his arms and I try to feel safe, but I don't.
"I know what will help," He says, grabbing my hand. We go off campus to a bar. I had never set foot in one, afraid that Miriam's drinking problem would become my own. Now, I don't even care, guzzling down the alcohol set in front of me. It doesn't taste that great, but it gives me a buzz which I like.
We laugh the whole night. I have never felt so free and happy. I feel like I could fly. We wander back to his dorm and into his bed. He slowly raises my shirt off and kisses my lips fiercely. I am having so much fun. I felt so adored and special, and for the first time, my problems seem to have disappeared.
…
The light is pouring in through the window as my eyes slowly blinked open. Oh God, my head is raging. I am lying on the floor of Curt's dorm. What the hell had happened to me? "Your still here?" I hear a voice say. It's Curtis.
"God, my head," I moan, trying to remember what had happened the night before. He smiles enchantingly at me, and lifts me to my feet. "I'll get you some coffee," he says, sitting me down in a chair and leaving the room. I want to ask him about last night, but he's gone. All I can remember was coming here…
The coffee tastes terrible, but it helps my headache a little bit. Curtis comforts me with his sweet soft voice telling me everything will be ok. I trust him.
…
I sit up in my bed, awoken for a third time by my disturbing dreams that night. "Get out! Get out!" I yell angrily to myself. I want to forget. I don't want to think about this. I don't want to remember. I am exhausted! I get up and get a glass of milk and sit at the kitchen table. I will not go back to sleep if that's what I am going to dream about. I flop down on my sofa, tired. Maybe it will be better out here, and I curl into a ball. My eyes blink closed again…
…
It has been several weeks since the incident. I try to bury it to the back of my mind as I shift the weight of my backpack to my other shoulder. I don't want to think that Curtis had taken advantage of me. Or worse, that I had initiated any contact. He is so nice to me all the time, and we had started dating.
I get a weird feeling in my head. I suddenly feel weak and dizzy as I am walking to class. I stop and grab onto the bench nearby me and hang on. Everything starts to get fuzzy and I hear someone yell nearby as I fall to the ground. It all goes black…
…
"How are you feeling Helga," I hear someone ask me as I woke up. "I'm ok," I say back. It's a woman dressed in maroon scrubs bending over me. "Good, good," she says, smiling. "I'm going to take your vital signs. You fainted a couple hours ago and had a fall. The doctor will be in to see you in a few minutes," The nurse chirps, putting a blood pressure cuff on me.
"That's crazy! I never faint," I tell her. She looks at me concerned and nods her head, "I will get the doc in here as quickly as possible to check you out," she says.
Ten minutes later the doctor enters the room. "I'm glad to see you are feeling better, Miss Pataki!" the man boomed as he enters with his clipboard.
"Yeah yeah doc, look, I just want to get out of here so can you…" I say, but he cuts me off.
"I have some news that I think you might want to hear," He says, his jovial tone has turned serious. "You are pregnant,"
My mind is reeling right now. I feel a strange fear jump into my heart. I can't believe this is happening…but I know exactly who the father is…
…
I feel extremely nervous now, walking up to Curt's dorm. It's been a few days since I discovered I was pregnant. I don't know how I am going to tell him, but I just know that I have to. He welcomes me in and says something about class, but I'm not listening. "I have something I need to tell you," I say.
"Yeah?"
"Well…I guess, I mean I am…God dammit, I'm pregnant," I say nervously. I don't know how he is going to react. He doesn't look too happy.
"You're what? Why the hell are you telling me this? Do you think I'm the father or something?"
I look at him funny. I know he's the only guy I have slept with.
"Curt, I don't under…"
"Well, I do, you slut! I don't know who you think you are, but you'd better get the hell out of here," he says angrily. I gasp and quickly leave, my heart in a million pieces. How could he do this to me, after he had been so nice to me? Fear pounding in my heart, I don't know what to do, or who to turn to. What will people think? Should I get an abortion?
As I turn around to catch a last glimpse of him before he slams the door, I swear those dazzling teeth are smiling broadly and evilly.
…
The light shines through my window and I get up from the sofa. No more sleeping, I can't deal with it anymore. All those tears I wasted on that jerk! I hate him…
And God! Why did I trust him? How could I have been so stupid to not know who he really was? How could I have not known that he was someone I had known most of my life? How could I have not known that is was none other than Brainy, always stalking me, always haunting me. God, I hate that psycho creep!
I want to cry my eyes out, but I can't.
I go to the kitchen and search out some food for breakfast. Trying for the millionth time to pick up the pieces of my broken heart.
I hope you liked this chapter, even though it was a little different! I apologize for making Brainy so evil, but I really liked the suggestion of making him the father, so I did.
As someone most famously said, if you have time to read it, you have time to review it! PLEASEEEE REVIEWWWW!
