Dreaming comes so easily
'cause it's all that I've known
True love is a fairy tale
I'm damaged, so how would I know

I'm scared and I'm alone
I'm ashamed
And I need for you to know


Damaged


Cole's POV

I glanced around me at the people present waiting for me to tell them what had happened. This sucked I didn't want to tell any of them. They were all complete strangers. The police from the school were present, a couple of detectives were in here earlier, a women's violence advocate, and occasionally the nurse was in and out until I made up my mind about doing a rape examination.

Thankfully, the two uniform cops chose this moment to leave. One of them grumbled something about needing a smoke. The women's violence advocate, Julie was still seated by the bedside she'd explained the procedure to me three different times, while we waited for my dad, or rather John, to get here. I had refused to even let them touch me until he showed up. And I wasn't breathing a word to anybody in the room about what had actually happened until John showed himself.

He was the only person I wanted to tell any of this to he'd know what to do. He would know how to proceed; he could help me pull myself together.

The door opened and I looked up sharply. The nurse who had done my admission assessment scurried into the room, she took my hand in what I'm sure was meant to be a comforting gesture but the whole idea of 'I'm here for you, whatever you need' was making my skin crawl and vomit form at the back of my throat.

"Nicole. Your father's here," she said kindly, squeezing my hand comfortingly. My eyes widened and shot to the door, terror uppermost in my mind. Father? Oh shit I knew I gave them the wrong number I should have checked the number in my cell, dammit I transposed that two and seven. Fuck Fuck Fuck! My heart rate was out of control, providing a major focal point for my complete and total meltdown.

I could barely breathe as the door was pushed open: why is it when you're absolutely terrified, shit tends to happen in slow motion? I was terrified dammit and just wanted it to speed up so we could get this bullshit done quickly.

The minute John stepped into the room, I could feel the adrenaline slowly ebbing away and I collapsed into a round of desperate sobs. Thank God, I hadn't screwed myself completely! I was barely aware of the nurse and advocate making their way quietly from the room.

John was at my side in an instant enclosing me in his arms, where I was safe; nothing would be able to touch me as long as I was with him. I fought to control my sobs, but the harder I tried to control them the harder they fell.

I was vaguely aware of John speaking. All I really caught was my dad's name. My head shot up and I pulled away slightly out of his arms. "John you can't tell my Dad please! I'm begging you just don't tell my dad." His eyes narrowed at me. Uh oh here comes something bad.

"Dammit Nicole I just booked it here in eleven and a half hours, for you. On the word of a nurse who said you were in the hospital but wouldn't tell me why. I won't tell Bobby, but you'd better start talking," I cringed a little at the harsh tone in his voice.

Taking a breather, I opened my mouth and began to recount starting at the party. "I was out with my friends at a party, and we were drinking. I didn't drink much I don't think the alcohol has even showed up in my system yet. But…" I cut off as the door opened and the rent-a-cops were back. Saved by douche bags, ironic much?

Officer Bryant opened his mouth addressing both John and myself. "I'm sorry Mr. and Ms. Singer, but we really need to finish getting your statement."

I opened my mouth hotly; dammit, I haven't even had a minute to tell him what happened, now the vultures are circling. "Would you mind giving me a minute alone with my father, so I can at least tell him what happened before you start prying for details?" I hissed.

"I apologize ma'am but our shift has almost ended and we've waited the entire night for your father to get here before you would tell us anything." Officer Bryant said belligerently.

John stirred then, instantly drawing all eyes. "I have just driven a sixteen hour drive in less than twelve hours. I was called up by a nurse telling me I needed to get here pronto, no one has bothered to tell me a damn thing and the moment I get to the one person who will tell me what is going on," He paused glancing at me, reassuringly. "You interrupt us and refuse to leave us alone? Now get lost or do I need to take your badge numbers and contact your superiors?" He ordered in a voice the brooked no argument.

Well for sane people that is. Bryant was mustering up the courage I could tell in the way his jaw was continually working, but never actually opening to form words.

Another set of detectives had made their way into the room, Rose Patterson and Kane Cannon. They were the ones who were supposed to take my statement for the criminal case should I choose to pursue one. "No sir that won't be necessary." Rose said authoritatively. "Did I just hear correctly or were you refusing to leave this young woman alone so she could speak in private with her father?"

Bryant narrowed his eyes at her. He looked like he'd rather eat glass then be civil to detective Patterson. "Detectives Patterson, Cannon," he greeted through clenched teeth.

"Outside now," she snapped at them both.

The four police officers left the room leaving me alone with John once again. He turned back to me with a slight smile. "So I'm your old man huh?" He asked.

Tears were filling my eyes again and I smiled up at him through them. "I'm sorry I didn't know who else to call. I can't tell my dad, not yet, I just need a few days to wrap my head around this," I said softly, shifting my gaze, I wasn't sure where to look, figured my covered legs would be a good bet. "I really wasn't expecting you to show up," I said softly, feeling like a coward.

"You call I come. It's always been that way, Cole don't ever hesitate to call me. For any reason," he said just as quiet.

The memories of our last time together, it had been years now since I'd made a horrible mistake of following my heart and sleeping with the man I was still so desperately in love with. And every time we got together emotions ran hot. On my part good sense jumped out of the window without a damn parachute. The last time we'd been around each other Dean had almost been kibbles and bits for a chupacabra nest. And in a moment of weakness I'd practically jumped John in the parking lot of a hospital.

"I know but the way we left things. What I did… I-I'm sorry," I said, apologizing for having the worst discipline and restraint of my generation.

John glanced away clearing his throat. "So why did you call me?" He asked. "And this time you're gonna tell me, no dodging, no changing the subject," he said.

I lowered my gaze biting my lip this was going to hurt him, hell this was going to hurt me. "I was at a party, with my boyfriend. We… we, uh," I paused, clearing my throat.

My voice was becoming thick, hard to understand. "Went upstairs to an empty room, when…" I closed my eyes fighting back tears again. "When two more men walked in some of his friends on the football team," I took a breath that came out more of a sob.

"They took turns keeping me pinned, while the third..," I trailed off I couldn't make myself say it. Couldn't even make myself think it.

"I couldn't move. I couldn't fight back, I just froze!" I said wiping desperately at the tears forming again, my voice breaking on the last word.

John moved, sitting on the side of the stretcher and pulled me tightly into him. In this moment, I wasn't sure who needed the comfort more, me or him. "Don't you dare! This is not your fault," he said forcefully to me. "You are not to blame for this."

"But I let them do this to me. I didn't even attempt to fight," I said wiping at the tears before burying my face into his chest. I couldn't even take comfort in the familiar scent that was and always would be John. I just couldn't. How in the hell was I going to get through all of this.

The door opened for what seemed the millionth time that night, or I suppose now this morning. I glanced up as the detectives re-entered the room. "I'm sorry, Nicole but we need to know whether or not you want to move forward with this investigation," Detective Cannon said.

I glanced up at John, uncertainty clear in my gaze. "I…" I trailed off looking away, as John moved from the bed. "I'm not sure I want to," I said softly.

John glanced back at me quickly, shock evident on his face. "Nicole, of course you want to!" He snapped sternly at me. I flinched as his voice rose around me.

"Mr. Singer, how about you and I go and get a cup of coffee? My partner can stay with your daughter and begin taking her statement." Detective Cannon said quietly to John, offering him a chance to get out of his own head and process some of the shock I'd just plunged him into.

I looked up at John who was quietly returning my gaze I smiled a small half smile at him telling him silently that I would be fine until he came back. I could last fifteen to twenty minutes without him.

He and the detective made their way to the door. John paused in the doorway glancing back at me, and I nodded telling him one last time I could be strong until he came back.

Detective Patterson pulled up a chair beside the bed, and looked down at me sympathetically. "Nicole," she said softly meeting my gaze with compassion.

"Cole," I corrected her; it was practically the first thing I'd said to anyone all night. I blinked back tears, bringing a hand to my forehead and already regretting that I'd allowed John to leave me even for a minute. I was already falling apart again.

"Cole," she corrected. "I understand how difficult this must be for you. You don't have to decide whether or not you want to press criminal charges right now, however if you decline having the examination, and later decide you want to press charges we won't have any physical evidence against your attacker. It will be your word against his," she explained.

"No. It will be my word against theirs," I said closing my eyes as a single tear fell once again. "How much of this examination can we get done before they get back?" I asked. "I don't want him to have to see this."


John's POV

We were almost back to the waiting room of the emergency room when Cannon spoke breaking the tension. "So you were in the military?" He said. The man was sharp, he had studied me the whole time, probably the same as I'd done to him.

"Yeah, I was in the marines," I said, offering up something to talk about. It was a safer topic than what I was currently considering: the location and whereabouts of the sons of bitches that had hurt Nicole.

"Really?" Cannon said lightening the tension I was feeling. "I was a marine too, been out about two years," he said, offering a smile.

I nodded, not really in the mood to talk. Under any other circumstances I would have asked about his rank and service time. Now I had other things on my mind.

"Look Mr. Singer, I understand you must be feeling a lot of strain right now. I've worked sexual assault cases for a while now and the families of the victims usually feel a need to strike back. They get angry, tempers run hot. Your daughter is going to need you. You need to be thinking about what is best for her. Not about revenge. Who would it hurt if you got put in jail?" He asked.

I glanced away, not meeting his gaze. I got the point he was trying to make, I really did, but I wouldn't be dumb enough to get caught. Neither would Nicole's actual father for that matter, we were hunters and damn good ones at that, a few humans would be too easy.

"Don't do something you might live to regret. You get locked up that leaves her alone, unprotected, with her rapist walking free." Cannon said halting our progress to make sure I heard him.

I was hearing him all right. It was just going in one ear and out the other. He turned back in the direction of Cole's room, moving through the door. The curtain was drawn around the bed and I hesitated for a single moment, unsure of my next move.

Patterson moved from around the curtain, putting four separate sacks of varying sizes side by side on the floor and labeling each with a sticker. She nodded at the both of us, waving me through the divider. "She's been asking for you," she said as I stepped through.

Cole was pulling a scrub top over her head as I appeared, and she sat on the stretcher holding out a hand to me. I went to her side instantly taking her hand as Cannon came through the curtain.

"Now Cole, did you know you're attackers?" The woman asked. I pressed my lips together to remain silent while Cole answered.

"Yeah. My uh boyfriend, Ian Wesley, and two of his friends Payden Eckhert, and Jase Miller," she said.

"Eckhert?" Cannon questioned interrupting the interview. "As in, the Dean of SD State?" He said.

"Yeah, her son." Cole said giving a little hysterical laugh. "I was raped by the Dean's son," she said before sobering slightly.

"Did you have anything to drink? Does your memory feel fuzzy like maybe you've ingested some type of drug?" Patterson asked.

"I remember everything. But I did have a few drinks before we – before going upstairs," she answered.

"Okay, that's good that you remember everything Cole. We'll have the nurse re-draw some blood for another blood alcohol test before you leave, just to be sure we have the correct information," she said nodding in the nurse's direction.

"Cole we need you to describe the attack. As much detail as you can provide for us, would be extremely helpful." Cannon said glancing at me.

"We were alone, in a bedroom. The door opened and the other two came in, they grabbed me, one hand on my upper arm, another on my thigh, two of them held me down while the third…" She stopped abruptly pressing a hand to her forehead. "All three of them," she said softly struggling not to cry again.

I shifted, having to make a conscious effort not to pull away from her. Every instinct in me triggered to protect her, to seek vengeance. I glanced away and then up to meet Cannon's piercing gaze; he knew exactly what I was thinking. I barely caught his imperceptible nod. Oh yeah he knew exactly what I was struggling against.

"Cole, we understand how difficult this must be for you. We need to know so we know where to look for evidence against them. Did they penetrate you vaginally, anally, orally? Did they use any foreign objects?" Patterson asked.

I brought a hand up to my mouth. As a rule, hunters generally had a strong stomach, but this this was too much. "Jesus Christ," I said pulling away slightly, removing my hand from Cole's so she wouldn't feel the involuntary and helpless rage that was coursing through my veins causing me to shake with pent up helpless energy.

My gaze shifted restlessly around the room, looking desperately for something to hold my attention for a few moments, to distract myself from the disturbing and disgusting images my mind was supplying as Cole told the detectives what had happened to her.

I glanced back at Cole, she was looking at me, uncertainty evident in her gaze. "It's okay baby girl. You just tell them what they need to know," I said with a nod. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and fit her into my side, kissing her temple.

For a moment, the rage subsided a tiny bit, for a moment in time the beast I felt snarling and snapping and demanding justice was temporarily sated. Cole was trembling under my arm, and I hugged her tighter to me, trying to comfort her as best as I could. If I was having trouble dealing with this, I could only imagine how she was feeling; she'd been forced to live this hell.

Cole buried her face against me, mumbling out a low reply I wasn't sure if anyone else had heard her. "Vaginally, orally, and all they used was their own bodies." I sure hoped they'd heard, because I wasn't entirely sure I'd be able to repeat it. I looked to Detective Cannon, if anyone had caught it, he did. He nodded at me.

Detective Patterson crouched down at Cole's knees. "Hey, you're doing really well Cole. Do you need to take a break?" She asked quietly.

I glanced from her and back to Cole, they should just get this over with.

"No. I really just want this whole thing to get done as quickly as possible," Cole said, her voice small and thin.

"Okay, well in that case we need to get some pictures, and continue with a bit more of the examination. Once we get the exam done, you can get some food. Maybe your dad can go find you something while we try to finish the exam, huh?" She said, smiling up at Cole who looked at me and nodded slightly.

I jumped on the excuse to leave, I had never considered myself a coward before today, but some things you just can't ask a man to hear. "Yeah sweetie what do you want?" I asked Cole.

She looked up at me grinning. "A freaking cheeseburger with mustard, ketchup, and pickles. Tell them not to skimp on the grease. Man I'm starving," she said, her attitude turning a complete one eighty at the prospect of food.

Detective Cannon chuckled, "A woman after my own heart," he said, agreeing with what Cole and the rest of us considered food. "When was the last time you had anything to eat?" He asked.

"Last time I ate, uh yesterday around noon right before my final." Cole answered. Her stomach growled audibly in protest. "Jeeze!" She said covering her stomach in embarrassment.

"I'd be hungry too." Cannon said with a warm smile at Cole. "We'll get you some food."

I squeezed Cole's shoulder. "I'll be right back, I'm gonna go get your food then I'll be right outside," she nodded looking up at me. I didn't want to leave her in that moment, she appeared so vulnerable it was heart breaking. At the same time, I couldn't listen to any more of her statement right then, I had to get away and process what I'd already heard.

Outside of Cole's room, I was pacing. I rounded on Detective Cannon once the door closed. "I don't know how you do this on a daily basis," I said attempting to keep my voice neutral. "I feel like I'm going to be sick."

"You did really well in there," he responded.

"I don't understand, what was with the complete turnaround in her attitude? It was like she was all of a sudden a different person," I said calmly, bracing myself against the wall.

"Mr. Singer, she's in shock right now, her mind is trying to process what's happened to her just the same as you are. Over the next few weeks, she may exhibit a range of symptoms from depression and anger, to rage, to even possibly joking about what happened. Now none of that means that she made any of this up, it's her way of coping," he said sympathetically.

"The absolute best thing you can do for your daughter is be there for her. She may feel the need to talk about what happened to her, you have to be available to listen to her. Try not to react to what she's saying, and I know how tough it is. She may very well try to test you to see if you are true to your word, to see if you'll really stay by her side. All of these are coping mechanisms and believe me she will need every one of them to make it through this." Cannon explained.

I nodded, understanding. I just didn't know how we were both going to make it through this in one piece.


Cole's POV

They'd taken pictures of every bruise, every laceration. The nurse had completed pubic combings, collecting hair, oral swabs and fingernail scrapings. Now all they had left to do was the vaginal examination.

I was alone. John and the other detective had left to give us some privacy while we completed the examination, only now I was wishing John was by my side again. I was on my back in stirrups, thankfully for the most part I was covered with a sheet, but I was still terrified.

"Okay Cole, we have just one last part to complete. We're gonna do a quick pelvic exam, then we'll let you get dressed and the nurse will come back in to collect your blood for the second test, all right?" Rose explained.

I nodded, licking my lips apprehensively. I felt the nurse's hand on my thigh and my breathing quickened. "I can't do this. I can't breathe," I said nervously. My pulse was racing.

"It's okay honey we're almost done." Rose said reassuringly.

"I can't. No! Don't touch me! Just stop touching me, get away from me!" I yelled raising my voice in a panic.

The curtain jerked back as I registered the sound of the door crashing open. I glanced to John, terrified. "Get the hell away from her!" He barked at the nurse, who immediately scooted back from the gurney.

"It's okay baby, just take a minute. Okay they're almost done." John said running a hand over my hair, I clung to his hand, terrified he would leave me again. I couldn't do this. I was too weak to do this.

"You are almost done right?" He questioned Rose.

"Yes sir, this is the last part of the exam. Then we're done," she said quietly.

"Okay, you hear that baby, they're almost done, just a few more minutes. Then I can get you home," he said calmly. I nodded against his chest for the nurse to continue the exam.

"I'm sorry," I said apologizing to the nurse and detective.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Cole." Rose said.

"I don't know what happened I just panicked. I didn't even fight them, and yet here you're just trying to help me and I freaked," I said my voice sounded wobbly even to my own ears.

John stirred as if to say something, but the detective beat him to it. "Cole, how can you think you didn't fight? We've spent the better half of four and a half hours collecting evidence that says the exact opposite," she said quietly. "The fight is all over your body, you fought back Nicole. You did fight," she said.

I only nodded. I didn't believe her, I didn't feel like I'd fought. I just remained silent, focusing on the examination.

It was excruciating. I could only imagine what it was like for John, a man who was used to being able to take action, to be so completely sidelined and relegated to babysitter. I remained tense while they collected the last of the evidence they needed and breathed a sigh of relief when the nurse bagged up the last of the kit and placed it in the box, sealing it with a label.

Detective Patterson took both boxes and moved to the door with them in hand. "I'll get these to the lab," she said to her partner.

The nurse helped me out of the stirrups so I could sit on the side of the stretcher once again. Detective Cannon moved into the room. "Okay Cole, we just have a few more questions now that the exam is done, if you're up for it," he said.

I nodded. "Yeah now that the hard part is done let's go," I said softly.


John's POV

Cole's phone started ringing, I looked at the caller ID – Beth. Cole looked too and shook her head, letting it go to voice mail. She turned back to the detective and apologized for the intrusion. "I can't turn it off... just in case Da...Bobby calls," she said to me, and I nodded.

"Bobby?" Detective Cannon asked curiously.

"Yeah, he's uh..," she looked to me for help.

"A potential employer," I offered, cutting her off when she started to flounder at what story to give them. "Cole has several job offers in play right now."

Cole nodded at me, smiling.

Her phone started ringing again and I looked at the caller ID – Beth again. I sighed and raised an eyebrow at Cole, who simply ignored the call. The third time it rang, just a few minutes later, I took the phone myself and flipped it open, listening to Beth on the other end, who launched into a tirade without so much as a hello.

"Jesus Cole, what are you ignoring me? I need to talk! I'm gonna kill him, I swear to God, I'm going to kill him and feed him to the catfish in the bottom of the lake. You know what he's gone and done? We had a fight, and so he's run off with some slut of a girl, and hasn't been back since Dad left... Really?! I mean really?! He's just taken off and won't talk to me..."

"Beth...do you seriously bother your sister with this drivel every time you and Dean have a fight?" I said into the phone.

Beth stopped in the middle of what she was saying and I could hear her confusion over the phone, almost as if she was double-checking that she'd dialed the right number.

"Uh, Dad?" She said eventually, as I fought not to chuckle at her.

"Yeah, it's me."

"What are you doing answering Cole's phone?" She asked.

"Well, that's a long story, one she can tell you later," I said.

"Is she okay?"

"Not really, but like I said, she can tell you about it later. For now, let me just say that you can't bother Cole right now with the issues you're having with your brother. Go talk to Dean and sort it out with him. I'll call you in a few days."

"But... Dad... Dean isn't talking to me!"

"Fix it then, since when have you let that stop you?" I asked, rolling my eyes. "You're twenty years old Beth, act like it!"

I hung up the phone and Cole was staring at me open-mouthed. "Wow, that was a little harsh don't you think?" She asked me and I shook my head.

"You've been in college, so you have no idea what the last few months have been like living with those two," I said with a sigh. "If you ask me, Dean running off with a girl and ignoring Beth for a few weeks will do them a world of good," I added.

Cole looked a little amused and then shook her head. "I wouldn't count on it," she murmured.

"What?"

"Nothing. Just... Oh just turn it off for now. If Bobby calls, he can leave a message," she said. I did as she asked with a sigh of relief, though I seriously doubted Beth would be calling back after that lecture.

Detective Cannon had waited patiently for me to get off the phone, however the nurse chose that moment to return with a needle and a few vials to collect blood, a small medicine cup with a pill in it, a syringe with some form of liquid in it, and a small handful of pamphlets.

She handed the cup to Cole, turned around to the sink, and got Cole a cup of water.

"What is this?" Cole asked.

"The morning after pill," she said quickly, not bothering to elaborate.

Cole went pale and looked at me numbly.

I licked my lips hesitantly, unsure of how to respond. Detective Cannon bailed me out by replying. "It'll help prevent any unwanted pregnancy."

"I- I know I just wasn't sure if…" She trailed off tossing back the pills and downing the cup of water in one go.

The nurse drew Cole's blood. "We're going to do a repeat Blood Alcohol Test, and also we'll screen your blood for any sexually transmitted infections. You will need to follow up with your primary healthcare provider at three weeks, six weeks, and again at three months for HIV testing," she said, not bothering to look at Cole.

"I know." Cole snapped irritably. "I did just take my last final for nursing school."

I fought back a grin at Cole's fiery temper. Detective Cannon wasn't quite so quick to hide his grin, he turned away quickly covering it with a cough.

"This is a shot of prophylactic antibiotics to combat any STD's you may have contracted. However you also have ordered an oral antibiotic as a secondary precaution. Your primary will probably repeat an STD panel in a few weeks just to be sure," she said not showing any sign of irritation at Cole's snap. "Other than that you're officially discharged from the hospital, barring that the police are done taking your statement you're free to go," she turned abruptly on her heel and marched from the room.

Cole glanced at me grinning. "Bitch," she mumbled under her breath.

I laughed lightly. "Says the one who snapped at her."

Detective Cannon smirked also. "I don't know, I thought she was being a bitch too," he said agreeing with Cole.

"So if we're done here can we go get my dang cheeseburger now?" Cole asked and I mentally kicked myself, the cheeseburger, that was where I had been headed before barging back into the room when Cole panicked.

"Yeah, let's go," I said wrapping my arm around her.


John's POV

I let myself into the small apartment that Cole had shared with her roommate. They had taken their finals yesterday and were set to graduate at the end of the week. Cole had already called Bobby and told him that she had gotten the date wrong. She wasn't planning on going to her own graduation.

The shower was still running when I opened the door, depositing the food I'd grabbed for us both on the coffee table. I frowned worriedly in the direction of the bathroom. She'd been in there almost over an hour.

I shrugged out of my jacket and over shirt dropping them onto a nearby chair as I went to investigate. I knocked on the door. "Nicole?" I called worriedly.

Not getting an answer, I tried the doorknob. It was locked, big surprise there. Since I'd joined her in the apartment I'd noticed Cole locking doors, double, and triple checking the locks. She was in survival mode right now.

I pulled out my wallet and grabbed my driver's license; I slipped it in between the door and the jam, and sighed in relief when the door clicked open.

The steam billowed out, hitting me directly in the face. I had to steady myself against the extreme heat; damn you would think the hot water would have run out by now. I glanced around the bathroom, striding over to the shower and pulling back the curtain.

Cole had curled into a ball, under the hot water, and furiously scrubbing herself raw with a washcloth. My heart instantly skipped a beat. I turned around turning off the water and grabbed a towel off the rack, wrapping it around her.

She cried out, yelling at me, her voice hoarse from too many hours spent crying, and not speaking. "No! I'm not done, I'm still dirty," she cried at me.

I fought her for the washcloth. "No baby let me see. You're done, you're clean," I tossed the cloth across the room and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her from the shower. I set her on her feet, while I dried her off, being careful of all the sore reddened welts she'd inflicted upon herself.

Beneath the self-inflicted sores, there was evidence of the assault she'd been subjected to: bite marks from teeth tearing into her soft flesh, bruises on her arms, around her breasts, her abdomen and lower still. Seeing such evidence of the abuse she'd been forced to endure made me sick. It made rage boil in my gut and my blood burn for vengeance.

I had to put those emotions on a back burner for now, in this moment the only thing that mattered was Nicole. I was planning to take her with me. She could come and spend some time with Beth, Dean, Sam and I. Maybe a few hunts would be good for her, give her something else to put her mind on instead of constantly reliving what they had done to her.

I got her dry and changed into some fresh nightclothes. It was still early maybe five in the evening. Cole seemed content the last couple of days to do absolutely nothing but sleep. She barely ate, and only when I was around watching her, forcing her to eat.

"All right, let's get something to eat," I said grabbing her hand and leading her to the couch, where I'd deposited the food on the coffee table. Sitting her down on the couch, I leaned forward grabbing her container of beef and broccoli. "Fork, like a normal person, or chop stick like some kind of creepy clawed pincer crab?" I asked her, trying to get a smile out of her.

"I'm not hungry," she said curling back into a ball and staring blankly at the TV. I frowned at her. We were back to that again.

"Nicole you have to eat," I said quietly, trying not to be irritated by the fact that I was being treated like a parent being blown off by their kid.

She didn't answer simply gazing numbly back at the TV. I tried again, grabbing a fork from the bag, and speared a piece of beef on it. "Come on, open up kid, I'm not taking you back to your dad looking like you have an eating disorder," I said firmly, in a don't fuck with me kid, tone.

She looked at me like I'd lost my damn mind. "I said I'm not freaking hungry. Just lay the hell off," she snapped. That was the first sign of any true emotion I'd seen aside from listening to her cry herself to sleep.

That was good I could work with anger. Anger meant she was still willing to fight. "Cole, you need to eat something dammit, now eat this or I'll take your ass to a hospital where they'll put a feeding tube down and force you to eat," I said hotly. She needed to eat something. Last time I'd seen her eat anything was this time last night.

She glared at me, snatching the carton from me, along with the fork. She chewed angrily glaring at me. "There! Fucking happy?" She snarled.

I offered her a small humorless smile. "Ecstatic," I said to her, watching her eat. She turned her gaze back to the TV where Meet the Parents was currently on. She just watched listlessly, with an apathetic gaze.

I rolled my eyes huffing out a sigh; I didn't know how to help her. I couldn't possibly know where to even begin. One thing I knew for sure training always seemed to help the kids when they were dealing with things. I could only hope it would do the same for her.

I glanced down, feeling the couch shift. Cole had crawled over to me, positioning herself beside my arm. Taking the hint, I lifted my arm so she could get closer to me and as I settled back around her shoulder as she grabbed my arm hugging it to her. She was trembling.

"Cole. Relax honey, I've got you, you're safe," I said soothingly bringing my other arm around to hug her tighter to me.

She shook again, her body small and slight, and curled in around herself so tightly it would be impossible to ignore the tremors that plagued her. "Don't call me that," she said softly her voice barely above a whisper. "They called me that all of them. Not you, you're not like them, you'd never hurt me," she said quietly, tears once again streaming down her face.

I'd never felt so useless in my life. I didn't know how to help her, so I just held her, I gave her the comfort she needed when she needed it most.


Cole's POV

It was nine twenty five in the morning. I wasn't tired, but I didn't want to do anything either. I just wanted to be numb. I was sick of thinking, I was sick of closing my eyes and seeing every little thing they had done to me.

I just needed a break, hell I just needed something maybe a distraction. I'd already gotten my things out of here the week before finals, except for a single set of sheets and about a weeks' worth of clothes, so packing was out.

I moved away from the bathroom door, towards the couch, where John was flipping through the Sioux Falls paper, probably looking for a hunt. I plopped down on the couch with a sigh. I wanted to do something that required no brain cells, like sleeping. Only I'd done a whole lot of that in the past seventy two hours.

John looked at me folding the paper over and setting it down. "You okay?" He asked cautiously. That was one thing I was tired of, he kept asking me how I was doing.

"Yeah, I'm peachy," I replied in an irritated voice. He arched an eyebrow at me, his stern taskmaster gaze coming into play.

"Yeah, you sure do sound fine. You wanna talk about it?" He asked his gaze not giving away how he felt other than the annoyance at my generic noncommittal answer.

"No," I said quickly. "The last thing I want to do at this very moment is rehash the last seventy two hours," I said in an attempt at staying calm, trying to keep the protective bitch side of my personality from rearing her head.

"Great. Get dressed." John said, grabbing his bag and getting out a change of clothes.

"What? Why?" I asked confused. He stopped by the bathroom door and turned to face me.

"Because I am going stir crazy sitting here cooped up with you. We are going to get in a work out, at the very least a run," he said turning away to change in the bathroom.

"Um, hey what am I gonna wear?" I asked turning towards my bed and grabbing my own duffel, all I had was a single pair of sweat pants and no long sleeved shirts, and I had bruises all down my arms.

John exited the bathroom the clothes he had just changed from in his grip, "What do you mean?" He asked staring at me in confusion.

I shrugged trying to appear casual, but I couldn't help the involuntary shudder that ran through my body. "Well, I don't exactly have any long sleeved shirts or even sweat shirts to work out in, and I'd rather not wear a big neon sign around the public that say's "hit me"," I said spreading my arms out and indicating my bruises. They were still black blue and dark purple.

He turned away from me going to his duffel again, and rifling through it looking for something. He tossed the item over his shoulder and moved to stand in front of me. I felt a stab of uncertainty run through me.

"We don't have to do this you know." John said catching the tremor that ran through me. "I just feel like it might be something to help take your mind off of things," he said gently.

I nodded making up my mind. Yes, this would be a good thing, it would distract me, and it would make me feel a tiny bit better, maybe. "No," I said suddenly making up my mind. "I want to. I'm going to do this, for me," I said putting on a brave face at the thought of having to go out and face the world. "Just don't leave me," I said softly. "If you hadn't come John, I… I'd be a complete wreck, well I am a complete wreck but I'd be way worse," I said blinking back the unexpected tears filling my eyes. God I was sick to death of crying.

He stepped up to me, wrapping strong sure arms around me. I just laid my head on his chest, grateful in that moment for the comfort. "I won't leave you alone. I'll be with you as long as you need me," he said softly. I moved away from him with my sweats and a light blue tank top, when he pulled the shirt off his shoulder and handed it out to me. "This is going to be a bit big but here it should do the trick," he said softly.

I took it from him, smiling shyly up at him, I felt like my old self, just a bit anyways. Once again a girl with a crush on her father's best friend, the best part, he has a crush on me also. I changed into the tank top and sweats, then came out and pulled on my shoes. I had John's shirt over my shoulder, and he was still standing where I'd left him by my bed.

He was watching me, running his gaze over my arms, lingering on the bruises. I felt a flush start burning up my cheeks I hurriedly moved to get the long sleeved shirt on. This was what I wanted to avoid with anyone else.

My cheeks burned in shame as he stepped into me. "I want you to listen to me very carefully, Nicole," he said crouching down, so he could meet my gaze. His hands found my arm and began rolling the sleeves up on the shirt.

"You have nothing to be ashamed of," he said softly, he raised a hand, caressing my face. The touch was so gentle, I found myself leaning into it, craving it. I closed my eyes, holding my breath.

My phone ringing totally ruined the moment. I reached into my pocket fishing for it. "Hello?" I questioned after opening it. The woman's voice on the other end made me cringe.

"Yeah," I said trying to hide the tremor in my voice as John looked at me questioningly. "I can be there in five minutes," I agreed. The trembling was back, I felt cold but it was weird because I wasn't cold necessarily.

I hung up the phone looking at John. I rose from my place on the bed, pulling the sweatpants off and throwing my jeans back on. "I have to go and meet with the Dean of the college in five minutes," I said not bothering to look at him.

"Ok," he grabbed the clothes he had just changed from and headed back towards the bathroom to change yet again. I pulled my shoes on and laced them up. I was ready no point in making any serious effort.

Five minutes later, I was sitting in the Dean's office, wondering what was going on. Dean Eckhert sat across from me her face giving nothing away.

"Ms. Singer I've called you here today because I was just curious what your intentions were given the matter of Mister's Wesley, Miller, and Eckhert?" She asked.

I narrowed my eyes at her. Oh come on you have got to be freaking kidding me! I opened my mouth to tell her exactly that. "Ma'am, I hardly see that you're an unbiased party in this whole thing," I said my voice hard.

"Ms. Singer, our campus has an honor to uphold the highest standards, we understand how difficult this must be for you, however, our students are under protection from the Federal Educational Rights and Privacy Act also known as FERPA. I will conduct myself professionally, as you are expected to, and our proceedings done through the campus police department remain confidential," she explained.

No way in hell was this going to remain confidential once I was done with them. "Wait so essentially, confidential means you want me to keep my mouth shut?" I questioned, seeking clarification.

Dean Eckhert looked at me, her expression sober. "We offer support within the campus structure that allows all parties involved to gain closure to upsetting matters."

I opened my mouth angrily. "Upsetting matters. They raped me!" I snapped at her.

Dean Eckhert sighed, her brow creasing. "I understand how difficult this must be for you, but our campus has a police department in place to process matters like this. Ms. Singer these matters need to remain confidential, I'm sure you can understand how distressing the situation would be if families were to find out," she said her gaze a parody of compassion and sincerity.

"Well I'm staring at one family right now, how do you feel about your rapist little son?" I asked, leaning forward on the desk. "How can you even stand to look at him?"

She shifted a file on her desk, pushing the paper towards me and ignoring my question. "This is a confidentiality contract, signing this means that everything you say either to me, your fellow students or campus police will not be used in a demeaning manner, for example on certain social media sites, within the community and nothing said inside of this room behind closed doors will be used outside of this room," she said her voice firm and authoritative.

"I don't think I want to sign that," I said softly, trying to keep the fury from being reflected in my voice.

"Ms. Singer, Nicole. Not signing this contract puts you in danger of violating the Student Code of Conduct, section two Possession and Consumption of Alcohol on school grounds and also section ten Failure to Comply with College Officials," she said simply smoothing her hands over the piece of paper. "Putting yourself in violation of the Code of Conduct means your graduation will be terminated and you will no longer be able to use our university for any further studies you wish to complete."

My blood ran cold at her soft-spoken statement. "I think you can take that Confidentiality Contract and shit palm it for all I care," I snapped at her my voice low and mean. No way in hell were they going to get away with this.

I stood then turning for the door, barely containing the tears that were threatening to fall. The minute I hit the doorframe rounding the corner into the hallway, I found John pacing the hall.

"Cole , are you okay?" He asked concern evident in his eyes.

"Can we just go please?" I asked fighting to keep my voice even.

John and I turned heading for the doors that would lead us to the parking lot. We got into the truck and I pulled out my phone. "Drive," I said to John as I searched through my billfold for a business card.

"Nicole, I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what the hell happened," he said softly, his voice concerned.

"She… She said…" I couldn't stop it I was breathing hard, my breath was coming out in gasps and pants. I was sobbing, I couldn't stop myself from bursting into tears. John slid over on the seat, to wrap his arms around me.

"Shhh, baby, come on you can't fall apart now. I need you to pull yourself together. Something big obviously happened in there now you need to tell me what." John said softly, wrapping me up in his arms and kissing the top of my forehead.

"I.. I can't John. I just, I'm too upset right now. I just want go home. Can we do that? Can we just go home?" I asked hesitantly.

He nodded against me, and I curled into him taking comfort in the steady beat of his heart, and the fact that I wasn't entirely alone.

"She said that if I told anyone, I would be in violation of the code of conduct. I wouldn't be able to graduate," I said weakly my voice sounding small and far away.

John remained silent moving over to start the truck. I chewed on my bottom lip worry uppermost in my mind. I'd worked hard to get where I was it had taken me an extra year to graduate because I'd failed one class by one tenth of a point, I'd needed a seventy-five and I'd gotten a seventy four point nine.

I didn't want to lose my degree. I didn't want to let them get away with this either. I had no idea what to do.

"Can we just go home? I want to talk about this but not out in the open." John glanced at me and nodded, heading back down the road in the direction of the dorm.


John's POV

"So now you think I'm being stupid!" She snarled at me, her eyes glittering with tears.

"Cole I didn't say that. Dammit I said I don't understand how you can actually be considering this," I snapped at her. "If it's the damn diploma you want, we can go to the police."

"No!" She exclaimed. "John the police won't be able to do anything for me. And I have worked too damn hard for that diploma. I could give a rat's ass about graduation, but my diploma, that is what will get me working," she said her eyes angry desperation barely concealed under her anger.

"That isn't what you're worried about is it Nicole?" I asked her my voice pitched low trying to calm her down a bit, last thing I needed was for her to flip out completely on me.

I watched her as she paced away from me, raking a hand through her hair. She turned back to me anguish in her eyes. "If I go to the police my dad will find out John. I couldn't bear for him to know."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "Cole, there is no way in hell he would think any less of you. You're his daughter, he loves you," I said grabbing her arm and pulling her to me in a hug. "Baby he might be mad that you hadn't called him, but he loves you he'd be more mad that he couldn't shoot them once you've gone to the police or signed this ridiculous contract."

"That's not why I don't want him to know. John if I go to the police it's going to come out, about us. He'd probably try to kill us both," she said looking up at me anxiously, her voice strained. I looked at her and her quirky smiled popped into view. "Granted you'd go first, which means I might have a bit of time to run," she said cheekily and I laughed, but I didn't really feel it.

I officially felt like crap. See this was why the rules were such a good thing. Clear-cut boundaries, no fuck ups. "Look, how about we finish this later?" I asked her, looking down into her scared gaze. "Let's just take a breather, and we can come back and revisit this in a few hours or even tomorrow," I said trying to keep the peace.

Cole looked at me nodding and I relinquished a fraction of an inch.


Cole's POV

I couldn't do this anymore. I was sick and tired of all of it the fear, the regret, the needed protection. I shouldn't need anyone to protect me. I should be able to do that part myself. But you can't because you're weak and stupid and useless.

The meeting with the Dean had been horrible. She'd looked so smug as I'd pushed the contract back across her desk towards her, and then, when the door was pushed open and John stormed into the room, he looked furious.

I was actually thinking I might have to defend myself, however he'd simply reached down and jerked my ass up out of that chair like he was picking an apple off a tree. That had been yesterday.

He'd been so furious he hadn't spoken to me since. I had no idea where he was at this moment only that it was late. It didn't matter I fucked up everything I touched. I knew this had to end I couldn't live with this regret another day.

The cut didn't seem to hurt that much when I made it, I was already so numb it almost felt good, at least I was feeling something. Blood trickled down my arm and I watched it listlessly, and then made another incision, sucking in a breath as the blade sliced through my wrist.

I wasn't going to go too far, just enough to feel something. In the back of my mind the feelings were all there, and it occurred to me that it wouldn't take much to make this a permanent solution to all the pain. I could rest, and not have to relive it every torturous moment to the next.

With a sigh I lay back against the bathroom wall, watching the blood come out of my wrist and thinking about how I'd screwed everything up. I would do so many things differently if I had only known what I knew now. One of them would be John: if I'd known how he felt about me all those years ago, I would have acted on it sooner, made him see how important he was to me. I could never tell him now. Why would he want me now?

I stifled a sob at the thought, at how broken and damaged I now was, after just one night everything had changed.

In the distance, there was the sound of the door to the bathroom opening and then John was there, swearing when he saw me on the floor and pulling me to my feet. He took a cloth from the basin and pressed it against my arm, ripping a strip of fabric from his shirt and tying it in place.

"I'm not going to let you hurt yourself." He said firmly, gripping the hand that had the razor in it.

"Why the fuck would you care!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. Not giving a damn who heard us. "Why does it matter what I do anymore, I'm broken and I can't be fixed. I'm damaged goods. It's not like anyone will ever want me." I screamed, hurting beyond belief.

An unreadable expression crossed his face. He took a step forward, and wrenched my head back, his lips meeting mine like a man starving for food. He didn't ask, he didn't question, he just took what he wanted from me. The hand holding my wrist slipped the razor from my grasp and in that moment, I didn't care. A hot flash fire burn had started in the pit of my stomach, spreading its way outward.

His lips broke from mine and I started at the loss. He was kissing his way down my neck, his beard scratching and fanning the flames of an arousal I didn't know I had. He took my hand and pressed it into the massive bulge in the front of his jeans. "I want you." He growled in my ear.

And in that moment I believed him.

"I want you, Nicole," he whispered against my skin. I made a conscious decision to go with it. I'd wanted this for years. Certainly every time John and I were around each other, we constantly fought our feelings. He wasn't fighting his for once. Neither would I.

Butterflies took wing in my stomach as John placed an arm below my knees, carrying me bridal style back into the bedroom. I had always worried that if that had ever happened to me I would feel silly and foolish. However, in this moment I felt like one of the most cherished women in the world.

My stomach did a curious little flip as he set me gently on the bed, his gaze never leaving me. In a rush of nerves, I felt heat rushing to my cheeks. John smirked a small half smile that any other day would have set my teeth on edge but today it had me feeling giddy, almost girly.

"What?" I asked self-consciously, he was just staring at me. His features usually looked so tough and stern, but right now, they appeared softer, lighter, and content. I moved then attempting to raise a hand to my hair to straighten it; he really was making me nervous with all this staring and watching nonsense.

John caught my hand in his, turning it over and lightly trailing his fingers down to my wrist, careful of the bandage covering it. He turned my palm up pressing a kiss into the center. That simple action caused more blood to rush to my cheeks and I attempted to duck my head, shielding my embarrassment as best as I could.

"You really have no idea how beautiful you are?" He questioned his voice sounded awed, astonished. I hid my anxiety behind my lashes, if I was so beautiful why did this happen to me? Why did every man I meet treat me as if I was nothing more than a cheap used up dried out whore?

My eyes flew open when his lips met mine again. I'd been fully expecting him to apologize, and explain that even though we felt this way we couldn't act on it, the usual crap he came up with I wasn't entirely expecting this.

I hesitated, keeping my mouth closed. Did I really want to do this? Could I even do this? What if he treated me like shit again? At my refusal to open my mouth John pressed several small kisses to my lips.

I felt the familiar tingling I typically felt when I was with John, that consistent electrical current that occurred between the two of us. I'd never felt that with another living soul. And yet, I still refused to allow him entrance. The childish, immature, hurt part of me wondered idly how long he would keep up coaxing me into loving him if I continually gave him nothing to work with. I was almost tempted to find out.

At my continued resistance, John tried a different tactic smoothing his tongue lightly barely there across the seam of my lips. And I still couldn't respond, intellectually I realized that fear and anxiety were uppermost in my mind and nothing was going to happen. No amount of cajoling and playful kisses was going to allow me to respond and be with him no matter how much I wanted to, and believe me I wanted to.

I sighed pulling away from him and running a hand through my hair anxiously. "I'm sorry," I said softly the word coming out barely a whisper. I closed my eyes against the shame I was feeling.

"Baby. You have nothing to be sorry about, what will happen will happen in its own time."

"I want to. You have no idea how bad I want to," I said opening my eyes.

John's gaze met mine. In his eyes, I saw compassion and understanding. "You need to relax. I won't hurt you, or push you into anything you're not ready for."

I smiled a small smile of agreement; he'd never pushed me before.

"I have something that just might help," he said softly getting up and pulling off his clothes save for his jeans. He stood then, walking silently to the bedroom door.

I opened my mouth in protest. "Hey! Wait!" I said my voice rising in panic, knowing that if he left me, I might never get this chance again. We would be back to denying our feelings and horrendous sexual tension, and tightly leashed emotions.

"I'm coming back," he said reassuringly. "Although as a precaution you might want to take all your clothes off," he said with a suggestive smirk.

I spluttered, unable to come up with a response as he turned and padded barefoot and silently from the room. I weighed my options. I wasn't sure anything was going to come of this but I was so going to try it. I rid myself of my clothes in record time with just enough time left to pull my blankets around me in a safe cocoon.

"So what is that?" I asked skeptically as John came back into the bedroom with a bottle in his hands.

"It's coconut oil, but the saleswoman helped me out a bit by adding arnica and chamomile to it. I told her I needed something to help with bruising. I may have mentioned something about my woman being a biter," he said taking a minute to study me. "I don't think she believed me," he said with a roguish grin.

"Oh my God," I said laughing lightly. "You probably made her have an orgasm on the spot."

He raised an eyebrow a cheeky grin softening his features even more. "Now that would be amazing, I might need to work on that one."

I smiled my gaze falling back to the duvet I huddled under. For just a second my insecurities and fear had been gone. Now they were back in full force.

John brought a hand under my chin, lifting my face to meet his gaze. "Nicole, I'm not good at expressing myself or saying the right thing. I hurt you the last time we were together, let me help you through this."

I dropped my gaze once again feeling self-conscious. John stretched out on his side next to me on the bed he took hold of the comforter and peeled it back inch by inch exposing only what he intended to work on. I lay back onto the pillows, my heart hammering in my chest.

"If you get uncomfortable or need me to stop at any time, all you have to do is tell me Nicole. I'll stop," he said, licking his lips and watching me closely. I nodded, my mouth felt dry, however, I closed my eyes and lay back willing myself to relax.

I watched John as he spread the oil over his palm, leaning the jar against his body for easy access. He tentatively touched the first bruise he came to, massaging the oil softly into the dark purple handprint on my upper arm. His touch was so gentle, so delicate I didn't feel any pain I felt the soothing effects of the coconut oil and various herbs mixed in, and the heady tingling. He moved then reaching across me to attend to the other arm.

Raising my head I bared my neck to him my gaze never leaving his face. He wore an expressionless mask, making it impossible for me to tell what he was thinking. I couldn't see how he could fail to feel the fast beat of my heart, but he didn't stop, trusting that I would tell him to stop if I needed him to.

He paused lowering his gaze from my body to apply more oil. I felt a subtle edge of eagerness rising within me, but I held myself still and tense afraid that if I moved the spell would be broken and I would lose my nerve. I was allowing him to seduce me. I relaxed as much as possible when he brought his hand to my breast, his fingers gentle and sure, kneading and massaging the oil into the surrounding skin.

I was barely breathing at this point, anxious that the smallest of movements would make him rethink his proposal, and I didn't want him to stop. I inhaled sharply when his thumb brushed across my nipple; the inhaled breathe pushing my breast further into his palm, his gaze which had been so focused on my body, now jumped to my face. John repeated the action, and this time a small moan escaped me.

I shifted then allowing him better access to my other breast. He repeated his ministrations, his gaze alternating between my body and holding my gaze. His gaze had darkened, I could see undisguised hunger evident, but he was doing everything in his power to hold back and give me what care he could.

The heat had spread making its way like liquid fire through my veins. As he reached my navel, I arched into his hands, moaning uninhibited now, caring only that the delicious heat spreading through me never stopped. My breathing had become ragged and uncontrollable by the time he reached my inner thighs, my body was writhing, seeking some way to ease the terrible relentless hunger he'd caused in me from his gentle concern and touch.

My hips writhed on the mattress, moving in the general direction of whichever thigh his hand was currently on, seeking out relief. I whimpered in protest when his hand moved from my body, my eyes snapping open to his gaze. I whined, desperate for him to continue, and his eyes jumped to mine.

His breathing was as erratic and shallow as mine was coming out in short pants, though he refused to make a sound. "Don't stop," I said the words coming out in a desperate order. The sound of my own voice was somewhere between a whine and a groan.

His hand went to my center, where I so fiercely needed it. I bucked up into his hand as he rubbed the oil into the folds, they were tender to the touch but I didn't care at this point the only thing I cared about was John's amazingly skilled hands.

I cried out tossing my head to the side as John entered one finger into my body. "Feel that?" He said softly groaning as liquid spice coated his fingers.

I moaned reacting now instead of thinking. John spoke again his voice sounding raw and strained; he was fighting as much with himself as I was fighting to stay with him. "Feel, baby. Don't fight what you feel."

I opened my eyes meeting John's gaze. He was closer now, our breathes mingling together, sharing each other's oxygen. His mouth tentatively touched mine, gently, lightly coaxing and teasing until I opened for him. When he pulled away, I had to fight myself to keep from pulling him back desperately to me. There would be all the time in the world for desperate we were used to desperate for now we were going to take things slow, easy, and tender.

I sighed in contentment as he placed several small kisses along my jawline down to my collarbone, nipping playfully to elicit a gasp of heady breathless surprise from me. His mouth skimmed barely there lightly over my breast, nuzzling the underside of my breast, softly leaving scorching heat and delectable tingles behind that tightened my nipples into hard firm peaks. I closed my eyes once again in uncertainty. How could I possibly want something that hurt so horribly.

John spoke lightly then as if he'd read my mind. He must have there was no other way he could have hit this particular nail on the head so accurately. "No pain baby girl, only pleasure." His mouth created an aching void within me. Fire danced over my skin leaving me pulsing with need for him, and only him.

His body moved over mine, hot, hard and ready. His strength was enormous and some part of me waited terrified he would hurt me, however his hands were gentle as one cupped my breast sending streaks of fire through my blood stream another hand was at my hip, angling me so he could easily enter me without much pain.

I gasped as he invaded me, the pain was sharp and hot, but the pleasure and the fact that I'd waited years for this very moment to come again was stronger. I felt my muscles already tightly gripping him like a vise squeezing and milking at his gentle invasion. He paused as he entered me fully, looking down at me, kissing me fully. "You want me to stop?" He questioned the words coming out strangled and hoarse.

I shook my head no, bringing my hands up to gently caress his cheek, and press my mouth fully to his. No, I didn't want him to stop. I feathered kisses along his jaw, down the firm column of his throat, doing my own exploration of his body. He took this as an invitation to continue his hips pressing into mine with an exquisite care I hadn't known he was capable of.

My body began to meet his, matching the tempo he'd set. He was incredibly gentle and patient initiating me, as he should have the first time, care and tenderness in his every move. I wanted in that moment to cry. Tears of joy and happiness, instead I settled for clutching the only lifeline I had as my body tightened, pressure building, causing me to cry out.

I felt like I was spinning out of control my only sure safety net was the man above me. John's thrusts were controlled and even as he eased into me and then back out. His hands exceedingly gentle as he moved us toward that delectable pulsing that would carry us over the edge. I raised my hips, thrusting to meet him, guiding the pace and the depth with my legs wrapped around him.

Rolling waves of pleasure started to fan out across my navel, spreading down my legs and up my body as I gasped from the sheer intensity of the orgasm, it was deep and exhilarating, and I surrendered completely to the moment, crying out and groaning as my body thrashed on the bed, John keeping the pace and driving into my sweet spot with the same rhythm and control that was sending me crazy.

I clutched at his arms, squeezing tightly and trying to catch my breath, almost crying from the tenderness. "Please John... I want to feel you," I begged and he met my eyes with a dark and wild desire. He started to thrust a little faster into me, picking up the pace and angling a little deeper, my body twitching and shaking underneath him. Suddenly he stiffened, his breath catching as he thrust into me in a long drive, holding and then pushing again, and once more. He groaned, breathing hard and fast as he caught his breath, holding himself above me and grinding slowly against me as he shuddered after his release. I clutched him to me, wrapping my legs around him

"Hold me," I said, pulling him close, never wanting to let go.

He wrapped me up in his arms, and for a small space of time, I found comfort in the sure and steady beat of his heart. I drifted on the waves of pleasure still rolling through me allowing myself to be lulled into sleep.


John's POV

I glanced down at the sleeping woman in my arms, sighing in contentment. The last time we'd been in this predicament I'd run like a coward, unable to own up to my mistakes. This time things were going to be different.

I gently eased out from under Cole careful not to wake her. I padded into the bathroom in the small apartment running the water as hot as I thought she could stand it.

I strode back into the bedroom to find Cole sitting up in the middle of the bed a heartbroken expression on her face. Her eyes were red and swollen and she looked as if she'd been crying, not entirely surprising she'd been crying a lot the last week and a half, however after what we'd shared together I felt a light sting of disappointment.

She looked up at me and her expression immediately transformed. She glanced down at the covers on the bed.

I moved closer to the bed, "Nicole?" I questioned for the first time feeling unsure. What if she regret our time together? I'd done everything in my power to make it beautiful and memorable for her, hopefully it could be a happy memory amidst all the darkness she was going through at this time in her life.

"I thought you'd left again," she said simply but the hurt in that simple statement was enough to tear my heart out.

I shook my head swiftly. "No, Nicole I'm not leaving you. I'm right here," I said softly.

Cole ducked her head, her hair effectively shielding most of her face. "Promise?" She said shyly, the hopefulness conveyed in her voice was enough to bring me to my knees.

"I promise baby girl. I'm not gonna leave you until you're so sick of me you'll beg and plead for me to leave you," I said with a light laugh.

She smiled then for the first time in, I don't know how long it felt genuine, reaching her eyes and transforming her face into an otherworldly beauty. "I don't know then you have some ground to make up. Come back to bed?" She said her gaze hopeful.

I smiled at her shaking my head. She groaned and flopped back down onto the bed, pulling the duvet to cover her face. I reached up and pulled it down. "No baby girl. We can play later, right now I'm gonna get you in the bath."

She groaned again. "Sorry. Not gonna happen. I'm not moving, I can't move. There's no way I could possibly walk. You've effectively removed any abilities I ever had to do anything other than roll around in this bed," she said lightly with a small laugh waggling her eyebrows suggestively like Groucho Marx.

I grinned taking the bait and playing along. "Then I'll just have to carry you," I said sternly the effect would have worked had I been able to keep the grin off my face.

I moved towards her on the bed and she pulled back all playfulness suddenly gone and anxiety was settling around her. We'd spent so much time together recently I felt like I could read her like an open book.

"You can't carry me!" She protested.

"Why not?"

She bit her lip, picking at the cover.

"Nicole why not?" I asked again.

She shrugged, her hair hiding her face once more. I remained silent simply waiting.

"I won't drop you," I said.

"I know that," she said.

"Then what Cole?" I asked curiously.

"I might feel silly," she said color rising in her cheeks.

"Baby girl there's no one here but us. It is okay to let your guard down once in a while," I said gently, moving to her side and lifting her into my arms, she burrowed into me comfortably and for the second time in my life, Nicole Singer belonged to me.


Author's Notes: Song used for this chapter is Damaged by Plumb


Obviously I have not died. I also have yet to retake my exam it is scheduled for the 29th at 10:45 AM and I will be unable to reschedule it this is the moment. Pray for me!


This is a reasonably longer chapter, and probably the one and only of it's kind dealing with nothing but the assault. Besides I need to get these guys back to present day. So stay tuned in there should be another chapter up soon. I may start shortening the length in my chapters because when I write 30-40 pages it takes me a month or longer to get them done to my satisfaction so chapters will probably be shorter from here on out. Hopefully it won't detract from the story in anyway!


Also I realize I take longer to get out chapters than Belladonna78, and I am sorry about that however I have decided you probably will get all the spoilers in her stories first before they happen in mine, however I do hope you will stick with me through them as getting to know how things come about and the story behind them is a lot better than just skipping to the end.


Now finally HUGE thank you to Belladonna78 for her willingness to put up with all my crazy ideas. Her careful editing of my atrocious typos and her all around being a great friend and very supportive beta.


I love each and every one of you guys. Peace out and now I'm off to study hopefully for the final time!