At the beginning his actions had been fueled by emotion, his words furiously pouring of his burning soul. However, as time went by, the ferocity of his emotions dwindled, until one day he realized that the ritual he performed was devoid of meaningit had become a routine, something he had been doing every Friday for a long time now.

Even the guilt that had haunted his days and tortured his nights had fadeda victim of rational thought and impeccable logic. Once he had wished for Rosalie's death, but not out of malice, instead it had been an expression of desperation. He would never be able to forgive himself that lapse, but he had finally accepted that his errant plea hadn't been responsible for Rosalie's current state. So many times he had prayed for her recovery … if he had the power to manipulate reality wouldn't she be awake by now?

It wasn't my fault. He had known that all along, however he hadn't understood that until he had reasoned for countless hours … until he had exhausted his mind with endless arguments and quieted the accusing voice that kept on insisting that he was to blame. Deep inside, he still felt an irrational inkling of guilt, but not as much as before.

It wasn't as paralyzing ... as terrifying.

It was manageable.

He could live with it.


AN: The Truth About Roses, Chapter 30 - Emmett wonders if Rosalie wouldn't be better off dead. That's why he feels so much guiltor used to, at any rate.