Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation.
Thank you, Orchestra Master, for the awesome beta job.
Cyanide- Chapter 8
I stepped into our apartment still smiling, high off of my performance yesterday. I took off my shoes, setting them to the side, and bumped right into Eiri.
"Where the hell were you?"
I kept the smile on my face by sheer force of will, "I slept at a hotel last night."
Eiri crossed his arms, "With who?"
I smirk evilly, "Do you mean who checked in the hotel with me or who slept in my room?"
Eiri growled and slammed a fist into the wall by my head, I didn't even flinch, "Don't play with me."
I frowned at him, "Then don't start things. You know very well that I haven't cheated on you with anyone and that I slept by myself last night. Did I question you when you decided to leave for three days?"
Eiri smirked, "Then you do care about who I was with and where I went."
"No Eiri," he flinched, I had never called him that, "I don't."
I brushed by him and headed into the kitchen, I was hungry.
"I," I continued, "would just like to be afforded the same privilege."
I pulled down ingredients from the cupboards and the fridge, setting them on the counter. Looks like it would be sweet and spicy chicken. I put some rice in the rice cooker and got it started. Yuki followed me into the kitchen his face the proverbial thundercloud and I sighed, "Do we really have to do this, Eiri? Are you sure you want to do this? Because I'm getting really tired of this, perhaps its time to take a break, put things in a new perspective. I don't want to keep going round like this."
As I spoke I watched Eiri's facial expression with a dulled sort of amusement. It went from shocked that I'd even suggest breaking up, to alarmed, to pale. Interesting that.
He reached out for me and pulled me into his arms, I remained motionless as he hugged me and stroked my hair, "I'm sorry, things have just been a little tense; we're fine."
He massaged my scalp and I cracked, letting out a faint moan and melting into him.
He pulled away and took my hand, "Come on, let's go to bed. I'll give you a massage."
A couple of days later the Eiri that cared had disappeared and he returned to normal. I don't even know why that hurt, I should have actually been used to it. Eiri only really cared about himself, after all. Some say revenge is a dish best served cold but I think it's more effective and satisfying piping hot. If Eiri wanted to play games, I'd play games.
I'd had enough of this, it was time to turn the tables- let him see how it felt. And I'd make sure I hit harder, I would dominate, no, obliterate him. Yeah, everything would go according to plan.
##-(**^^**)-##
"Come to bed, Shuichi."
"No," I replied. I didn't think bad behaviour should be rewarded and it occurred to me recently that I could actually say no. Whether or not I wanted sex I always gave it to Eiri because I didn't want him to stray. I wanted to keep him satisfied (for both our sakes).
"No?" Eiri questioned.
I nodded and smiled, "No."
Eiri smiled, it was all teeth, "And what makes you think that I simply won't go elsewhere to get what I want then? People would fall over themselves to have me."
"Because you don't want me to do the same. Whether or not we fuck if you want to cheat you will. If you find someone else then be your guest, I wish them the best of luck."
I turned back to the computer game I was playing on my laptop, "Now if you would go away, I have better things to be doing."
Eiri looked incredulous; he looked at the screen and blinked, "You consider a computer game that can be paused more important than sex?"
I rolled my eyes and looked up at him, letting a gust of air out of my nose, "There's more to sex than an orgasm. And that can wait too, so yes the game is more important right now."
I turned my back to him and distantly heard a door slam.
~~^^-(****)-^^~~
Eiri had a bad week and I had to admit that I was partially the cause of it; he was having a case of writers block while his editor was on his case, and arguing with Mika over something he had done to Tatsuha wasn't helping either. He looked like he was at the end of his rope and about to snap. I decided that maybe it was time to help him relax. Being nice to him would weaken him more and it would hurt when I went back to attacking. I would bring Eiri down using his own attack.
Yuki came in the door, pocketing his cell phone and sighing. Those golden eyes looked up and spotted me on the couch. His body tensed and he adopted a wary expression.
I pushed myself off the leather couch and swayed to him, "Hi, Yuki."
His eyes widened and I smiled at him, I hadn't called him 'Yuki' in a while. I took his hand and tugged him towards the kitchen table, "Come on, I made you something to eat."
I pushed him into a seat and took out a plate for both of us, serving out some food.
"What's the occasion?" he asked gruffly.
"Oh, nothing," I smiled, "I just thought you could use a break. I know things have been hard on you lately."
I started eating the chicken katsu I had prepared and Eiri followed my example.
When I was done I looked up at him and smiled, "Let's go to bed?"
Eiri stood up abruptly, dumped our dishes in the sink, and pulled me towards the bedroom.
"Hey! What about the dishes?" I protested.
"They can be done later."
He pushed me on the bed and started stripping off my clothes.
I moaned as he pinched a nipple and arched, gasping.
Yuki pulled back and got rid of his own clothing before lying on top of me.
I felt myself starting to get aroused. I don't know but there was something about his weight pressing down on me and finding it just a little harder to breathe but so warm, like now and when he was resting on me after sex, that just did it for me. Maybe it was a conditioned response but I was fine with that.
Yuki slid down me slightly and bit at my neck finding my sweet spot and staying there. I writhed under him, eyelids fluttering as his hands stroked the sensitive spot on my hipbone.
"Ah, Yuki, not too hard," I gasped, "You can't leave marks…ah…I've got a photo shoot for a magazine soon. Oh…nghh…" I lost my train of thought and my eyes rolled slightly as he bit down, "No… hickies," I panted and twisted under that warm weight.
Yuki moved down a bit move and laved and nipped at my collarbones. One of my hands went to the back of his head and pressed down while the other went to the small of his back and scratched. Yuki pressed into me and I could feel his erection poking my thigh.
"In me… Yuki fuck me."
Yuki ignored me, moving to my nipples. His mouth pulled one in applying gentle suction while his hand pinched and pulled at the other nipple harshly. My eyes rolled and I bucked under him. Oh, that felt good, really good. Ah, I had to give those lyrics to Hiro and change the notes on the synthesizer for that other song, I hadn't liked the way Suguru sounded on it. My mind went blank when Yuki bit down on my nipple and twisted the other at the same time. Oh fuck, damn he needed to fuck me now or I would do it myself. What the hell was taking him so long?
Two spit slick fingers pushed into me and I gasped, moving a bit away to alleviate the burn.
"Ow, fuck Yuki, lube. We haven't done this lately often enough to skip it."
"And whose fault is that?" Yuki growled.
I rolled my eyes and pushed him off me. Did we really need to be getting into this now? I didn't think so. I rolled on the bed and opened the bedside drawer, pulling out the lube and spreading some over my fingers. I looked down at my chest and saw a litter of little hickies and bruises. I really shouldn't be letting him mark me. The photographer would have a field day with this if I had to strip and make-up always felt weird when it wasn't on my face.
I pushed two fingers into myself scissoring them and thrusting them in, riding them. I added another finger and tried not to flinch before finding my prostate and nudging it, moaning aloud and grinding on my fingers. When I deemed myself ready I reached for Yuki, he was still grumbling. I slid my hand up his dick slicking it up before lifting myself up and pushing myself down onto his dick.
"Holy shoot man," I muttered annoyed, "Get over it, now shut up. And. Fuck me."
He didn't move for a bit so I grinded down and looked at him, "Do I need to fuck myself?"
I started to move when Yuki grabbed my hips and lifted me before pulling me down and thrusting up at the same time. My hands scrabbled at his chest, scratching, as a strangled scream left me at the direct prostate stimulation.
Oh fuck, oh fuck this was good. Sometimes I could swear it was his only redeeming quality.
The latest song I was working on started playing in my head and I found myself unconsciously humming as Yuki thrust into me.
Yuki flipped me and pushed my head into the pillows at the head of his bed, putting the other hand between my shoulders and pressing down before he started fucking me again. He plunged into me again hard, and started a fast series of thrusts, "Pay attention to me when I'm fucking you," his voice was hard and he grunted, slowing down his thrusts.
I moaned, pleasure washing through my body, "Then fuck me like you mean it."
I bit my lips as the words escaped me. Damn it, I'd probably have trouble walking for the next few days. It's not like Yuki was small by any means, I just had to antagonize him didn't I?
He started thrusting against my prostate every thrust and I bit my lip, moaning. Oh, God.
Yuki thrusts in me a couple more times, pushing my head further into the sheets, and grunted and I felt the warm spurts in me signifying he had come. He rolled off me, panting, and I flopped onto my back.
Yuki got his breath back and swallowed me down, no playing as a finger slid up my ass and pressed on my prostate. He sucked hard and I came screaming, arching and pulling at the sheets.
I rolled over to my side and started breathing again before getting up and heading to the shower to get off the sweat and see what I could do about all the hickies on me. A part of me was kind of sad and devastated that during that entire thing he hadn't once kissed me.
(^*-*^~+~***====***~+~)
I played with the book in my hand, it was Eiri's latest, as I looked up from the chair I was sitting in, "You really are insecure aren't you?" I asked conversationally as I looked at him.
Eiri was sprawled on the couch, and his mouth tightened at my question.
He snarled at me, "I'm not insecure."
I smiled and nodded, "Yes, yes you are. Can you tell me what else would get you to imply, on television no less, that I might not be faithful or love you?"
Eiri glared at me, "I was justified! And I didn't say any of that, if that's what they got from it it's not my fault."
I nodded again, my face neutral, "I see. And how were you justified, because by your standards you're worse than me."
"I'm not worse than you," Eiri spat out, "You keep parading them around in front of me and you know it."
I rolled my eyes, "For the last time, I haven't cheated on you ever in the course of this charade of a relationship. You know what? Fuck this and fuck you." I tossed the book at him silently hoping it would hit him.
"You, Eiri, are a hypocrite," I stared at him and he drew back slightly, "You've got no right to be harassing me day in and day out about who you think I'm with when you blatantly rub all your previous conquests and all the people you flirt with in my face. You've even done it for that book," I gestured toward the book that was now on the couch beside him and ran a hand through my hair, "If you want to keep on this subject then I'll give you something to talk about."
Eiri's face morphed, turned ugly, "Yeah, I may flirt for my books a bit but at least I'm dressed while I'm doing it. You look like a whore, the audience almost sees as much of you naked as I do. So do not talk to me about being a hypocrite."
I raised my eyebrows, "Is that what this is about? I'm not the one that rubs his conquests and all the previous people he's fucked in your face along with how many people would kill to have you now. I dress the way I do because that's what's picked out for me, you flirt and say all that stuff because you want to."
"You don't rub your previous partners in my face 'cause you haven't had any, otherwise you'd do it too. You know you would."
I sneered at him, "Oh? Well that's easily solved, I'm sure I can get more partners if that's what you think. And no, I wouldn't rub them in your face. Do you want to know why? Because it's rude, and it also would be none of your business."
Eiri smirked at me, "And what about not cheating on me? I guess I see how much your words are worth."
I laughed, "Well since you seem so intent on me cheating then I should oblige you, give you your justification. And how much my words are worth? That's rich coming from you; you lie for a living- you write lies for a living. The question here isn't how much my words are worth because we both know yours are useless."
"Don't talk about my work like that," Eiri hissed, getting up, "If anyone's work is useless it's yours. Wow, what does singing do for anybody especially when you write such crappy songs?"
"Yeah?" I growled, "Well more people can relate to my songs than they can your books. That I make more money than you proves that."
"Shut the fuck up," Eiri yelled at me, "Your songs are worthless, you are worthless."
"Aww," I tsked at him, "That's part of what this was about isn't it. My making more money than you bothers you, so you feel the need to put me down so you can feel better. You're so twisted that I almost feel sorry for you. But you seem to be forgetting one thing, I don't need to sit here and take your crap, I don't even need to listen to you. So I'm going to be going now."
"Where the hell do you think you're going? Running away? You're not going anywhere until we finish this."
"Yes I am, you can't stop me. I'll be spending the night at Hiro's," I looked at him and smiled, "Maybe I'll fuck him too while I'm there."
The look of pure rage on Eiri's face was worth it as I picked up my wallet, keys, and jacket while I headed for the door.
"See you in a few days," I called over my shoulder.
The door quietly clicked shut behind me.
(^^**-#~#-**^^)
I smiled at Yuki, "Happy anniversary."
I poured two glasses of red into the crystal glasses and passed Yuki his before raising my glass, "Kanpai."
Yuki raised his wine in return.
I took a couple of sips, "How was your day?"
Yuki shrugged, "The usual. Editor wants some work, to see some outlines. How about you?"
I smiled, "The same—recordings, being chased by fans, magazine interview in a couple of days."
Yuki's lips quirked, "And magazine interviews are a daily thing?"
I grinned up at him, "You know what I mean. They're semi-regular; interviews, shows, and all things public fit into the interview category."
"But that can't be right," Yuki said, giving me a mock confused look, "If they don't ask you questions in one of those forums then how can it be considered an interview?"
I rolled my eyes, "You know what I mean. I'm talking about the things I have to make a public appearance in."
"Then do concerts count?"
I tilted me head to the side, thinking about it, "I suppose they do."
Yuki laughed and angled my face up kissing me. I hummed into the kiss, putting my wine on the table and winding my arms around his neck. The kiss was good and Yuki smelled wonderful, I breathed him in as he did all the things I liked with his mouth; going slow and shallow, flicking with his tongue. I relaxed into him and just enjoyed it.
It was interesting becoming fully aroused by a kiss but not doing anything about it, we hadn't just kissed and savoured each other in a while. Whenever we kissed it always led to getting rid of our clothes and seeing how fast we could get on whichever flat surface was nearest to us. We hadn't kissed in awhile.
I made a small sound into Yuki's mouth and he stroked my back. Desperation raced through me, not sex just pure desperation- the need for something. I kissed him, gave him everything I had, moving both my hands to either side of his face. Willing him to see, to understand; what exactly I wanted him to understand I was uncertain, I just knew I had to.
We kissed for a while longer before Yuki pulled away, kissing my forehead.
He started talking, avoiding my eyes and stuttering a bit, "I- I know that sometimes I'm an ass to you. That I'm not everything I should be to you, not…not supportive enough. I don't apologize for the shit I do, but you forgive me anyway.
"You always forgive me, you always come back. I- shit I'm no good at this, fuck. What I'm trying to say is that you put up with me even though sometimes I'm more trouble than I'm worth and don't treat you as well as I should. And that I love you, for all that and more, because you still accept me and haven't left."
Yuki thrust out a hand and opened his palm revealing a jewelry box, "Here," he said gruffly.
I took the box out of his hand and opened it. In it was a ring but that didn't describe it right. In it was a ring with many other rings in it, rings writhing and twisting around each other in varying sized bands with a large, square cut purple gem on top. I touched it reverently and looked up slightly at Yuki's voice before going back to gazing at the looping bands. He had never given me something like this before.
"It's platinum and silver, the jewel on it is an amethyst. I got it because it matched your eyes and I wanted to get you something unique that you could wear. It's a meditation ring, because all those different bands in the ring spin-even the one with the stone- and the act of spinning them is a form of meditation," Yuki seemed to deflate before stating in a small voice, "I love you."
I looked up from the ring I had been staring at the entire time he'd been talking and threw myself at him.
"Yuki," I whispered hoarsely, "I love you too, I love you so much that sometimes it hurts."
If either of us were crying as we embraced it wasn't mentioned again. I didn't take off the ring for a long time.
:)0^-^0(1-_-1)0~_~0(:
One person managed to discover my plan and I was unfortunate enough that they happened to be paparazzi.
I was in a popular restaurant eating and writing, I had specifically gotten a corner, private booth because I didn't want to be seen. I could see people from where I was sitting but they couldn't see me, it was that and the food that kept me sitting in the restaurant; I really didn't feel like dealing with people right now.
I looked up; I needed to use the bathroom. I looked down at the journal outlining the plans I had for Eiri and looked in the direction of the bathroom. I couldn't bring it in with me, that was gross but I couldn't just leave it here could I?
I glanced around, my gaze sweeping around the room and deciding I saw no one I recognized I decided to leave the journal on the table. I quickly went to the bathroom and came back, my heart feeling like it was stopping in my chest when I saw someone leaning over my table reading my journal.
I quickened my steps and snatched the book out of the man's hands, closing it, "Thank you," my voice was icy.
I got a good look at the man and realized it was the photographer/paparazzi that had been there when I had gotten raped. I probably wouldn't have remembered his face if it hadn't been for the situation where we got introduced. His face was sporting a look of horror, pale and wide-eyed.
"You're evil," he breathed out, "There's something fundamentally wrong with you."
I raised an eyebrow, "Well isn't that harsh," I commented as I slipped into the cushioned seats across from him in the booth.
"Well I suppose everyone is allowed their opinion," I said callously, leaning forward and looking at him, "As long as it stays with them. I'm afraid I can't let you print or publicize anything you've read in that journal."
"No," the man shook his head, "People deserve to know this."
"What's your name? I don't remember it," I said, ignoring his last response.
"Fujisaka Yoshita," he replied.
I placed my hands on the table, "Well Fujisaka-san, I can't allow you to publicize what you read in the journal, which was none of your business anyway."
"You can't stop me, this will be my big break."
I laughed, "No one will believe you. What proof will you show them?" I saw him cover his pocket and realized that he may have taken pictures of the journal, that wouldn't do, "Wow, you took some pictures; lovely. And how will those prove that you've got my journal and didn't stage this?"
I saw him frown and smirked at him, "Exactly. I'll get to the point. You are not willing to just let this go and I am willing to do a lot of things to make you. I suppose I could threaten to kill you, just make you disappear along with those pictures you took but I don't think that would faze you, I could also threaten to ruin your career but I think that would have similar results. I'm actually no good with this threatening business as you're the first person I've had to threaten but I do remember a certain Sakuma Ryuichi mentioning something that made you go pale the last time you had the misfortune of photographing me. I'm very good friends with Ryuichi, I think I can get him to share whatever it was."
I pulled out my cell phone, "Would you like me to call him now?"
Fujisaka shook his head wildly, face white.
I held out a hand, "Cell phone please."
He handed it over with shaking hands, and I opened it going to the pictures, deleting the pertinent ones and checking for any sound recordings, deleting those too while giving him a look. After I had scoured his phone I handed it back to him, "I see no reason to break a perfectly good phone, plus I wouldn't provide you with another one. Any other devices I should know about on your person?"
He shook his head and I looked at him sharply, "I hope for your sake that you're not lying, if I see any of this in the future I'll know who's behind it and I will get you. I'm sure that you've read that I'm good at that."
I got up from the table, leaving him, and went to pay my bill before leaving the restaurant.
As I left I pulled out my cell phone and dialed Ryuichi's number, "Hello? Ryu-chan I need to talk to you…come to your house? Alright, I'll see you there soon," I said, walking down to the subway station.
As I stood in the car on the way to Ryuichi's house I ignored the part of me that may have been breaking because what I had just done; just another necessary evil.
)+*_*+^!^+-+(
I knocked on Ryuichi's door, bracing myself. The door shot open and I had an armful of Ryuichi, I hugged back shortly and let myself be dragged in, kicking off my shoes as Ryuichi pulled me to the couch.
"Ryuichi is so happy to see Shuichi, na no da! Shu-chan needs to visit more."
I smiled at him, being around Ryuichi generally made me happy I tended to get caught up in his moods, the smile faded, though, as I remembered why I was there.
Ryuichi saw, his eyes narrowed at me before the happy mask took over, "What's wrong, na no da? What Kuma-chan? You think we should give Shu-chan candy so he can get better and that he should hold you? Ok!"
Ryuichi shot off the couch, dumping Kuma-chan into my arms and came back with a bag of candy, "Here you go," he chirped, "Now feel better!"
One side of my mouth tilted upward and I shook my head accepting the bag and pulling out a random gummy candy, "Ryu-chan, I need to talk to you."
Ryuichi paid me no mind dancing in the room, and humming a song only he could hear.
"Ryuichi!"
He stopped abruptly and looked at me, "I need to talk to you seriously," I said, looking into his eyes.
His face turned staid and he sat down beside me on the couch, "What is it?"
I bit my lip and took a deep breath, "Do you remember that photographer, Fujisaka? The one that was there after my…after the first incident where I was accused of cheating on Eiri?"
Ryuichi turned and looked directly at me, those blue eyes piercing, before he nodded.
"Do you remember how you said something to make him decide not to give the pictures to a magazine or publish them?"
Ryuichi nodded again, "Well," I said, fidgeting, "He's found something else about me out that could potentially blow up in my face."
I watched Ryuichi's eyes harden, and continued quickly, "I sort of used you against him, I hope you don't mind."
Ryuichi smiled and it was more like a baring of teeth, "Not at all, if you'd like I'll even give him a call."
I slumped, tension draining out of me, "Thanks."
I leaned back against the couch some more, it was comfortable and I was tired.
Ryuichi seemed to notice because he took the blanket on the arm of the sofa and draped it over me, "Go to sleep."
I yawned and laid down on the couch before peeping at him through eyes that were closing, "Wait, what did you say to him?"
He looked at me, eyes still solemn, and asked, "Do you really want to know?"
I nodded and he smiled, "I'll tell you if you go clubbing with me and give me a lap dance."
I nodded again, and I saw those eyes widen with surprise at my agreement.
"I told him that I'd make him disappear," Ryuichi said, "I told him that everything he ever did would be erased and that I'd make him watch as his family suffered without him being able to do anything."
Sleep pulled at me and I found myself falling asleep, just as I went under I felt a hand brush at my hair and heard the whispered words, "You and I, we're very much alike, Shuichi."
A/N: And that's chapter 9. No songs in this one but next chapter will more than make up for that. I hope you all liked it; it will be picking up momentum after this.
