Not The Little Girl You Thought

"Aw, someone missed me?" Kakashi said teasingly, bumping his shoulder into Jenny's before sliding further down in the sheets, getting comfortable after at least a week of sleeping on the hard ground, the mattress was a welcome change.

Jenny shoved his shoulder irritably before also moving so she lay horizontally. "Shut up. You already knew that," she grumbled but still, he was hyper aware of a hand that came to rest on his shoulder and all the feelings of the sheets became numbed to him.

Kakashi held in the need to flinch away from her touch but continually worried about the feeling of the lack of touch, his senses were dulled, anesthetised.

Unable to fight the feeling a sleep with such a comfy mattress cradling his body, Kakashi succumbed to the need to sleep.

…o0o…

Trapped.

I wanted to pound my fists on the body like prison. I just wanted out!

There were those paper rustles again, but so close to my ears that I wanted to flinch away but my body didn't do anything.

Why wasn't it doing anything?!

Dear Lord help me, I am begging you. Where was mum? Dad? Nathaniel? Rin?

Susie?

Why were they leaving me here?

I could barely manage to twitch me toes. However the more important issue was that I had something stuck down my lungs, blocking my airways yet I was still breathing.

How was that even possible?! Jesus I was freaking out.

I couldn't fight my way out of this. I couldn't feel hunger. I couldn't feel thirst. I couldn't blink let alone even thinking of breathing out of my nose instead of my mouth.

The feeling of my legs filled with lead made my heart want to increase but instead there was a numbing feeling of it not reacting.

And then, there was that beeping. That blasted, bloody beeping. It was in my ear, it was surrounding me, it was like an axe waiting to drop.

I wanted to scream and I wanted to cry.

I was gonna cry. I was gonna cry.

I was gonna-

I sat up straight with a gasp, my eyes opening wide, my lungs begging me for breath, oxygen, blissful oxygen. I grasped my chest like every cliché after a nightmare.

The nightmares were back.

While Kakashi was gone, I worked myself into oblivion and if the work wasn't tiring enough I drank myself to the equal plane.

I allowed myself to flop my heavy head into my awaiting hands.

But none of them were so vivid like this one before now.

I could feel my chest tightening with a familiar panic, my heart thrumming in a bird's wing beats. Finally reacting unlike in my dream.

There was the early dawn light, a barely grey colour, that was lighting the room, giving me distinct sights of the objects around me, trying to comfort me through the familiar surroundings, even the one lying next to me.

I looked over to the side where I saw Kakashi's body was motionless other than the occasional breath. While his back was faced towards me, I slowly tilted my body so it was leaning over so I could glimpse at his profile.

He still wore that stupid sleep mask and unlike the other guys I knew, he didn't sleep shirtless. Or he didn't unless he couldn't help it in this muggy country.

In my panic induced state, I didn't realise I had found my hand inching towards his face. I knew the first time that I had met him I said I would respect his privacy, but the curiosity seemed to only be piqued more with each passing day and resulting way he finds a way to hide his face. Maybe if I took a quick look then maybe the fear in me would tone down, at least knowing something was real and I could affect it.

Barely a centimetre away, I stopped. If I did this, I would finally put a real face to the name, my curiosity sated and my mind would be at peace.

Then I frowned. But if I did do this, I would lose my friendship, my companion, my free books and comfort. I would lose him.

I sucked in a breath before rolling away silently and swung my legs out of the bed.

I needed to get out of there. Right. Now.

Quietly, I darted to the dresser where I got my sports kit out and changing hurriedly, finding my heart was racing already with no sign of slowly down. I had to do something about this, the nightmare still had its hold on me and I didn't know how to stop it.

I was lacing my trainers before I knew it with my shaky hands and I was out of the door, trying to hold my panic attack until I was further away, until I was pounding it into the ground with my feet.

When I trekked down the frightful stairs, I began to sprint for the outskirts, looking to lose myself in the treeline. However, it felt like I was never getting any closer, each house seeming like the one before it, the pavement appearing the same dirty slab that I was running on.

I knew that this was just one of my side effects and that the dizziness was going to be soon overwhelming me, but I kept trying to move forward but it was like trying to sprint through treacle. It just couldn't be done.

Slowing down, I propped myself on the nearby wall, trying to regain my breath, my sanity and anything that seemed to be lost in the haze of my panic. I was panting and sweating despite the cool morning and my eyes seemed to blur in front of me.

I grasped the wall harder.

"That wasn't as long as I thought it would be," I mild voice commented from my side.

I screeched in surprise, ducking to a crouch ready to run again but relaxed when I saw who it was.

"Not now Kakashi," I turned my gaze away from him, to look anywhere but at him dressed in a black tight fitting top coupled with a mask (of course) and running shoes. I clenched my chest as it tried to deal with the new variable, attempting to reach into my cavity to try and slow my beating organ down.

I didn't want him to witness another attack where he would have to calm me down again. I didn't want him to think I relied on him, on his presence in my weakness.

But we do don't we, you can't do anything yourself, a small part of me whispered cruelly. I closed my eyes, a whimper reaching up through my throat ready to turn into sobs at any given time.

Instead of answering, Kakashi began to languidly stretch, not once did his eye go over my haggard form, despite sprinting for all of two minutes, giving the impression of privacy in a not-so-private-setting, for which I was grateful.

"I know a good track to do if you want, about three, four miles if you are up for it," Kakashi finally said, ignoring the situation entirely, his eye finally going over my heavily panting chest and the visible shakes in my hands. "I'll even let you set the pace."

He gave me a reassuring eye crinkle that loosened the rope that was binding my chest into not taking the normal volume of air.

But still I stared at him. What was he doing? Why wasn't he looking awkward like he should be doing? My mouth hanging slightly open after the pants I had been making until I resolved that since Kakashi didn't seem to mind, I would close it.

In its place, I simply nodded uncertainly, before jogging at a slightly lighter pace from my frenzied dash.

While I didn't say it, I was glad Kakashi was running next to me. It was a reassurance to mean that I wouldn't do anything crazy while just doing that. A simple run.

Finally, I had someone to trust implicitly without the need for my family.

The family I wasn't so sure I would find again.

It had been almost half an hour, it had been building up to erupt. I knew it, my brain knew it. It was just time to stop. I stumbled to my knees where Kakashi tried to catch me but I yanked my arm out of his hold, trying to avoid the intensifying senses as allowed my feverish face to lie in the dusty ground, just begging for a simple answer to my problems.

Why couldn't I just go back?

I allowed the water damn that had been bursting in my throat finally break free and I let my misery out through the physical shakes of my shoulders and the wasted water leaking out of my face.

I felt a crunch next to me where Kakashi crouched and there was a moment of silence before there was a light, hesitant hand on the small of my back giving tiny small soothing circles. I almost hated the touch as it amplified everything. Everything. My feelings, my smell.

But then I could imperceptibly feel like there was less lead in my legs, the complete opposite from my dream which calmed me down to large degree.

I lay there until I finally felt my tear ducts close, unable to force more than a single tear out further.

"Time to go?" he asked, his voice never betraying what he truly thought which I couldn't decide whether it was a blessing or not.

I nodded dumbly into the ground, relishing the feel of the small pain of the bread crumb gravel grinding against my face.

Hooking a hand over my elbow, Kakashi tugged me up and we slowly walked back to the flat in silence, with the morning sun christening our bodies in blood red and woke up the rest of the inhabitants of the village.

…o0o…

The morning continued like how it normally would. Me, cooking breakfast while Kakashi sat at the table, feigning conversation as he read his book.

But I wasn't going to let him off and made a joke about making my other sexual dish the Daisy-Chain, if he wanted it.

He did not appreciate that and was the first time where I got given the silent treatment from Kakashi.

Walking out of the door, with a cheery wave, I made it to the shop in time to see a bleary Ino opening it on the opposite side of the door, away from the chilly morning which was deceptive to the humid heat which was sure to come later.

I couldn't wait for the day to come to an end so I could be with Kakashi again. I knew he couldn't tell me about the mission but I was certain he could tell me more about the countries surrounding Konoha. The things he would have seen, the different cultures!

I was almost salivating.

At the end of the day, I impatiently cleaned the surfaces and left, again, more than a few flour dust particles in my haste to go.

I slinked out of my uniform with a practiced ease and all but sprinted home where I unlocked the door with feigned nonchalance, knowing that I rushed would only inflate Kakashi's ego further.

With a shake of my head, I walked in calling:

"Hey Kakashi! I got some more spare foods for us!" I placed the plastic bags with the plastic tubs of the uneaten confectionary, inside, on the coffee table. "Tonight we'll dine like kings!"

There was an eerie silence and I frowned, going through all the rooms finding no sign of the pervert anywhere. I tried to tamp down the disappointment. He didn't need to stay around and baby sit me after all.

He was probably with Sakura.

Going into the lonely, absent kitchen, I began to make a dinner. There was no hesitation as I made enough for two so Kakashi could decide if he wanted to eat later or not.

Turning to eat at the table, my eyebrows shot up in shock at the sight of a flimsy bit of paper with an elegant scrawl that made me doubtful that it was from Kakashi.

Regardless, I picked up the paper with a dubious index and thumb.

Firefly,

I snorted but continued.

Gone out with friends. Don't wait up.

Number One Pervert.

Another snort and I flicked the paper to the opposite side of the table and began to dig into the spicy meal. The quiet was pressing. The lack of presence punishing.

I swallowed a particularly large bite before going to the bedroom.

Might as well try to get an early night.

…o0o…

"So did the hellion jump your bones as soon as you got home, Kakashi-sensei," Iruka said bitterly, taking a mighty gulp of the larger in front of him, licking away the foam from his upper lip.

Kakashi looked up from his porn to frown in confusion at his friend. Well, who he thought to be his friend.

"Aw, don't mind him Hatake. He is just bitter that he got rejected by your estranged daughter," Asuma rolled his eyes heavenward before taking a particularly large inhale of his cigarette, dashing it against the side of the ash tray to let sparks rain down into the glass.

"My estranged daughter?" Kakashi was steadily becoming more and more confused as this line of questioning continued.

"Jenny! It's Jenny!" Iruka finally snapped annoyance crinkling up the corners of his eyes as he squinted angrily at him.

Kakashi, ever the cool man, simply stared at the irate man until he finally became slightly more chagrined, looking down at his lap, the very picture of a naughty child being scolded.

"Sorry, it's just that she gave such good hea-"

Kakashi horrified, clasped his ears with his hands on the verge of childishly shouting "lalalalalalalalala!" but his reputation kept him from sinking that low. But it was close. Oh, so close.

"Ah come on Kakashi," Genma chipped in, rolling his own cigarette while eyeing the rest of the women in the beer garden. "You can't tell us that you didn't hit that before officially going out with Sakura, can you?"

Kakashi just glared at the man who was in the process of licking the paper. Genma paused as he took in Kakashi's defensive position and hadn't even let his eyes flit to the neighbouring girls, one of whom was blatantly checking him out and was doing everything except dropping her knickers directly in front of him.

"You haven't!" Genma accused, dropping his roll up to point at him in shame.

Even Gai had stopped downing his second beer in favour of almost splurting it all over Kakashi who dodged neatly into another seat on the circular bench and gave them all a look of distain.

"You haven't tapped that?" Izumo and Kotesu demanded in synchronisation.

"What is wrong with you?" Izumo continued, his eyes closing, dreaming of that body, that hair…

He was rudely shaken away by the sharp clonk from the book that had been thrown at him, forcing him to fall on his back.

The occupants turned to the grey haired man, who still had an orange book in his hand.

"What did you-?" Iruka started tentatively.

"It was one of my shittier books that I didn't get round to putting back on my shelf," outwardly, Kakashi was the epitome of cool and collected as he shrugged.

However, inside, Kakashi felt as if the metaphorical rug had been yanked from underneath his sure footing. Sweet, innocent Jenny giving head? She gave Iruka a blow job? She gave Iruka a blow job?

When did this happen?

But more importantly, why did Jenny not say anything about this?

Feigning nonchalance, Kakashi cleared his throat to get the attention of the teacher at the academy.

"Iruka, did you mean what you said? About-"

"Jenny-san giving me a blow job? Damn straight. She isn't too bad between the sheets either." Iruka grumbled grudgingly, tearing open a crisp packet to make it a free for all and he set about getting another drink out of his pint, eying Kakashi over the rim who hadn't looked up from his book.

"Hey, Kakashi?" he continued to scrutinise the man who continued to stare down at his book studiously, despite he hadn't moved his eyes for at least a few minutes.

The other man just grunted in recognition.

"Did you seriously not, you know?" Iruka asked, his voice layered with suspicion and incredulity.

Kakashi, taking his time, placed a finger in the book to mark his page and gazed steadily at the other man, oblivious to the tense silence surrounding him, the men at the edges of their seats, desperate to hear the answer.

"No, I did not, fuck her, shag her, bang her, screw her, tap that, make her see stars, give her the night that she won't forget and, or, rock her world," Kakashi listed aimlessly, his voice deceiving the hard look in his eye, each warning the men on the table not to question him.

There was a silence. There was a very large silence that was only broken by Kotesu's and Izumo's coughs to try and diffuse the awkward tension, which had irreversibly changed the perceptions that the grey haired man had of his roommate.

With the speed of a flying sebon, Kakashi had finished his drink and was waving goodbye to his friends, who had barely glanced at him from their embarrassment at the time.

And it was only when they looked up, they realised that he left his tab for them, signalling a groan in unison.

…o0o…

It was when Kakashi began his walk home that he began to think of Jenny.

Sure he knew that to other men, Jenny had sexual appeal. He knew that she was aesthetically pleasing to the eye and had a nice personality to boot. That is if you didn't count the blow up about her clothes being destroyed. However, what woman wouldn't be?

Kakashi kicked a stone distractedly, allowing the slight scrape across the ground pause his rummaging thoughts.

It was like he never really thought that she meant what she said, about liking older men. But obviously he was very wrong indeed if she did what Iruka said she did.

Rubbing his face, Kakashi sighed looking up at the half moon in the sky. But what of Kiba? Was he even in the picture anymore?

Yes, he suspected she would sneak out, but maybe it was like every romance novel that he had read that meant that she was scared of her feelings for the man?

He shook his head. Jenny wasn't like that.

Climbing the stairs to the flat, Kakashi couldn't help but wonder what Jenny did the entire time that he was away. Did she invite men back to his place? He shuddered at the thought. He would change the sheets and disinfect everything, despite the time and effort it would take. He would take no chances.

Reaching the door after a few minor slips that even the best of ninja couldn't have avoided, Kakashi rummaged around his pockets for his keys.

What a better question to think about was, could he even trust her?

She had been suspected of being a rogue nin when she had first arrived and while Kakashi was convinced that she wasn't, it didn't mean that she wasn't lying about anything else.

For example, her family. Where were they? Kakashi knew that she knew.

And Kakashi knew that she knew that he knew.

So why was she lying?

He could tell that she was because of the nervous habit of rubbing her nose with a knuckle, or trying to pull her non-existent sleeves down her arms, but he pretended that he didn't see it.

Sighing again, Kakashi inserted the metal into the lock and twisted his way in, where he found everything dark, apart from the sliver of light that came from the door way down the hall which led to his bed room.

Untying his bandages around his lower legs, Kakashi removed his shoes by the door and silently made his way to the door and peeked through the gap.

He could just barely see Jenny, all tucked up in bed, the reading light next to her turned on as she flipped another page in a different book that he knew he didn't recommend to her.

Her peacock coloured hair was in a messy bun on the top of her head and she still was wearing his t-shirt that he offered the night before, but it hung slightly more off her feminine frame, exposing her prominent collarbones that surprisingly were unscarred.

Despite popular belief, Kakashi thought the most erotic part of a woman was the collarbones. Sure, breasts and the lower places were all fine and good for a quick round of sex. The real issue Kakashi had was when the women innocently showed their unmarred collarbones.

While Sakura's were more prominent than most, hers had slight shiny littering of kunai scars and what not, which then dulled the light of her femininity.

Jenny scratched an ear lobe as she eagerly turned another page, her eyes alighting in a fervour. Kakashi smirked.

Ahh, she was on the sexy page.

From where he was standing, he couldn't discern the title of the novel but he knew that the majority of his books went from mild to extreme very quickly.

The most innocent were put in boxes in another room.

If there was no porn, then why the hell was he reading it?

Jenny gave a slight whimper and Kakashi froze as he watch Jenny's legs that were under the covers rub together, to try and create a friction that if his sources were correct (and Iruka was pretty thorough) she hadn't had sex for the past few days and was probably feeling the with drawl.

But never once in the half an hour, that Kakashi spent creepily watching her, did he see Jenny reach down to settle the ache. In fact, he would go so far to say that she was averse to the idea of touching down there. In standing there for that length of time, even Kakashi realised he was being more weird than usual but he just couldn't turn his eye away. He was almost tempted to lift his eye patch to memorise every moment, in case he missed a wayward hand.

His perverse mind couldn't help but wonder if the curtains matched the carpet.

It was bad. He knew it. But it was an insatiable curiosity that overcame him and even was the thing that drew him to Sakura when he started seeing her in a more womanly light.

And just for the record, Sakura's curtains and carpet matched.

Daydreaming about that was not helping the situation any.

It was then that Jenny had decided to get up and stretch before walking to the door. Kakashi was so stunned at seeing just Jenny's blue with white daisy knickers under her thin t-shirt, where he could see her nipples were poking out obviously, that he forgot that he would seem like a peeping tom.

With the haste of someone a quarter his age, he pretended that he had been lounging on the couch for an unknowable amount of time when Jenny came in yawning, heading towards the kitchen but paused in the doorway, unwittingly realising that she spied the pervert and turned her attention back to the couch where Kakashi raised a hand and said:

"Yo."

Jenny narrowed her eyes and folded her arms irritably, tapping her foot.

"And where have you been?" she arched an eyebrow, her mouth tightened in displeasure.

"Right here," Kakashi said vaguely, knowing that wasn't what she had meant.

"Obviously not since I have been waiting since forever for you to come back," Jenny sighed melodramatically and flopped on top of Kakashi who gave no sign that he noticed her.

Pouting, Jenny's mouth brightened into a smile that made him suspicious and was finally brought into the idea when she began to wriggle her body on top of his.

While pretending that he didn't care, this couldn't have been further from the truth. He focused on the bare flesh probably rubbing up and down his lap and her breasts that kept inadvertently thrusting into his chest at random intervals in a strangely successful way of distracting his from his book.

If he had been paying attention to it in the first place that is.

"Come on," she whined playfully, "you can't tell me this isn't annoying you a little bit?"

Kakashi stared up at the ceiling as if contemplating her question.

"I'm getting a free, albeit moving blanket," Kakashi said smoothly, just compelling himself not to do anything stupid. "Oh and the free breasts." And there went that idea. He just hoped that she would take it as his dry humour bait.

His response just made Jenny snort derisively. Hook, line and sinker, he thought before Jenny moved herself over to the end where she picked up Kakashi's feet and began soothing rubs causing him to give out a little, embarrassing moan.

"Pervert," Jenny said teasingly, giving a particularly hard rotation on the ball of his foot, causing his toes to curl deliciously.

"Mmm and proud of it, oh a little more to the left? Yeahhh, that's the stuff," Kakashi allowed his hand to droop to the floor and his head to rest against the arm rest as he focussed on the feelings that he was getting from the talented fingers. "I can understand why you are good at making bread; your kneading is exemplary."

Jenny gave another snort but he could feel the smug satisfaction leaking out her body.

"Don't let it go to your head," Kakashi chastised when he found the energy to open his eyes to see Jenny had a small smile on her face.

"No, that's not what I'm thinking about, you moron," Jenny shot back, the small, sweet smile never leaving her face.

"Then a ryo for your thoughts?" Kakashi pushed himself up, taking his bare feet away from those distracting hands.

"It's just silly," Jenny said, her hand batting it away like a bothersome fly.

The smile was still there.

"Please?" he said, pouting obviously, so that she would see through the mask.

Jenny rolled her eyes before lounging backwards, her back arching over the arm rest to stretch it further. He heard a satisfying crackle as her spine cracked if there was any indication from the pleasured moan that escaped her mouth in a fleeting moment. Kakashi wanted to shift uncomfortably, but knew that Jenny would latch onto the movement.

"It's just I remember doing this for my brother, after a particularly long boxing match," Jenny shook her head self-deprecatingly. "He does this annoying thing that he continues to whine at having two cooks in the house meant that surely one would be able to give massage to his poor, poor feet."

Jenny grinned again, her teeth glistening white in the dimly lit room.

"Well anyway, mum is always 'too busy making Sunday lunch' and I end up getting stuck with the job and had to endure it every Sunday and every match in between." Jenny's smile now turned sad but Kakashi had latched onto another truth, another sign that she had lied about her amnesia.

"Is he good?" Kakashi omitted from pointing this out further; he would rather her to be more vulnerable so that he wouldn't have to dig his way through all the different stories and emotions.

He preferred them raw.

Jenny nodded. "Very good. He has the best teacher in his university, he's gotten to national level but said that he wouldn't continue if it got in the way of his studies, which it hasn't but he is still planning on giving it up."

Kakashi frowned in confusion. "Why would he give it up if he was good at it?"

Jenny shrugged, rolling her shoulders back as if trying to remove a hidden tension. "I guess, dangerous for the brain? None of us really like him in the ring, his girlfriend especially, but Neil does what Neil wants."

He nodded as if this made sense. It didn't.

Why would anyone stop what they did best? Kakashi was still a ninja wasn't he?

Jenny gave a jaw popping yawn that Kakashi could hear from the other end of the couch and got up to move to the bedroom and predictably, Jenny followed him where he began to prepare for bed.

Unlike earlier, Kakashi noticed the books stacked next to Jenny's side of the bed. Kakashi lowered his brow in bewilderment, turning his gaze to Jenny who looked at him in equal confusion until she noticed the books where the realisation lit her face like a lightbulb.

"Oh, yeah, I hope you don't mind but I'm borrowing some books to read in the near future," she rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly, shuffling her feet under his penetrating stare. "I just thought that since you never read any books other than Icha Icha that you wouldn't notice," Jenny continued on, albeit more defensive.

Kakashi stepped around the bed and flicked her forehead causing her to cry out.

"Jenny, it's fine," he allowed the exasperation at her antics come out.

Jenny scowled, rubbing the sore spot before turning to go lie on the bed, switching off her light sullenly, making the her side of the room go into darkness.

Kakashi continued to get changed, keeping a lazy eye on her to make sure that she wouldn't try and take a peek like she almost did that morning.

Finally changed, Kakashi flopped into his bed, switching off his own lamp, sucking the room into the darkness beyond the window shaped mark that was made by the blue hued moon.

There was a stillness as neither parties in the bed moved.

"Now that you are going out with Sakura, does that mean I have to go find a new place?" Jenny asked in a small voice, her vulnerability showing through that reminded him of that morning. He didn't know what had set her off and he didn't ask. It didn't seem right at the time, but now it felt like a delayed reaction.

Kakashi shook his head until he realised that she wouldn't be able to see him. "No, you were here first. Anyway, we're taking it slow. Slow does not count night caps," Kakashi lied easily. There was no point in mentioning that a couple of night caps had already occurred in the unwashed sheets they were laying in.

No need to alarm her.

Jenny shuffled until she was facing Kakashi. "You sure?"

"Go to sleep, firefly."

He could feel her grin from his side of the bed.

"Does this mean that we are BFFLs now? Should we braid each other's hair? Share secrets? Sex tips?" Jenny harassed good naturedly, the dusk light cutting across the bed through the window so he saw a forearm tucking under her pillow as she looked at his shadowy form.

"I don't even want to know what BFFLs are," Kakashi drawled. "Although, I wouldn't mind getting your thoughts on this complicated sex position in Icha Icha," Kakashi feigned getting comfortable to start long discussions, much alike teenage girls. "Now, bear with me, it was the latest Icha Icha so I probably haven't read it through as much as I would have liked and I'm a bit confused on how to make it comfortable for the woman-"

He was cut off by a particularly violent pillow thrust in his face forcing him to roll on his back and hear a disgusted noise.

"Just go to sleep Kakashi, I'm sure you can test them out on your girlfriend," Jenny quipped as she rolled over onto her other side with a melodramatic huff.

"Now there's an idea," Kakashi retorted, still lying on his back.

But lying on his back didn't stop him from wishing he could say that she could try the position on his other friends.

Maybe that was over the line. Sounded a tad too bitter.

"Good night," Jenny whispered from the other side of the bed.

Kakashi grunted his goodnight before he moved himself onto his other side, his back facing the blue haired girl, his mind wandering before he finally fell into the calming arms of sleep.