Part 9

You walked down the road, crying softly. Stupid, stupid, stupid! After Aldric told you about Maria, you thought that you could do what she did. Well you were obviously wrong! Very wrong! You managed to just made it worse! Maybe it would have been better if you had never been with Ludwig in the first place! No, it wouldn't have. Gilbert would still hate you, Antonio would still chase after you, and Ludwig would've ended up with some normal looking girl, not a walking skeleton.

You almost tripped over something in the road, but managed to catch yourself. You really regreted wearing those heels, even if they were short ones. You paused at a street sign, looking up at it. Shit, you weren't anywhere /near/ your house! You didn't have enough for a cab, or even a bus ticket. All you had was your phone, and calling anyone was out of the question. You didn't want to have to tell your parents what had happened, and obviously Ludwig was out of the question. You sighed and took off your heels. It was going to be a long walk home.

It took you almost 2 hours to find your way back home, by then you were past your curfew. Aldric must have called and told them what happened because they let you go to your room silently. You flopped on your bed and turned on your phone. Numerous voice messages waited for you, a companion to several texts saying "Call me!" and "I am sorry!". You put your phone on speaker and let your voicemail play while you changed clothes. There was some from Ludwig, fear gripping his voice tight.

"Schatz, where are you?! Are you ok?! Please call me back!"

"_, I am so, so sorry...we should not have fought...Forgive me! Bitte!"

"Libeling, please...I could /never/ forgive myself if something happened to you...Gott, please, I need for you to be safe...!"

There was one from Aldric, saying he understood if you didn't want to pick up for Ludwig, but to at least call him back to let him know you were safe. No texting though, he never got the hang of it and he never will. You laughed at that until you heard Gilberts voice play. You froze up, staring at the phone.

"Hey, listen, I know I've always been the /biggest/ bag of douche to walk the earth, but I'm sorry. Really, this time! I kinda had a really /long/ sob fest with Ludwig..." He gave a short laugh. "I need to find a way to get my man card back, now!" He cleared his throat. "Well, what I'm trying to say is that this time, I actually am sorry. I think I understand why you did it..."

You sat back on your bed and listened to your phone tell you the box was empty. You hung up and drew your knees up to your chest,hugging them. God, you were just so confused! You took a deep breath. Just think it out. What you needed to do was call Aldric and get some sleep. You picked up your phone and called aldric. He answered hurriedly "Hello? _?" You took another deep breath. "Y-yeah, I got home. I'm sorry for worrying you." He sighed. "It is understandable. I apologize for the fighting...Ludwig and Gilbert are as well." You swallowed. "O-ok, I'll call tomorrow and talk to them..."

You hung up before he had a chance to say good night,going to the bathroom to wipe off your make-up. You needed space to think, you needed to figure out what to do. Was Gilbert lying? Would you cause them to fight again? You hoped not, they were brothers. You hated seeing them fight! You sighed and flopped on your bed. Sleep. Thats what you needed. A good nights rest helped every time!

You got up and turned off the light before going back, hiding under your covers. You wished that you had Ludwig here to hold you, for you to be able to apologize for running out without saying anything, for making them worry...You would do that tomorrow though...now you just needed to sleep.

The next morning was bright and radiated joy. You groaned and hid under the covers. Just 5 more minutes, pretty please...You tried in vain, unable to fall back asleep. You groaned and squinted at the sunlight coming through the window as you got dressed for the day. You grabbed your phone and checked the time. 8:30 AM. Was it too early to call? Should you even call? You didn't know what to do. You ended up sitting on your porch, thinking deeply. Just think it out, _.

What were you feeling? Anger? A bit. You didn't want them to fight! They acted like children! They had their reasons though...Ludwig was defending you, as well as his pride. Gil was just trying to explain why he acted the way he did . He even said on your voicemail that he was truly sorry. Was he? You drew your knees up to your chest and sighed. Just move on, think of something else.

What else were you feeling? Sorrow? Regret? A mixture of the two, a toxic one that hurt the most. You regretted trying to change yourself for Ludwig. You just wish you could go back in time and fix it. You should have seen that he truly did think you were beautiful, just the way you were. You didn't need the large curves like the other girls! They would be nice to have though...

This was all too much...You just wanted to forget it all and move on! You couldn't though. That would be cowardly. You couldn't just run away from your problems all of your life, you had to face them head on. You had to stand up and be willing to take responsibility. Responsibility for what? They needed to take responsibility!

You stood up. You just had to face your problem. You needed to find them and sit them both down. Tell them they needed to shape up! You picked up your phone, pausing before calling their house. You could do this. Just breathe, think it out.

Ludwig POV

I could not sleep. I laid in bed, tossing and turning all night, regretting my actions. I had been doing it a lot lately...Starting with the winter formal... I flipped over my pillow and rolled over. My clock glared out 3:22 AM, the light stinging my eyes. Gott, why did I always seem to mess up? It was one mistake after the other...I rolled onto my stomach and hugged my pillow. _ and I managed to stay together, but I may have just ruined that second chance.

I grew angry, gritting my teeth. This was all his fault! Gilbert started the argument! He was always causing me trouble! Constantly making my life hell! I sighed. It was not true. He did not always cause trouble... He was usually there when I needed him, he helped dad look out for me after mom passed away. We were very close until he started acting would ignore me, ditch me, saying I was not 'cool' enough to hang out with his group of home, he would not stop talking about Antonio, his looks, his grades but mostly the girl Antonio loved.

He used to hate _, I never knew why until he told me earlier. Gilbert blamed her for Antonio not loving him. All he could do was hate her, tease her looks and try and make himself look better. He was a fool, at least now he knew it. I nuzzled the pillow, wishing it was her, my _. I was a fool as well, letting my pride get in the way of what was important. She meant so much to me!

I rolled onto my back, holding the pillow against my chest. Gott, I needed her. Her kindness, her love, her smile. I loved how she made my heart beat fast and my stomach flip. I needed her like I needed air. She was so important to least knowing she was safe at her home brought me relief.

My brother and I did not notice her absence until my father grabbed us both by our shirts, asking what was going on. My brother and I tried yelling over each other, telling our side of the story. He sighed and looked around, asking where _ was so he could get a straight answer. I grew worried and looked around the house, Gilbert shrugged and plopped on the couch.

I began texting and calling her, my father called as well with his dinosaur of a phone. Gilbert just stayed on the couch, flipping through the channels. I came in the room and grew angry again. What was he doing? My girl friend was missing and he was relaxing? "Gilbert! What are you doing?!" He raised an eyebrow. "Uh, watching TV?" I clenched my fists. "_ is gone and you are just 'watching TV' ?" He shrugged. "She probably left 'cause we were arguing! She probably called her parents or aunt and got a ride! Don't worry!"

I strode across the room and lifted him by his shirt collar. "Don't worry? Is that all you have to say? My girlfriend is probably wandering the streets, trying to get home!" He pulled himself out of my grip. "She probably doesn't wanna talk to you anyways!" I clenched my fist and pointed at him. "This is your fault!" He gave a short, sarcastic laugh. "You're as much to blame as me! The only difference is that I don't care about that twig bitch!"

I lost my temper and threw a punch at him, hitting him in the jaw. He stood in a state of shock for a moment before retaliating, tackling me to the floor. He punched me in the jaw and I managed to roll him under me to deliver blows to his face in turn. Our father came into the room yelling, pulling us apart and tossing us on the couch. I rubbed my jaw, already telling I was gonna have a few bruises to match a black eye.

We pouted as he sat between us and glared. "Why are you both fighting so much? I leave the room for a few minutes and you attempt to kill each other!" He sighed. "You both need to sit here and talk this out. NOW." We both looked away from each other and he sighed again. "Bitte...I wish I knew what to say..." We both felt ashamed and turned to him. Was he really that upset? Gilbert was the first to speak. "H-hey, Lud? I'm real sorry...I know that if it was my gal out there, I would be flippin' out." I sighed. "Apology accepted. Though, I should have been a bit calmer." Our father gave a small smile. "A bit better. However, I want this problem solved. Tonight. " He got up. "I expect you both to be on good terms by tomorrow! I am going to bed. Good night!"

We both gave him a tired reply and sat beside each other, the silence deafening. Gilbert sighed and bit his lip. "Hey Lud...I am actually sorry..." I laughed "Well, I actually forgive you!" He smiled and we opened up to each other slowly. We finally began to understand how the other felt.

After a while we both started sobbing and holding each other. Of course after we were done crying, we both swore that we would never tell anyone we did. We sat up and chatted happily and had some cake before heading to bed. I sighed, rolling onto my side again. I wish I could sleep, but I was still worried about her.

I sat up and went to my kitchen. I needed something to help me sleep. I ended up stirring a small pot of milk, adding chamomile, honey, and vanilla. My mother would make this for us when we needed to calm down. I barely remember running to my parents room when there was a thunderstorm or a nightmare. She would carry me to the kitchen and I would cling to her as she made this.

I turned off the stove and poured it into a mug carefully. I needed to speak with her, ask for forgiveness. To hell with my pride, I would beg if I had to! I just needed her in my arms. I needed to ask if everything was alright and for her to say yes. I needed to kiss her soft and slow, the kind of kiss that makes everything else go away. I needed to hear her heart beat, I needed to hear her say 'I love you' so I could say it back.

I started replaying our night together in my head, the night I made love to her, the night I will probably always remember. I felt my face go red as I sipped my drink. She was so beautiful! I remember the moonlight from the window hitting her skin. I remember the way those beautiful eyes would close slowly as she pressed against me. The way she moaned my name as she came, like a choir of angels singing.

I looked down and blushed, realizing I accidently made myself hard. I sighed and went back to my room after rinsing my mug. I was tired, but I was not going to get any sleep like this. I laid down and pulled my pajama pants down to my knees. I reached into my night stand drawer and pulled out a bottle of lotion and tissues. I always felt awkward doing this, like it was wrong, even though I knew it was not. I squirted some lotion out onto my hand and shut my eyes. I grasped the shaft gently, pumping it slow. Just think of _. Think of her soft hair, her shining eyes. I wonder what those eyes would look like if she was on her knees, staring up at me. I pumped faster. Her soft lips kissing the tip gently, teasing. A sly little smile on her face. I felt my cheeks turn a deeper shade of red.

_'s slender finger running up the underside as she sucked the head. Oh Gott, I wonder if she would mind me pulling her hair? I licked my lips. In my mind, my fingers had wound themselves in her hair, pulling gently. I bucked slightly into my hand, biting my lip harder. I could almost feel her suck harder, half of my shaft in her mouth. Her soft plump lips stretching around me, drool leaking. I pumped faster, panting harder. I thought of pulling out of her mouth and coming all over her face, mouth wide open. I quickly grabbed a tissue to cover the tip before I came hard, gasping, moaning her name behind my hand, eyes wide open.

I panted, letting my hand drop from my mouth. I tossed the tissue away and pulled my pants back up. I sighed happily, relaxing and enjoying the afterglow. I held my pillow, wishing it was her. It was possibly the most girlish thing, but it was not the same if I could not hold her. I sighed and rolled onto my stomach, nuzzling my pillow. Tomorrow, I would wait by my phone for her. Hopefully she would call...

Hiiiiii yeeeaah I just wanted to apologize for my irregular updates! Im a Jr in Highschool, so its been hard to find time to write!