Thank you to my wonderful beta jolinarjackson. This story wouldn't be what it is without you! On that note, I've been a bad girl and added a few things after my beta saw this chapter so all mistakes are mine.
Thank you all for the amazing support, all the story alerts and comments! I really appreciate you all sticking with this story even though I may be torturing you with it. I promise there is four more chapters left and an epilogue (so I guess five total). The ending is in sight... but there will be lots more angst to come.
Chapter 9 – Saturday Morning
The English style architecture of the light brown stone church almost gave the property a fairytale feel. The church tower loomed above his head as Jack made his way, looking around for a side room Ianto was supposed to be getting ready in.
The gothic-style graveyard he passed made his skin crawl; it was a collage of life and death colliding together in an expressionistic painting of the universe; beauty in darkness. And it required too much thinking for his hung-over mind.
The box weighed down his suit jacket and Jack placed his hand in the pocket wrapping his fingers around the offending object. Would Ianto appreciate this gesture?
After all, he'd selfishly taken advantage of Ianto for a fleeting moment of happiness. As soon as he'd woken up the next day, he'd known it had been a mistake. Ianto had been drunk, and what if there was some curiosity on Ianto's side (because that was all he was to the other man, curiosity, and boy did that hurt), he'd exploited it when Ianto had been vulnerable.
He needed to fix this. Loving someone meant putting them first and he was going to love Ianto the only way he knew how... by letting him go.
He hesitated before knocking on the heavy wooden door, unsure if he could really do this. He'd have to hide his feelings, his pain, and lie to Ianto. It was the only way to distance himself enough to do what was right.
He knocked.
Ianto opened the door, looking cute in a black vest and pants with his hair sticking up in all directions; a wild, frantic look in his eyes.
"Hi."
"Hi."
The tentative and shy greetings were followed by a long moment of silence before Jack spoke again, "I wasn't sure if you still wanted me to help you dress, be the best man, so I'm here... just in case. I'll leave if you..."
Ianto interrupted, "No, Jack. Please come in. We're still friends, right?"
He smiled nervously. "Of course. Always."
They entered the small room with three chairs, a table, and a mirror. The two suits hung from hooks on the wall.
"Coffee?"
"How did you…"
Ianto searched through a bag and picked up a round silver container. "Thermos!"
He poured the coffees into two plastic cups and gave one to Jack. They sat down at the table as awkward silence enveloped them in an electric bubble of tension.
After a moment, they broke the silence at the same time.
"We gotta talk."
"We have to talk."
They looked at each other before spiraling down into hysterical giggles, then slowly sobering up again.
Jack took a deep breath and settled his racing heart. It was time to be a liar. "Ianto, I think you may have misunderstood me before when I said I liked you. I do like you but as in I am attracted to you… physically. We're just friends and I didn't want you to get the wrong idea, especially when you already have so much to worry about. It was nice, hell, hot, but that's all it was."
Anger lit up Ianto's face. "So you used me? You knew I was getting married. I was pissed out of my mind and you went along with it because I'm what… hot?"
"Yes."
Ianto's anger seemed to fade as his eyes and voice softened, "Oh, Jack... that doesn't sound like you."
This was the worst time for Ianto to believe in him so he snapped, "Well, it is. You don't know everything about me. I can be a cruel bastard. How many people have I crawled out of bed in the middle of the night just so I don't have to face them the morning? How many people have I used for sex? How many times have I lied to get someone into my bed?"
"Used… but… we're friends," Ianto's voice was filled with uncertainty and distress.
"And I made a mistake, I am sorry I let it get that far. I could have ruined your marriage and I'll never forgive myself for that. But it was a mistake and I know I could lose your friendship because of it… so I'm sorry Ianto."
The groom closed his eyes and breathed in deep. Jack witness a ton of emotions reflected in his features at the same time before the mask fell into place. Ianto then smiled at Jack, looking straight into his blues and spoke with a steady voice, "Right then, let's get dressed and get this day over with."
They dressed in silence as Ianto contemplated their conversation. He thought that maybe Jack had feelings for him but it seemed that it was just friendship… and physical attraction. That would have been understandable but Jack just used him for… a sexual kick? Anger simmered below the surface, Jack was supposed to be his best friend and not the reason he cheated on Lisa.
And he actually thought that he loved Jack like he loved Lisa.
Idiot!
Lisa was the only one that loved him and he loved her back. She was his life, his everything.
As he centered his tie, he turned to Jack and chuckled darkly as he watched the man struggled with his tie again. "Here, let me help."
"Sure," Jack's voice hitched.
Ianto's fingertips burned as his fingers brushed Jack's skin through his shirt while working on the tie. He focused on his graceful fingers as they flew flawlessly trying to avoid Jack's gaze; suppressing the flutter in his stomach as he worked.
He swiped his hands over Jack's chest smoothing the jacket out. "Done."
"Uh, Ianto?"
"Yes Jack?"
"I, uh, I have a gift for you."
"Jack you really didn't have to."
"I know but I thought… maybe… that it was appropriate. Here, let me get it."
Jack dug in his pocket until he found the box. Clutching it tightly, he took a moment to stop himself from shaking. He hoped Ianto would be pleased with it but it was more important than that. It could be his last gift to the Welshman, a sort of a farewell.
"Here." He placed the box in Ianto's palm.
Ianto looked at it and then back at Jack. "Thank you, can I open it now or…"
Nodding, the other man whispered, "Whenever you'd like."
"Ok." The groom delicately opened the lid and gasped. Inside the velvet lined box was an antique pocket watch. He picked up the rose gold timepiece and caressed it with his fingers. Turning it over, he found a faded inscription.
Love is timeless.
"Jack…" His voice was only capable of a whisper.
"I found it at an antique store and thought of you, the perfect wedding present. So, uh, I wish your marriage and love for Lisa to be timeless."
Ianto looked up at the man in front of him, tears glistening in his eyes. "I love it. It's… it's beautiful." Then, without thinking, he leaned in and placed a quick chaste kiss on Jack's lips. Realizing what he'd just done, the Welshman blushed and turned around, fumbling around some bags.
"I have s-something for you too, as a thank you for b-being my best man." His voice started with a quiver but steadied, "It's not as wonderful as yours but…"
"I'm sure it's perfect."
"Here…"
Ianto handed his best friend a slightly smaller box while he blushed again. Jack picked it up carefully, as if he were handling glass, and opened slowly. He was mesmerized by a pair of silver RAF Lancaster cufflinks, a perfect match to his favorite antique World War II greatcoat.
"Ianto, they are gorgeous." He sighed, fighting to keep tears away from his eyes as he tried to smile. "Just perfect!"
Flooded with emotions, Jack brought Ianto in closer for a hug and pressed a lingering kiss to his forehead. "Thank you."
They looked into each other's eyes until a knock at the door broke the moment. Ianto cleared his throat but still squeaked, "Come in."
Squealing from excitement, Gwen ran in, wrapping her arms around Ianto and almost knocking him over. "You look adorable! Lisa sent me to remind you: ten minutes and don't be late for the wedding or she'll kill you."
She was wearing a long, strapless lavender gown that showed a bit too much cleavage. Ianto choked from lack of air pressed against her bosom (a place where he really did not wish to be) so Jack answered for him, "We'll make our way to the church in a tick, just a few last minute details."
She un-wrapped her arms from the groom and turned to the best man. "And you look gorgeous too. If I wasn't with Rhys…" Then she launched herself at Jack, pulling him into a tight hug.
Ianto laughed at Jack's shocked expression and tried to save his friend. "Gwen, you'll wrinkle our clothes and then Lisa will kill you."
"Oh, sorry. I'll tell her you're almost ready." With one last glance, she disappeared out the door.
Jack sighed. "Wow."
"Yeah."
They stared at the door in silence for a moment before Jack came back down to reality. "Ready, Ianto?"
"As ready as I'll ever umph…" Before he could finish the sentence, he was wrapped up into a tight hug by the American. Their bodies fit perfectly around each other, Ianto's head in the crook of Jack's neck, his nose so close he was overwhelmed by the dizzying smell. Jack's strong arms felt scorching through the clothes; his heat permeating every corner of the Welshman's body.
He couldn't breathe as his heart pounded and brain shut down.
Lisa. He had to marry Lisa.
Extricating his body from his friend's, he asked, "Rings?"
"Right here." Jack lifted two white gold wedding bands a little too cheerfully.
Ianto was ready to get married.
Ianto Jones stood at the altar as last minute guests filed into the church. The church was magnificent. Its old stone architecture combined with the massive amount of white roses decorating every crevice gave it a romantic feel. The stained glass windows projected islands of color onto dark wooden benches and white marble floors. A lavender carpet ran the length of the middle aisle, ready for the bride.
Nerves gripped Ianto as he wondered why in such bravura surroundings he could feel so despondent. His stomach churned as bile worked its way up his throat and he just wanted to run, hide, and vomit (not necessarily in that order).
Jack's hand made its way into his and squeezed reassuringly… and for a moment, everything stopped and he was fine.
Just… fine.
Too soon, the reassuring warmth left him and the sharp knives twisted into his abdomen again.
It was wrong to seek comfort from Jack anyway because the American didn't love him back… and where did that come from?
It didn't matter… Lisa… Lisa loved him.
This was it, in a few moments, Lisa would walk down the aisle in a beautiful dress and then they'd say the vows, kiss, and everything would be over.
Done.
Then life could get back to normal.
The same normal that he loathed, except for Lisa, he loved her, his light…
Music started to play the wedding march and at that moment, his bride appeared in the doorway. The white light from the outside poured into the gloomy church and illuminated the angel in a white dress.
He stopped breathing.
His eyes frozen on her slowly moving form…
He realized this was his bride, the one he was promising the rest of his life to.
His love.
His light.
His savior.
Don't make promises you may not be able to keep.
Shit.
His mam's words echoed through his mind, unlocking the guilt buried deep inside.
Quickly, what was he supposed to promise in the vows?
For better or worse; yes, he could do that.
For richer or poorer; he didn't care about money, so check.
In sickness and in health; that he could promise.
To love and cherish; he really did love her.
Be a faithful partner…
Shit.
He already broke that one. And he hadn't confessed to her before the wedding, he should have told her, which meant…
Don't make promises you may not be able to keep.
Well, just shit.
A/N: Do you guys hate me now? *evil grin*
