This chapter includes the story of Roxanne's first kidnapping as told by herself and the girls briefly discussing alien biology *cough, cough*.


The recent events didn't stop Maddy and Cherry in their efforts to create their webcomic, far from it. They actually wanted to include those events in their story later. But first things first : they needed a good beginning, and Roxanne could give them just that.

So, as soon as her busy agenda could allow her to take a break, she met the happy couple at Maddy's apartment. As they were drinking coffee around a small plastic table the woman in black found somewhere one day, the woman in red got her sketchbook and pencil ready. The camera girl emptied her coffee mug and put it back on the table while her other hand opened her laptop.

"Porcupine and I sink it would be great to 'ave different point of views in our comic", explained Cherry. "We already 'ave Megamind's. It would only be fair to 'ave yours. And Minion's too."

"Honey, 'think' and 'sink' aren't the same word", Maddy pointed out.

"English isn't my first language, no wonder it's 'ard for me. English pronunciation is a pain in the ass. 'Many sounds I just can't get right. Anyway, we're not 'ere for zat. Roxanne, can you tell us the story of your first kidnapping?"

"That's what I came here for", the reporter said before starting to tell her tale.

It was more than ten years ago. Megamind and Metro Man already were celebrities and I was just some obscure journalist working for KMCP. I was trying to obtain an interview with the city's defender to launch my career, and he was ok with it because he knew me from high school. However he was always too busy fighting Megamind or other criminals and signing autographs, you see?

Rumors about him and I started when we were in high school, actually. I guess Megamind decided to kidnap me because he thought they could be true.

Long story short, he started to kidnap me because he thought Wayne was my boyfriend and everyone else thought I was Metro Man's girlfriend because he kept rescuing me.

One day, I was getting home from work and parked my scooter in front of the apartment block I lived in back then. It had been just a normal day until a huge robotic hand holding a spray can appeared out of nowhere. And then, everything went black.

When I woke up, I was sitting on the chair, a bag covered my head and my hands were tied. The bag was removed, so I looked around to figure out where I was. A huge screen covered the wall in front of me and the three others were covered in blinky dials and controls for some unknown things, but the centre of the room was pretty empty except for me and Minion. I thought oh, that's Megamind's henchfish, his master must be near. What does he want from me?

He was near indeed, in the same room, hidden in his high-backed chair until he spun it around to reveal himself, saying "glad to see you're awake, Miss Ritchi. You woke up just in time for…"

I didn't let him finish. I was angry and wanted to go back home as quickly as possible and not get involved in his endless duel with Metro Man that had already been going on for ten years. I shouted : "what do you want from me? Where are we? What are you going to do to me?"

Needless to say, he was surprised by my tone of voice ; I could easily read it on his face.

"Well, Miss Ritchi, you'll understand I can't tell you where we are", he said while standing up and walking towards me. "But I can tell you you're going to be the bait in today's evil plan."

I was like "what?" So he explained he was going to use me to lure his nemesis, make him go exactly where he wanted, and fight him "in an epic battle of good an evil."

I asked him "do you really need me for that?"

He simply ignored my question and started a monologue about the perfection of his new plan and how much of a genius he was.

I have to admit I was a bit scarred, not of him, but of his reputation of always having his plans backfire on him. I didn't want to be there when his new doomsday machine collapsed or exploded. I was also tired and just wanted to go home.

I interrupted his monologue to say : "let me go right now, or…"

"Or what?" he replied. "I'm afraid there's not much you can do."

He had this little smirk on his face that just makes you want to punch him. But he was right : my hands were tied, I didn't know where I was or how to escape, and if I tried to his minion would have caught me easily. Then, I realised : I wasn't able to punch him, but I still could use my feet. He was close enough for me to reach him. So I said "I can do this" and kicked him in the crotch.

He just yelped in surprise and promptly stepped back, out of my reach, while Minion asked him if he was ok.

"Could you not do that again?" Megamind asked me.

Then he turned to his friend and said "Minion, make sure her feet are tied too next time!"

"Next time?" I repeated.

Being involved in his future plans didn't sound like a good thing to me back then. But being in the news while reporting the news really launched my career, you see. This and the exclusive interviews with Metro Man I could obtain after most kidnapping.

Megamind replied to me : "What, did you expect me not to have other evil plans in the work, Miss Ritchi? My superior mind is always making new schemes. As long as Metro Man will resist my evil, there will be a next time."

And then…

"Wait a minute", Cherry interrupted Roxanne. "You kicked 'im in the crotch, and 'e just… I mean, 'e didn't even fall on 'is knees or somessing like men usually do when you kick zem in the balls?"

"I was surprised too", the reporter said laconically.

And all these years I've been wondering why he didn't react exactly the way I expected…

"Is 'e pain tolerant? Or… maybe Megamind literally doesn't 'ave balls."

"Honey, why do you care so much about the genitals of someone you don't even sleep with?" Maddy asked, still taking notes on her laptop.

"… I don't know", her girlfriend admitted. "Sorry Roxanne, I made you uncomfortable."

"Wouldn't be the first time someone asked me what's in his pants…" Roxanne sighed.

"Let's not talk about this in the comic", the woman in black suggested. "Or anywhere else. This is private matter."

"Thank you Maddy", Megamind's girlfriend said.

I'm not only uncomfortable, but also frustrated because despite being in a relationship with him I still don't know what the hell is or isn't in his pants. Great. But soon, very soon I hope, I will find out. And then I'll show my hero how much I love him…

"Anyway", Roxanne continued, "as I was saying…"

Megamind pressed a series of buttons and a bunch of menacing-looking weapons appeared –no, Cherry, I don't remember what all of them looked like, you should ask him! So, they appeared from the ceiling, pointing at me. As far as I knew, he had never killed anyone, plus he needed me for his plan, so I guessed he wouldn't actually use his arsenal on me. I don't know how, but from the very beginning I had this feeling he wouldn't hurt me. The only person he's tried to hurt deliberately was Metro Man, and he was invincible.

The brain-bots hadn't been created yet, so Megamind used a camera stolen from KMCP to show the whole city I was tied up and surrounded by his weaponry, or as he said "at his mercy." I think he actually said "at the mercy of my evil" or something like this. He must have kept the tape ; I'll ask him to let you watch it.

Then, it when like all the kidnappings went afterward : he taunted Metro Man on air and said "you will leave Metrocity or this will the last you ever hear of Roxanne Ritchi."

Since he had previously admitted he planned on kidnapping me again, I knew his threat was just for the show.

The screen lighted up, showing a view of the city from somewhere in its outskirts. It was when the entire room moved and the landscape in the screen changed that I realised we weren't in a building, but inside of Megamind's new giant robot. I thought oh, that's not good. I don't want to be inside that thing when it's destroyed.

As we got closer to the city itself, Metro Man appeared on the screen, flying towards us at high speed. I guess he was about to fly through the giant robot and break it into pieces, but he suddenly stopped. I could see hesitation on his face. He couldn't just destroy the robot while I was inside of it. Of course Megamind noticed his hesitation and laughed one of his best evil laughs yet. Don't tell him about the "best evil laugh" part or I'd never hear the end of it.

The battle went on while the speakers of the robot played AC/DC for the whole city. For about an hour, Metro Man dodged all of Megamind's attacks, for his creation was powerful, but too slow. It crushed the cars parked in the street as if they were bugs, but catching a super-hero mid-air was another story…

"Did Metro Man try to use his laser vision to cut the robot open?" Maddy interrupted, still taking notes while her girlfriend was drawing sketches of Roxanne in the hostage chair.

"He did", the reporter answered. "Once the machine started to malfunction and stopped moving long enough for him to melt the metal without having to worry about dodging attacks or being thrown to the other side of city. Maybe Megamind would have found a way to prevent him from entering the robot if hadn't been so busy blaming the malfunctions on Minion. He always blamed Minion when something went wrong."

"Anyone else would 'ave quit after years of being blamed for everyssing", Cherry pointed out. "Zat's dedication to your work."

Finishing her sketch of Roxanne, she started a quick drawing of the fantastic fish.

"I'll ask him where Megamind's tapes are, so you'll be able to see how all those battles went", Miss Roxanne said. "They always were broadcasted live and recorded."

"Ok, let's go!" Maddy said, saving her notes and turning her laptop off.