Stories Untold
Chapter Nine: Leading Us Along
AN: Just to clarify on the chapter title, it's actually Vitamin R (Leading Us Along) by Chevelle. The lyrics actually fit this chapter fairly well (I think) considering what's happening at this point. Dragon Age 2 is almost over. Only a few more chapters to go before the real story starts. Korbin needs to spend some quality time with her friends first. Shit get's real in the next chapter. At this point, I really need to know what people think. Please leave a review. I don't ask often, but when I do I need them.
Hawke was the Champion and Kirkwall had gone to shit despite his hard work. We still muddled through Leandra's death, but we did not repeat my mistake. I wouldn't let him become me before I arrived in Thedas.
Kirkwall was no longer the relatively care free city it once was. We were now choosing sides of all things. I stuck by Hawke in his decision to back the mages and not the Templars. Needless to say, my favorite Templar wouldn't even speak to me now. Granted, he was only my favorite because he got embarrassed so quickly when talking to a woman that wasn't under his command. Knight-Captain Cullen, I think it was. Eh, whatever.
Knight-Commander Meredith was trying her damnedest to make life in Kirkwall hell. I couldn't even climb the tower walls without being afraid of getting caught and jailed at this point. I hadn't seen Bethany in weeks. The bitch was cracking down on mages and making it harder for us to hide Anders and Hawke's beloved (I'm cackling as I write this) Merrill. Who would have thought? We gave them both a key to the house just in case they had to hide.
Speaking of. I was spending more time with Anders helping him out with the mage underground. I owed a lot of mages my life and I figured they'd be happy to know I was helping others. Unfortunately, this meant I was also spending more time with Justice. I had no idea how that whole thing worked and I honestly didn't want to know. I just made faces at Anders when Justice was showing out a little too much. The spirit made me really, really uncomfortable.
Fenris was avoiding me at all costs. According to Isabela he thought I had something going on with Anders. Nope. Nuh-uh. No fucking way in hell. He was a good looking guy, but I really could not handle his poor me attitude for more than a few hours. Which is saying something. Fenris also wasn't helping Hawke as much. I learned that it was because of his former master.
What can I say? I'm out of touch with a lot of things.
I spent a lot of time with Varric and Isabela. They kept me sane. I made up wild stories with them about people we didn't even know. It was fun and kept shit in perspective. They would annoy me with questions about that one Templar I liked to bother, but they knew I just liked to annoy him. Like they liked to annoy me with... you know what, that was confusion waiting to happen. You get the point. I'm sure.
I found myself with the opposite problem I was having just a few years ago. I now had no time on my hands. Sometimes I would just say fuck it all to the things I had to do, ditch out, and go talk to Avaline. She was still the sane one, but even she was preparing for shit to get real. It seemed like everyone was getting ready for a huge fight to happen.
I won't lie, I was fucking nervous. I'm not a part of this world (funny how I'm just now thinking of this after all these years) and I'm preparing to lay down my life for people I don't even know. People I'll never in a million fucking years meet.
But I was ready to throw myself into whatever was about to happen. I kept Flemeth's words close about not being here forever or never leaving, but at this point I was pretty committed to this world. I felt more strongly about Thedas than I ever had felt about Earth. And the bitch about it was that I knew less about Thedas. It just didn't matter to me. Thedas was more of a home to me now than Earth was the whole twenty five years I had spent there.
As I said, I'd lay down my life for people I didn't even know. It's strange to think of how much I've changed.
"But what I'm saying is that if there's a huge fight, who will you stand with?" I pushed angrily. I had been arguing with people for days now. "Will you stand by Hawke or that bitch of a Knight-Commander?"
"We are not discussing this again, Korbin!" Fenris snapped. "You're becoming just as bad as everyone else in this city. You know I feel that Hawke made the wrong choice!"
"Damnit Fenris!" I yelled at him. "Why can't you just answer the damn question?"
"Because I do not know at present!" He yelled back. "You know I owe Hawke my life, but I cannot be forced to choose right now."
"Fine," I groaned. "I just want to know where everyone stands and no one is giving me an answer. Except Varric. He's the only one aside from Anders, but we both know why Anders is on his side."
"Of course he is," Fenris sighed. "He's the only one aside from yourself that has sworn their undying loyalty to Hawke."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I snapped, eying the elf in front of me.
"It simply means that you both decided a long time ago that you'll follow him where ever he leads," he said calmly. "Not everyone has put that much faith in him. Not even his beloved Blood Mage."
"Someone's jealous," I said trying to lighten my tone. "What's going on there?"
"There is nothing 'going on there,'" Fenris snarled. "I would advise you to keep silent in such matters since you yourself are so in love with that damn abomination!"
"Whoa there!" I yelped, throwing my hands up in surrender. Eyes wide. "There's nothing going on there either. Never has been. Forget I even said anything."
Fenris gave me a strange look but didn't say anything about it. "Why do you want to know so badly?" He asked instead.
"Oh, I just want to know who may or may not kill me," I said flippantly. Like it wasn't something that actually bothered me.
"Why would you believe that any of us would willingly kill you?" Fenris asked, confusion clear on his face.
I let out a loud sigh. "I don't belong here. Not only that, I don't have a good past with friends sticking by me when I need them the most."
"I don't believe that," he told me evenly. "I don't believe that you don't belong here. You've done all that you can to- mostly- fit into Thedas. You belong here as much as anyone."
I let out a laugh. "You've been drinking again. I can tell. You don't get all mushy when you're sober."
"I suppose you're right," he laughed.
To have someone I don't exactly get along with tell me that I did belong meant a lot to me. In the end it was possible that Fenris would side with Hawke and the mages after all. Only time would tell.
"Anders, Varric, Isabela, Merrill, and Aveline," I said, counting the names off on my fingers. "Those are the people I know for a fact have your back in a fight against Meredith."
It was at least two weeks after my conversation with Fenris. I hadn't really had much time to talk to Hawke since then. We'd both been busy. He with getting mages out of trouble and me with interrogating our friends on where they stood with Hawke.
Hawke laughed. "Planning a secret rebellion against me with Fenris?"
I looked up like a deer caught in the headlights before I realized he was laughing at me. "Yeah, well, you know. Gotta keep all my options open. Right?"
He laughed again. "Good to see your humor is still intact. You know you didn't have to do all this for me."
"I'm not gonna lie, this was more for me," I sighed. "You know that whole friends not being there thing. I feel really stupid for thinking they'd turn against us... you. Aw hell! You know what I mean!"
"Thankfully, I do." Hawke chuckled. "You need to relax. There's enough going on without you stressing yourself further with thoughts of who's going to stab you in the back."
"You're right," I said glumly. "I've just never been in a massively life or death situation like this before. I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff waiting for someone to push me off."
"Please try to relax, Korbin," he said with a concerned look. "You'll kill yourself before you ever make it into a fight at this point. Go see Anders. He might have something to help you relax."
I could hear the implication in his voice and I glared at him. "Really? Really?! You too? What has the world come to that suddenly everyone thinks there's something going on between me and mister-my-life-is-so-horrible-because-no-one-understands-me? Don't get me wrong, he's my friend. But gods fucking damn that shit!"
Hawke laughed at me as I made my way out of the house. Damn him and his weird ideas.
"Merrill!" I yelled into her tiny ass house. "Hey! Merrill! Where the hell are you girl?!"
I listened as a stream of sorry's issued from her room. "I'm so sorry, Korbin! I didn't hear you knock!"
"I didn't knock," I laughed. "I yelled. Just as good as knocking, but no one can ignore you."
"Why would I ignore you? Fenris maybe, but he'd never... sorry," she said as she caught herself.
"That's ok," I smiled. "It's just the way I am. You should know. I've been doing it for years now."
Merrill thought about it for a moment. "You have, haven't you?"
I simply smiled at her. Merrill was a good friend despite that fact that she was kind of scatter brained. I tried to help her out as often as she helped me.
"Did you need something?" She asked. I caught before she could backtrack on me.
"No," I said quickly. "I just thought I'd come by and see you. Shit could get real any day now and I want to spend time with everyone before then. I have the weirdest feeling that I'll never see any of you again after... whatever happens."
"Hawke told me you were hurting," Merrill said sadly. "I guess I just couldn't see that until now. You always seem so happy."
I rubbed the back of my neck uncomfortably. "I am happy most of the time. I just don't ever seem to stay that way. I guess it's a side effect of living in my world for so long. We're stuck in this unnatural loop of suck and there's no way out of it. We don't have to fight to survive anymore, so we fall into bad habits like mine. I just can't stay happy. I feel like I've been relatively happy for too long."
"Why?" She asked, catching me off guard with the short question. At my look, she elaborated. "Why only relatively happy and not just happy?"
I gave her a sad smile. "I'm lonely."
"But you have so many friends!" Merrill exclaimed. "How could you feel lonely?"
"You have Hawke," I said with another sigh. "I don't have anyone. I'm lonely. Going to the Rose can't fix emptiness of the heart."
"Oh," she said sadly. "I understand now. Maybe we could find someone for you!"
"No," I told her. "That wouldn't be fair. I couldn't tell them who I really am and that would just be a whole lot of suck."
"Then," she said with tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry I can't help you."
I smiled then. "You help me every time I talk to you. You're a great friend Merrill and I could not ask for more than that."
"So," I said uncomfortably. "What's new?"
Aveline didn't even look up from her desk. "Ask what you came to ask. I'm busy."
I looked at the floor. Damn. "I guess I'll go then."
She looked up then. "I'm sorry, Korbin. People have been coming in all day bothering me with petty things. What do you need?"
"Oh," I said slowly. "It's nothing. I just came to talk. That's all. Like you said, you've been busy. We haven't had any time to talk lately."
She let out a long, tired sigh. "Reports of rouge mages have been coming in like crazy. People feel better handing them over to the city guard than the Templars. They feel that the Knight-Commander is ruining their lives."
"I know the feeling," I said turning the small chair in front of her desk backward and sitting in it the wrong way. "I haven't been able to visit Bethany since she tightened security. It sucks."
"I'm sorry to hear that," Aveline said sincerely. "I know how much she means to you."
I sighed for the millionth time that day. "She's my best friend, Aveline. I kinda feel lost without her. I've almost been arrested a ton of times since she's been gone. I hate that woman and what she's doing to good people."
"Not all mages are like Bethany. You know that as well as I do," she lightly scolded.
"I know," I said sadly. "It's just... hell, I don't know. She's one of the first real friends I've had in a long time. I feel really fucking lost without her."
"I know what you mean. When I lost Wesley..." Aveline paused to collect her thoughts. It wasn't often that she talked about her dead husband. "I felt like I would never love again. I felt like no one would ever understand me again. Surprisingly enough, you do a pretty good job of understanding me and all the rest of our friends."
"Glad I'm at least a little help," I said with a smile. I stood up and headed for the door. I had other people to talk to that day. I stopped short and as an after though I said, "By the way, don't ever talk to Fenris when he's been drinking. He get's mushy." I heard Aveline laugh as I walked out the door.
"Hey, Bela," I said, sitting in a chair across from her in the Hanged Man. "Up to anything interesting?"
"Not particularly," She said. "But a little birdie told me that you are. Saying goodbye already, love?"
"Just in case," I told her. "You never know what's going to happen these days."
"That you don't. You know I don't like all that mushy stuff," Isabela frowned.
I grinned in reply. "I know. I was just going to say thanks for all you've done for me and go see Varric."
"Good girl," she said, laughing. "Get on then. You said your peace."
I smiled the pirate and got up to wander to Varric's room. He was writing like he usually was when no one was around.
"Hey," I said, catching his attention.
"Well, well, well," Varric smiled. "Haven't seen you around lately. Coming to say goodbye?"
"How'd you know?" I asked.
"I just know," he told me. "Now, what've you got for me. You better make it good or I'll be disappointed."
I smiled. "You're making this difficult on purpose. Aren't you?" Varric returned the smile and let me continue. "Honestly, I don't know what to say. You've been there for me from the start. Granted, Anders found me, but you've had your own part to play. You taught me a lot about Thedas and how things work here. I don't think I could ever repay you for what you've done for me."
"Shorty," He said sadly. "We're friends. You don't have to repay me."
I sniffed back the tears that were threatening to fall. I didn't want to do this. "I know that. I just feel like I owe you. I feel like I owe everyone. I owe Hawke the most."
"We all owe Hawke, Korbin. It's part of what bands us all together," Varric sighed. "I don't regret recruiting him. He's become a great friend in the time I've known him."
I let out a laugh. "Who are you kidding. He's giving you the greatest writing material ever."
"That he is, Shorty. That he is."
What the hell are you writing now?" I asked Anders as I walked into his clinic.
"My Manifesto," he said simply, scrawling a few more lines.
"Uh-huh," I countered. "Any particular reason?"
Anders didn't answer. He was too busy.
"Oh come on!" I snapped. "I hardly ever see you these days and when I actually have the time you want to write. What the hell, man?"
He looked up like a scorned little boy. "Sorry. I've just had a lot on my mind and I wanted to get it all written down."
"Oh, I know," I said easily. "I was just trying to snap you out of it to talk for a bit."
"What about?" Anders asked. "Surly I'm the last person you want to have a conversation with."
"Actually," I laughed. "You are the last person. I've talked to everyone else already. I figured you were busy with patients."
"Not recently, no," he said sadly. "Most people have been thrown in jail and I've been avoiding people in general."
"Ah," I said slowly. "The Justice going crazy thing. Don't worry. I just came to say goodbye. At least, that's what everyone says I'm saying."
"Why?" Anders asked, concerned. "Why say goodbye if you aren't going anywhere? You aren't leaving, right?"
"No," I said with a sigh. "I'm not. I just have this feeling like I am. Like whatever storm is creeping up is the end of life in Thedas for me. I don't like it, but I at least want to be able to say that I said goodbye to my friends before I go."
"That," he stalled. "That actually makes a bit of sense. We don't know if you're here to stay or if you're going home."
"No," I corrected. "Not home. Just back. This is home now. I love Thedas and I don't want to leave, but there are things I need to take care of. Home or not."
"I can understand that," he told me sadly.
"Do me a favor, would ya?" I asked out of the blue. Anders gave me a confused look. "Don't you ever let him take over who you are. Set boundaries. I don't care what you think, I know for a fact that spirits that mean good can turn into demons if they try too hard."
He opened and closed his mouth several times before he answered me. "I can do that."
"Good," I said. "He's getting too comfortable in your skin. You need to stay you. You irritate the shit out of me sometimes, but you're a good friend."
Sometimes I hate all my stupid foresight. Trust me, that shit is truly stupid.
