Chapter Nine
They made out passionately on the couch, to be honest she had no idea what this had meant for them, i mean he had made it clear that he didnt want to be with anyone else but could she really trust the word of someone she barely knew? As if he could sense the change in her body as they kissed, he pulled back and kept his hand on her face as he looked at her.."what is it now?" he asked breathless as was she..
"nothing" she lied and he sat up now, dragging her up to until they were both sitting on the couch, damn it why did she have to overthink this so much, she scolded herself..
""be honest, what is it" he asked again as he ran a hand through his long hair..
She looked down at her hands and shook her head..."Im just...i dont know" she didnt know how to say it and more importantly she really didnt know what she was trying to say..
"Natalie this is not going to work if you dont talk to me" he said seriously as he moved her chin to make her look at him, god his eyes were amazing, she had a hard time concentrating on anything when she looked at him..
"what exactlly is...this" she finally said low as she swallowed hard, he leaned back in the couch and looked to contemplate that very thing...
"what do you want this to be" he asked a bit nervously as he looked at her, that look only made her more nervous and anxious, oh god this was it, this could be the end to everything, goodbye incredible sex, hello a house full of kittens..
She knew she had to say it though, she knew she had to make it clear cause if she didnt she knew that eventually and probably sooner than later it would come back to bite her in the ass.."i dont do friends with benefits" her voice was above a whisper as she stared out into the room, her heart racing, he didnt say anything for a long minute..
"Id figured that much" he said seriously and she couldnt look at him, she could feel it coming, her big mouth had ruined everything, he stood now and she glanced at him, he literally looked stressed out as he walked across the room..She couldnt say anything, she just watched him as it made her anxiety go through the roof.."You said you werent looking to date" he said low, he was running his hands through his hair constantly, he looked absolutely beside himself..He turned and faced her now.."are you saying that has changed" he said as he looked at her, she glanced at him for a second and he took a deep breath and walked further across the room.."I see" he said low and now she felt incredibly uncomfortable.
Did she really want to be with him, like really be with him., like the whole package? She didnt know, she knew that she enjoyed sex with him but then again she didnt know anything else about him except the fact that he was wealthy beyond all hell and he did charties, and of course he was her boss, she felt sick as she sat there, what the hell was she expecting! The fact that he wasnt responding didnt help as he stood across the room..
The tension in the room got thick, so much so it was hard to breathe, damn it why couldnt she just fuck him and be done with it, why did she have to have emotions behind this! She silently chastized herself..
"I dont date natalie" he said with tension in his voice, he seem to be fighting an internal battle, she felt the lump in her throat get increasingly bigger as she sat there, her palms sweating now..He looked at her, his eyes pained.."its just something i dont do" he continued..
This had to be the single most uncomfortable conversation in her life, even more so then finding out about Brody and Jen, why the hell did she care so much, hell she didnt even know him, she didnt even know when his birthday was!
She found the courage to stand now, she had to get out of there, if he was about to give her a rejection speech she would rather not hear it, this was mortifying to say the least.."Im...im just gonna go" she said low as she began to walk to the door, she had gotten halfway across the room when he began to talk..
"Natalie im just not..." he took a deep breath..."Im just not good for you" he said low and she knew it was about to begin, the long speech, she honestly didnt want to hear it, she would rather keep what little dignity she had left intact..
"You dont have to say anymore" she said honestly, surprisingly enough she hadnt cried yet, she knew she would if she had to stay any longer, too many things going through her head..
He looked at her with that same pained expression as she got to the door..He didnt say anything..Part of her was wanting him to stop her, to tell her that he didnt want her to go but as she got to the door and he didnt say anything she literally felt her chest tighten..
"well i guess" her voice trailed nervously as she put her hand on the knob..
"Im sorry natalie" he said in a low conflicted voice..
She forced a smile, oh god she was going to cry..She had to get out of there quick..."its better to find it out now than..." her voice trailed again and she spun as she opened the door.."bye John" she said as she walked out and stood outside his door, damn it she was crying now, tears streaming down her face, she walked briskly to the elevator, her cries coming in sobs now, what the hell was wrong with her, why was she so damn emotional, she got in the elevator and then the real water works began as the door closed, she felt hurt, humiliated, it was a horrible combination and something she had never felt before.
Something always brings me back to you. You hold me without touch. [CHORUS:] You loved me 'cause I'm fragile. [CHORUS] I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.
Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down
You're on to me, on to me, and all over...
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
Natalie sat in her apartment, she couldnt believe how quickly she had begun to fall for him and she had fallen for him even though she wouldnt say it outloud. She was sure it had to do with the fact that she was new in town and yes they had alot of sexual chemistry but hell why couldnt she of had that with someone else, anyone else but him. He apparently had issues, alot of them, i mean hell the entire newspaper if not the town had thought he was gay, why was that? Why wouldnt he have women by him, he was gorgeous. And then there was that pained look, the one that almost seemed like he had something to hide, but what? And why? Thankfully the tears had stopped falling, she was glad that she had the rest of the day to get a grip on herself but for what? Could she still go to work everyday knowing he was there, god the thought made her feel ill but she knew this was definitely for the best, it had to be and in all reality was she even ready herself to date, after her hellish breakup with Brody she had literally sworn off men and then just like that she is in a new town drooling over some big shot millionaire, what the fuck!
John sat in his apartment and for the first time in forever he felt alone as he sat there. He usually enjoyed being alone but now it somehow seemed different, darker. He just stared straight forward, his mind consumed with so many things that he literally felt like he would suffocate. He was sure she was crying right now and that didnt sit well with him, he could see it in her eyes even though she was trying to act strong, what the hell had happened to him, what had she done to him..
By nearly five thirty as Natalie sat on her couch, curled up as she aimlessly watched the tube, her mind everywhere but on the show, a knock was heard on her door and she jumped, her heart immediately racing with thoughts that it was him, she scampered to her feet, god she felt like shit but she didnt care, she was sure she looked like it to, as she neared the door she heard a voice and her chest dropped some..
"natalie...natalie are you ok" Gigi said almost frantically as Natalie took a deep breath, god she really didnt want to have to deal with her at the moment but she knew that if she didnt deal with this now then Gigi would never leave her be, she quickly smoothed her hair and wiped her eyes as she opened the door.."Holy shit are you ok" Gigi said with a surprising concern, Natalie still wasnt use to people she barely knew being worried about her.."You look like shit, when i got the text last night it was already late and then cris called and said that you hadnt returned his phone calls" Gigi said as she stared at natalie, she swallowed hard...
"Im fine, i just drank too much last night" she said in a low voice, god she even sounded like shit..
"shit natalie you scared me half to death" Gigi said as she pulled natalie into a hug and something about that hug made Natalie want to cry again, and then it began as Gigi pulled back and looked at her.."whats wrong?" he said with worry in her voice..
Natalie pulled back and wiped her eyes.."Nothing im sorry" she turned from her, damn it what was wrong with her, she barely knew him, of course it wasnt going to work out but she felt so incredibly bad about that, like her heart had broken..
"I am so sorry i didnt get the text till late, i still thought you were at the bar drinking" Gigi said with regret in her voice..
"its fine" Natalie said as the tears turned into sobs..
"oh Natalie..." Gigi said as she walked over to her..
"Im just home sick you know" she lied quickly, she definitely couldnt tell Gigi the truth now especially since she had assumed that natalie left the text message..
"Im sorry" Gigi said low as Natalie went over to the couch and sat down, Gigi sat next to her.."atleast your brother is going to be coming soon" she tried to reassure her, it only made Natalie cry harder, oh god rex was coming, he was the last person she wanted to see cause he was the only one that could see through her bullshit and she honestly didnt want to tell anyone about her embarassed and mortifying ordeal..
Gigi sat with Natalie for a few hours, Natalie had finally gotten a grip as the girls ate some chinese food and began to have normal conversation.."so are you gonna bail this weekend" Gigi had asked as they ate..natalie looked at her confused.."Remember all of us going out, i kind of told Cris about it" Gigi said nervously..
"oh that" Natalie said as she shoved some food in her mouth, as much as she would of rathered stay at home and mope on Friday, she knew that wouldnt go over well with Gigi or with Rex.."Im...Im still going" she forced the words out as Gigi smiled..
"good cause its gonna be fun" she smiled wide..
"Fun" Natalie forced a smile, she was beginning to forget what that word meant these days..
By the next day, which happened to be friday, the day her brother was coming into town and well the day she had to face the music and head back to work, well it was intimidating and nerve racking to say the least. Bo had been overly concerned about her health, apparently John had said she came down with some sort of stomach bug and even though Bo looked a bit suspicous about the idea, he didnt press the matter either. Maybe it was because she looked so uncomfortable when she came into work, maybe he just felt sorry for her, either way she was glad he didnt ask her anything else about it.
The day continued like the others except now all she kept thinking about was him, would she end up running into him, would it be awkward, would he just ignore her or worse would he act like he did the other day and give her a shit load of work, anxiety raced through her as she tried to get her day over and done with.
Surprisingly though as the day progressed she had gotten word while at lunch for that matter that he had not come in today and as much as she wanted to be grateful for that she also knew why, it was because of what happened and he was giving her time to adjust, she felt sick as she sat at the lunch table with her coworkers, she had completely and totally made an ass of herself and now she had no way to redeem herself..
His words played through her head in almost a mocking manner.."Im just not good for you" he said, she couldnt help the utter feeling of lacking as she replayed them in her head again and again, why would he say that, hell why would he kiss her and then have sex with her, as well as rescue her from the bar and yet he just wasnt good for her, the thought confused her. It was upsetting, very upsetting, had she done something or had he just realized that she was too much drama, god she hated the decisions she had made since she moved to this town, why couldnt she just be normal!
Getting home after a very long day at work she was excited that her first week at work was over and she had a sudden urge to go up to his apartment and demand a better answer, i mean hell he wouldnt let her get away with just an answer of No, why should it be any different with him.. She silently scorned herself for acting like a girl who was love sick over the guy she lost her virginity to, except she hadnt lost her virginity to him and yet here she was falling hard, really hard..
She continued getting ready, Rex had called and he was close, she was excited to see him, this had been the longest she had been away from him and tonight wasnt going to be drama, it was just going to him, Cris and Gigi, and she was going to have fun damn it..
Gigi told her about a club in town called Capricorn, thats where they were headed and she was silently happy it wasnt rodi's cause she honestly didnt want to step into that place again. She fixed her hair again in the mirror, deciding to keep it down, the sound of the door bell ringing made her jump and spin as she ran to the door, opening it and coming face to face with her brother, she immediately threw her arms around his neck..
"rex!" she said with excitement as he hugged her back, a look of shock on his face..
"You know its only been a week Nat" he said with a laugh as she hugged him tighter...
"I know im just so happy to see you" she said as she pulled back and studied him, same old rex with his untamed blonde hair, looking as shaggy as ever, he rolled his eyes..
"god your worse then mom some times" he smirked..
"come on in, i will show you Casa Balsam" she grinned proudly as she lead him inside, after a quickly tour he smiled big at her..
"you did good Nat, this place is sweet" he said approvingly as he flopped onto the couch, she missed having him around.."so where are you taking me tonight? He grinned big..
"Just out with some friends" she smiled..
"is one of these friends the hot one" his eyes opened widder and she rolled her eyes at him, oh yeah he was gonna love Gigi..
"Maybe" she said as she walked past and him and into the kitchen.."what do you want to drink, i have beer and water" she said as she looked in the bare fridge, she would definitely have to go food shopping this weekend..
"beer of course" he shouted as a knock was heard on the door..
"thats probably Gigi, can you get that" she called as she grabbed some beers form the fridge and headed back in the livingroom, rex was standing at the door with a small envelope in his hands, looking at it puzzlingly.."what is that" she said with curiosity as she walked over, sure enough it was a small envelope with her name on it..
"i dunno, someone dropped it off and left" he said with a shrug of his shoulders and her heart began to race, she had an idea who it was but more importantly what was it.."are you gonna open it or what" Rex said as he grabbed the beer from her..
"i dont know what it is" she said nervously, part of her wanted to tear open the envelope, the other part was scared to death, hell maybe it wasnt even from him, maybe a letter? There was no return address, someone had dropped it off that was for sure..
"Oh maybe you have a secret admirer" rex laughed as he walked back over to the couch and Natalie peeked her head out of the apartment, no one was there, she quickly closed the door and stared at the small envelope, it wasnt bigger then her hand and there was definitely something inside of it.."open it" Rex said again as she looked at him..
"its probably nothing" she said with a nervous shrug of her shoulders as she put it on the coffee table, Rex immediately grabbed it.."Rex" she said with wide eyes, she didnt know if she wanted to know what it was..
"If you wont open it i will" he said as he tore open the evelope and she felt her heart race, he looked inside and his face became perplexed..
"what is it" she said with almost a scared tone as he looked again, his eyes getting wide with confusion..
"A key" he said with a puzzled look and he dropped it into his hand as she walked over now and sure enough it was a key, a big key..
"a what?" she said even though she could clearly see it was a key..
"its a key" he said with confusion again..
"a key to what" she said as her heart raced, was he giving her his apartment key, hell she still wasnt sure it was from him, but who else?
He flipped it over and his eyes got wide.."Um...nat" he said as he held the key up, the lexus logo on the key made her eyes get wide.."I think its a car key"
"a what? Let me see that" she said as she snatched it from him, it clearly had lexus engraved on it, she inspected it more..And then she couldnt help herself as she ran to the kitchen, her heart about to leap out of her chest as she looked out the kitchen window cause sitting there in the parking lot was a dark blue lexus with a obnoxious red bow on it, Rex came into the kitchen as she stood there staring..
"Holy shit nat, is that yours" he said with shock and she couldnt speak.."Give me that" Rex said as he grabbed the key and took off running with it..
"Rex wait" she called out as he ran out the door, she chased after him, a car , he got her a freaking car! By the time she got up to Rex he was opening the door, his eyes wide..
"Oh my god Nat the key works" he said with shock as he started up the car, she felt like she was going to faint, a million different emotions running through her..
"Nat?" another voice called, Gigi's as Natalie spun to see her friend.."what are you doing out here" she began as Rex blasted the radio and bobbed his head back and forth..
"this thing is freaking sweat as hell nat, it has seat warmers" he called out like a kid on christmas morning, Natalie was speechless..
"Holy shit nat is that your brother" Gigi said as she came over and looked at Rex then at Nat.."he's hot" she said approvingly and Natalie shot her a glance as Rex got out..He noticed the girl standing by Natalie and he stopped for a second and then walked over with a strut only Rex could have..
"hey" he tried to be nonchalant and sexy but Natalie couldnt pay attention to that, there was a car sitting in the parking lot and it was apparently hers..
"Hey im Gigi" she smiled at rex and outstretched her hand as they shook.."Nice car" she said to him and he flushed some..
"oh this is my sisters" he said quickly..he pointed to a honda in the parking lot.."that piece of crap is mine" he grinned proudly..
Gigi looked at Natalie.."You bought this? You didnt say you were buying a car" she said in shock..
"I didnt" Natalie forced the words out...
"who gives a shit if you didnt, this car is sweet as hell" Rex said with a grin..
"You didnt?" Gigi began as she looked at Natalie, now she felt pissed, he bought her a car, as what a consolation prize! She quickly grabbed the key from Rex..
"hey arent you going to try it out" Rex said with confusion..
"I'll be right back" Natalie said quickly, her blood boiling as she stormed into the apartment..
"something wrong?" Rex said as he looked at Gigi..
"Lets just um go inside" Gigi said nervously as she looked at him..
Natalie couldnt even wait for the elevator as she ran up the numerous flights of stairs, she was getting more and more pissed by the second, he had bought her a damn car, was he out of his mind, she was beyond offended now.. She was out of breath and livid by the time she got to his floor, she banged on his door like a wild woman..
"I know your in there John, open up!" she yelled as she continued to knock, after about a minute the door opened and she came face to face with him..He looked nonchalant and surprised to see her..She didnt let him speak first..."are you out of your mind, a car... a freaking car!" she yelled..
"I dont know what your talking about" his face was straight as he looked at her.. "did you finally get a car?" he asked..
"dont play stupid with me,i know it was you" she said with anger..
"seriously Natalie i dont know what your talking about" he said nonchalantly..
"well i dont want it, so you can keep your consolation prize" she snapped at him and shoved the key at him, he backed up..
"Im not taking the key to your car Natalie, its not mine" he continued and she couldnt believe he was playing this game, what the hell was he trying to do anyway!
"maybe you need to sit down" he began..
"I dont need to sit down, take the damn key!" she yelled at him..
"its not mine" he said as he put his hands up..
"unbelievable, UNBELIEVABLE!" she yelled, she really felt like a crazy lady..
"I think you should just sit" he said again..
"fine...fine. You wanna play this game..FINE!" she yelled as she spun from him..
"natalie why dont you just relax" he called out and she stopped by the elevator..
"I am relaxed, this is me relaxed!" she yelled and then lanched the key at him.."I dont want your parting gift!" she snapped as she stepped in the elevator, he walked over to the doors and then closed before he got there, she was so mad she could barely contain herself and now she was on the verge of crying again, No she wouldnt cry not with Gigi and Rex waiting on her..She stomped her feet in the elevator like a child and yelled.."damn it what is taking this thing so long!"
The doors opened and she was immediately faced with a panting and red faced John, he quickly pushed her back in and went into the elevator and pushed a button, effectively locking them inside the small area..
