APOV
She didn't hear me. Meg, I love you. She didn't hear…
I couldn't decide if that was typical Meg- pretending not to hear, pretending not to care, deciding not to acknowledge it, or maybe she just genuinely… did not hear me…
And then I couldn't decide if that was a good thing or not. I had said it- and it wasn't completely a lie, although I had nothing to compare it to. I didn't know what love was, what it really felt like, how to recognize it… but I knew enough to know it would be Meg I could love- in time, and not much of it…
I had said I loved her- in the sense that she's nearly always on my mind, she's the first person I want to talk to, the first one I want to be around, who's opinion and impression I try so hard to make, the one that has the strongest hold on me. That kind of "love"- the infatuated, smitten, 'I'm so fond of you' type of love. I meant it in the way you say you love your favorite person or favorite actor or singer… you can use the word love to describe such a high level of admiration and liking, although it's not the traditional use of the word. Having said that, it wasn't the only way I was using the word pertaining to Meg. I could love her. I could fall in love with her…
Maybe I already was? Who knew. I just had this gut feeling deep down inside of me that sooner or later things would get serious. Someone might cave in and give in to their cravings, physical or emotional, I was ready for them both. The fact of the matter was though we had only known each other for a few months now… but we'd be spending the rest of the year together making this movie… there would be time for me to understand what it really was what I was feeling.
But for now, I was relieved she hadn't heard me- and if she did she chose not to acknowledge it- but I was almost sure she hadn't. I took comfort in that, knowing I could always tell her I loved her, but once I said it it would be harder to take it back or erase that. I didn't want her to shut me out or put a strain on our friendship. So for now.. I'd go on and try to decipher what Meg was feeling…
Hoping it would be that same kind of "love" too, for me.
MPOV
First day of shooting. I couldn't believe it was finally here. I left my trailer, my hair already curled in dark brunette waves, powdered pale skin and pink tinted lips- I dodged around the backside of the hair and makeup trailer, avoiding any fans that had lined up at the edge of the set behind security fences.
I had only one thing on my mind- find Adam and make fun of him relentlessly.
Once I got inside, I looked around at all the different hair and makeup stations and vanity mirrors with the yellow glow of light bulbs framing them. Different sorts of hair tools and supplies and makeup sets labeled for different characters scattered all across the desktop of the vanities. I saw two busy stations. One was nearest to me by the door, my eyes darted to it and caught glimpse of Laura who smiled cheekily. She waved as we looked at each other through the mirror. She was getting her hair cut. I gave her a thumbs up as I passed by her, signifying the new hairstyle looked good. Very Alice Cullen.
I kept walking however, till I reached the other occupied vanity.
There, sitting slumped over with his elbows on his knees was Adam. He sat quietly and at ease as the stylist woman moved about her work station, scissors in hand, looking for something else it seemed…
He hadn't seen me yet. My heart picked up as did my steps as I quickly made my way over to him, just excited to see him. I smiled warmly down at him as he looked up to me, seemingly so low beneath me in his sitting position as I was standing. My heart sunk then, realizing what they were about to do to him. I don't care what Edward Cullen looks like. They were messing with Adam and he was perfect the way he was. I pouted in sympathy and he straightened up just a bit, his arms opening. I went and sat on his lap, his strong legs and thighs making the perfect seat, especially with the way his jeans clung to him.
I turned around to face him, my expression in grief, "Oh, they have to cut your hair…" frowning, I whined. I ran my hands through the sides of his hair, he smiled softly, seeming quiet this morning for some reason… I pulled his face closer to mine and surprising even myself, my eyes drifted shut and I placed a sweet kiss on his lips. Adam responded just enough, puckering his lips to reciprocate the gesture. When I pulled away one of his hands fell and laid in my lap across my knees.
He sighed and smiled a little more this time, the smile reaching his eyes- and yet there was a certain dim feel to them, like he was holding something back. I bit my lip for a second, trying to figure it out… I couldn't remember the last time we had talked… oh wait…
I had told him I hated him- but he couldn't have taken that seriously? I decided not to think about it or even pursue that idea, thinking it was ridiculous. At least I hoped it was… he should know me well enough by now…
But then again… I wasn't exactly opening up entirely to him either. In a friendship way or romantically… regardless, I hadn't let my guard down. Was that what was bothering him? Why now all of a sudden??…
I let my hands gently rest on his cheeks, reveling in the way his warm skin felt under my hands. "I missed this." I said finally, referring to the touching, the contact… anything… "This is the official day the strike is over." I smiled, hoping to put him in higher spirits.
"You remembered." he smiled.
"Of course." I was slightly offended he had said that… was I really that heartless? "I got done in hair and makeup early… so I thought I'd come here and makeup for lost time," I tried to joke, but he still wasn't picking up on the good humor.
"Meg you don't have to. We don't…" he paused, looking around to see if anyone would hear, "we don't have to… you know? We don't need to do anything but our jobs. All we need is a solid foundation, a steady… bond… to perform our roles and we have that. We don't have to take it further if you don't want to. All that suggestive talk about… being physical, I was just kidding… you don't have to Meg. We don't have to." he repeated. His eyes bearing straight into mine. I couldn't believe he was telling me this… it was like the moment I was actually going to him- kind of- he had just backed away from me- kind of…. It was a rotten feeling. It was a terrible feeling.
Stunned and trying to shake the sting of hurt I felt, I decided to joke about it, pretending not to take him seriously. What else could I have done?… "Oh I get it. Now you don't want to cause they made me into plain Bella. I see how it is." the corner of my mouth twitched with an attempt at a teasing smile, but I think the worry and fear showed too much underneath. If he saw it, he didn't react to it.
He just rolled his eyes, smiling a little more. "No, that's not it, Meg…" he sounded just the tiniest bit exasperated, "I'm Edward remember? You're beautiful to me regardless."
"Sure, Adam… sure." I nodded and put on a smile as I got up from his lap. Much to my disappointment, he let me go. It may have been because he didn't care to try to get me to stick around or because the stylist was finally ready to work on him and cut his hair. I hoped it was the last option, but neither one would surprise me.
I stepped out and looked up to the overcast skies. I was glad it was rainy here. I always liked the rain, unlike my character.
I kept walking and before I knew it I had stepped into Olivia, the Rosalie actress.
She looked down at me from her supermodel height, her naturally blue eyes replaced with gold as she blinked at me a moment and smiled… but her smile quickly dropped when she saw my attempt to smile back wasn't as impressive.
"What's wrong?" she asked, flipping the golden waves of her hair over her shoulders and out of the way. I shrugged.
"Nothing… at least I thought nothing… I didn't know anything was wrong."
"What do you mean?" she asked, her brows furrowing trying to understand.
"Ugh… I don't really want to say.." the pit of my stomach fell just thinking about the subject. "I can't really say… just… I guess friend problems." Friend? Really? Did I really call Adam just that? Was that all he was? Would he say the same about me? Or maybe I was just flattering myself thinking he'd say something more…
Olivia thought about it a moment, "how good of friends are you?"
"Um… I'm not sure. I don't want to name names…" I trailed off, even though I'm pretty sure she'd be able to know who and what I was talking about pretty soon, it just gave me some comfort in not being specific. "but we only just met a couple months ago…"
"Oh…" her tone suggested she knew exactly what I was talking about. Who else would I be talking about other than the actors we all met a couple months ago? Namely Adam.
"Yeah… you know… I think I did something to… hurt them? I'm not sure. But they're not exactly acting like themselves around me."
Olivia gave me a half smile. I noticed finally that we were walking to the food trailer, she had an empty coffee in her mug she probably intended on refilling. "You could always just talk to them, be straight forward. Tell them whatever it is you did you didn't mean to, I'm sure."
"Maybe…" I still wasn't sure. "Maybe I need to apologize."
"Perhaps." her musical voice agreed.
We walked in silence and she was filling her cup with steaming coffee before I knew it. "Whatever it is, don't let your guy problems get you down… Remember you have a say in it too. Your can influence the outcome, you know? Does that make sense?" she raised an eyebrow, I merely nodded, still hung up that she had called out my situation exactly and knew enough to know it of course had to be about some guy…
She smiled radiantly and turned to go sit down, I was about to follow her when the door opened and I saw a glimpse of an unfamiliar, and yet recognizable figure outside.
I turned to Olivia and said I'd catch up with her later. I snuck through the door before it even had the chance to fully close. I stepped out into the cold atmosphere, clutching my jacket tighter around me in search for the sight I had just seen.
Then I saw it. Or I saw him, rather.
Adam, which I couldn't believe it was, was standing along the wall of the school we were filming at. He looked nervous. He looked… kind of scared. Kind of lost. Worried. It was a strange sight to see. I just wanted to get to him.
He didn't see me coming until I was halfway there, and when he caught sight of me I felt my face flush with heat and embarrassment. However, he was the one who looked embarrassed.
He turned his back on me, his hands in his pockets and arms sticking to his sides slightly, as if he could hide or disappear from sight. He seemed like he wanted to. When I stepped up to him he was still half turned away from me and ran one hand nervously through his hair.
His hair…
Was short. Decently shorter than it was before and now a shocking shade of bronze. The color was brilliant against the dim, dull background of the sky above him. He looked paler too. The makeup people did well on him. I felt a strange feeling in my stomach- almost like a longing, or… a realization of how beautiful he looked. Beautiful. I was embarrassed even to myself I had used the word. What would Adam think if he knew? Oh, god.
"Adam?" I asked finally as I heard him sigh exasperatedly.
"Yeah…" I heard the cringe in his voice. He winced as he finally turned around to see me. The makeup people had finally put the finishing touches on the look of his character for the movie. His hair was styled in a way that it was supposed to look like it was messy, and yet it was intentional. He caught me staring at it and his pale hand darted to it as if to pull it all away just to keep me from gazing at it. He ruffled his hair, trying to make it look better or mess it up more I wasn't sure.
"What's wrong?" I tried not to laugh. I had pity for him at least. He seemed so uncomfortable.
"Um… have you seen this hair? It looks so bad on me!" he shouted, his passion for it evident.
"No it doesn't!"
"yes it does! Never have I had my hair this short! Never! I hate it! They put all this hair stuff in it… it just… it just looks like I was in some boy band!" he sputtered in equal disgust and embarrassment.
I laugh out loud now, "What?! Stop being ridiculous! It does not. It looks really good, Adam…really." I insisted with all the conviction I could muster. After all, I was full heartedly telling the truth. He looked great. Too great. It hurt to look at him now.
He stopped, his hand dropping from his hair and he stared at me as if he was realizing I really was telling the truth… it dawned on him that I actually meant it.
"Really?" he spoke evenly, yet cautiously.
I nodded, "Honestly, Adam. You look…" I paused, suddenly feeling shy. His eyes widened a fraction and he seemed to stop breathing as he waited for me to finish. He took a step closer. I gulped. "so handsome."
His eyes darted away from mine as soon as I said it. It made me feel bad… rejected almost, but I figured he was just being bashful now. A part of me wished he would step up, say something, say thank you. He had no idea how hard it was for me to admit that, it was almost like admitting defeat.
I was stupid to lead him on, I was stupid to never be clear about how I felt, I was stupid to try and pretend it was nothing and to try and force myself to be indifferent and feel nothing at all. Because this is where it all got me. He was distancing himself from me. I never wanted that. Even on my worst day that's not what I ever wanted.
I pursed my lips and felt vulnerable as I stood before him. I wished I could do things differently… but since I knew I couldn't I would find a way to effect the outcome, or what was happening now. I remembered what Olivia said.
However, I didn't get to start working on it.
We were dragged away and lead inside to shoot the Biology classroom scenes.
Perfect, I thought. Something as tense and awkward as what I was feeling right now.
Please review.. sorry it took so long to update, but the reason is because it doesn't seem like it has enough readers or reviews and my other story is doing better so I updated that one much sooner. However, I want to continue this one too, so review and let me know if that's what you guys want. thank you to all the adds and alerts and reviews so far with this story though. The reviews I do get are awesome so thank you!
