[A/N]: GUESS WHO'S BACK AFTER A YEAR OF HIATUS :''' HAHAHAHAHHAHAH-I'm sorry. My laptop broke and I have to wait until my dad buys me a new one because, you know, writing an FF in family's laptop is awkward.
Also, I've been hiatus for so long I forgot how to make long chapters so... I guess the chapters would be shorter from now on? /smiles innocently/
Same disclaimer as the previous chapters, I hope you don't mind me not putting them on again.
[Fixed!] Thank you so much for the notice, I didn't know that I changed the sentence :'' I blame it on my hiatus.
Anyway, enjoy!
[chapter 8]
The old maid blinked at Mitsunari's question. She wondered if the lord was experiencing some kind of depression since he mentioned feeling, not to mention that it was only a few days ago that he yelled something about Ieyasu for the first time since his death. Sachi tilted her head in confusion.
"What feeling, milord?"
Mitsunari hesitated, "I don't know. It's—hard to describe."
Sachi furrowed her eyebrows. Of course, her master tends to be very difficult to understand, that was not something new, but for him to be confused over his own feeling? She thought he was a little bit too old for that.
"Can you, at least, try to picture that feeling?" the loyal maid suggested patiently.
"I—It feels like—I'm not sure," Mitsunari grabbed his kimono sleeve and clenched on it.
Sachi carefully touched his hand and loosened it from his clench since it looked painful to her. She wouldn't want him to do another unconscious self-injury.
"Young master, please calm down," Sachi then pulled his hand away from his body, afraid that he may injure himself, "My apology, young master, but I can't help you if I don't know what happens."
Mitsunari grunted, his vision blurred, he tried to speak but his voice cracked at the beginning, so he paused to close his eyes, hoping that when he opens them again his vision will be normal again, and cleared his throat.
"I saw—I saw Ieyasu," Mitsunari began.
The old maid instantly felt sorry for her master. Did he hate Ieyasu so bad that he still sees him a year after his death—after he killed him? The old maid knew not what to say, and kept on listening.
"I saw Ieyasu—I dreamt that he came and he—he said that it wasn't him who came into my dream but it was me, instead! That damn Ieyasu, he arrogantly said that I was the one who create the dream, the dream of him appearing in front of me, from the thoughts inside my head!"
"Yet I—yet after years of my hunt of him, hunt him for his head, and even after I've got it off from his shoulder, the sight of him in front of me—the sight of him and his stupid smiling face—it makes me," Mitsunari paused, "It makes me happy."
Sachi opened her mouth as to say, "Ah," inaudibly and simply smiled. She patted the young lord's back, "Doesn't it only mean that you miss him?"
"But I despised him—I despise him! He killed Lord Hideyoshi, and I can't forgive him to this very day!" Mitsunari snapped his eyes open and tears roll down his cheeks slowly, "Why am I happy to see such a traitor? He betrayed me, betrayed Lord Hideyoshi! I thought that if it's him, he would understand my feelings toward Lord Hideyoshi."
By this point, Mitsunari had started to cry openly, and Sachi can only patted her lord's back, hoping that by doing so will ease her lord, even for a tiny bit. Sachi took that time to see the surrounding and it was only then that she realized that they are in the spot that Little Mitsunari and Ieyasu loved so much, they would sometimes even slept here, just to see the stars while lying in the middle of beautiful flowers. Now that she looked back, the place is filled with her lord's and Ieyasu's memory, and they were all beautiful ones at that.
But then, she remembered, Ieyasu had to become a daimyo at a very young age and they stopped seeing each other for the rest of their childhood. Her master had stopped visiting the garden right after that, and spent his day either at the dojo or the library, and she felt really sorry for him, for not having the childhood most children had. But then time passed, and the two came to meet each other as allies.
Mitsunari never said anything about it, but she had gotten so used of noticing even the slightest change in Mitsunari's expression, and she knew just how happy her lord was—at least before Ieyasu betrayed him. You know what happened after that; he claimed to hate Ieyasu, that he'll hunt him down and killed him himself, and killed him he did.
Yet the lord looked even more miserable than the time when he was still exclaiming his hatred of Ieyasu. He didn't find his happiness in killing Ieyasu, that's for sure; and now, the maid knows why.
"My lord," she began, "I know that you have probably consider this but—doesn't that mean you have never hated Ieyasu as you claimed to be?"
Mitsunari grunted, "But the pain inside my chest was there! It ached so much, it was there for sure!"
"That, my lord," she smiled, she ducked so that she'd be able to see the lord's eyes and continued, "Is called disappointment. You were disappointed, yes, but you have never hated him. You miss him now, isn't that because you consider him as your friend?"
"A... friend. No, a friend would never betray me as he did!"
"That's why you were disappointed, milord. A friend should have never betray you, but he did. That's why you were furious; that's why you were hurt."
Mitsunari couldn't deny the old maid's words and he sobbed loudly, his body losed its strength and he felt like screaming, but he couldn't, because his sobs were bombarding him to the point of he couldn't even take a proper breath.
The maid stayed with him patiently until his sobs decreased, and escorted him to his room, then excused herself to make him some tea to calm him down. Mitsunari said nothing, he nodded and let the old maid left him in his room alone.
Mitsunari crawled his way in front of the mirror and stared like he usually does, and not so long after, it showed Ieyasu sitting in some kind of shop and his friend, who was leaving Ieyasu alone. Ieyasu sat alone after that, and he was—was he crying?
"Ieyasu?" Mitsunari called, voice cracking.
He knew that Ieyasu couldn't hear him even though he called, but he called him anyway. He was somewhat—concerned.
Why is he crying? Mitsunari wondered, but though he was curious, there is no way that he'd be able to know the reason—at least not now.
There is still tomorrow, Mitsunari says to himself, I will ask him tomorrow.
Knocks could be heard from in front of the room, and Sachi's voice, right after it. He approved her arrival and the door slowly slides open, revealing the old maid with a cup of hot tea on the tray she brings. The old maid slowly handed the tea to her lord and accompanied the lord in silence.
What Mitsunari doesn't know is, that he would never be able to ask Ieyasu tomorrow, or the day after.
Please tell me what you guys think of this chapter!
I've been in hiatus for so long I forgot how to write a decent chapter, but hey! Silent readers are awesome too!
Thanks for reading, I hope you guys enjoyed it!
